Avoiding the Tax Man by Karen Blayne

Oh by the way red tape first.

Be warned these short stories contain mature content or naughty bits and as such may corrupt you if you’re under 12, 16, 18, 21 or 25 depending where you live thus they are not suitable for you so put them back on the shelf and let them age for a year or two.

They were sort of scribbled for fun.  ©2013 copyright is retained by the author.

Luv Karen

He’d never thought it would turn out like this. “Just wait my boy your time will come when all this will be yours. Nubile young secretaries will thrust themselves upon you just wanting to reach the next level of pay. Give them a raise of a few hundred and they’ll keep your bed warm for the year.”

His uncle had passed away and he’d taken over the company. Practically his first act was to fire a senior manager for fondling some sweet thing’s bum in the elevator. He wasn’t going to but the HR lawyer pointed out to him if he didn’t the company could be sued. The climate had changed. No longer was it acceptable for the maintenance staff to display pictures of near naked women on their walls and as for making decisions well he wasn’t allowed even to do that.

There was always some expert who must be consulted and whose recommendation be followed. He felt more like a sheep dog herding people along than a boss even though he owned much of the company.

He didn’t even have a secretary just the ever calm ultra efficient Ms. Jacobs whose job title he really couldn’t recall but she arranged his meetings, gave him his briefing notes that told him what to say and generally ran the company. She had trim ankles and the promise of good legs though, he hadn’t dared even pat her behind never mind grope her boobs apart from in his dreams. No he’d just been born too late and he was resigned to his lot.

The November weather was dreary. He’d scanned the financials and they were dreary too. He felt worried, they weren’t spending enough on R & D, this year the figures were exceptionally good but with nothing in the pipeline the next year or two could be a dog. He’d noticed that new start ups had exceptional tax breaks, he’d start one. He called the local University and spoke to one of his uncle’s old contacts. Did he know of anything that needed seed money? A more efficient solar cell, no problem, he wrote out a personal cheque for a million and dropped it in the mail.

Ms. Jacobs arrived in his office, “Three gentlemen to see you.” Odd no names, oh well whatever. They came in and looked round and carefully closed the door. “We’re interested in taking your company over and are prepared to offer a 40% premium on yesterday’s share price.” “We’d need the share holders’ acceptance of 51% of course.” “Well that seems very reasonable. I accept, but I’m not certain how we’d get to 51%.” “If you exercised your stock options that would give you 52% and I suggest a completion date of January 2nd.” Stock options, he recalled, not pay these days, more tax efficient. The suits nodded, “Tax of course. Right well I’ll see to the press release and get the offers mailed out this afternoon.” They rose and left. “Why January 2nd?” “Well if you are out of the country next year you don’t have to pay tax, should save you some $400 million.” “Best arrange it then and take a million for yourself.” He was surprised by the small curtsy. “Mind if I join you in exile, the savings won’t be quite so much for me but $500,000 in tax savings is $500,000 at the end of the day.” 

Ms. Jacobs seemed to be occupied and since he didn’t have to bother with the company any more he took more of an interest in his start up to pass the time before it was time to flee. No shareholders to answer to he could think long term rather than this quarter’s results. The idea was attractive.

“The choice is either living on an island or a yacht registered under a flag of convenience. Which do you prefer?” He thought about it, “Well a yacht would be quieter and more private. I heard on the grapevine that someone was trying to do a PhD on ocean water quality. Perhaps we could kill two birds with one stone? Could you follow it up?”

“Yachts with the space we’d like are in the $20 million price range which I found surprising and delivery is not off the shelf. Cynthia, who is hoping to do the water quality work, liked the ones that were based on a trawler design from a practical point of view. She comes from a small fishing port and came up with a suggestion of using a real trawler and adapting it since one of her friend’s dad owns one that is idle having sold his fishing quota.” “If we can do it by December 31st let’s go for it.” 

“Cynthia Walsh to see you, Cynthia is the one who wants to do the pollution research. By the way she’ll be logging our exact position every hour which will be useful as proof that we’ve been more than three miles out to sea for the tax authorities if need be.” Four girls entered the office. “What would you like to hear about the project?” “How much do you need?” “Well if I penny pinch I might get away with..” “Could you manage with a budget of say a million?” “I’d thought about hiring Megan’s dad’s stern trawler now he’s sold his quota. Megan has her Master’s papers by the way. Shelby and Cindy are both fishermen’s daughters as well so they could act as crew.” “He could buy dad’s stern trawler for that kind of money never mind rent it for the year.” “I think the important thing is we set sail before January 1st without fail.” He tuned to Ms Jacobs “If Cynthia lets you have the invoices could you arrange payment? And we’ll buy Megan’s dad’s boat as well if you can squeeze it all in under two million.” He watched Ms Jacobs’s bottom as she waltzed out the door. “Fantasying?” queried Cynthia as she observed him. He nodded. Ms. Jacobs turned, “You could afford to pay them half a million each to assist in your fantasies, why not take them out shopping for some slut clothes whilst I sort a few things out ready for the hand over?” Megan, Shelby and Cindy visibly bristled but Cynthia silenced them with a glance “I haven’t had a good shopping spree in years what a good idea.” She hustled them all into the elevator before they could say a word. “Did you hear what she said slut clothes indeedཀ” “Now calm down whilst Steve brings the car round.” Steve walked off to the far corner of the underground car park to retrieve his car. When the girls got in they seemed much more enthusiastic. 

Steve got dragged into one store after another. Megan seemed delighted to model various trashy outfits to see which he found the most appealing. Slutty underwear, high heeled shoes, fish net stockings were all actively sort out and paraded for his approval. He wasn’t even sure what some of the toys did that Shelby picked out but good naturedly paid for them. There was a satisfied gleam in all the girl’s eyes they looked over the bags and bags of garments, shackles, handcuffs, toys, false eye lashes and bright red lipsticks that would pronounce their wearer to be a slut. “I don’t suppose there’s room on your credit card for a few respectable garments?” asked Cynthia. “Why not, as long as I get a coffee beforehand.” The girls set off once more this time restricting themselves to more mainstream garments, although Cynthia threw in a few baby dolls from the bridal section.

Coming up to Christmas he came across an interesting article about people who were counted as non-resident for tax purposes. Apparently owning property could tip the balance as to you being classed as non-resident or not for tax purposes. Bother two weeks to sell his apartment, he was mulling what to do waiting for the elevator when a group of young female office workers came crowding up all merrily chatting away and one seemed to be the center of attention. He asked one what was going on. “Oh we’ve having a shower for Crystal since she’s getting married at the weekend.”

When he bumped into her later on in the corridor he asked if she’d like to bring her young man and have dinner with him the following day. He gave her a card with his address on. “Just the two of us?” “Well yes.” “We were going out with my sister.” “Bring her along.” Crystal hesitated for a second, but then you don’t refuse an invitation from the big boss do you, before accepting.

Steve enjoyed cooking, well occasionally that was, and he had his one dinner party dish he had prepared many times before. He found the table cloth and laid it out on the table. Next the china place settings and finally the wine glasses. When his guests arrived he offered them a glass of sherry. He set them at their ease by asking Crystal talking about what sort of wedding she was planning to have and offered her paid time off before the end of the year if that would help. Crystal opened up a little nervously at first but then more naturally encouraged by her sister, an altogether quieter more thoughtful taller thinner version of Crystal.

“Do you like the apartment? He asked in the course of the conversation. “It looks very nice.” He asked lightly “Would you like to buy it for a dollar?” Crystal’s would be spouse thinking he was joking didn’t think this was a good idea, the tax people might decide it was gains from her employment and tax it, and just at the moment they couldn’t afford the tax bill.

The meal came to an end when Crystal’s sister ushered Crystal and her boyfriend out of the door. Saying she’d just help with the washing up before she followed them. “Can’t you just load up the dish washer?” Crystal and her sister both exclaimed you do not put real china in the dish washer, it has to be washed by hand. Once they were alone Haley took a five dollar note from her purse and tucked it in his shirt pocket. “I don’t work for you and if you need to get rid of it to avoid the tax man I could take it off your hands.” She kissed him on the lips after saying the words. He wrote out a bill of sale, signed it then handed it over. “So where are you going to stay until you leave? I think I might have room here for you.” She leant in and kissed him again. “Why don’t you show me the apartment starting with your bedroom?” They didn’t get beyond the bedroom after Haley insisted on trying the bed springs out.

The next morning they lay back in bed together kissing and petting until Haley murmured she really ought to get back to her old place to pick up some clothes. Steve murmured he knew of a couple of nearby stores that were closer and so they set off on an orgy of clothes shopping. Steve remembering precisely which garments had appealed to him most when shopping with the girls.

He lay back on the bed thinking today he really ought to join the others on board. “Would you like to join me in exile?” “Not quite my scene I’m afraid. I’d worry about having so much money, for a holiday romance it was fun but at heart I know I’ll be better off with my boyfriend. No competition to worry about.” “Competition?” “With the amount of money you have there’ll always be competition looking to bed you and spend some of your money. No he’s off visiting his parents for Christmas, just a civil servant but it’s a steady job and we’ve been going out for three years now. He’s not very observant sometimes and I won’t tell him I own the apartment until we marry then an old friend of the family sold it to me at a very reasonable price.” “Let me guess I wouldn’t want to know which department he works in.” “Well at least he doesn’t work in the avoidance section.” “Definitely time I left but thank you for everything.”

He looked over his home for the next year or so. Megan’s dad’s stern trawler was fairly large and had had brackets welded on to the deck so that standard ISO containers could be locked in place. He was intrigued by a bright yellow underwater robotic looking device resting on the ramp below the gantry at the stern and looked enquiringly at Cynthia. “That one’s Carolyn’s toy, when she heard we had a stern trawler with lifting gear available she was in heaven. Besides which since no one else could afford a boat with lifting gear she managed to grab the submersible ROV for three full months. I hope you don’t mind but there was a bit of money left over within the budget so I brought a bit more equipment so that Monique and Carolyn could do their PhD practical research as well. They’re quite happy to sign on as deckhands and can sleep in the old crew quarters.” Steve nodded his approval “I can just about afford another half million each I suppose, keep you all on the same pay.” “To run 24 hrs a day seven days a week Carolyn’s toy actually requires five operators, two navigators and a supervisor so I thought we could use the crew quarters for them.” “Sounds complicated, are they all female i.e. am I paying them the half million for the year?” “I think they are but they were only thinking in terms of the next three months. Well if Carolyn can find an off the shelf ROV for sale or charter we might keep them occupied for longer. Don’t they use them in offshore oil fields?” Carolyn approached “Were you planning to sail anywhere in particular?” “Let me guess you have a few bits of Ocean you’d like to visit?” She grinned. “We set up the satellite communication up on the gantry, hope you don’t mind?” “Satellite communication?” “It’s so researchers sitting on shore can conduct their own experiments directly.” “And there was I thinking that it would just be Cynthia hauling a bucket of water up every day. Well you can explain it all to me some time if you have time.” “Oh the admin people wanted to know if you’d like a tax receipt in one of your company’s names for the value of chartering the boat plus all the equipment.”

“We didn’t have much time to adapt the boat so I went for modular off the shelf containers that could be locked onto the boat. Cynthia has an off the shelf lab with a few bits of extra equipment such as a mass spectrometer. Carolyn’s toy came with two containers, one is a workshop the other is the vehicle control, but we have three others as living space plus there is the crew quarters and galley of the original trawler.” Megan started the engines and with a low throb the boat came to life. Monique used the video camera to record the boat leaving harbour which they did very slowly with Megan at the wheel, a half dozen technicians trying not to be too obvious stood at the rail looking back to shore. Once clear of the harbour mouth Shelby and Cindy deployed a large kite like sail that floated off into the sky and Megan cut the engines. “Usually these sails are used to supplement the engine but in our case we aren’t in a hurry to get anywhere so we can just take our time. Besides it’s so much quieter.”

Once they were three miles from land Shelby unfurled the Blue and Purple flag and let it fly from the stern. “There, we are now under the flag of the East African Republic.” Steve looked confused, “Only the taxation laws of the East African Republic now apply to us.” Interjected Ms. Jacobs. “And their laws on alcohol etc, did you know that in days gone by ships would sail outside the three mile limit so their passengers could drink and gamble unrestricted by the prohibition laws. Why don’t we inspect the accommodation?” They entered the first container and Ms. Jacobs pointed out the main bedroom with a large king sized bed.

“It looks a very comfortable bed don’t you think?” “Well it’s the best money can buy so I hope that Steve will be comfortable in it.” Shelby and Cindy threw her down onto the bed and before she could struggle free they had tied her wrists to the bed head meanwhile Cynthia had sat Steve in an arm chair and was caressing his shoulders whilst Carolyn unzipped him and caressed his cock. “What are you doing?” screamed Ms. Jacobs, the first time Steve could remember her appearing anything but cool and collected. “Why helping Steve with his fantasies of course. It was your idea offering us a half million each to assist wasn’t it? You know Shelby was quite upset when you suggested buying slut clothes to help with Steve’s fantasies until I reminded her they are focused on you. We thought we’d just remind you that the East African Republic has a long way to go on equal rights. You know they don’t even have a law against rape, never mind sexual harassment.” “I refuse to cooperate.”

“Well the choice is yours, but I think two or three days without food might put you in a more receptive state of mind. If you’d like to go back to the mainland and pay your taxes we’d quite understand. We could drop you off at the oil rig that Shelby’s brother works on. The work boat comes out once a month but I’m certain an intelligent girl like you will be able to negotiate with two dozen oil riggers for her food and lodging for a month. We’ll even let you take your new slut clothes with you, just your slut clothes you understand. Didn’t I mention those? We picked out lots of new slutty outfits for you to wear for Steve and we’ve got all sorts of interesting toys to play with. Can you imagine Steve didn’t even know what half of them did, but fortunately we’ve lot of ideas to assist him in his fantasies. Now the first fantasy we talked about was tying you to the bed, then cutting off your clothes and seeing if we can bring you to orgasm with all the sex toys. We managed to pick up a whole range of restraints, whips and other specialist BDSM toys. Monique’s going to carry on filming it all since can you believe it there are specialist web sites that carry films of unwilling sluts being brought to orgasm and being persuaded to do all sorts of things. Carolyn was so happy to get funding for her research that she volunteered to lie back on the bed and have you eat her out until she orgasms. I think if we can get you to the right state of arousal Steve should have no problem slipping it in. Does that meet with your approval Steve?” Steve was totally oblivious to anything other than the attention he was receiving “Whatever you suggest is fine by me just as long as we don’t have to pay tax on it.” He replied abstractedly.