Psychology

Jelou is sulking. That is the simple truth of it. She is sulking because she is bored. For a few years now, her existence seems to have been one overarching psychological battle between her and those around her, to carve out a safe and durable space in which she might live. It was a never ending battle of wits and guile between those she contended with, and her little, small, insignificant frame.

In that epic battle, she survived, if not emotionally intact, then at least physically whole and unencumbered by a world that might well have discarded her as excess baggage.

That battle is, in truth, over, if only she can accept the result. That is the problem.

First, she does not trust the evidence that the battle is over. She fears that she has lost and is now a slave, if you will, to me. She has been told that such is not the case, but she does not trust the truth of it.

Second, is the problem that there is absolutely nothing she can do to change the calculus. She can leave. She has been told that. I will do nothing to bring her back. So fighting against me, gets her nothing. She can’t manipulate anything here, simply because all the tools she has, have been neutralized. She had used sex to manipulate. No one cares here. She has used threats of blackmail, but any attempt, she has been told, will land her in jail.

And so, having nothing to do, but go to school, and nowhere to go, has left her sulking and bored.

She is surely going to school, but that neither helps nor hurts. She goes through the paces. Anything she might do to upset things at school might well get the attention of Jomar and she really doesn’t want that. School gets her nowhere other than to get her the education she really sees no point in. It exists as a way to fill her day with things she finds useless. Telling her it’s the path to a job later gets you a blank stare.

When she isn’t at school, she has been helping her sister with the house work, but she most assuredly does not want to be a maid. Jezryl tells her, when you clean your own home, you are not a maid. But that argument doesn’t go anywhere in Jelou’s brain. This is not her house and, therefore, she is a maid if she cleans or cares for it.

She has no friends. None. So there is no outlet in that manner. As a side benefit, as far as I am concerned, because she has no friends, she has not been sucked into the massively multiplayer online game universe, or MMOG. She is aware of it, but thinks the whole thing is dumb. In that regard, she and I agree, but for very different reasons.

She has no Facebook account. I find that a bit odd, until I remember she has no friends. Facebook would be very depressing to her.

She does watch teleserye TV programs and follows them intently.

As the programs air, you can hear her talking back to the characters, telling them how dumb they are. She spends her time, critiquing the on-going serial stupidity she sees and then turns the TV off, more depressed and sad than she was when she sat down to watch the programs.

Her criticisms are actually often highly evolved and accurate in understanding human motivation and personal conflict. She sees through artifice, as if it were a simple gauzy screen easily ignored as inconsequential. Her instincts in that way are very good, even if they are being deployed for all the wrong reasons.

Initially Jezryl was telling me, give her time. She will bounce back. But she isn’t bouncing back as there is no place to bounce to. She has no ‘normal’ to which to return, and so now Jezryl is fidgeting and worrying.

It has been two months since Jomar chewed hard on Jelou’s ass and we shut off her contact with Ermei. I may live in Philippine Standard Time, but Jelou lives in Jelou Time. These two months have felt like an eternity to her.

She does have birth control now, thanks to a nurse that Myra knows, who fitted the kid with an IUD. I, however, am making no requests of her and she has not asked to enter my bed. That is fine with me. I doubt that entering my bed would solve the kid’s emotional problems in any event.

She has little to say to me, and when she does speak, it is for the most pedestrian of reasons, as in a request to pass something at the supper table.

The result is a difficult fourteen-year-old teenager, and a sixteen-year-old one who clings to me as she shares her frustrations and fears.

Add to that, twenty-two-year-old Myra, is moping because her thirty-two-year-old sister is not ready to throw her kid under the bus, even if she, allegedly, might give the bi-sexual thing a go, herself.

The only one who was in relatively good spirits is Jecim. But she has to deal with colleagues who are anything but collegial these days. And so, she hangs around me for emotional support as well. I can’t say I blame her. There is little laughter these days.

I made the dumb choice last week to ask Myra if she had considered leaving here and returning to her sister. Myra just about took my head off my shoulders. That clearly was not a welcome suggestion.

It went about as well when Jezryl came to me, with fear that Jelou might just strike out on her own, whereupon I ventured that is what I expected to happen, and suggesting as a corollary that Jezryl should be prepared to accept it when it came to be. Jezryl started screaming at me. I gather that I am the spawn of some unsavory beasts based on what she called me that day.

In these last months we have not heard from Ermei, a fact that I find encouraging. I was in fear that she might make frequent return visits to my gals. That has not happened. But in the scale of things, considering how miserable all are here, that is a truly minor blessing.

There have been rumors about Charline. There was talk again, just a couple of weeks ago that she was coming back from the USA. Then, talk that she was not.

Jelou, who knew nothing of Charline, got an earful from Jecim regarding that. I gather Jelou’s take on it is, Charline is stupid because she overplayed her hand. Not that she is a good person, or a bad one. Not that she is a liar, or a con artist. No, to Jelou, Charline was inartful; she had over-reached. Charline is, in Jelou’s eyes, a shit-storm that blew through and is now gone. Yes there was damage to me, but at the same time opportunity for others.

As much as I want to find the essence of the wood in my hands and bring it out, for all to see, Jelou’s ‘wood’ are humans. She is not concerned with truth, or decency, or good. Her tools are the needs, desires, motivations, and fears of those she might mold with her ‘art.’ The only honesty in Jelou’s world is what she can produce in others. She may be very young, but just as there are musical prodigies, Jelou sees herself as a prodigy of a different type.

And so, my removing all the tools from her, my freezing her in place, has come as a heavy blow to the girl. An artist without brush, palette, or canvas, a musician without the instrument, a surfer without an ocean or a board. She thinks of Charline and, for a moment, blames my wife for her own predicament. If Charline had stayed, Jelou would not be here now. If Charline had not overplayed her hand, I would not have developed the distrust of loving a woman.

Jelou’s predicament is to be laid at Charline’s feet, and not mine. I, evidently, am the byproduct of a clumsy conniver. Jelou dislikes Charline, intensely; more intensely than do I.

In the past two months, the supper table has seen Alida and her daughter on occasion as well as Vieve.

Vieve shows up often. She clearly is Jezryl’s friend and that is not a problem for me. Vieve has decided that I am not dangerous to her or her activities within her chosen profession. The result is that on two occasions in the last two weeks, she has shown up with a guy. Two different guys.

I gather each guy thinks he is dating Vieve. In the process, she of course is shaking the guy down for all she can get before moving on to the next. Both guys are foreigners. One is a Belgian, Stefan, and the other an American, Kenneth.

The first time this happened, when Vieve showed up with Stefan, Jezryl took me aside and asked that I not ‘warn’ the guy. I wanted to feel sorry for the poor stiff… that is until I met him, and then, no deal. The guy was an asshole and I enjoyed Vieve taking him for the ride he deserved.

I was playful and playing along with Vieve, as she played the guy to the max. Maybe that is wrong, but there are folks that just aren’t worth shit and this guy fell well into that bucket. He was a combination of rude, abusive, abrasive, boorish, loutish, and racist. One could only hope she gave him VD, rather than he, giving it to her. Either might be expected.

The day after Stefan’s visit, I get a text from Vieve. Thank you! You great!

I text back, Stefan deserve what happens. Maybe not the next guy. Understand?

I get back an, oo.

The next guy, Kenneth, comes to us with Vieve, with a sincere desire to meet another American and share his happiness and excitement. He is a big dumb oaf, who means no harm, but can’t pour piss out of a boot, even if the instructions are written on the heel. How the clown even got to the Philippines is a mystery to me. How he got to Naval, on Biliran, is beyond a mystery. This is not a tourist destination.

Kenneth does not like to be called Ken. I learn that in the first few minutes. He is an HVAC¹ company installer who because of family connections owns part of the company. Kenneth has far more money than he has brains.

He isn’t evil. He isn’t intentionally rude, or boorish, or loutish. No, he’s simply clueless. He’s a big, dumb, fool. He thinks he’s in love with Vieve, whom he met only 72 hours earlier. He’s talking about marrying Vieve and bringing her to the States. He’s no idea what a dumb idea that is, considering that he is talking about Vieve.

There is no way I want to make fun of the guy and there is no way I want to bait him like I did with Stefan. I feel sorry for him.

But I wonder, does Vieve think this is a good idea for her? I make an excuse that I have a private matter to discuss with Vieve, but need Jezryl’s expertise as well in the discussion, and pull them both into the kitchen.

Vieve, does Kenneth know how young you are?

I tell him eighteen.

You know, you are too young to marry him, right?

Of course, yes.

You know there’s no way he can bring you to the USA, right?

Yes, but maybe Canada or Mexico!

Vieve, if you even could get a visa, and if you try to leave the country with him, Kenneth will get arrested for trafficking an underage girl and be put in jail.

Really?

Really. You can’t leave the country with him at all. If you get him arrested, I will be very angry with you. Have fun here. Make some money here, but don’t hurt him.

It OK if he stay here?

Yes, but why do you want that?

Not sure. But maybe.

Well, he might be a very lucky guy if you can settle down with him here. I am not sure you’re ready for that. But sure. I am OK with that.

He not smart. You know this, Sir Roland?

Yes. I know.

But he sweet. He kind. He not dangerous.

Jezryl asks, You feel you can control things and be safe with him?

Yes.

I have heard enough. OK, good luck.

And with that, we return to the table with a new way of interacting. I am no longer worried or defensive regarding what Vieve is doing. The mood at the table is lighter and easier going. I decide that while Kenneth will never be a close friend, he is a decent guy that I will get along with, if he stays.

I still doubt that Vieve can hang in with just one guy, and I doubt that Kenneth will decide to stay in any case, but that is not my concern.

For a few days, following the dinner with Vieve and Kenneth we hear nothing.

Today I get a text from Vieve. Kenneth is lonely and wants to come for a visit. She asks, OK with you?

I text back, Yes.

Exactly what we will talk about is beyond me. He is not one with whom I would have socialized, if I was still living in the States. It’s not a class, religion, or race thing. It’s more an educational and social thing. Kenneth is barely a high school graduate. How exactly he even graduated high school is not a compliment to the public school system in the States.

He doesn’t read books. He says he doesn’t like to read at all. He doesn’t follow the news, or politics. He doesn’t care about history. Has no clue about art. He doesn’t know anything about jazz. His favorite sport is something he calls MMA and the UFC. I have no idea what those things even are, but he says it is like boxing but much better. He follows football but little else. He likes to drink beer, he is bemoaning the fact that he can’t get Bud Light here. He thinks gays and lesbians are mentally disturbed. He thinks brandy is weird, and he wonders, isn’t it what those gay-boys drink?

Do I really have to go down the list and explain why each of those things are at odds with me and my sensibilities?

We have damned close to nothing in common other than the fact that at this moment, we are both here in the Philippines. That is pretty narrow ground upon which to spend an afternoon, much less a friendship.

Shortly before Kenneth is to arrive, Jezryl sits down with me.

Rolie, I text with Vieve. There a problem.

Oh? OK. What is it?

Kenneth want to leave.

And?

She want him to stay.

And?

She want you to tell him, he should stay.

I can’t do that.

Yes, I know. But you find out why he want to leave. He not tell her this. Maybe it something she can fix.

OK, I can see about it. But explain to me, why she wants him to stay. I thought she wanted to have many men. I thought she likes the game.

I think it true. But maybe no. Maybe she think different now.

Kenneth and Vieve arrive about an hour after they said they would arrive. It’s Filipino time. I am used to it and think nothing about it. I have learned to not anticipate the arrival of others, but rather to be prepared in case they actually arrive at some point.

Vieve knows that Jezryl has discussed her concern with me, and she doesn’t attempt to interact with me at all. Instead she leaves Kenneth sitting on the terrace with me and goes into the house to find Jezryl.

Afternoon, fella. How’s it going?

Hi Roland. I guess it’s OK. I mean, Vieve is great and all. But… well… don’t you miss it? The States I mean?

How so? What are you missing?

TV, roads, food, Walmart, people… everything.

I see. No, I don’t, but many folks do. Most folks like it here for a little bit and then need to go back home. I guess you always have to ask yourself, what makes you happier, the things you miss from back home, or the female in your bed here, and the world she and you share here? If you go back there, what you have here is gone. One way or the other, you are going to lose something. So which will you be sorrier to lose?

I want both. Why does Vieve say she can’t come with me?

She hasn’t told you?

No, she just says she can’t.

Kenneth, I know why, but the fact that she has not told you puts me in a bad place. I will not lie to you, and I cannot break a promise to Vieve. Is it OK if I leave you here on the terrace for a minute or two and speak with your girl, or are you willing to accept my statement when I tell you that I know why and that she is right? She really can’t.

Really?

Kenneth, it is not possible, not for a long while.

Damn. So she isn’t just being difficult?

She’s not. She simply can’t. You’re going to have to choose.

Do you like the food here?

Some. It depends on who’s cooking. I don’t like everything cooked in the States, and I bet you don’t either. That’s why when you go into a restaurant, they hand you a menu, so you can choose what you want to eat. At home, you cook what you want. It’s the same here. Of course, here, Vieve does not have a normal home and so I guess you are eating out a bunch.

Yeh. I mean the food we had here last week… that was good. But we go to places and sometimes I can’t stand it. When Vieve cooks something, it ain’t great either.

Not all Filipinos are good cooks or even know how to cook. In this house, Jecim is the best cook. Jezryl isn’t good at it at all. If you chose to stay you can get a house to live in and maybe a maid who can cook. The cost of a maid is under fifty bucks a month, plus room and board. You can even teach a good one how to make some American dishes.

How about TV? You miss that, right?

You can get some US programs here. If I wanted it, I think I could get a little at least. It comes in via cable or satellite. I think the cost is about twenty-five bucks a month. In truth, I never watched that much TV in the States. So it’s not a big thing for me now. Each of us is different that way.

You drive here?

Yes. It’s easy to get a Philippine driver’s license and you can drive on your US one for 90 days after you arrive². New cars cost close to what they cost in the States, for comparable vehicle, but used ones cost more than comparable ones in the States.

So, if I stay I should buy a new one?

I am not saying that. I am just telling you how much things cost. What I am saying is that some of the things that aren’t working for you are because you have not chosen to settle in. Clearly not all things would be better if you settle, but some, or even many will be. Housing, food and transportation issues change when you settle in, so long as you have income.

But no Walmart. No Taco Bell. No Waffle House.

True. But in the US there are no palengkes, no street vendors selling banana-Q or pork BBQ on skewers. There are trade-offs. And in the US there is no Vieve. I can’t be sure, but I am willing to bet you will never, in the USA, have a mate even close to Vieve.

He laughs. He’s well aware that the last thing is true enough. He shakes his head. He’s just not sure what to do. I’m sure as hell not a mind reader, but my guess is that he’ll go back to the USA. This place is too much of a change for him.

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Chapter 18