The Idiot by Karen Blayne

Oh by the way red tape first.

Be warned these short stories contain mature content or naughty bits and as such may corrupt you if you’re under 12, 16, 18, 21 or 25 depending where you live thus they are not suitable for you so put them back on the shelf and let them age for a year or two.

They were sort of scribbled for fun. ©2018

Luv Karen

Phoebe looked round the office as she waited for an interview. The view from the twenty third floor across the city was quite something. She noticed the staff were remarkably all young and pretty. The door opened and a voice called next as a flustered girl walked out. She strolled in and handed her CV which was glanced at. It seemed to her the guy was undressing her mentally in a way that she wasn’t comfortable with. “Well you have a degree so good enough, start first of the month?” “Pay, conditions? Vacation?” “See Millicent for all the crap on your way out. She’ll do the paper work as well.” “Milly!” He called out and Milly came rushing into the room “Send in the next and sign this one up.” Milly dipped her head and guided Phoebe out of the office. She spoke to the next girl sat waiting “If you’d like to go in now.”

Phoebe looked at her “Is he for real?” “Oh he’s not too bad. He has his little ways like only hiring beautiful women. I have to rate them in order and send the prettiest ones in first in case he gets bored with the process. Still it’s a job and it pays not too badly.” She took out a sheet of paper that listed rates of pay and pointed to one half way up the band. “Will that be alright to start with?” Phoebe still wasn’t sure that she wanted the job and hesitated. Milly circled and number closer to the top “That’s as high as I can go without going back to him so I’ll put you at that rate and hope to see you 9 am on the first of the month.” She passed over sheet giving the benefits which seemed to be the bare legal minimum but did have a drug plan. “I’m surprised to see a drug plan here.” “Well he likes us all to be on the pill. He says he can make allowances for periods as long as he knows when they are.”

Phoebe made her way to the exit and looked at her second interview that day. The office was above a store and there were stairs to climb. It would keep her fit she supposed. The door had seen better days. She knocked then walked in. The guy was sitting looking at a computer screen and a pile of paper. “I’m sure these numbers should tie up somehow. Can I help you?” “I thought I had an interview?” “Wasn’t I supposed to come to the studio on Friday? Or was it Monday next week?” He scrambled up and looked first at a calendar on the wall before turning back and scrabbling through his papers on the desk. “Yes here it is, I knew I had it somewhere, Monday, definitely Monday.” Phoebe grinned “And today you’re supposed to be interviewing me for a job, someone to help you sort out all the paperwork and keep track of things? Organise things perhaps?” He blinked “Do you think I need someone?” she handed him the letter she’d been sent and he peered at it. “It’s my signature sure enough. Now how did it come to be sent? The bank teller I think composed it and printed it off for me. Something to do with paying cheques in when they arrived? Yes that was it I forget to pay them in sometimes.” He was sweet and he definitely needed someone. “How much should I pay you? Would minimum wage and 10% of the stock after a year sound acceptable?” “How much are the profits?” “I don’t really know the accountant has been after me for bits of paper for the last two years.”

She sighed and gritted her teeth and resigned herself to shopping on Boxing Day and February 15th for the next few years “When would you like me to start?” He blinked “Now?” She pulled out a chair and he dumped a pile of envelopes on her. “Could you take out the cheques and drop them down to the bank?” “Do you have a program to enter the amounts in and who they are from?” He blinked again and Phoebe made her own mind up about which software package they’d use. She got the bank details then set up her smartphone on a stand and photographed each cheque before sending the image off to the bank.

“Next?” “But you haven’t taken the cheques down to the bank.” “We don’t need to we can do it all online.” “Well the auditor’s demands next I suppose.”

At the end of a month she’d finally got a better idea of what the financial position of the company was. Really he was very good at the technical bits but the paperwork had been neglected. The phone rang and she answered. “We’re very interested in the product so could you get a salesperson to visit?” “Where and when would be convenient?” She looked at him “We have a meeting to attend.” “We? Can’t you deal with it?” “No I don’t know the technical side.” “But you could handle the other bits?” She nodded “I’d need a new outfit rather than wearing jeans.” “Take it out of petty cash as expenses.”

They arrived and were shown into a conference room. Phoebe got the impression that they weren’t expecting a female to take the lead nor to have an attendee in jeans. She greeted everyone and introduced Lewis as her technical support person who was available to answer any technical questions. They talked in general terms and eventually the suit on the far side handed the questions over to their technical person. Phoebe sat back as the conversation went way over her head. A conference call phone on the centre of the desk was activated and more technical questions flew around the table.

Eventually the suit at the end of the table first confirmed that all the questions had been answered then looked at Phoebe in the eye. “You realise you’ve turned our ideas on this project upside down. Even I recognise that it will be cheaper and quicker to implement than our existing plan. How soon can you deliver?” Lewis looked up. “When would you like it? It’s all off the shelf items. It might take a week for delivery.” The suit mentioned how many sites they needed it installed on. “Cloud it, one installation will save you money and be easier to maintain.” “It’s the first time I’ve ever heard a supplier suggest a cheaper simpler solution than we were prepared to pay. Does it matter which cloud?” Lewis mentioned another client and which cloud service they were running on and that was the close of the meeting.

It was only when the paperwork came in that Phoebe realised the one single sale was five times the total they had sold so far. Not only that but they got word of mouth referrals. They needed a salesperson to handle the calls.

“So what are the targets?” “We don’t have any.” “So no bonuses or commissions?” “No.” “I’ll try somewhere else then.” Phoebe shrugged and hired a partially sighted girl who was willing to work for them on salary. She was experienced in selling but her eyesight which had never been good had deteriorated over time. As the sales built up so eventually Phoebe decided she needed a helper.

At Christmas Lewis had to be reminded it was Christmas and they ought to have a small office party seeing as they now had a number of employees “Really? Could you organise it?” She dressed him up as Santa and gave him a sack full of gifts for the employees and their children. Each gift was carefully labelled with a name on it. She even boldly thanked Santa with a gentle kiss for her gift, even though she’d picked it out herself and he’d no idea what he’d given her. Perhaps the Raspberry Pi3 wasn’t the best gift to give to a bunch of males at a party still it was well received and the children were impressed that their dads could build Heath Robinson style cars that could be controlled from a smartphone with it. “My dad built that!” She heard one small tot say.

Slowly the company grew in size. She declared a small dividend which gave them both something to live on. Lewis just put most of his in a mutual fund. At the second Christmas party she managed to lure him onto the dance floor for one whole number and afterwards she stole a slightly longer kiss with him. At the third she managed two slow dances with him and two kisses under the mistletoe.

After working with him for nearly four years she thought she knew him inside out but was unpleasantly surprised when he came in and announced he was getting married. “Anyone I know?” “I don’t think so. She’ll be in at two she said perhaps you could arrange things?” She thought about telling him what he could do with his company but smiled sweetly at him.

Evangeline strolled in at three. Phoebe summed her up as super fashionable, make up done with a trowel, peroxide, boob job, and four inch heels. Phoebe was given a list that Evangeline wanted done for the wedding. “Isn’t she wonderful?” Asked a besotted Lewis. “How long have you known her?” “We first met two weeks ago shortly after she moved into town.” Phoebe wondered if she could have him committed as insane. She didn’t know what to do so talked it over with Isabella, an old classmate, who was a model. “Evangeline my dear, good grief, if its who I think she is she once was a cheerleader who serviced an entire football team to motivate them as she put it. She twirls men around her little finger. No brains of course but when do men ever see past a pair of false eyelashes? No I’d rate her as a gold digger, I take it your boss has money?” Phoebe raided her retirement savings for ten thousand dollars and prayed it would be enough.

Phoebe agreed to arrange every thing for the wedding. Besotted Lewis agreed to pay for everything for his angel. She got the venues sorted out and the dates and for the all important hen party she talked to Isabella who introduced her to a friend an ex-pole dancer with contacts who’s sugar daddy owned a particularly splendid cottage overlooking a lake. Phoebe stayed in the kitchen whilst Isabella and two other models, Lydia and Zoe, dressed as maids kept the party fed with expensive exotic titbits and glasses of vintage Champagne served directly from the bottle so everyone could see it was real. Phoebe sneaked out and quietly had added a few extra boxes of gifts to the pile in the corner. “Let’s see what you got then!” The first few boxes were opened and the contents were oh and ahed over. One contained two pairs of non-piercing nipple rings, “There no good Evangeline nipples are already pierced” came a cry to great laughter. “Have you shown him yet?” “Good god no he hasn’t even been allowed his tongue in my mouth and as for my pussy no way until after the ring is on my finger.” “You mean he doesn’t know what he’s getting?” “He’ll soon find out though won’t he?” There were more shrieks “These look more interesting.” A pair of nipple toys that combined a vibrator with a suction cup were lifted out of the tissue. “Who sent them?” “I can’t see a name or a card or anything.” “It’s probably dropped on the floor.” Then a larger box was found to contain a rocker which two girls had to have explained where exactly that probe in the middle that moved up and down went when you rocked it went. A set of white lingerie came next, designed to make any bride except Evangeline blush. Isabella exclaimed she simply must try it on. A sheer white robe covered the ensemble and Evangeline admired herself in the full length mirror on the wall.

There was a knock at the door and Lydia opened it to admit four male dancers. “We’ve come to make the bride blush!” the first one boldly announced. “Not a chance!” Came from one of Evangeline’s friends. “Right lads a challenge it is!” The four of them took it in turns to perform their strip routines involving the girls and lots of laughter and innuendo as they danced. Lydia put a dollop of whipped cream on the last one’s chest. Zoe licked it off. Lydia covered his dick with more whipped cream and the dancer held a towel to give Zoe some privacy as her head bopped up and down next to the cream covered penis. She ended up with a smear of cream on her cheek which the dancer wiped off and wiped back on to his body. As she stepped back he called out “Next!” Evangeline was encouraged to go for it. Frank, one of the dancers, produced an eye mask. “We have different flavours of whipped cream so you have to guess which one is which.” Evangeline sampled the first one. “ Kirsch?” she questioned. “First one exactly right! Now for the next!”

One of the doors to the rest of the house opened and Lydia’s sugar daddy tip toed out in a silk dressing gown. Lydia knelt down in front of him and tried to get him hard. Zoe stripped off her waitress dress in front of him leaving her in a soft black sheer bra trimmed with white lace that almost covered her nipples. Below the front was tiny and black but when she turned her back on him and wiggled her butt the back could be seen to be lacy and designed more to show her bum off than anything else. He hardened up and Lydia dragged him into line. Isabella applied the flavoured whipped cream and Evangeline’s friends were shrieking as she slurped it off “Cherry Brandy?” she queried before passing on to the next one. She seemed a little hesitant when presented with the fifth cock but was reassured by the sound of the dancers’ voice. She must have miscounted in her tipsy state.

“Our turn now.” She was laid on her back on a sheet and whipped cream applied to both breasts, her crotch and lips. Each dancer licked one part throughly clean. “God what comes next?”

Lydia dragged out the Sybian that she used to warm herself up on for her sugar daddy and applied some lubricant to the probe. Two dancers lifted Evangeline up and carefully lowered her so the probe penetrated between the two sides of Evangeline’s crotchless knickers. Sugar daddy took the control and slowly, gently started the motion whilst a dancer knelt behind Evangeline cupping her breasts. Ten minutes later Zoe lifted up the vibrating suction nipple toys that Evangeline had unpacked earlier and applied them to Evangeline. Phoebe peeked through the open door to the kitchen and saw the flush on Evangeline‘s chest as she became more and more aroused. Suddenly the machine was switched off “Switch it on again you can’t leave me like this” Two dancers lifted her off. “For god’s sake I need it in me.” One dancer obliged and thrust his hard cock in her as he flagged and drew out Evangeline cried out for more so a second muscular dancer took his place. Lydia carefully placed a condom over her sugar daddy well she didn’t want him picking anything up and as two dancers held Evangeline’s legs apart he plunged into her repeatedly. Another dancer offered his cock to her mouth and she sucked on it greedily at the same time. Regretfully sugar daddy took his leave before Evangeline’s eye mask was removed but two more dancers thrust themselves into to her in a vain effort to slake her desire. Eventually Zoe took pity on here and mounted her with the vibrating strapon and even that took fifteen minutes before she was eventually satisfieded. “God guys that was out of this world.”

Phoebe thanked Lydia and expressed the view that the dancers had done a wonderful job for her ten thousand dollars. “Could you let me have the release she signed for the wedding related photos and video?” “You mean?” “Well I know you have your copy but sugar daddy wants to play with his very expensive video editing workstation and he thinks it could be a real money maker even if he pays us models and the dancers 5% of the profit for starring in it.” “Oh my God.” “Let’s just hope Lewis isn’t into the cuckold fantasy.” “I never even thought of that, well if he is he deserves her.”

Phoebe left him to check his emails. “It can’t be true? It must be her double or something.” but in his heart he recognised that yes the movie could have been faked but at 4k it would have needed a movie studio to do it. He picked up the phone “I see you enjoyed the Brides hen party.” “Oh god.” Told him all he needed to know. “The weddings off.” “You can’t cancel my $90,000 wedding just because I had a bit of fun on my hen night.” “Five guys, you blew them and fucked them five different guys and one was old enough to be your father and what was the comment ‘Good god no he hasn’t even been allowed his tongue in my mouth and as for my pussy no way until after the ring is on my finger’ $90,000? Good grief. It’s off.” He slammed the phone down and just stared into space. He got through the rest of the day in a zombie state after calling in Phoebe and getting her to cancel the wedding plans. Well that was easy since Phoebe had forgotten to actually book anything. She moved the glossies from the expensive hotel, florists, photographers and the vintage Rolls Royce limousine company into the recycle bin.

On Friday three days later Phoebe had had enough. “You haven’t eaten a decent meal in three days.” “But how could she? I just don’t understand she seemed so friendly.” Phoebe partially lifted him up then guided him to the door and into a waiting cab.

When she got him home she sat him at the table whilst she quickly threw together a meal. “This is good.” Lewis mulled “A pair of false eyelashes isn’t a good basis for getting married is it?” “Careful you’ll be proposing next.” He looked confused for a moment “Yes I will marry you when you get round to proposing.” “We might be able to salvage one or two things from the $90,000 wedding if we got married quickly.” Well she could always throw together a wedding cake and tell him it was left over from the previously planned wedding. “Did we lose much by cancelling?” “The hen party was the only significant expenditure we took a loss on and no I don’t want a hen party thank you.”

She led him to an armchair and sat him down. “Now let’s see if I can distract you enough so you rejoin the present.” She perched on his lap and kissed him, daringly slipping her tongue in his mouth and revelling in a sense of power once his hands started to roam her body. “It’s comfier in bed.” “But we aren’t married yet.” “Set the date of the wedding and we’re engaged and these days engaged couples have been known to sleep together.” His face lit up. “Next week? Monday perhaps?” “A week on Monday give me a bit of time to get ready and invite a few people?” And at least bake a cake and find a wedding dress. He stood and picked her up in his arms and gently kissed her. “Time for bed then.”