The Ark

Copyright © 2020 by VeryWellAged

What was and what will be...18

Author's note: These chapters are NOT stand-alones...The story starts here.

What was and what will be...19

I know Ira the wrong person to do this. But I not think any of us good to do it.

Debbie, we need to talk.

Did Ira send you?

Yes.

Why? He afraid to talk to me?

Don’t be stupid. He just want to avoid argument. This way there no problem.

What he need?

Ira not need anything. Dessa come home crying. She say you are avoiding her. That true? You do this?

Why he care if she cries? He sending her away.

I not here to talk about Ira. You avoiding Dessa?

Maybe. What it matter?

Debbie… why you avoiding her?

Why you care?

You send her to us, to care for her, and now you act like this? What wrong with you?

Why Ira not want the girl?

You know why.

No. He lie when he say he not want the young ones. Why he not want Dessa. When he going to fuck Ana? … Ha! You act surprised! He will. You will see.

Ana like a daughter to him. It not like that. The Ira you dream of not the real Ira.

Why you say that? He make me have sex with girls!

Maybe to show you that if this what you want of him, maybe you the same way. He not want young girls.

But he fucks them. If he not really OK with that, I think he not get hard!

Maybe he like it but afraid of the trouble it can bring. Debbie, I really not know why he not want them. I only know that he not. But that has nothing to do with why you are mean to Dessa. Why you that way?

Why Ira tell Dessa I want sex with her?

Do you?

Why Ira say that!

Ira confused why you send these girls to him. He wonder if it because if they are OK with sex, sex with girls, maybe they OK with sex with you. He not know. He just wondering.

Why he say it in front of the girl?

Why did you promise the girl that she would join with Ira? That start the problem. That the reason. Dessa want to know why you lied to her. You create the problem. First you lie to her and then you avoid her. This not fair to Dessa.

But she thinks I want her that way now.

Do you?

I not comfortable to be with her.

Why? Why that? If you want her that way, be honest. If you not, just say Ira wrong in his guess. Why that a problem? Just do not lie. When you lie, you make things worse.

I cannot. I cannot.

I not understand.

She hate me.

If Dessa hate you, she would be happy you avoid her. She not happy. So no hate.

But she know I lie to her.

This true. But she not hate. Maybe it confusion, I think. Do not avoid her. If you want sex with her, we can find out if she OK with that.

See! See! I know Ira wants her!

No, fool, not Ira. The girls. If it girl-girl sex we want to know if she do, why Ira be involved? That make no sense. Do you want to know, Debbie?

Debbie fidgeting. I think she wants this. I think Ira right. Maybe she scared if this known, she be in trouble. Ha! See Ira worries about trouble, but maybe this worse trouble for Debbie, the teacher.

I think Ira right. That what you want but it frightens you. It safer for you if you live with Ira. But being with her, maybe it hard to hide if not with Ira. True?

Why you ask me that?

You not saying it not true. Why you not if it not true?

Why you do this to me?

We not do anything to you. Everything that happening because of your actions. We not see if she OK with girls if you not want her that way. I just want to know if that the reason you are avoiding her.

If I not avoid her she will think I want sex.

No. She not think that. Maybe she wonder, but that all. … Debbie, if you not want girls, why you not have a boyfriend? It not a secret that there no boy. If a woman you want, why you not live with one. This not uncommon.

Maybe in Manila it normal. It not so normal here.

So this what you want?

No! Why you say that?

OK, I give up. No sense to this. Ira says stop avoiding Dessa. Do what Ira say.

Why should I?

Do it, Debbie.

I want to hit her!

I’ve felt that way many times, CiCi.

I think maybe you add her just so we hit her every time she do a stupid thing.

That is a spectacularly bad idea!

I think you right. She want sex with the young ones. She afraid to say it. She afraid to do it. But that what she wants. … Ira, she ask when you will have sex with Ana.

She is a truly messed up gal.

Do you want that?

Want what?

Sex with Ana?

Why would you even listen to Debbie’s craziness? Jesus, how can you even think I would want to do that?

Well, if you not want sex with young ones because someone will find out, no one would wonder, since she the daughter of Bim and Bim is your gal.

Do you really think I would do that?

Ira… I know you not want young ones. I not know truly why you not want them. You get hard with them. We all know this.

Ana is like a daughter to me. There’s no way I’m going to fuck my daughter.

Ira answered my question but I still not know why he not want young ones. In all the time I have lived with this man there more I not know about him than things I do know. It not that he lies. It just that he only tells you enough but no more.

Ann seem to understand things about him that I just not, but it not that he tell Ann more. It that on a gut level Ann seem to understand what make him tick better than the rest of us do.

I ask her about that once. She just shrug and tell me that his decision predictable and OK for her. I know Bim gets confused and surprised by his decisions to this day. He not predictable to her. Jessa seems to know, but when I ask her, I just get a confused look. To her, Ira, well, Ira. I not sure she can explain that.

Lorie and Nelia see Ira as their own private God. They not have the need to understand him. So long he gives them love, they happy. I think Reyna like those two until Jessa join. Now, it like, it just not matter. She his and that it all she needs to know.

Eva attached to him… her sage and mentor.

It odd. Ira not a different person to each of us. But each of us attach to him in a different way, understanding, or not understanding him on a one-on-one level. Maybe we are a group in some ways, but not in how we connect to him.

I know he trust me. I know he see me as better able to deal with complex issues. Issues that the others here cannot handle. Ann and I share that type of respect from him. No one else have it. But, it not that he love us more. He not. He not play favorites like that.

Ira, what we to do about Dessa? You say there is nowhere for her to go and you say she not to stay. If she confuse by the behavior of Debbie, she also deeply confuse about what is going to happen to her.

I know, CiCi, I know. But I don’t have an answer yet.

But if there nowhere for her to go, she not stay here? … Ira? … Ira, what you thinking? … Ira?

I don’t know.

Ira, if there no family, there no one to threaten you. If she want to stay, you not forcing her. Why you this way? I truly not understand?

She’s too young.

Ana is half a year younger.

Not the same.

How? … Ira, this not fair to the child.

Yeh, OK. Jesus, I don’t want the kid to stay, but OK, we will try once more to find a relative for her. If we fail, she stays.

How long you try to look? This not fair. Ann looked. There no one there to take the girl. You know that. How you look when there nowhere else to look? … Ira? … Ira, this maybe because you angry with Debbie? Maybe if it not Debbie who send us the girl, it be OK?

OK… OK. The kid stays. Happy?

Not sure. But good for the girl.

Humph.

I will tell Ri and Nelia.

CiCi, don’t you think they are a little too old for that now?

What you mean?

Well, why tell them first? What are you thinking?

They the ones to explain how it is here. You know this.

Yes, but that was six years ago. They were just a few years older than the new girls. This is different now. They are almost twice this kid’s age. I don’t think it’ll work the same way this time.

So who you want?

That’s part of the problem, CiCi. We are all too old in relation to this kid. Reyna’s the closest in age and she is seven years older than Dessa. Eva is eight years older. Shit that’s two-thirds of the kid’s lifetime. The kid doesn’t fit in here. You are not her cohort. You are all mommy figures to the kid.

I admit, I not think of this. Ira right. Ana the closest in age and he clear that Ana a niece and only a niece. So how it work if we all bed Dessa and Ana right here knowing it? That what Debbie hinting at? That why Ira so clear in not wanting Dessa to stay? That why Ira so angry at Debbie? Maybe he see this whole thing as Debbie intentionally causing this exact problem?

Ana the responsibility of Bim. Ira have almost nothing to do with the girl. But Ana and Dessa friends now and in the same grade. I need to talk to Bim and Eva. They the two sides of this. No one else here have the emotional involvement in Dessa that they have.

I not believe Miss Debbie sends Dessa to make trouble. Why you say that?!

Eva, I didn’t say that this is certain, but that it works out this way. But! It true that when I meet with Debbie, she asks about Ana in this way. Why she do that?

What she say about my Ana? Exactly, what she say?

Bim, she say, ‘He lie when he say he not want the young ones. Why he not want Dessa. When he going to fuck Ana? … Ha! You act surprised! He will. You will see.’

Oh my God! Yes, this her plan. She is evil. You tell Ira this?

Yes, I tell Ira. He gets angry. He say Ana his niece. So what we do? Do one of us become the mother to this child and treat her like Ana is treated? How she become part of us and separate from Ana?

We go over and over this but find no acceptable answer. Bim need to leave to pick the girls up from school and Eva also busy. They go do what they need to do, but I just sit and think some more.

My good friend Bim angry. I think, to her, Debbie as evil as Ira says she be. This Debbie way of attacking Ana. She convinced that Dessa nothing more than a weapon she use to do harm to us and most especially to Ana.¹

Eva not want to accept this way of seeing things, but she aware that the presence of Dessa here more complicated than she think before.

The idea of making Dessa a ‘niece’ not a good one. Bim say that make Dessa a risk to us, a source of gossip to others. Ana protects her mother. Dessa have no reason to be that loyal.

Eva think Bim exaggerating this. Maybe she do, but it a risk. She an outsider, a boarder, in our home. Maybe it not be a problem in the beginning, but who know when a small problem we not notice create a bigger problem.

I think all, except Eva, agree. Thirteen too young to start in our beds. But what the options? I push Ira into saying yes. Now I see so many problems. I want to go back to Ira and ask that we look for a relative again!

But it not just that thirteen too young. It that we should not have anyone here close to the age of Ana. As she grows older, so will the age when we could even consider accepting someone.

And that gets me back to the comment of Debbie about Ana. Did she see this? Did she see the issue of Ana getting older and what that mean to us?

When Bim gets back, I think I need to talk with her again. We all love Ana, but her presence here now affecting all of us in a way none knew would happen. Maybe Debbie right about Ana and Ira? Maybe I need to talk to Ira first.

Yes, until she leaves home, whenever that happens and if that happens.

Ira! You know this? Why not tell us? Why you not tell me when I ask before? Why you not tell us all? Why we have to guess your reason?

What did you want me to tell Bim? That her having her daughter here will, in the future, have an impact on all of us? Why would I want to do that? I don’t want anyone else anyway. But even if I did, Bim’s need to raise her daughter is far more important. I am, sure as hell, not going to have this discussion with Bim now! No good will come of it. And telling one of you is normally the same as telling all of you. Nothing remains a secret for long in this house. So if I tell any of you, Bim will learn it and then Ana will learn it too. I do not want that on Ana’s shoulders.

I think there no choice. Ana will know. If Dessa stays, she know. No matter what we do, Ana know why we do it.

So it is an ‘if’ now? You pushed me to say OK she stays and now you say ‘if’?

Better that you tell me why you say she should not stay in the beginning! Then, I not need to say ‘if’ now. Ira, you are wrong in hiding things from me. OK, so you not lie. But hiding not good. You should have told us all why you think it a bad idea even before you say she can stay until we find where she can go.

But I thought it would be a short time and no harm done. Yes, looking back that was a mistake. But once she was here and Ann could not find a place for her to go, I just felt jammed up. I didn’t want Ana to learn about this. That’s why I ‘hid it.’

She will learn now. No choice.

You had better talk to Bim about that decision first, CiCi. I’m not sure it will be a pleasant conversation.

Bim already thinks Debbie did this to hurt Ana. This no good. Before I talk to Bim, I will talk to Ann. Maybe there is some idea she not think of.

OK by me. See what you can do. But… you said Bim had left to pick up the kids? What if she has told them that Dessa can stay?

Shit!

Bim, what you tell the girls about Dessa staying.

Wala. Walang halaga.²

Mabuti.³

Bakit?⁴

I go over the entire conversation I had with Ira. I was ready for Bim to be angry, but she thinks Ira’s actions were right. In my friend’s eyes, Ira is a hero who is protecting her daughter. I guess that is exactly what he was doing. He hid things from us to protect Ana.

This mean Dessa not staying?

Not clear, yet. I will meet with Ann. Maybe go back north with her.

Older face, better answer?

Perhaps. People know and respect Ann here, but they not know her up north.

You better tell Eva of the change! Maybe she will tell Dessa.

Eva in Tacloban. I texted her. She knows the plan changed. She ask why. I tell her I explain when she returns. … This so complicated. All I want a simple life!

How this a simple life? All this land, this house, all of us with all of our children. Tell me, friend, how this ever a simple life? You want simple? Live in a bahay kubo⁵; wash clothing for enough pesos for rice. That, friend, a simple life.

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What was and what will be...20