Don’t ask

Thank you, this supper is wonderful.

You are welcome. You are easy to cook for.

Why am I easy?

Because you like rice, silly!

Ah, I see. I am easy because I eat Filipino food.

Of course! I cook like I cooked for my father and you eat it. Easy!

Will you let me help clean up the supper plates?

No, I will not. You read or watch TV. I will clean up and then I will shower. After, maybe you will shower too?

Oh, OK, sure.

I don’t have to ask what she has in mind. I think I know. But do I want to? She’s a minor. She’s pretty and probably willing, but that isn’t the point.

When I was a boy, when I was a young man, I didn’t ask myself if I should. The only question I needed to answer was, ‘would she let me?’ But now I have to ask another question. I know she will probably ‘let me.’ Now I must answer the question ‘should I?’

The stirring in my slacks tells me at a base level that I want to. So I both want to and she will let me… should I?

Besides the fact that far she's too young, this is way too soon. My Flor has not been gone for two months yet. Nene is only fourteen. If I were in the States, I would not even entertain the possibility. But I am not in the States.

In the States, I would not have a fourteen-year-old housekeeper, but at a minimum, Nene is that. She is cooking and cleaning.

In the States, I would not have washed a girl as I washed and assisted yesterday. I am more familiar with her body than many a married man is his wife back in the States.

Last night, she chose to sleep in the same bed as me. That would never have happened in the States.

In the States, Nene would not be worried that she will be pushed out for an older woman because she would simply not be here.

While I told her not to worry about it, this may be a way for her to stake out her claim on me when that comes up. If I reject her tonight, will that signal in her mind that I will dump her later? This is a fine kettle of fish!

It takes Nene an hour to clean the kitchen. When she announces she is going to shower I get up and scoot into the master bathroom. Flor’s ‘pads with wings’ panty liners are in a cabinet under the sink. I explain that when Nene’s period comes she should wear panties, lined with the pads. She is fine with that and ushers me out of the bathroom.

She is in there for well over an hour. God knows what she is doing, but eventually I am called, the bathroom is empty.

I have still not resolved what I should do. As I enter the bedroom, I see her. She is wearing the sexiest negligee Flor owned. She has lipstick on. She has painted her nails. If I thought before that she didn’t look like a little girl, now there is no question. She’s a young’un, but there’s a woman in my bed waiting for me.

I shower, it doesn’t take long. Nene has hung my robe on a hook in the bathroom. It is a dark blue but lightweight cotton affair. I dry myself, put on some Old Spice deodorant, slip into the robe and exit the bathroom to the bedroom. Yesterday she was little more than a ragamuffin. Today she is something else again. She looks up, smiling and pats the mattress next to her.

You are beautiful, Nene, but are you sure about this? You should stay a virgin for maybe another ten years. Are you sure you want to lose your virginity tonight and to an old man? You don’t have to do this to stay here. I promise you that staying a virgin will never be a problem that will cause me to ask you to leave.

Howard, did Flor ever tell you, you talk too much?

Yes.

I thought so. Come to bed, Howard.

I get onto the bed, but not close enough for Nene.

Closer, Howard. Come here.

I slide over next to Nene. I can smell the perfume. It is Flor’s of course. I recognize it and yet I don’t, at least not fully. Perfume is different on each person who wears it, and this scent is spicier on Nene than it was on Flor. Just by wearing it, she has made it her own.

I guess Flor had red nail polish, but she used pinks. This deep red looks good on Nene and it doesn’t remind me of Flor at all.

Nene must have spent a long time scrubbing the calluses off her feet. They are smooth as she runs a foot up and down my leg, showing off the red nails and the smooth sole at the same time.

She must have scrubbed herself rather hard all over. That seems obvious. The result is another slight shade lighter. Tomorrow I will make sure she has an umbrella before she goes outside. I run my hand over her thigh and calf; they are smooth and soft. I can feel the last residue of some lotion. Nene’s negligee slips just ever so gently and her slick, smooth labia is exposed. It glistens. Nene draws a finger through and between those lower lips, and then brings the finger to my lips.

For the very first time I taste her. She tastes like Nene. This is not Flor. This is Nene filling my senses. My hand finds her breasts and my fingers roll a nipple, pinching it, my hand cupping her little breasts. Nene sighs. She moves. We are now side-to-side, and face-to-face. A hand reaches behind my head and pulls me in to her lips. Her tongue enters me. Her breath enters me. Her aroma fills my head. My senses are filled with Nene. She slides a leg over my leg and then grinds her pubes against my thigh bathing it in her womanly moisture. She moans and grips the hair on my head harder, grinding her pubes harder against my thigh.

My hand finds her small firm ass cheek, pulling her up on me as I roll on to my back. My robe is open and my erection obvious. Nene giggles as her hand seizes it. And then she says one word, Good.

She is gently now playing with my penis. Stoking, sliding her nails ever so gently along the now rampant underside of my penis from my balls right up to the glans and down again. She is touching it ever so lightly, as if to tease me into further excitement. It is working. My breathing is shallow. I reach in from behind her and through her legs to finger her slit lips. She gasps. She lifts her hips up, centers my shaft on her vaginal entrance, sliding the glans over it repeatedly, endowing it with her secretions.

She whispers, Am I doing this right?

Is she doing this right?

Oh God, she couldn’t be doing it better! Yes. Yes, you are perfect.

She lowers herself onto my penis. Immediately she hits the membrane, her hymen. I want her to keep it intact. I want to break through it right now. I want her to be a Nun! I want her to be my whore.

What do I do now, Howard?

Is this God playing with me? ‘Heaven or Hell, Howard?’ And which is which, pray tell?

I answer her. If you stop now, and lift off, you are still a virgin. There will be no pain and no blood. If you push harder, you will feel pain, and you will break your hymen. I will enter you and you will lose your virginity. How many angels are there on the head of a pin? Does my answer send me to Heaven or to Hell and how can I tell one from the other?

Aray!¹ She screams Aray! Again. And then sobs softly.

Are you OK?

Yes, Howard. I’m OK now.

Do you want to stop?

No!

She is moving on me now. Slowly she is testing the pain and the pleasure. The pain seems to be dissipating. She is becoming more active. I feel hot female fluids bathe my penis. She’s bouncing on me now. Almost laughing, joyful. She has a big shit-eating grin. She’s yelling 'Yes' over and over in Tagalog, Oo oo oo OO! Howard OO! OO Howard OO!

Finally, she is losing steam as her legs are giving out. I put her on her knees and take her from behind. It is a straight shot in and, by now, she is well lubricated and opened enough that there is no problem. I play with her puffy nipples as I fuck her. I move from her nipples to her clitoris and gently touch that. And that is what it takes to send her into orbit.

She is screaming. She is slamming her vagina into me as hard as she can. She starts leaking like a faucet, and squeezing my penis hard inside her. That is enough for me. I cum and cum hard inside her. Hot semen, hits her within the tight deep opening, triggering a new orgasm for Nene. By the end of it, she just about crumples. Then, Howard, what happened?

That, my love, is called an orgasm. You had at least two of them. And that is also how you get pregnant. Did you feel that hot stuff from me at the end? She did. Well, that’s the thing that can make a baby inside you. We need to get you on birth control if it isn’t too late already.

We cuddle for a while, but we are sweaty and sticky. We decide to shower together and right away. The warm soft spray is welcome and relaxing. We are kissing and touching, but the intense need to copulate is spent. We exit, dry off and slip back into bed, this time to sleep.

§ § §

It’s morning. I think I should feel guilty. I think I should feel like I have failed. I think I should feel like I have disrespected Flor.

I feel great. There, next to me, is Nene and she is snuggled up tight to me and sleeping blissfully. I kiss her. She awakens, Good morning, Howard!

There is a big smile on her face. I ask her, How do you feel?

She looks at me with a big grin and says, What do you think, silly! I feel great! When can we do that again! I shake my head, Try walking first. She gives me a look of confusion, Why? And then hopping out of bed to prove she is indeed ready, she takes a step and Oh! Howard, I hurt a little. I look down at the bed sheet and there is the blood. I point to it and Remember last night? You did that to lose your virginity. You are going to be a little sore today. Give it a break. You will feel better later.

OK. You take a shower, I will make you breakfast. Pain is to be endured or ignored; possibly acknowledged but not accepted.

§ § §

And so started our first day, as a couple. It would have been day forty-five. But that was over. This is day one.

We go to a women’s clinic and Nene gets birth control. She also gets a full physical. I take her to a dentist. She has a cavity and gets a cleaning. She needs her own clothing. Wearing Flor’s is not bothering me, but Flor was 15cm taller than is Nene and the size is just wrong. She can wear Flor’s shoes and her panties. The bras? Who knows what she will need in the future? They don't fit now. I think the lack of proper nutrition may have delayed breast development but only time will tell. She purchases jeans, shorts, skirts, tops and dresses.

§ § §

This evening, as I promised Nene last week, we are having a couple over for dinner. They are friends and have been friends for years. Nene is anxious. She is at the market at the moment getting the ingredients for tonight’s meal. She bought a nice dress and a new pair of shoes yesterday. She doesn’t want my friends to think she is wearing any of Flor’s things. She told me it might make them angry with her.

Every time Nene goes out now she uses the umbrella. It makes her giggle that she is going to get light. She has also purchased a lightening lotion. I have always doubted if those things have any value, but what the heck, it is probably fine as a generic lotion. Still Flor used them too. It's not important to me but it is of real importance to these gals.

We have established what we are calling ‘household petty cash.’ At Nene’s insistence, receipts are placed in the drawer to account for the cash spent. Once a week we review the cash draw, total up the receipts and add that amount of money back in. The drawer has enough to take care of all our bills for the month, electric, water, Internet/phone, and cable TV plus food, sundries, clothing and incidentals. I figure that is about ₱50,000. When I told Nene how much would be in the drawer, she seemed scared, saying it was too much. Nene, who is cleaning, cooking, and taking care of this house now? You or me?

I am.

That’s right and you need ₱50,000 to run your house, so stop complaining.

I don’t need so much to run this house!

We will review the receipts for the next three months. If we really don’t need that much in petty cash, I will reduce it at the end of the three months.

This is day eight. Bill and Jasmine will be here at five tonight. Tomorrow night we will have John and Susan here.

These last eight days have been remarkable. They have not obscured my love for Flor, but they have put it in context. Nene says that if it hadn’t been such a good love, I never would have taken Nene in. She says Flor taught my heart how to love honestly. The most overwhelming thing for me is that Nene has taken flowers to Flor’s gravesite twice now and says she will take them once a week from now on. She says that she owes every good thing that has happened to Flor as much as to me.

I am no longer walking around half dead myself. I am reading again, tinkering with things, fixing things that need attention. I am laughing and I guess I feel like I can breathe again. The last year with Flor had been torture. Only now do I see how difficult that year was on me as well as on Flor.

Nene is gaining a little weight and it looks good on her. I swear that her breasts are getting larger, but maybe I am just imagining that.

§ § §

It is five in the evening now. Nene has a wonderful meal prepared. She is wearing her new dress and shoes. We talked about it and she is wearing a padded uplift bra. It helps her fill out the dress better and she looks stunning in the dress. The three inch heels on her new shoes add to her beauty in the dress as well. She just looks great.

Bill and Jasmine arrive pretty close after five and we sit them down at the table. Mango shakes for Jasmine and Nene; Beer for Bill and me. There is ‘fresh’ lumpia on the table for starters.

Jasmine says to me, Howard! Bill and I have known you too long. So I am going to ask right now and not wait. Tell us about Nene. What has happened?

You are right and Nene is the reason I invited you here tonight. ... There are times when things just happen and you don’t second-guess fate, or God, or just luck. ... I was, and will always be, in love with Flor. You two know that and Nene knows that. I do not now, and I think I will never, want to ‘replace’ Flor. She was my one and only wife. But, as will not come as a surprise to either of you, the loss of Flor left me very lonely and sad. Nene was also lonely and sad. She lost her mother shortly after her birth and never knew the woman. She lost her dad about a year ago to tuberculosis. She was completely alone. We met each other quite by accident last week. As God is my witness, we found in each other a person who could make the other smile. Nene needed a place to land. I needed a friend, a companion but not a replacement for Flor. It is an odd companionship, but it works. And so long as it works, I am content to not disturb it by dating or otherwise try to fill a void that no longer exists anyway. I am sixty-six and Nene fourteen. I am the safe place this girl needed, to survive. She gives me the friendship and space I needed to adjust to life after Flor. I ask you to accept her as part of my life for all the best of reasons. And Jass… I ask that you not try, in your loving way, to set me up with anyone. I am truthfully not interested.

Bill turns to my new roommate. Nene, I must say that if you have made my good friend that happy, I am grateful. But do you really want to hang around with this old man?

I want to take care of Howard. Howard gave me my life back. It was gone. I was probably not going to live much longer and he, in an instant, gave me life. I see Howard and my heart is full. I will die if I lose him.

Jasmine is not convinced. I am sorry, Howard, but I must ask. Nene, do you have to do anything for Howard that you should not be doing?

No! How could you think that of Howard? He is a gentleman!

Bill wants to defend me. Yes, he is and he always was. Jass, I think you owe Howard an apology.

I disagree. No, she doesn’t. She was quite right to ask. I would have been surprised if she didn’t.

Jasmine takes a deep breath. Nene, this is very unusual, but it is plain to see, even if nothing is going on, that you love Howard. It is also pretty obvious that Howard loves you. I will not interfere with that and I will put the word out that Howard is not available. That is your fear, isn’t it child?

Yes, you are correct. Thank you, Ate.²

Nene, come to me, if something happens that you can’t talk to Howard about, like girl stuff.

Yes, I will. Thank you, Ate.

I have had enough of this! Can we please move on to supper now? Nene made a great meal and I am hungry!

Well, that isn’t quite the way I hoped it would go, but it worked out anyway. The meal tonight was great, and Nene holds her own in conversation throughout the evening. Bill and Jass left about an hour ago and Nene is allowing me to assist in cleaning up.

Thank you. Now I know you are really mine.

We have others to tell. You are welcome but you need to understand I did that as much for me as I did it for you.

You mean you really don’t want anyone else? Is that it?

Exactly. Tomorrow we have to do this all over again with John and Susan.

I think Jasmine knows we have sex. And speaking of sex… Howard, my period is over.

---

§ § §

Chapter 4