Dihydrogen Monoxide by Karen Blayne

Oh by the way red tape first.

Be warned these short stories contain mature content or naughty bits and as such may corrupt you if you’re under 12, 16, 18, 21 or 25 depending where you live thus they are not suitable for you so put them back on the shelf and let them age for a year or two.

They were sort of scribbled for fun. They were first posted on asstr.org. If you’ve paid money for this book just be aware the author has not received any payment. In fact no one has permission to charge money for this book and copyright is retained by the author. All copies must be of the complete document. Asstr.org accepts donations if you’re feeling rich or even if you’re not. ©2016

Luv Karen

Morgan thought to herself “Rats I knew I should have gone to the quack and got put on the pill.” But she hadn't and now it was exam week the very worst time to have a heavy period. Oh well the headmistress wouldn't be getting her pat on the head for outstanding exam results this year and let's face it did she really want to do more studying so she could go to uni, the average salary for some universities was less than the country's average for non grads. As she waited for her exam results, she watched her favourite You-Tube teacher, Colin Hegarty, she liked his funny accent and the way he said that maths was simple and went on to explain it simply you could almost believe him.

“Any of your friends willing to dig the garden over?” She thought about it, “Dave maybe?” “Twenty an hour.” For twenty an hour she'd do it but then she thought about her fingernails. Dave it would be.

She sat in the sun lounger and supervised. Well Dave wasn't the brightest pebble on the beach but once he understood what was required he was content to just do it. They finished in a little over two hours. Dad had given her enough for four hours. “You've still got some time left so come and have some cake I baked this morning.” “You mean I get paid for eating?” She nodded. They were sat in the family room with the 4K TV eating cake, Morg had fresh bread and covered with honey since she felt she ought to save some cakes for her dad. “It feels crazy being paid to eat cake. I mean its good cake.” Morg felt like hugging him, you knew where you were with Dave, if he said it was good then it was good. Mind you if it was bad, she thought back to the sponge cake that Agnes had made and brought into school, she'd stopped him from saying anything when she saw the signs of distaste on his face and had ushered him away from the group where he could vent his comments out of earshot. “Want to watch a film on dad's new toy?” Dave nodded. The doorbell rang. Sally was moaning, boyfriend is fine as far as the posh restaurants are concerned but no interest in her other than a fashion accessory. Morg looked at Dave, anything for a friend in need, she reached up and pulled Sally's knickers down then added a spoonful of honey at the top of her thighs. “Dave eat!”

With no qualifications at the Jobcentre Ms. Roberts sent her to a cleaning job. Morgan wrinkled her nose up. “So let's get this straight its minimum wage, you don't pay for taxi's when there's no buses and the shift starts at one am?” The cocksure, smarmy guy behind the desk smiled at her “That's right. Mind you if you're very nice to me I might be able to find you something that starts when the buses are still running.” “Since these cleaning compounds contain dihydrogen monoxide and hydroxilic acid I'll get full health and safety training plus appropriate protective clothing?” The smarmy bastard behind the desk wasn't quite so cocksure of himself now. “Dihydrogen monoxide alone kills hundreds of people every year you know.” “It does? Are you quite sure our cleaning fluids contain it?” “Positive. When did you have your last Health and Safety audit by the way?” “I'll let you know about the job in due course shall I?”

Didn't anyone turn the washing machine on? There was absolutely nothing left to wear, except her old school uniform? Well she was only going down to sign on for heavens sake. She filled the washing machine up sorting out the whites and things that might run for later and dashed off to the Jobcentre where Ms. Roberts took a long look at her. “I don't understand it he's never held back from offering a job before. I wasn't expecting you back to be honest. Oh well you look respectable. You can come with me on a work's visit. I'm glad to see you wearing a knee length skirt. They are exactly what fits in best to the office environment.” Morgan thought Ms. Roberts had some really weird ideas still at least a ride in a car. No way, “The number 58 should be here shortly. You've got your free bus pass with you?” Morgan nodded. She'd managed to fill the forms out to get on a scheme that gave her a free bus pass at least.

“Good morning Mr. Lloyd may I introduce Ms. Chambers, for whom I am looking for a six-month work experience placement and I was hoping you might help me out. No cost to yourself of course. Now I haven't forgotten your wish for a maths graduate to sort out your office numbers and as soon as one becomes available I'll send them along.” Morgan wrinkled her nose God she was being given away for free, not only that but the guy had to be bribed to take her? Still, it looked a pleasant place to work. “Well we're a bit busy to train her and I have to ask myself if its worth it for six months.” “I could do the photocopying for you.” He brightened. The last agency girl had told him she didn't do photocopying. Well her contract wouldn't be renewed in fact it was up on Friday. “Take the desk in the corner, I'll open the computer up and you can read the manuals to get some background.” The first manual she brought up was for the coffee maker, the second the office shredder, you'd think he'd give her a personal conducted tour and explain what the company did.

“Lunch time, you'd better come down to the canteen and meet the crew, I think I can afford to feed you as you're only on unemployment benefit. Oh do you prefer Ms. Chambers or do you have another name?” She briefly toyed with the idea of Maggie Thatcher but then discarded it Attila the Hen wasn't quite the friendliest of names, “Morgan or Morg will do nicely.” She perked up at the idea of lunch, something different to reading manuals at least. Lunch which seemed to consist of chatting to one person after another about how things were progressing between mouthfuls and introducing Morgan around.

God knee length skirts how 20th century, still Tilly comments about how to grab a boy's attention at the dance came to mind. Stockings were the secret, once you'd got him in the corner and let his hands wander up your skirt he was all yours for the rest of the evening, undivided attention. Mind you Tilly with three glasses of wine and a couple of shots inside her well that was different, the whole team had passed the message along and before she knew it she was carried off to somewhere rather private. The way Tilly told it she had to do something or she wouldn't have managed to walk for a week so she'd taken one in her mouth and given two others hand jobs whilst a fourth was thrusting his dick into her. She said it didn't matter if you got a big O because it warmed you up for the next one. When she complained her stockings and underwear had been ruined every team member had brought her a pair of stockings and a garter belt, and not just any old pair but brand name ones from the posh shop. Tilly had passed some on to her. She lifted them out of the back of the drawer, she'd never felt the need to wear them before but today they'd give her confidence.

The next morning she was greeted with “The plants are drooping a bit could you give them a spot of hydroxilic acid for me? The watering can is on the floor.” She looked at him, “It was only a bit of fun, how did you find out?” “A very worried cleaning contractor rang and asked what did we know about hydroxilic acid and dihydrogen monoxide since he knew we had a lab. Not that I blame you I don't think I'd like to work a shift starting at one am for minimum wage myself.”

She bent forward to pick up the watering can to water the plants her stocking tops were on show as she bent away from him. She could sense his interest. It was comforting to have a sense of power at least. Later she got given the job of entering data into a spreadsheet, just to pass the time she totalled, averaged and did other fancy things with the numbers. “Playing around were you?” “I just like maths and I was exploring the features.” There was a hesitation before he announced “We have a meeting with Mr. Khan this morning, he's interested in one of our cheapest units and will probably want a discount on the price, I'm not even sure why we're bothering to meet with him.” Morgan knew they'd cut corners when building it since it had to be done to a price and even then the profit on the cheapest unit was ultra low.

“I can't afford that much surely there must be a cheaper solution?” “Yeah the model 15Q.” Blurted out Morg “But on your price list that's much more expensive I really couldn't afford that.” “But it has more than four times the throughput so the cost per machined unit is less than half the price plus it's more reliable.” She'd talked to the engineers in her sister's spaghetti strap dress, well it fitted even though she was taller than her sister. As she perched on a high stool whilst they had their tea break the engineers had explained all sorts of things to her as she listened intently trying not to get too distracted by their admiring glances at her sister's new pale blue lace knickers. Mr. Khan was hesitating. He hadn't thrown the idea out completely. “It's more expensive to purchase but being Energy Star rated the running costs are cheaper, I mean you could hire Dave and Nathan to work nights, if you already owned the machinery and you have the floor space paid for by the day shift its practically free money.” “They'd need training and shift pay.” “We include one training course for your operatives when you buy the machinery including them wouldn't affect that there would just be two more in the class.” She looked across to Mr. Lloyd for confirmation which he gave as he nodded his head in agreement. “I'd like to but I don't have the money and my bank won't lend it to me.”

Morg picked up her phone and dialled Sally a classmate who had a job in a credit union. “Sal remember you were saying you needed a client to interview about a loan for your training and they wouldn't trust you with any of the existing ones? If I came in now with one could you see him?” She put her hand over the microphone, “She's just checking.” “Right we're on our way.” Mr. Lloyd passed her two taxi chits as she led the way out of the door. “I'll leave you in her capable hands Mr. Khan, I hope everything works out for you.”

“Hi Sal, meet Mr. Khan. He'd like to buy a 15Q from us but doesn't have enough money so can you help?” “Good morning Mr. Khan, my manager will sit in with us but I'll be doing the negotiating.” Sally sat behind the desk and looked at the back of an envelope that was covered in sums. “I think we could go to 80% if we made the cheque payable to the company supplying the machinery.” Morg carried the cheque back personally and served it to his lordship.

He looked at her and asked her to do some analysis on the monthly figures which she happily performed. The phone rang “Good morning Ms. Roberts, no I think I've found someone to do the maths thank you.” Morg looked up puzzled. He had had he?” “We grade the positions on the work done. Doing the monthly analysis is a T4 grade so if you don't mind filling in the paperwork you have a job that pays the same as a math's graduate. OK?” He had to ask? God were all men really stupid? Still he was nice to work for she supposed.