Satisfaction
To say that Jelou is surprised by how the house works, is to simply understate the obvious. She was expecting to establish a powerful cabal with her sister here. Now that fantasy has crumbled as the reality that she has been stripped of all her powers becomes clear.
The kid is beyond confused. She had put all her energy into her ambition, via sex based manipulation, to control others and thereby maintain her safety net. She now finds herself in a world where she cannot use sex to control anyone or anything, and if she uses sex outside the house, she must leave. Sex has been removed from her toolbox. And yet… sex is everywhere in the house.
She has to form a new relationship to her own sexuality. And that, it is fair to say, is creating a huge problem for the girl.
It would appear that accepting the concept that feeling super good when receiving sexual attention is what sex is about, runs into some deep seated ideas that tell her she should never allow that to happen.
The fact that she has no ability to control anyone or anything inside the house, has resulted in multiple temper tantrums from the kid. It is less about what she wants than it is about her inability to get anything she wants, unless we agree she should have it.
Jelou feels the need to regain the control she has lost. It is unavailable here. She knows that. So she has decided to attempt to re-enter the home of her previous guardians, to undo the damage she has created for herself by leaving them. She reaches out to the wife. I learn of this only because Jezryl is keeping a close eye on Jelou’s use of a cellphone.
The gal has agreed to meet her. Because of Jezryl’s snooping, we know where and when. I decide on a plan.
Based on what we learned earlier, when we met the wife, it appears that Jelou has been using a carrot and a stick approach with the gal. Giving her the sex and conveying the need for the sex, while at the same time, telling the woman, that if she refuses the advances, she will rat on the woman to the gal’s husband, as well as others, alleging that it is the woman who has corrupted Jelou. To do so would bring shame and possibly criminal charges against the woman.
I text Jomar, and ask for a meeting. It appears that Jomar is more than happy to meet and comes to the house an hour after I contact the guy. We sit on the terrace and discuss the matter.
All inside the house, Jelou included, are aware that there is a PNP officer here. All, except Jelou, know why he is here.
In Jelou’s mind, it represents both danger and opportunity. She is desperate to upset the applecart here. She desperately wants to get back to a place where she felt in control. The fantasy about joining with her sister has fallen into the waste bin. She sees her reaching out to her sister as possibly the worst decision she has made in her young life. She feels trapped. Never mind that she is safe, she has no control. That cannot stand!
As Jomar and I speak, it becomes clear when he mentions two names that I have no idea to whom he is referring. And so, it is Jomar who finally tells me the names of the guardians. They are Ermei and Toto.
We talk about how to approach the problem. Jomar has a definite way he prefers and I bend to his will on this. It might not be what I prefer, but that really is beside the point. I need complete buy-in from Jomar. It is his choice to make. I do not have a moment to warn or inform anyone, as it begins.
I call into the house. Jezryl, please bring Jelou out to the terrace.
The girls arrive. Jelou’s face is a mask. It is not she who speaks. It is Jomar.
Miss Jelou, you are under arrest for solicitation, immoral acts, and blackmail. Turn around, and put your hands behind your back.
It is my turn to speak in this little play. Officer, is this really necessary?
This girl is blackmailing Madam Ermei. A complaint has been made regarding this blackmail. The child is a prostitute. She needs to go to jail.
If she promises to not contact Madam Ermei again and not attempt any blackmail, can you release her into my custody?
No, Sir! She will accuse you of the same as she has accused Madam Ermei. She is not to be trusted.
But if she does, you will know it is a lie, correct?
Sir, she will find a way to slide into your bed. She is a prostitute. All prostitutes get pregnant. That is how this one was born!
So, allow her to stay here. I will get her pregnant and you already know she is a prostitute. What is the problem with that? If you know all this, how can she blackmail me?
Jomar looks at Jezryl, You are the sister, correct?
Yes, Officer, it is true.
What will you do if this girl gets pregnant? Will you file charges against this man?
No, Sir! My sister is wrong to do what she does. I think best we keep her here. Rolie make her pregnant, many, many times. That best. No more prostitution. No jail!
God bless Jezryl. She must have figured it out. She shows no real fear. It is more a certitude in what she is saying.
Jomar says he is unconvinced. He turns Jelou around and looks right into her eyes. If I hear one more complaint about you Jelou, I will take you to jail. Do not contact Madam Ermei. I do not care what you think a good reason is. Not once! You understand?
Yes, Officer. I know. I not contact her. No more problem.
You make a complaint about anyone here, I will arrest you for slander and false witness. You get pregnant, I not care. You are a whore. He hit you, it because you deserve it. I not care. You understand this?
Yes, Po1. I see. No complaint from me. I not want jail.
We will see. I think you will be in jail soon! Good day, Roland. Good luck, Miss Jezryl. I think your sister is a bad one. I hope you can fix this.
And with that, Jomar takes his leave, not cracking the smile I am sure he wants to show until long after he drives away.
I turn to Jelou. There is the front gate. Go if you want. No one here will stop you. Go and be the whore you are trying to be. I really do not care. Go and do as you wish, or live here by my rules and stop the bullshit. It is your choice. The Officer will probably not arrest you unless you try to talk to Ermei or Toto or blackmail someone again. I don’t know for sure, but that is my best guess. So go and be the prostitute. Go now, or never give us any more trouble like this. You are safe here for your life. If that is not good enough for you, then go.
I think, for maybe the first time, Jelou has hit a wall that is both impregnable and at the same time irrelevant. She can leave. No one is holding her. But she has nowhere to go and no tools to create a new safe place. The tools she has, have been labeled as enough to get her thrown into jail. The fact that the threat of jail is nonsense, and bluster, is something she does not know and may never learn. The other fact is that she was on the road to being the whore her mother was. That has hit her square in the face.
She looks at the gate and cries. For her, there is nothing outside that gate other than misery. Inside the gate there is all she needs to live comfortably. Comfortably but without control. The question she must come to terms with, is, can she live happily without being in control? No one in the house knows the answer to that question.
I am sitting on my chair here on the terrace. Jezryl has gone back inside. Jelou remains on the terrace, crying. I am not trying to console her. I need her to make a decision, on her own.
After a while the crying stops but she doesn’t move much other than to sit down here on the terrace. Finally after maybe another hour she asks, You going to rape me now?
No. I will not touch you unless you come to my bedroom voluntarily and ask to be bedded. You can stay as a nun here as far as I am concerned. What happens with you and the others here, is not my concern.
You say you will get me pregnant.
I was just trying to figure out what the Officer would do if I made you pregnant. The answer is nothing. That was good to know. If you don’t want sex, don’t come to my bedroom. No problem.
If I do, you will make me pregnant?
Possibly. Why?
You help take care of our child, if I have it?
Yes, of course, why?
I not know who my father is.
OK. Wait, your sister said your father is dead. She knew him. Why do you say you not know him?
Different father. Her father dead. I not know mine.
I see. So why have you asked me about this?
Maybe it good a father there for the child.
I agree.
You be good to me?
You stop being a problem for me?
If I stop, you be good to me?
Yes.
Ah! I get it! She has figured out that she can have a level of control! If she is good, she gets what she needs, even if she doesn’t get all she might want. If she tries, she really might just get what she needs.
OK, I yours now.
And she gets up and walks into the house.
What the fuck? Did she just say that I own her? Well, I will deal with that later. Right now I need to send one of the girls to meet with Ermei. She will be expecting to see Jelou in a little over an hour.
If they weren’t sisters, I would send Jezryl. But as they are, I think it is best if it is Myra who goes. My instructions to Myra are simple. Tell Ermei that Jelou will not be coming today and will never contact her again. She will never be threatened by Jelou. It is over. Once the message is given, Myra is to come back.
I dispatch Myra, expecting her back in about an hour. But as the good poet Robbie Burns well knew, things don’t always go as planned. Oh yes, an hour later, Myra returns, but with Ermei in tow.
This is a problem, as Jelou is inside the house. However, if I thought it was their plan to enter the house, I am wrong again. Myra tells Ermei, Sit down here. Tell Sir Roland all. I go inside and tell Jelou to stay in her room! You not to see her.
It is times like this that reinforce my belief that the only truth is what I find in the wood. Everything else changes, morphs, realigns, and springs anew, moment to moment, when dealing with humans. There is not a damned thing honest about my species. So what is it now?
I sit, not saying a word. Myra has entered the house on her mission to keep Jelou isolated from Ermei. Ermei has not said a word. She is sitting, head turned, unwilling to look at me.
Myra comes back and asks, What you think? What you tell her?
Nothing. She hasn’t said a word. I have no idea what this is about.
Tell him!
Ermei is shaking her head and bawling.
OK, I will tell you. She is a fool. It true that Jelou threaten her. This is true. But it also true, she want what Jelou do. She want it very much. She want it every day. She not want her husband. She happy Jelou do her husband.
Myra, was Jelou fucking Toto, or just sucking him off?
Oh, sorry, mouth only. But she happy she do it.2 What she do now? Husband want sex from her, she not want this. She want her back.
She had sex with her husband before Jelou came to live with them, correct?
Yes.
And their kids are his?
Yes.
So why the change?
Jelou. She change her mind about sex, I think.
Ermei, is your husband a good man?
I don’t get any answer.
Ermei, answer, or the next thing I will do is call the PNP.
Yes. He a good man. He good but he want Jelou!
So do you. I don’t see the difference. Your husband works hard?
Yes.
Makes enough money to pay bills and take care of the family?
Yes.
Do you want him to have another woman?
What?
Well, you don’t want to have sex with him. Do you want to stay in the marriage and have him take on a mistress? Or do you want an annulment, or legal separation?
Oh!
What do you want?
How I care for my kids? I need the money!
Myra, your sister… is she willing to take on two more kids and a good man who earns enough?
Myra’s head snaps around and she is staring at me. She sure as hell wasn’t expecting that. Ermei’s head pops up, looks at me real hard and displays an anger that is unmistakable.
Damnit Ermei, if you want and love your husband, you have to take care of the man. You aren’t doing that. What is it? Do you think that if you love women, you can’t love a man? If you deny him sex, he will get it somewhere else.
Yes! Yes! It true. I must be lesbian. So I not be with him.
You had sex with him before Jelou had sex with you. Correct?
Yes. This true. I do it.
OK, maybe the issue is that there is no such concept as being ‘bi’ in her mind. You are one or the other. But how does she explain Jelou, if that is true?
Ermei, you say you like being with a female makes you a lesbian. So what is Jelou?
I get a blank stare.
Well, girl, Jelou has sex with you, and Jelou has sex with your husband. Is she a lesbian? Explain it to me.
She can’t. She has no way to even deal with the question.
Ermei, do you think Jelou is a special, one of a kind creature?
No response. She is looking at me. She seems to be listening. She just doesn’t have a way to answer.
Ermei, look at Myra. Ask her to speak only the truth and in your own language. Ask her if she has sex with females, and with me. Ask her if she likes it all.
As they begin to talk, I decide the block of wood in my hand might benefit from some attention. I get a bit done before Myra says, I tell her but she say, it just me and Jelou. I go to get Jecim now. She tell her.
I nod and Myra enters the house, while I return to my wood. But Ermei asks, You not angry your girls have sex with girls?
No.
You not disgust with them?
No.
You not jealous?
No.
Why you not?
No need. I am their man. I am their only man. I am happy they love each other. It makes my life easier.
Ermei seems to be meditating on this information. I am going back to the wood just as Myra reappears with Jecim. I ignore the discussion that follows. It is simply affirmation that there is a real concept of ‘bi’-ness which Ermei needs to incorporate into her head.
The wood doesn’t have this problem. It does not try to be something. It is exactly what it is without pretention. Its rules are the rules of physics and the structure of the universe. What it evokes within us, has nothing to do with what it is. And yet, what it evokes in me is what I find within the wood. It is how the wood speaks to me that is expressed by my hand and knife. In it all, the wood is honest and without guile.
Roland, me and Myra, explain to her, but she say she not want suck her husband. She never do that. But Jelou do that and now he want it.
Does she suck Jelou’s clit?
Wait, I ask. I know why you ask.
I could have asked directly, but I think it is better that the girls do it between themselves. The conversation goes on for a bit longer.
OK I learn, she would do it, but he cum in Jelou’s mouth. She not want that. She not want to get pregnant again. She not want in her pussy. She say, why he want sex? Enough already.
Why isn’t she using birth control?
Church say it a sin.
Oh, fuck the Church! Ermei, it is a sin to deny your husband sex. Get on birth control and stop being stupid, or take him by mouth. Choose, or give him to a woman who will take care of him. As to sex with women, take these two, go up to my bedroom and enjoy them. When you are done, go back and take care of your husband. Do not contact Jelou ever again. Now go. Either go upstairs or out of the gate. I don’t care which, but we are done here.
All I want to do is return to the wood. There is an active conversation going on around me. My girls are calling Ermei everything but smart. She admits she wants the sex but says it is wrong, but she doesn’t want to be with her husband. My girls have had enough of the arguing. They pull her into the house. Ermei doesn’t seem to be putting up much of a fight.
Finally they are gone and I can return to my joy.
An hour later, I see Ermei almost run out of the house and out the gate, looking a bit disheveled. Both Myra and Jecim appear a few minutes later, laughing their asses off. I ask why. Myra, through bouts of laughter, informs me, She a horny cunt! She want it all ways. Even fingers up her ass. She like sex. She afraid she get pregnant and priest tells her it a sin to have sex without trying to get pregnant. It evil to have sex for pleasure. Stupid church! We tell her go home and make your husband cum in your mouth, on your tits, in the air. It not matter where. Make him cum! We tell her, that is an order from you! She say, OK. She do it. She not want you to send Myra’s sister to her husband, please.3
Did you make her cum?
They are laughing. I gather the answer is that there were too many to count.
1 - Sir.
2 - OK, so here I have left in what was really said. Note that there are two she’s and they refer to two separate individuals. That type of ambiguity is common, as it is a hold-over of the ambiguity of the native languages, be it Cebuano, Waray, or Tagalog. If Myra spoke as we speak, she might have said. “But she was happy that Jelou was doing it.” I will allow these type of sentences at times, in the text, going forwards. Enjoy the ambiguity!
3 - Here I have softened the language for you. It actually was ‘She not want you to send her sister to her husband, please.’