Into the Wilderness or An Ode to Laurence Sterne

Pregnancy or no pregnancy with Miafe, I am royally fucked. I was before and, I guess, refused to acknowledge it. I can't ignore it any longer. This is a goddamned mess.

My member is, at the moment, buried inside Sam2x's pussy. How it got there is fundamentally irrelevant. There is no wiggle room: legally, or physically. Sam2x is so tight that I can't move my member at all and she isn't moving either. Having given herself the prize she sought, she is now having to accommodate the results. I have no way of knowing but I can't imagine how it feels with my member so completely ensconced inside her. It must hurt and I neither want to hurt her, nor do I want her to associate sex with pain.

I am in a place totally without a compass. What should I do? I don't want to make this worse but, just how do I avoid making it worse? Just exactly how, the fuck, do I do that? I do not want to fuck Sam2x, no matter the clear evidence of my cock inside her cunt. How do I get out of her without psychic damage to the kid? How much damage has already been done? Hell, how much damage was done to make a kid think she wanted to be fucked in the first place.

And why, for the love of Pete, why am I still hard? I refuse to believe that I want this, but the clear evidence on display suggests that I do.

Mary has moved over to Sam2x and is whispering to her. I cannot hear the conversation. It is an animated conversation, with Sam2x responding and evidently insisting on something. In the meantime, I am still embedded and not diminishing in my presence within Sam2x.

Sam2x. I am not going to tell you what to do. I am not angry with you. May I ask you a question?

Opo¹.

Does it hurt?

A little.

If I promise you that when you get big enough, I will let you try again, are you willing to end this now?

You promise? Truly?

Yes, Sam2x, I promise. Mary, do you hear that I promise this to Sam2x?

Opo. I hear your promise to her.

OK, Sam2x?

Maybe the pain will go away, Sir.

No, Sam2x. You are too young. The pain will not go away. It will feel very different when you are older.

Really?

Yes. Really. May I ask Mary to help you up?

Opo. Thank you.

And Mary does just that, grabbing Sam2x from behind and pulling up by the girl's armpits, Mary pulls Sam2x off my still rigid manhood. Mary sees all this but says nothing.

Mary, ask Lailani to get one paracetamol and give it to Sam2x. OK?

Sige, sige.

With that, Mary puts a robe on and carries Sam2x out of the room in her arms. Inday, do not tell anyone of this. We do not want to embarrass Sam2x. OK?

Sige.

Inday also leaves the room. I am a little traumatized, with a raging hard-on and very much alone.

I am on my back, very much in the same position that I was in when my member speared Sam2x. My manhood, a pike rooted in the ground, that someone fell upon. My member is not that big, but Sam2x is so small that the term of reference is right.

My brain is fevered. My rod is coated with Sam2x's blood. I want to wash the memory of this out of my mind. I want to wash the blood off me. For some reason I do not move. I am frozen in place.

How in God's name did I ever get into this mess? My mind wanders back to the day when Kaysi said to me, 'I wish you were my good man' and I answered... 'you will need to convince Anabel to share me, if that's what you want.'

What if I had not done that? Would it have changed anything? On one hand, I am rationalizing that it would have still turned out as it did. But I am not sure. Did I do all this to myself? Is this the devil's bargain for my sexual flirtation? Was that moment my allegory to Tristram Shandy's stairs? Was that me at the top of the staircase? How far down have I descended? How much further must I go before I can get off these damned stairs?

My mind is digressing through subsequent digressions. I can't even remember how I got to some thought when another replaces it. I am completely without consideration to my present state, naked and bloody and still quite rampant. I do not hear the door open, though I surely should as it squeaks loudly when so moved. I do not notice that I am being observed. How long has she been there? Why has she not said anything?

Are you OK, Ray?

Huh? … No. No, I don't think I am, Miafe.

What can I do for you? You want me to wash the blood off you? Or maybe you take a shower?

Shower. Yes, a shower.

Maybe I lose that nice cock of yours if you shower. Maybe I will wash you first and you shower later. OK?

She wants me to fuck her. Oh, Jesus, yes I want that, and no, isn't that just compounding the craziness of all this? I just look at her and say not a word. Miafe smiles, leaves me briefly, returning with a washcloth from the bathroom, naked. She applies it. The wet towel feels good on my skin. Miafe's hands feel good too, as she lifts my scrotum and cleans me gently but thoroughly.

She drops the towel on the tiled floor. Her hands surround my member. The warmth of her soft touch on my glans is pleasing. Her moist lips surround me next, as her hands move down to allow for her oral activities. She swirls her tongue around my member now encased in Miafe's mouth. Her hair brushing my hips. I relax. Once again my mind wanders, this time in blissful retreat from the problems of the day and toward Miafe's generous gifts. She is a beauty and I am very lucky to have her.

Miafe mounts me, my pole being resistant to deflation. The girl's apparatus is well suited to the task, as I slide into a velvety canal, hot and luxuriant with lubrication. The thrill of the feel, drives any fear of damage far from my mind.

My young beauty, looks down at me and asks, You OK?

Yes, child, yes, I am OK.

Good! And with that, Miafe, starts posting. I may not be a horse, but she is definitely taking me for a ride. And I, I am in rhythm with her. It feels good. It feels right. This lazy fucking, this sweet girl's pussy, sliding over my cock, over and over again, brings me delight. Her breast, bouncing and swaying over me; the smile on her face as she looks down upon me, makes me think anew about the consequences of my previous choices. If I had not said what I had said to Kaysi, I would not be here with Miafe now. Do I really want this to not be happening right now? Do I not deeply desire this girl?

I look at her face, her breasts, her waist, to her pussy lips as they consume my member, and back to her face. I want this girl, for the moment, and for, forever.

You really want me to give you a child, Miafe?

Yes! Very much yes!

OK. I agree. You will be mine forever, Miafe. You will have my child. And with that bit of brain magic, cum magic flows into a pussy that still is protected with an IUD. Go figure.

It is not a small amount. I flood the girl. Cum squeezes out between pussy lips and cock. Miafe lowers herself onto me and lays a kiss on me that has nothing to do with passion and everything to do with thanks. Her arms around my neck and head, she is crying, joyfully and saying 'thank you,' repeatedly.

I, now realize, that I have scarcely moved since that momentous moment with Sam2x.

§ § §

I have gone for a walk. Before I did, I asked Grace and Anabel to take Miafe to the doctor, to remove the IUD.

If I was the metaphysical type, I might say, I need to get right with the Universe. But I am far from that. When I chew my food, it isn't to get spiritual enlightenment, it's to soften the stuff up before I swallow. I don't know much about the cosmic order and I can't tell you why things are right or wrong. For me they just are, or at least I know what the laws say about what is right and what is wrong.

I know it is legally wrong to fuck Inday, Mayari, and Masaya, but I know I'm not hurting them physically when I do it. What I am doing to their heads, is frankly way beyond me. Since they seem to want it, it is something that I will never fathom. But fucking Sam2x wasn't just illegal, it was physically wrong. I feel dirty for having her on my cock, even if it was she who put herself there.

The issue of Miafe, is one of both, legality, and the belief in my limited brain, that girls should have a chance to experience life before bearing a child.

I do seem to have those in the house, who do not share my view of the matter, but it seemed to me that Grace, was in agreement. I think Anabel is reacting out of fear, and not careful judgment, in her push to get the girl pregnant. Still Miafe wants a baby. Yes, I know, many teens go through this desire, only to grow out of it, if you believe what is written. But how much that is written, is from those who have a vested interest in seeing a specific outcome? I have no idea. My head hurts, just thinking about all this!

I have been walking for the better part of an hour. I don't know that it has helped. The effects of the Drivemax may have worn off a little, but not completely. I am walking back to the house now. It is getting dark when I let myself through the manhole. Kaysi and Lailani are on the terrace. Kaysi gives me a weak smile before saying, Ray, sit down here, OK?

I nod assent. I knew I was going to have this conversation soon. But before I can apologize, or even utter anything, Kaysi speaks again. Ray, this wasn't your fault. In fact, I could not have asked for you to do anything different from what you did do. This was all Sam2x. Mary tell me what happen. She explain what you do to help Sam2x. … Ray … you a good man. I love you for this. I sorry what Sam2x do. Please forgive me for Sam2x?

Jesus, Kaysi. Forgive you? What did you do that was wrong? It is me, not you, who should be asking for forgiveness. I am very sorry.

No, Ray. No. You not ask. I talk with Sam2x. She is OK and she know you right. She is too young. She believe that now. She will not try this again, until you tell her, she old enough.

I am just shaking my head. This is one crazy conversation. Lailani has moved over to sit by me and has an arm around my back. I know she is trying to comfort me, but it just feels creepy. Both of these women are pregnant with my children. Both will be with me for the rest of my life. Of that I have no doubt. This is not the USA where women and men just take a hike at the drop of a hat. Here it is different. I am not leaving and neither are they. Something has gone very wrong. We all know that. My need, now, is to find some equilibrium. I have lost it at the present.

Having failed at their efforts to assure me, all is OK, Lailani tries a new tactic. Anabel and Grace can't take Miafe to the doctor with all that cum you put in her. My sister can't take a step without some of you leaking out of her! The trip to the doctor will have to wait until tomorrow.

I just nod my head.

Ray, I am glad you agree to give Miafe a baby. Thank you.

Really, Lailani?

Yes, I am really happy. Our children will grow up together. I like that so much. It is a good thing.

Huh, I bet Oprah wouldn't agree.

Who's Oprah, Ray? I never hear that name.

No reason why you would. Never mind. We will never meet her.

I now have Kaysi on one side of me and Lailani on the other. Both have arms around me. Their baby bumps are large. Sitting between these pregnant mistresses, puts my brain in yet another place. My life has gone from mundane and normal, to fucking weird as all get out. I have a harem. These lovely females are mine. I am wandering through a world for which there is no map, no guide posts and there are no footsteps for me to follow. Nothing is charted. Nothing can be used as a trusty guide. Just how do I deal with these pregnant mistresses?

Grace comes out to announce supper is on the table. And so, on such a simple and pedestrian matter, much is left unsaid and the moment passes.

§ § §

I will go to bed with Ivy and Mary tonight. I wholeheartedly agree it is best that Miafe gets no more deposits of love or lust until the IUD is removed. We don't want to alarm the doctor.

Mary and Ivy will need the extra seed to increase their chances of becoming bred. So far, in the balance between the two, Mary has had more of my cum. Ivy needs to get her share. I plan to keep Ivy on her back, as her breasts leak continually.

A long time ago, Anabel and I used to sit at the supper table quietly, just the two of us. Even though she might not be eating, we spent that time together. I liked it. It was a time of quiet intimacy we shared at the close of the day. We used to fill each other in on gossip we had heard that day, and on plans for the next day. It gave the marriage a cohesiveness that, in its gentle manner, bound us as a couple and prepared us to snuggle in together later each evening. We were close. We were a couple. I really liked that.

Tonight I am the only man at a table chockablock with females of varying ages, but none near my more advanced age. They engage each other in various gossip. I am a passive observer. There is teasing and good natured fun, laughter, surprise, news and ribald tales being shared, but not with me, only in front of me.

All of them are mine, but none of them is engaged with me. They seem to think of me as the lord and master for whom they will serve and love, but with whom they are not pivotal in my life. They don't engage with me as a fellow conspirator as Anabel used to do each night.

And so while there is good humor, and more than a modicum of laughter, the ineffable substance of marriage has been lost. Tonight I feel it grievously. Surrounded by good cheer, I feel alone and very lonely. I have gained many women, but lost my soul mate. Every one of these lovelies graces my bed, allows me into her treasured places, and yet I am not connected to any of them. Not even my wife. Yes, tonight I will bed Ivy and maybe Mary, if it is in me. And yes, in some ways I have their hearts. Who has mine?

Ivy has heard that she will be with me tonight. She is giving me furtive glances and big smiles.

Miafe is beaming. She knows the IUD will be out in a few days. She is looking at her sister and the other senior females at the table and hopes to be joining that club soon. And once again, as I see this, I am sad yet anew. This should not be happening to someone so young. Yes, sure sex. OK... they hook up young in any case. But being a parent is something far different from a hook-up. Being a parent is an obligation to a new life. It is not a nine month obligation, it is a multi-decade commitment. And yet, it will happen. She will carry one of my seed, soon.

Anabel doesn't even notice me. Oh, she knows I am at the table, but she is deeply engrossed in conversation with Kaysi and Grace. Does Grace notice that something is amiss? She looks over questioningly before returning to the conversation.

Lailani is whispering to Miafe. Both giggle.

Mary? Mary is simply eating and talking to her Inday and the other young ones.

Supper ends and I am walking out to the terrace as Grace catches up with me. She takes my arm with both her hands, her face looking up at me. Sir, why you so sad. What we do wrong?

You? Nothing. No, you have done nothing wrong.

Who do wrong, then?

Well, I am not happy with Sam2x, but she didn't mean to do wrong. Besides she is too young to make good choices. No one really did any wrong, Grace.

Then what wrong, Sir? Why you sad.

Is it that easy to see sadness in my face?

Yes, Sir. It clear that you are sad.

Then why doesn't Anabel see that?

Ah, I see. Sir, I know she your wife and that never change. But maybe I will do these things for you.

Do what things?

Be the one to watch you. Be the one you talk to. Be the one to listen to you. Be the one to make sure you have the clothes you want to wear. Be the one to clip your nails. That OK, Sir?

What if Anabel gets angry with that? She is already afraid of you.

Sir, she will not notice. You will see.

§ § §

§ § §

Chapter 17