Advice and Consent
I have reviewed what I have written here. It is curious. I have omitted the names of four important women from this account. Joy and Rose were scolding me for failing these very women. Gloria is mentioned, but that is because I mentioned her prior to these feelings. I have not mentioned her since. I never mentioned Alissa. I only mentioned Rosa when she brought Cheri to me. But I didn't explain how I felt about her. I just call her a dorm mother. But the reason she brought Cheri was out of fear she would lose me.
I have been censoring myself, omitting things here, playing a game of denial. Joy and Rose are right. The females in the house are all taken up in childcare and seem to have little time or interest in me. The children are their world. I neither blame them for that, nor do I regret having the children, but it does leave me in a weird situation.
As I have said from the moment they all came into my life, the women in the dorm are exquisite. Their beauty is hard to ignore. While not all of them are my true fans, as the uprising Rose quashed proved to me, some of them were and are special for me.
Argumentative Gloria has become over the last almost two years, one of my staunchest defenders and supporters. She has gone so far as to tell some of her dorm mates to pack up and leave if they don’t like the deal I offer them. While fertile Merlee got my seed, she could not have done it without Gloria’s energetic assistance. Gloria is a team player, but at the core of it, she has fallen in love with me, and I evidently with her.
But Gloria is not the only one. There is also Rosa, Gina, Jessica and Mary. Why have I not mentioned them? Am I confused? I am already surrounded by women. I still love Maricar deeply. I know she still loves me. Maybe I feel guilty that I have fallen in love with these females due to my wife’s absence from my bed. I don’t know, but the warning from Rose and Joy is a wake-up call. Whatever my initial motivations, there are real world realities and consequences.
§ § §
Maricar is in the nursery. I had expected nothing else. My appearance there is not unprecedented. I drop by almost every afternoon. The nursery is noisy, but that is the norm. Children make noise and we should rue the day when they do not.
Every time I appear, there is a rush of these young’un’s around me. Each gets a kiss and a hug. I have started a pattern of settling them down around me as I read a book, or chapter of a book, to them. I think I enjoy it as much as the kids do. Maybe more.
I need to speak with Maricar, but that will have to wait. Even for me, when I enter the nursery, the children come first. Today, we are in chapter 6 of The House on Pooh Corner. Tomorrow, I will read Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel. It is one of my favorites and the kids love it too. These children are half Filipino, but I make up the other half. They need to hear from my side too!
The Pooh story takes some time to read and the young ones run out of patience before we come to the end. And so, when we do come to the conclusion of chapter 6, all are ready to abandon Tatay, me, and engage in other play.
Getting out of my chair, I walk over to Maricar, who is finishing attending to an issue of two of my boys who need to learn to cooperate a little better. I wait, slightly bemused, as she finishes up and sends them off to play.
You are in your glory, sweetheart.
Well, they are not mine, but they are ours. They give us our future, and look at them, Lawrence! Are they not wonderful?
Yes. Yes they are. They make me proud. You make me proud.
But? Lawrence, I can tell there is a ‘but’ here. What is it?
I don’t know if it is a ‘but.’ I don’t think it is. I do not want you to be doing anything else. I don’t know if you had been doing anything else, that I still wouldn’t need to speak with you. This is not about you. This is about me, and my limitations I guess.
What limitation Lawrence?
My inability to limit whom I love.
Ah, I have new women in our life?
Yes and no. You know all of them, and have loved me, with them, in our bed. But for these females, I have developed a strong attachment…no, more than that …I love them, Maricar.
By your face, your arms and in your words, I think, you still love me. Is this correct?
Oh yes, Of course yes! I could never stop loving you. I do not want to hurt you by having anyone say anything to you that you do not know of and do not understand. I have not told these women that I love them. I think it is best we talk first.
So you want to deal with this love as a couple, you and me, and not as a single man?
Yes! I guess, I didn’t understand that, but yes, that is what I want.
Lawrence, you are a different man than any other I have ever heard of. I am lucky that you are mine. Do I understand that these women are not pregnant and not going to get pregnant?
Yes. Exactly.
OK, I see clearly why we need to talk. These women will become very close to you and will never have more children to divide their attention away from you. Their children are grown a bit, and are in your bed. How would you like to tell them?
If I tell each one individually, some may get the wrong idea that they are the one and only. If I tell them as a group, it sounds so unloving. I do not know what to do.
How many are there, Lawrence?
Five. Gloria, Rosa, Gina, Jessica and Mary.
Good, I like all of them. I am glad you do not fall for the ones with bad attitudes or with gossips. May I speak with them first?
Yes, of course.
OK I will do that and then we will all get together for a celebration?
A celebration?
Yes Lawrence, these five join the household, leave the dorm and become your mistresses. We must celebrate with them.
OK, so when am I supposed to tell them?
I will tell you after I meet them. Then you can tell each one, alone. After that, we have the celebration.
Thank you, sweet wife.
You are welcome, dear husband.
I have one other problem.
Yes?
Gloria wants me to take her youngest, Alissa. I have been saying ‘no.’ Will you tell her the same please?
Alissa is eleven?
Yes just barely.
What does the girl want?
What does that matter, Maricar? She is too young.
Twelve is too young too. Still you have Nicca and Cheri who started at twelve. I will speak with Gloria and Alissa.
§ § §
It is morning and I am in my office, catching up with emails, updating our accounts receivable ledger with the rents collected yesterday. My talk with Maricar was yesterday afternoon. Last night was spent with Cheri and Ann. I have not seen any of my five yet as I wait for Maricar to advise me.
I look up from my desk to see Mary and Jessica walk in together. Both have smiles so broad that their good humor is instantly contagious. Good morning, girls!
They both murmur a ‘good morning’ and both climb on to my lap, each taking a leg. I get a kiss on each cheek and a bunch of giggles. It is Mary who speaks for both of them. Maricar says you love us. This is true, Lawrence?
Yes, it is true.
True love? You not send us away? Ever? Even if we grow ugly? You want more than just sex from us?
Yes true love. I will never send you away, but I cannot require you to stay. I will be dead long before you grow ugly! And Mary, yes, I want your love, your loyalty and your companionship. That is true for both of you. But I also want your loyalty, love and respect for Maricar.
We stay! We stay! We give all to you and Maricar. But Maricar say there are others? How many more Lawrence? Is one Gloria?
Why do you ask about Gloria?
Because we all think you love her and she will die for you Lawrence. We all know she loves you very much. She will be good to you.
Yes, Gloria is one of the others. There are two more. I do not want to mention their names until Maricar has spoken with them.
OK, we can wait to find out the other two, but I think we know who are the others. We have to go to work now. Maricar say we will all get together and celebrate this Friday night. ……Lawrence, are you going to take Alissa? We all know she wants you to take her.
She’s too young! Now off with you, or you will be late for work!
And with a little more kissing and goodbyes, they are gone.
Fifty minutes later, I am closing the accounting program on my PC. This journal is open and I am posting in it when I hear something. Looking up from my desk, I see Gloria standing patiently. Good morning, beautiful.
Good morning handsome.
Ha! Gloria you need glasses!
Mahal, my eyes are perfect, but you need to clean your glasses.
If I do, you will only look more beautiful. What can I do for you this morning?
Tell me what I so want to hear, Lawrence.
What would that be?
Don’t be difficult! You know!
Yes I do know. I stand up and go to Gloria. I take her in my arms, but not tightly. I want to look her in the eyes when I say it. She is looking at me. Her body is trembling. She appears to be holding her breath. I love you.
Gloria gasps, blinks twice, almost passes out before she expels the air in her lungs and then: Once more, Lawrence. Say it once more please?
I love you, Gloria.
She looks at me in a way I have never seen before. She nods her head in an affirmation not explicitly stated and then closes any distance between us, grasping me in, what only can be called, a bear hug. I feel something wet on my shoulder. Gloria is crying, sobbing, and gasping for air, trembling in my arms. She is holding on for dear life. Still holding on and between the sobs: Maricar tells me, this morning, you love me, but I do not believe it can be true. You never tell me. Why she tell me this? So, I come to you. Now I believe it. Thank God! Thank God! I be yours Lawrence.
I take my love to the bedroom and slowly undress her. Gloria is no average Filipina. From her perfect face, her long neck, her C cup perky breasts, her trim waist and flat belly, hips that flair fair more than the average Filipina, to thighs and calves that are flawless, Gloria is a beauty queen. On top of that, Gloria is smart, loyal, and a truly decent person. No one anywhere could ever say I was worthy of this female. Yet, here we are and she is mine. Mary is right, even though I will never ask it from her, Gloria will stand between me, and any danger. To that extent, she is a pit bull. It was the pit bull, I met first, with Corrine backing her down. Now I am the one she protects and defends.
We take each other’s arms. Neither is leading, we are in harmony, as we join, for a soft and long embrace, lips gently meeting without cue or hesitation. We taste each other, feeling the other’s passion. Naked, Gloria breaks the hold to undress me before we embrace again, skin against skin. Neither of us are in a hurry. My right hand glides down her backbone to her perfectly proportioned buttocks. The diminutive globes are firm in my hand. We find the bed together and together, bodies entwined we find our way onto the mattress. Gloria is whispering things in my ear that no woman in her right mind would ever think of me and so I will omit them from these pages. I rather be accused of false humility than held up for ridicule by anyone who might know me!
I am hard. We have plenty of time. I want to take our time, but now Gloria is insistent. Tell me you love me as you cum in me! Please! Do it!
I am inside her now. Her pussy is so hot, it’s running a fever. She isn’t just wet, she’s gushing pussy juices. The bed sheets are being soaked, as is the mattress. Her nails rake my back. She is biting my ear lobe and I swear if feels like she will bite right through. Gloria lifts up her head and starts screaming: Now, give it to me now.
Not yet!
Now Lawrence! Now! I am yours. Make me whole. Complete me.
And I do. I fill her up. I drown her cervix, while telling my Gloria, I love you.
We lie exhausted on the soaking sheets. I am on my back. Gloria is lying face down across me with her head on my opposite shoulder. My arms encircle her. I really am yours. You know that?
Yes, I do.
Everything I have is yours, Lawrence.
I know.
Alissa, she is yours too, Lawrence.
She is too young.
Yes, you are right, but it is OK because she wants you.
I don’t know. It’s not right.
We sleep for an hour. When I awaken, I coax Gloria awake and we shower before dressing and leaving the bedroom for a bit of lunch.
§ § §
After lunch, it is my time with the kids. I don’t know how many times I have read this story to them, but they seem to love it as much as I did as a kid so many years ago. They have never seen a steam shovel in real life. They have never seen a boiler. They have no reason to ever want to heat a building, and yet with all those things not working for it, the story holds them, in rapt attention as Mike and his shovel finish the first corner and then the second and then the third as evening begins to set. Will he finish on time?
As I close the book, and my kids drift away, I see Maricar standing to the side and smiling a gentle, dreamy smile. I get up and walk up to her, taking a left hand offered to me with my right in a loving grip. Swinging the arm back and forth in a lazy reverie. If I ever had doubt about you being a good father, all I have to do is watch you with your children and any question I might ever have had vanishes. My doubts about whether you wanted these children also disappear. I am glad all this has happened. She paused, looking out a window on to the lanai. The afternoon sun shining down on it where it can make its way through the slatted roof above. I didn’t understand how much they love you Lawrence. I missed it all. These women can’t breathe without thinking of you. Why didn’t you tell them you loved them? Each time every one of them almost tried to kill herself when I approached her. God only knows what they feared from me! That I would tell them to stay away from you? I could never have done that, but they did not know I guess, because I have not been around. I am sorry Mahal. I am sorry I have not been there for you. These children, I love these children so much that I failed to be with you. I do not say that the love you have would not have been there anyway. This love is good. Good for you and for them. Maybe good for me too. But I need to be with you, and with them more. I am sorry. This is the second time I failed you.
You have not failed me. I have no criticism of you at all. As to why I did not tell them? I did not even tell myself. I was in denial I could love them like I do. It is my fault. I should have known what I was doing. I should have talked to you and to them long ago. I hold my wife tight, and just let the feelings wash over me. I do love my wife so very much.
You can go and see them now. I have spoken to all of them.
Mary and Jessica came to me this morning before they went to work. Gloria spent two hours with me this morning after the first two left. I will go find Gina and Rosa now I guess. Is there anything you have to say about any of them?
Don’t break their hearts. They love you every bit as much as I do.
It was that clear?
Yes Lawrence, it was.
§ § §
May I come in?
Lawrence, you never have to ask that question.
Of course I do, you might not be wanting company.
Lawrence! You are being difficult! You know what Maricar, she tell me?
No Rosa, what did she tell you?
She say, if you give me trouble I should punch you in the belly! She say, that I am as much a wife to you as she is.
Are you?
Will you allow it Lawrence?
Rosa, I do love you.
More than all the other women here?
No Rosa, more than most of the women here.
Who else you love?
Shall we start with Maricar? You should know that I truly love her.
Of course, yes! I know that.
OK then add Gloria.
Yes, it is true. I know she loves you. I am glad you love her too.
There are three others, who are not in my household now. Can you guess who they are?
Only three more?
Yes.
Then yes, I know who we are. I am glad for them. What is going to happen to us? Does this mean we do not leave when our children age out?
Yes, that is part of what it means.
What else?
I will tell all five of you at supper tomorrow. Dress nice, we are going out to a nice restaurant tomorrow night. There will be nineteen of us. The five of you and your daughters, Maricar and me.
Lawrence. May I be with you tonight?
Yes.
May I bring my youngest, Anita? She has not been with you yet.
Anita is how old?
She is thirteen. Her birthday is in three months.
Does she want to be with me?
Yes! Until now, I tell her not yet. But, I think now is the right time.
OK, bring her.
Thank you! May I ask a question that is not my business?
I don’t know. You never do this before. Why now?
Because she will be one of us and I…well Gloria’s Alissa. We all know she wants to be with you. We know Gloria wants you to have her. Why you not take the girl?
I see. Rosa, she’s too young!
Maybe I think you are right. But Alissa, she disagree with us!
Yes, you are right. Rosa, I must go now and speak to one more.
Who?
Who do you think?
Well, it can’t be Jessica or Mary. They are still at work. I think Gloria probably knows already. I see her earlier this afternoon and she has this very happy face. I guess Gina.
You are a smart girl. Come to the house for supper. Bring your family. All three of you will be with me tonight. OK?
Yes Lawrence. May I kiss you now, as a wife kisses her husband?
Yes, of course.
And she did. God damn she is a good kisser.
§ § §