Sally's Sums by Karen Blayne

Oh by the way red tape first.

Be warned these short stories contain mature content or naughty bits and as such may corrupt you if you’re under 12, 16, 18, 21 or 25 depending where you live thus they are not suitable for you so put them back on the shelf and let them age for a year or two.

They were sort of scribbled for fun. They were first posted on asstr.org. If you’ve paid money for this book just be aware the author has not received any payment. In fact no one has permission to charge money for this book and copyright is retained by the author. ©2015 All copies must be of the complete document. Asstr.org accepts donations if you’re feeling rich or even if you’re not.

Luv Karen

Sally was sat in the estate office with the ledgers. Her mother had been a poor relation on the estate when her father had died in the military. Still the nice thing had been that Sally had been educated by her mother at the same time as Phebe, being the same age and Phebe was the daughter of the house. Perhaps the not so nice thing was Sally was good at sums so got given the books to look after since the steward preferred a more hands on approach. It could be worse at least she was in a nice warm office rather than milking cows in the middle of winter. Apart from the sums life wasn't so bad, she got on well with Phebe and they were the best of friends. Phebe liked to go riding with Sally rather than a groom though sometimes they took a groom as well when they went off exploring for the day. Well after all someone had to toss you up onto a sidesaddle if there wasn't a mounting block available.

She wondered what Lionel or rather Lord Hawley would do next. He'd get a bee in his bonnet and turn the world upside down to get things done. He'd turned his attention on the estate when his father had died and introduced all sorts of new fangled ideas. Horses rather than oxen, seed drills and other toys, even buying seed rather than using last year's. The drain project was the worst. The pottery drains were taxed so they'd built a kiln and dugout clay to form the tiles and made their own. As Lionel said the evidence was buried three feet underground but working out how much clay they needed and how much fuel for the kilns ended up being Sally's contribution. She reflected back and remembered old Sam looking on at them digging the drain and shaking his head when there wasn't any water to be seen even at three feet down. He'd jumped down into the ditch and taken an iron stake and hammered it into the bottom where to Lionel's and the workmen's amazement water had started to flow up into the drain. “There now that be a spring years ago, I knew it be down there still.” The tenants shook their heads and weren't sure about it all but Sally looking over the books had seen how much more money was flowing in now the water was flowing out and managed to divert some of it into repairs and improvements for the workmen's cottages.

Phebe burst into the office waving a letter in the air “London, my head in the clouds brother has finally remembered I'm of age to have a season, only four years late but better late than never. Just think what fun it will be, we can visit the theatre and all the attractions and I shall commission such divine, heavenly frocks.” She seized Sally by both the hands and twirled her round. “But I don't think he meant that I'm included.” “Oh did he not, well I shall require a maid of course, well two perhaps, one to look after us both.” She cocked her head to one side, “Unless being my maid is beneath you?” “You're mad we'll never get away with it.' “Yes we will we just won't tell him until we arrive he probably won't even notice anyway.”

The Honourable Hugh Claremont looked around him at his father's love nest. He hadn't done badly for himself but even though the house was staffed he hadn't managed to use it for a year. His brother, now the Earl, had suggested he used it whilst in London and Hugh was more than happy to do so. The estate made him an allowance sufficient to keep him in the manner of a fashionable young man about town might need but Hugh's tastes were simpler and the allowance was rather larger than he needed so he'd taken to gambling on the stock market. If you steered away from the latest craze you could slowly make more than you could in the funds. Two girls came in through the kitchen chattering away, “Oh hello who are you?” they asked. “Well I was going to ask the same thing, I'm Hugh Claremont and my brother, the Earl of Rutlidge, owns the house.” “Oh that's right I heard the old one died. I'm Hesper, Lord Milbank's mistress and this is Clair, Lord Pasley's bit of fancy. We're your neighbours and to tell the truth when we're off duty as it were we gather here and have dinner and a good gossip seeing as your love nest has the best dining room.” “I don't think my kitchen staff are up to providing dinner.” “Oh Pierre or Luc take turns to cook, French chefs are two a penny in this street, and they prefer to be cooking for a dinner party to keep their hand in rather than do nothing and let's face it by the time their lordships have gone to the races, their club, shooting or hunting on their estates its quite often we get left on our ownsome.” “I'm surprised they keep you on.” “Well we are a status symbol after all, mind you Lord, well never you mind, he prefers footmen but likes to flaunt us off in public for appearances sake.”

“Hesper are we eating here tonight or should I warn the others?” Hesper looked enquiringly at Hugh. “I think its Luc's Blanquette de Veau tonight. You are invited to join us.” Hugh nodded and somehow it became the established thing once more to eat at Hugh's home.

Molly looked out of the window, his lordship’s coach was drawing up and that meant his sister was about to enter the house. She scurried upstairs and paused at the Baron's closed bedroom door. Dare she interrupt, dare she not interrupt, she dithered for a moment then quietly opened the door to see Meg on her knees with her hair covering his lordship's thighs. “If you please milord I think your sister will be arriving any second now.” He looked startled but stood up quickly. Meg looked over her shoulder “Quick give me a hand to get him dressed and presentable.” The two maids buttoned up buttons in unmentionable places, brushed him down and pushed him out the door. “Why was your head in his lap with his buttons undone?” “I had his thingy in my mouth.” Molly looked shocked “Go on.” “No really he likes it.” “Sounds rum and rude to me. Why did you do it?” “”When the season ends all the toffs go off to the country and apart from the chosen few we all lose our jobs.” Molly nodded, “Well put his thingy in your mouth and wiggle your tongue a bit and you become one of the chosen few. Mind you you'd need to practise first, Mr. Benson is ever so keen on training so you get it right.” “What does the housekeeper say?” “If it keeps his lordship from pox laden whores and her maids from joining the club she turns a blind eye, not only that but I get an extra double florin a week for doing it.” “Will you come with me to ask Mr. Benson to train me, I don't think I dare approach him by myself.”

Lionel descended the stairs just as Phebe came through the front door followed by Sally. “You made good time I wasn't expecting you until tomorrow. Oh and what a surprise, Sally as well I see.” “I thought she could act as my personal maid?” “Benson has already found you a dresser. Go up to your room and get changed, Sally await me in the library.” Phebe and Sally looked at each other, this didn't sound good. Sally thought she'd better do as she was told and entered the library. Lionel followed a few moments later together with a footman who was carrying a stack of ledgers and bills. “Right since you're here you can make yourself useful. I haven't had time to do the books for a day or two.” Sally glanced at the receipt that was six months old on top. “You'll eat with the family unless we're entertaining so you'd better have a few simple dresses made up in case we have company and since the guest room next to Phebe's is empty you can have that one. I'll arrange a maid to wait on you and see to Phebe's needs besides the dresser. Right you may go.” Sally slipped away and into Phebe's room.

“So are you to be sent home in disgrace?” “No I'm to get the room next to yours and we are to share a maid besides your dresser. If there are no visitors then I get to eat with the family.” “But?” “I get stuck with the ledgers.” “Oh that's not too bad.” “And I'm to have a few new dresses so I don't reflect badly on you.” “So serious planning for your dresses, I think we could stretch some to half a dozen?” Sally grinned back.

The dresser wasn't nearly as intimidating as she might be, tales of superior London dressers had even reached the provinces. She was pleased that Phebe had a good figure and wouldn't need a lot of effort to cover flaws. She was a little taken back when Phebe insisted on Sally being present as they discussed what dresses and frocks would be needed for the season. She gave them a choice of dressmakers, the safe approach would be to use an established modiste whose work would be instantly recognisable and show the wearer had money, but in Phebe's case since her brother had the title of Baron and it was known the family was wealthy it might be permitted to use a lesser known modiste who would have more time to spare and gown Phebe with more individuality. Sally made a comment that some of the bills were more than a month old so perhaps money was a little tight. The dresser looked taken back, “I don't think we need concern ourselves with such trifles, many of the ton only settle their bills when the harvest comes in, no its more what you would prefer.” “If we chose the lesser known modiste perhaps Sally could have some half a dozen gowns made up at the same time?” The dresser conceded that and mentioned she would arrange for the dressmaker to attend them that afternoon.

Miss Ingham drew in a deep breath, “Well I think you've turned up trumps dear cousin Theodosia. She'll certainly pay for the dressing, the problem now is what is the very latest fashion going to be?” She walked round Phebe twice more and looked thoughtful. “What I suggest is half a dozen gowns now and I'll do some more later on when I've seen how things are going.” “How will you know?” asked Sally curiously, “Oh Theodosia will make an arrangement with Benson and I'll work as a maid on the night of the first few balls. With Benson to vouch for me there won't be a problem.” “Payment?” asked Sally forever being practical. “The baron is not renown for paying his bills on time at the moment.” “It hardly matters, I know of a number of clients, not top tier ton, with connections in trade who'll pay heavily and cash on the nose once they know I'm dressing a baron's sister, they like to think there's always the possibility that their darlings might marry one, they'd prefer an earl but they know their worth. Not that I wouldn't like paying sometime but when the harvest comes in will be fine.” “And half a dozen dresses for Sally, they needn't be the latest fashion.” Miss Ingham looked over Sally and drew out her tape measure and started to take down measurements. “Day dresses with perhaps two dinner gowns?” Sally smiled at her.

Lionel entered the house from the stable, and being thirsty grabbed a mug and scooped it full of water from the pail just inside the door swallowing it rapidly down. “If you please my lord you're supposed to drink it from the jug, after I've boiled it rather than straight from the pail. “Tasted sweet enough so no harm done I'll remember in future though.” Lionel slipped away to the hall where Benson reminded him that Sally desired his attendance in the library. “Honestly these toffs think they own the place, coming in through the back door instead of the front one like they ought to. No consideration at all these days.” “He does own the place.” “It's my kitchen and I say what goes on and what doesn't in my kitchen and he ought to keep in his place and stay out of it.”

“Now I've drawn up the accounts to date and been through your correspondence. I need your signature on one or two letters and other documents and I have some other letters that need your frank. Do you want me to go through them all with you?” “Just show me where to sign and don't worry about taking me through them all.” He signed quickly barely scanning the documents after the first two letters. “Now Benson am I allowed to leave now, I'm supposed to be meeting some friends in thirty minutes?” Sally looked at him in despair “and just what am I supposed to use for money to pay off the tradesmen?” “Oh you'll think of something and if you don't there is always the harvest.” He dived out the door. Benson and Sally added their signatures as witnesses where necessary.

The dresses arrived and Miss Ingham moved into one of the staff rooms normally reserved for visiting valets where she sat with two sewing girls adjusting and tweaking her creations until she announced finally she was satisfied. Phebe was more than satisfied somehow the dresses made her more elegant and seemed to enhance her body shape. Sally had to nudge her away from the full length mirror so she could admire herself. Splendid full dress ball gowns they might not be but they were quite the most elegant frocks she'd ever had and the colouring brought out the colour of her eyes.

“We could dress up and go to the theatre?” “You mean use Lord Pasley's box?” “We'd need a male escort?” All eyes turned to Hugh, Hesper volunteered Lord Milbank's carriage, “Be a bit of a squash but I'm certain Hugh won't mind.” Rose made her bid “Bags I his lap.” Hugh blushed beautifully but agreed anyway. At the theatre heads were turned by the sight of the six impeccably dressed demi-reps in the latest fashions, well perhaps the décolletage exposed a little more than current social norms. Husbands were guided away, Hugh's Great Aunt put up her lorgnette and peered at them. “How could you Hugh with so many?” She started to say but Hesper mischievously broke in with “Our Hu..ge keeps us all well satisfied.” “Bet we've better seats than she has.” Hugh raised his monocle and gazed at Regina's rear, “I do believe you're right my dear.” Which set the girls off giggling and the tone for the rest of the evening. He counted five as they passed through the door to the box, he glanced round to see Rose mesmerising the Right Honourable Baldwin Wilkenson, oh dear newly arrived on the town Baldwin wasn't quite up to snuff yet. “Rose come along.” Rose shrugged her shoulders and gave Baldwin a long lingering flirtatious look over her shoulder as she took her place in the box. “Rose he's just an innocent puppy.” “Yes but he's got to start somewhere and he's so cute.” Hugh closed his eyes for a moment before the play started. At the interval two of the girls wondered off outside to people watch, Beccy gave a loud cooee and a wave across the theatre to Lord Denny who was there with his mother, sister, and fiancee. After she turned to Hugh and explained that she didn't know Lord Denny except by reputation as being tight fisted so it was just a bit of innocent fun. Then the visitors arrived to pay their respects, first through the door was Baldwin clutching a small bunch of flowers, Rose patted the seat next to her and indicated he should sit down, moments later she had her back to the rest of the box and he could hear her asking Baldwin to tell her all about himself. Hesper slipped her arm in his and asked him to point out all the notables. The other two seemed content to flirt outrageously with their visitors. It was only when Baldwin left and Rose was sliding her dress back over her shoulder that he realised that Rose had had Baldwin fondling her breast as they had talked. “Rose!” gasped Hesper besides him as she noticed Rose's hard nipple beneath her dress. “Well his hand was cold when I took it in mine briefly and I knew it wasn't polite to sit holding his hand in the theatre so I slipped it inside my dress to warm it up.”

Tales of Hugh's hareem were spread across the Ton that evening in the clubs and served with breakfast the following morning. When Hugh walked into for his breakfast his elder brother was there waiting for him. “Six at once Hugh? You're cousin is supposed to be coming out this season you'd better attend her ball tonight to atone and I'll raise your quarterly allowance by a monkey if you're to keep your harem in style. I'll see myself out.” Hugh sat down carefully, was he dreaming another two thousand a year for just escorting the girls to the theatre? Still it would come in handy for his investments.

Phebe's first ball, well Sally was going to watch her friend's triumph however she could. A quick word with Benson and here she was at the edge of the ballroom a tray of drinks in her hands circulating. “And you maids try to nudge the men into dancing a dance or two rather than going directly to the cardroom” had been her instructions from the lady of house as she'd been briefed that afternoon. Phebe unfortunately sat the first dance out. Well the Honourable Hugh Claremont was male, not quite titled but as the younger brother of the Earl of Rutlidge could definitely be of use in asking Phebe to dance, especially in view of his recent rise to fame, or would that work against anyone he asked to dance? She stood a little in his way as he worked his way to the card room and offered him a glass of wine flirtatiously batting her eyes at him as she did so. He slipped his arm around her waist and was about to claim a kiss when she murmured “You'll have to earn it first.” He looked astonished. “Go and dance with Phebe first then you can claim your kiss.”

Her chaperone looked doubtful at him but Phebe would much rather dance that sit on the sidelines so took his hand before her chaperone could speak. At the end of the country dance Hugh noticed his brother enter the ball room on his way to the cardroom, it was too good to miss, especially after he'd insisted that Hugh did the pretty this evening. “Good evening brother mine let me introduce you to Miss Vernon, Miss Vernon my brother the Earl of Rutlidge.” Rutlidge bent over Phebe's hand, “I think they're just about to dance Nonsuch?” Hugh added for good measure. His brother glared at him with a glance that would have slain lessor men but Hugh just innocently grinned. “It would give me great pleasure.” “It probably won't but that doesn't mean I'm going to turn down the chance of a dance with you.” dimpled Phebe.

Hugh turned away grinning and made his way to Sally. “There, a dance with the Earl himself and I'm certain it will be the only dance he has this evening which makes Phebe something special perhaps?” She guided him to a darken corner and kissed him. “Only a kiss?” Sally conceded he had been helpful and was surprised to see from his slightly hesitant kiss that perhaps his six member harem had been innocent after all. “Two kisses and you may place your hand here.” She took his hand and placed it over her breast. “I thought it might warrant more than.” “Not on your Nelly, when she's engaged to the Earl of Rutlidge then you can have your way with me but not before.” “Nelly?” “Nelly Duff, puff, breath of life, not on your life. Don't you toffs know any English like what it is spoken proper?” “I hadn't heard that one before I'll have to commit it to memory.” Sally enjoyed her kiss with Hugh's soft hand caressing her breast but she was determined not to let on to him just how much.

After Phebe had attracted the attention of the elusive earl she had her dance card filled for the rest of the ball. Sally sneaked away and hid in the corner of the carriage so they could discuss the ball in great detail on the way home. It looked as if Phebe was set for a successful season. Next morning Lionel wasn't feeling too well. Phebe assumed he'd over indulged the night before and didn't worry too much about him. Miss Ingham was in raptures “Just perfect, the elusive Earl third dance on the first ball. Everyone will be clamouring for my gowns now. I can double my prices.”

Phebe called the doctor for Lionel the following day who diagnosed water fever, not uncommon in people up from the country who didn't boil the water before drinking it. On the third day he took a turn for the worse and that evening Sally thought she'd better stay and nurse him whilst Phebe went to the next ball. As she sat by the bed she ruminated over what would happen if he died. As a man the mortgages and outstanding accounts wouldn't matter but as soon as they knew they were dealing with a girl it was almost certain that the mortgages would be called in and settlement of accounts demanded. The whole house of cards would come tumbling down. Phebe would simply have to disappear but where? Her brother had friends but Sally didn't know who they were. Phebe had no family other than the second cousin whom she'd never met who would become the new baron and after Sally recent deeds she didn't think he would be inclined to help. Hugh maybe, it was a long shot but Sally was desperate.

It was shortly after Phebe left for the ball that her brother died. Sally called for Martin, a trusted groom who had come up from the country with Phebe's and Sally's mounts, to make ready the housekeeper's small unmarked carriage before speaking to Benson. “We owe thousands and there is a danger that the mortgages will get foreclosed. The only hope is to rent out the town and country houses to anyone who will rent them and use the money to keep the creditors at bay whilst I sort out what Lionel has done with all the money. I'm going to spirit Phebe off the face of the earth.” Benson knew how much was owing in back wages, the staff would cooperate if there was a chance their last year's pay would eventually be paid. “Well it's the beginning of the season so the town house complete with full family retainer staff should be no problem leave it in my capable hands Miss Sally. You can be certain I'll get a good price. Are you leaving now? Where can I contact you?” “Best you don't know, I'll be back in the morning. Can you get Diana to pack the rest of our clothes ready for the morning early.” She scooped up all the precious dresses and the contents of the safe then she descended on Hugh's home.

“You could say you're pleased to see me?” Sally spoke a little hesitantly. “This is the last place I'd expect to see you on my doorstep.” “I know that's why I'm here.” Hugh let her in and she quickly explained the problem. “So you see the season is finished now for her with her brother's death and he seems to have mortgaged everything to the hilt and invested in something called Kimburton but that's all I know about it.” “Let me guess the tradespeople and servants are all owed money as well.” “Rather a lot I'm afraid.” “Can't the new Baron Hawley sort it all out?” “Lionel sort of left a will leaving everything to Phebe.” “Sort of?” “Well I had it drawn up and he signed, I mean it wasn't entailed or anything and I didn't want her left penniless if anything happened.” Hugh sighed “What do you want me to do?” “Have you got a spare room we could hide in whilst I sort things out?” “Her reputation will be ruined if it ever gets out she spent a single night here.” “Yes but if she doesn't she's out on the streets and a good reputation won't help her there either.” “What makes you think I won't take advantage of her?” “Well at least she'd be warm and dry besides your staff are discreet, they have to be in Jeremiah street.” Hugh nodded his agreement and Sally dashed upstairs with the precious dresses.

Next she had Martin drive her to the ball Phebe was attending that evening. It took only a few minutes to catch her eye then they were off in the coach back to Hugh's home. “But why aren't we going back to the town house?” “Because you my girl have to disappear.” “What?” “Lionel has left things in rather a financial mess, he's left everything to you though so we need time to sort things out.” “What things?” “He mortgaged everything to the hilt, the estate owes thousands to tradesmen and staff. He's a man so no one would demand their money back too quickly, but you're a girl so everyone will want their money back.” “My God what did he do with it gambling?” “Not quite he invested it in a company called Kimburton but I know very little else.” “Oh.”

Hugh left for his club where he listened to the gossip. Already news of Lionel's death had reached it. “But what happens to all these investments now that Lord Hawley has died, he was the driving force behind it you know.” “Worthless old man, that's what they'll be worthless, should never have got involved, land that's the ticket and that's where my money is going. I mean to say they haven't even got their Act of Parliament yet.” “Best sell I suppose but who'd be dumb enough to buy?” There had been some scandals recently when a company looked good on paper but as soon as the shares were sold the whole thing turned out to be a scam. Hugh looked up, well if the girl was to recover any money at all it was important that there was confidence in the stock. “I've a couple of thousand if anyone really wants to sell their Kimburton stock.” He ended up the evening buying twenty five thousand pounds worth of stock for ten percent of its initial price then he worried just what it was really worth. Hopefully Lionel had done his homework.

Martin stayed the night above Hugh's stables and very early next morning he and Sally drove back to pick up the rest of Phebe's and her clothes. After they were transferred they dropped the carriage off at the town house and Martin took a little money from Sally and rode away on Sally's mare leading Phebe's mare back to the estate. That way he wouldn't let slip just where Phebe had disappeared to even by chance.

Sally took the copy of Lionel's will to the family lawyers to have it probated. “Strange he didn't come to us and have it drawn up and witnessed by ourselves. Very unusual leaving it all to his sister, she is over twenty one I take it?” Sally reassured him that Phebe was over the age of majority. “Very odd not leaving the money with the title, I don't know if the new Baron will be happy. Who witnessed it?” “Benson, the butler, and myself.” “Most unusual, you were both present when he signed it?” Sally agreed he could drop by and confirm with Benson that he had witnessed the signature and that Sally was who she said she was.” “I really don't know if females should be allowed to handle this much money. Well it will take a little time to sort out but yes it looks like his signature and she is over the age of majority so I suppose it is in order.”

Later that afternoon Phebe, Sally and Hugh arrived at the Kimburton's registered address. “What can you tell us about Kimburton?” The clerk looked up at them. “Why?” “We're stock holders, this is the late Lord Hawley's sister who now owns his stock, and I've brought up some twenty five thousand pounds worth last night at a heavy discount.” “Oh well yes know you come to mention it I have been receiving notes this morning about stock transfer. I expect between the two of you you now own more than fifty percent.” He reached out and started to add up the numbers on a slate. “Well it looks as if you do. Now I suggest we have a special meeting of shareholders and take control. Mr. Catesby was very good at selling the dream but you might want someone more knowledgeable to actually build the canal.” “You mean it's a canal company?” “Well that's what it says on the prospectus. We have a map.” He drew it out “There you are the shortest distance is a straight line between two points and I drew in all the bits and pieces and costed them using industry averages plus 50% for contingency. You know the bridges and so forth. Now we'd better get down to the bank and remove Mr. Catesby as an authorised signature, it needs two signatures out of three, Lord Hawley was one, Mr. Catesby was a second and I'm the third. I did pop into the bank this morning and warned them that Lord Hawley had died and that I hadn't signed any cheques so that should stop Mr. Catesby from getting at the money. I only found out yesterday that there has been some jiggery-pokery at one or two other companies that Mr. Catesby has been involved in but he was very good at raising the funds.”

The next morning Sally was a little distracted as she sat down to breakfast with the others. Hugh was surprised to see her there eating with them rather than with the servants in the kitchen. “I've been thinking.” She started to say, Hugh looked astonished a servant speaking without being spoken to it was unheard of. Phebe caught his eye, “It's alright Sally isn't really a servant we grew up together and it was the only way we could both get to London, I wasn't coming without her.” He nodded not quite reassured but accepting. “Go on Sally what were you thinking about.” “Those things on the map that were very expensive that were to lift the boats over the hill would it be cheaper to go round?” “Well could we go and see?” Phebe enquired of Hugh. Hugh nodded his agreement.

Looking over the land it seemed that to build their six mile long canal if they kept to the contour and ran along the side of the hills they could get away with only one set of locks but they'd need to make the canal nearly seven and a half miles long and by careful planning Sally thought they could get away with fewer bridges.

They returned to London to think about what they had seen. That evening they sat round the dining room table with the other inhabitants of the street. “So you're in hiding as it were on the run from your creditors or rather your brother's creditors.” “Men they're all the same, no sense of responsibility or finance.” “Well if you go out they'll have someone follow you back that's for sure, you'd better come in and out through my house next door, my Charlie knows how to deal with the duns.”

The conversation moved on to the recent inspection Hugh and the girls had of the land where they hoped to build their canal. “If we brought up the land above the canal then we could drain it into the canal so we wouldn't be so dependant on rain and since its usually water logged it would be cheap to buy.” Hugh looked puzzled, “Oh Sally has done this sort of thing before Lionel wanted to drain quite a bit of the estate but it was Sally who worked out what needed to be done when and what we could afford to do, she's good at sums.” “If one person started to buy up the wet land then the price would go up.” “But if we brought up the land or rather if we asked for a particular bit of land rather than jewellery then it would be Lord this and Lord that who actually brought the land and then passed it on to us.” Sally mentioned “The local squire had tried to drain his fields unsuccessfully, so we'll need Sam's magic touch to locate the underground springs. I think he mentioned an auger might be useful.” “We could buy him a field or two to compensate for his knowledge.” “Now there's a novel idea, paying someone for what he knows rather than what he does.” “So if we brought up the land it would increase in value, feed the canal with water, I think we should do it, and what's more I think Sally and Sam should have a field each from us and one each from the canal company.” “You mean spend my savings for an old age?” “We'll get it back from our drained fields and it sounds like we need Sam's magic touch.” “I could do with a magic touch right now.” Phebe looked shocked, “Ignore her she's only saying it for effect.” “Shouldn't you get an engineer in to build it?” “What do they know about canals?” “Well they build bridges don't they, it's the same sort of thing.” “We'll need an act of parliament.” “Well that's hardly a problem we've six lords awaiting to do our bidding and there's Hugh's brother for a start.”

Sally slipped away to visit the town house and see how things were going. Benson was very pleased to see her and told her of the new family that had taken the house for the season at an excellent price. He handed her the cheque to take to Sally's man of business. He'd heard from the steward that a family that had made its money in trade had taken the estate and were busy planning house parties for their friends which the staff were looking forward to with the opportunities to earn a little extra from the guests.

There was a knock at the door and when Benson answered it the gentleman walked in as if he owned the place. “Lord Hawley” he announced, “I'm sorry sir but he died a week ago.” “No no, I'm the new Lord Hawley so I suppose this as all mine now.” He looked around the hall. Benson looked to Sally “The housekeeper's sitting room perhaps?” “If you'd like to come this way my lord.” The new Lord Hawley followed, “I never expected to inherit the title you know being a third cousin.” They entered the sitting room Sally turned to him, “If you'd like to take a seat I'll ask Benson to bring some refreshment.” Benson shot out the door very quickly. “Why are we here and not in the formal area?” “The town house has been rented out for the season. I'm afraid you may have inherited the title but nothing was entailed and the estate and other goods were left to the late Lord Hawley's sister and even if it wasn't the outstanding mortgages and outstanding bills mean there is very little money indeed.” “I thought it was too good to be true, so its back to my clerking job.” Sally cocked her head “Maybe not, you could marry money.” “I'd have to do the season for that and at the moment I've barely enough to take an outside seat on the coach back home.”

Benson came back with a tray of refreshments, including some welcome cold beef sandwiches. “Have you broken the news to him?” Sally nodded, “It's not all bad though is Clayton still around? Could you bring him here?”

“Clayton, meet the new Lord Hawley, I wondered if some of the old Lord Hawley's clothes might fit him?” Clayton, the late Lord Hawley's valet, looked him over, “Well they're much of a size the old and new. What were you thinking of precisely?” “Didn't Miss Ingham speak of her clientele who were in trade?” “Clean him up as it were and send him round. Could be done.” “But where would I stay? I obviously can't stay here.” “Rooms, one of valets I know got left a house by his master and lets out rooms. Yes that would do the trick.” “But how do we get in touch with Miss Ingham to make the connection?” “Oh that's easy enough Miss Phebe's dresser, Theodosia has a new position with one of her clients.” “So if we clean up Lord Hawley and send him round with a carriage for a drive in the park at say four o'clock?” “I haven't got a carriage.” “A minor detail my lord if I may say so. If you'll be good enough to employ me as your valet I think everything can be arranged.” “Very well but I don't understand where the money is coming from.” “It's called living on tick my Lord if you'll let me attend to the finer details I'm sure everything will become clearer in time.”

Sally left through the kitchen door. “That's her she went out in the carriage earlier on I reckon she'll lead us straight to Miss Phebe Vernon. An easier five bob for a days' work I've yet to meet.” Bill and Alf followed Sally discreetly up until the time she entered Hesper's house on Jeremiah street, then quick as a flash, whilst the front door was still open, Bill forced his way in followed by Alf. The young maid stepped outside and screamed at the top of her voice. “Here no need to carry on we're just here to visit your Mistress.” Sally had disappeared down the passageway and through the kitchen door. A screech came from the landing “Charlie!” and Charlie came out of the kitchen door. Charlie was big not only that but he looked like he knew his way around. “I've never been so insulted in all my life.” came the screech from the landing, “A whore I might be but I have my standards and they don't include visits from the likes of you no matter how much money you have. Come to visit a Lady dressed like that, Charlie throw them out.” Charlie moved forward and Alf standing behind Bill drew a knife to even the odds. Something flew down from the landing and hit him on the side of the head causing him to drop the knife. “Charlie go careful, he's got a pigsticker.” Charlie gave a growl, and Bill went down at the first blow, Alf was felled shortly afterwards. “Take them outside and give them a good hiding, I don't want any blood on the carpet, and no broken bones just a really good hiding so they'll know not to come back.” Three more of the girl's protectors came dashing in through the front door in response to the maid's screams. Bill and Alf were picked up none too softly and carried outside. “Joe one had a pig sticker on him so better turn his pockets out.” “What barge in Jeremiah street wiv such a thing, the two need teaching a real lesson.” And four large ex-boxers were just the ones to do it. As they lay sprawled out on the ground Kathy the maid stepped out with Alf's knife and preceded to slash Bill and Alf's clothes until they were unwearable. She dusted her hands off. “There that'll teach them a real lesson, they'll get better from a good thumping but it will cost them a penny or two to replace them duds.” “Are you sure I can't just break one or two bones? Just step on a finger or two?” Begged Charlie. “No I'm not vindictive I wouldn't like them not to be able to work, still I suppose a broken nose would just be painful, go on then you're allowed their noses.”

Joe loaded up the two battered and bruised bodies on to a hand cart and pushed them to the address that Sally had read out to him from the papers they found in Bill's pocket. He lifted them off none too gently onto the pavement in front then gave a nipper a penny to knock on the door and tell them they had a delivery once he was round the corner. “Bloody hell, carry them round to the stable and get Dave to look them over.”

His head groom eventually arrived and reported “Surprisingly no bones broken apart from their noses, mind you they've been beaten up by experts, not an inch of skin left unbruised something about they followed a maid to Jeremiah Street, barged into a house then got set upon by a gang of roughians, one of whom was called Charlie. I wonder what they were doing down there, Charlie sounds like that retired boxer with the wicked cross hook.” “Well no respectable baron's sister would have a shred of reputation left it if came out she was down there , no she's somewhere else. Of course the worst of it is I had a very nice payment on account this morning I meant to mention it to Bill there was no need to go hunting her any more but I forgot to tell him.”

Theodosia read the note twice then hurried down to the master's study. The new Lord Hawley will be calling at four o'clock with the intention of taking your daughter for a drive round the park if that meets with your approval.” “Lord Hawley, I thought he'd died.” “No this is the new one, I understand he hasn't a penny to his name.” “Gambled it all away has he?” “No he's a second or third cousin so all he has is his title.” The master rubbed his hands together. “Tell Doris to pretty herself up and I'll talk to the lad afterwards.” “Do I explain he's poor to her?” “Better had so there is no misunderstandings. At least she gets a drive round the park at the fashionable hour with a nob.”

Doris looked over the crested barouche “Nice but I heard you hadn't a penny to fly with?” There was a shrug of the shoulders and an exasperated sigh of “It's borrowed as is everything else.” “But the title is real?” He nodded, “Well that's alright then.” She grinned at him, fancy a real live title to drive round the park with. She drew him out as they drove to the park. In the park she held her head high as the ton drew their own conclusions about the pair and the fact it was Lord Hawley's barouche driven by Lord Hawley's coachman with his foot men on the rear. They were hailed a number of times, “You simply must come to my dear Laura's ball.” Many parents were fuming when they saw a cit in the carriage with him and Doris enjoyed every minute of it. “My that was fun.” He looked at her, “They had to acknowledge me to talk to you, and I could sense the conflict in them. Oh you'd better come in and speak to dad he wants something or other.”

Hesitantly he stepped into the house and into her father's study. “Here he is dad all delivered safely.” She stepped back to one side as her father stepped forward and held out his hand. “Now then my lad I've a couple of directorships I'd like you to accept.” “I don't know that much about business.” “Doesn't matter having a Lord on the board gives an air of respectability. Two thousand a year for each one, you have to attend one meeting a year out of the twelve, and they often do a very nice Christmas dinner.” He turn to his daughter “Whilst have him then?” “Aye happen I will.” “There's eighty thousand dowery that comes with her, you'll probably want to buy an estate in the country so let me know if the eighty doesn't cover it. Now then I'll call in the curate and we'll get the deed done this afternoon, no point in wasting time.” “But I've got no money.” “Nonsense a good income of four thousand a year and I dare say there might be a few more directorships coming your way soon. Let's be having that curate in with my better half.” Half an hour later Doris was the new Lady Hawley. “Dad's like that sometimes, he sort of rolls over people. You aren't regretting it are you?” She got kissed soundly in answer to her question.

Mr. McElroy sat at Hugh's table marvelling at the food. Still they want something from him and if the food was anything to go by he was being softened up for something big. Still that dress opposite had to be an example of the fineness piece of engineering marvel he'd seen in a long time. “So what do you want of me?” Rose whispered something aside to Sally who blushed. “A bridge is it now? I've a new project I'm due to start shortly so I'm not so sure I can accommodate you.” “It's not just a bridge it's the water underneath as well.” Sally blurted out. Mr. McElroy looked puzzled, “A footbridge over a lake at a country home perhaps?” he hazarded. “A canal.” Hugh said the word first. “How long?” “The plan says six miles with thirty locks but Sally thought we might follow the contours round the hills which would make it longer but reduce the number of expensive locks.” “Well I've never built a canal before you understand.” “The plan has three bridges in it.” mentioned Phebe. “And as I said before I do have another bridge in the pipeline.” Hesper thought he was wavering “Why don't you take Phebe and Sally into the conservatory and show them the new blooms?” she asked Hugh pointedly “Whilst we discuss the finer points of locks and other things with Mr. McElroy.” Hugh reluctantly guided Sally and Phebe out of the room.

“Now then Mr. McElroy, I noticed you've been paying a lot of attention to young Regina all evening would you like to see her in locks?” Mr. McElroy looked a little taken back but nodded. Regina stood meekly whilst Hesper lifted out an old fashioned stock and placed Regina's head and wrists through the holes. Then she snapped the locks on so she was locked in. “There you are she's all yours to do with as you wish, absolutely helpless. I think she's looking a bit warm so perhaps you'd like to undress her?” “Nibble the other nipple do you think?” Rose moved in behind Regina and showed Mr. McElroy exactly where Regina's super sensitive places were, soon there was little to chose between Regina's flushed face and Mr. McElroy's as he followed Hesper's instructions on how to slide his fingers inside Regina to best effect. Rose loosen his trousers and caressed his manhood before lowering her lips over it. “What on earth.” exclaimed Mr. McElroy “I could ask her to stop if you don't like it.” “No don't do that its just I've never imagined anyone doing whatever it is she's doing.” “Shall we talk about your availability to build the canal, and the fact we'd want monthly oral progress reports from yourself?” “Well the other bridge project hasn't been totally confirmed so yes I think I can squeeze you in.” “Oh I like that idea I'm ready as well if you want to squeeze in.” volunteered Regina.

“Do you think they're taking advantage of that poor man in the dining room?” Asked Phebe, “Well as long as it gets us an engineer do we care?” Replied Sally who was looking forward to owning property even if it was a pair of flooded fields.

Angus looked over the land “Well now without taking my level out and measuring it carefully I think we can get away with just the one pair of locks.” “Thirty down to a pair, impressive.” “Well no not really, instead of the canal climbing to the pit head we could roll wagons along planks downhill to the canal level and load the barges there. That gets rid of five locks on the original plan. Following the contours gets rid of most of the others but to cross yon river I'd thought of adding a bridge instead.” “But bridges are for horses aren't they?” “No there's something called a viaduct that can carry the canal across the valley. Saves a flight of locks on the way down and one on the way up. More to the point every time you move through a lock you loose water in the top stretch of the canal and from what I understand some canals top stretches become impassable during a drought. Now where is the water to come from?” “Sally will work that out by draining the wet fields above and tapping into springs and so forth.” “So you'll need tiles, if we extend the original plan past the town and down to the quay you could transfer goods from ships onto the canal barges and that's where I was thinking of putting the pair of locks. Build that bit first and you'll see some income, its only three miles so it will be fast to build and we can bring in supplies by ship. Now it will take some two to three years to build after you have your Act of Parliament unless you own the land of course then we can start a bit quicker. Have you approached the coal mine owner? He'll need some investment in his mine as we'll be able to move a hundred times what he's producing at the moment.”

The coal mine owner was willing to accept what was twenty times the profit he made in a year for the coal mine, the canal company issued a few more shares which the girls covered to pay for it. The canal company brought up the land needed for the first stretch of canal and Angus got his level out and started building straight away. Early one morning when only half a dozen Lord's were present the Act of parliament sailed through unopposed.

“I'll be thirty next week.” “What's it to be then a florist or a milliner's shop?” “Neither, mine is ever so understanding, when I mentioned I fancied myself as a farmer he sent his under steward round to lookover my fields.” “Oh is that what you call them these days.” Clair looked daggers at Rose, then continued, “Apparently to farm my sixty acres I need a whole list of things, he wrote them down for me, anyway that's what I'm getting in lieu of a Milliner's shop.” “What's on the list?” Clair dug in her pocket and came up with a scrap of paper which she passed over to Sally to read. “Oh my the very latest in seed drills and other such. You're very fortunate.” “She always was, you know she gets given Consols rather than jewellery that way she gets the interest paid quarterly and all the money not just what the miserly jewellers give you in return.” “What's the significance of thirty?” “You get retired then and replaced by someone younger.” “And Harold mentioned since there is a canal at the bottom of the garden as it were that vegetables might do well so they wouldn't get knocked about so much on the way to the market town and he said canals were faster than a carrier with a wagon which surprised me.” “No surprise to me, I can walk faster than a wagon carrying goods they go slow to save on fodder.” “My sixty acres is next to yours could you farm mine and we'll split the profits?” “Well Harold did mention that if we farmed a number of the fields we could make more use of the ploughs and things, we're getting half a dozen farm horses as well, a pair for the morning, a pair for the afternoon and a spare pair in case we want to breed them or pull a canal boat or two.” “We?” “Oh didn't I mention Harold and I are getting wed, you're all invited by the way.” “So you can farm my fields for me?” Asked Sally hopefully. Clair nodded.

“How did you get started?” Asked Phebe with an uncharacteristic question. “I'd just come up to London and went into an agency, they sent me round to some nobs ball or other for the evening. I was planning to sleep on the kitchen floor for I won't tell you how much the inn where the stage arrived at wanted for a night's lodging. Any way I was feeling a bit tired and sleepy when at the end of the ball a footman approached and said his master had a position for me if I was interested. Well I was looking for a job so I said yes. Follow me and I did. We got into a coach that was round the corner and they brought me to Jeremiah street. I was so sleepy I was happy just to curl up in bed. I thought it was a bit fancy but beggars can't be choosers and the next morning when I got asked if I wanted breakfast in bed by a fancy maid and looked at the quality of the furnishings I realised just what the position was. He seemed surprised when the sheets were blooded the first time, so was I to be honest but its been a good life just the one for more than ten years now. I talked it through with Harold and told him I had a bob or two put by, to be honest I think the attraction is more getting his hands on the latest seed drill and he's very keen on the canal but once I get him in bed I can convince him there are other things in life.”

The following autumn they were all sat round the dining room table, the harvest was in and just for once the weather had been perfect, or nearly so so the yields were very good which meant plenty of traffic on the canal. Kimburton had just declared its first dividend and suddenly everyone wanted to buy Kimburton shares. “So are you going to do the season again?” “I'm not sure.” There was a discreet knock at the door and Hugh's maid slid in with a letter on a silver tray. Hugh read the contents. “Good grief my brother has been thrown from his horse whilst hunting and broken his neck.” “So you're the new earl then?” “Best get in quick love before the rest of the ton find out.” Phebe looked puzzled, “Stake your claim, remind him he's compromised you for the last year.” Hugh looked up, “Well its something to think about seeing as we hold a number of estates and the Kimburton shares.” Phebe looked at him, well he was reasonably sane and polite, why not. “If you're proposing then I accept but only if you turn over your Kimburton shares to Sally that way she'll have some independence.” Hugh grinned at Sally “Certainly my dear since I'm proposing to make you the Countess of Rutlidge.” and Sally recalled a conversation they'd had a long time ago.