Gadzooks!

By Verity

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This work is intended for ADULTS ONLY. It may contain depictions of sexual activity involving minors. If you are not of a legal age in your locality to view such material or if such material does not appeal to you, do not read further, and do not save this story.
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Gadzooks!

by Verity

A medieval extravaganza. Thirteen-year-old Alaric takes service as a page in a glittering court, but his duties are more varied than he had expected, especially after all his clothes are permanently taken away.

To the rhythmic clatter of harness and the steady tramp of hooves, the procession moved ponderously onward. At its head rode Sir Godfrey, his scarlet cloak blowing, the standard bearer to his left. At Sir Godfrey’s right hand rode his young page, resplendent in his court livery.

But the boy was unusually silent. It was his first day of duty as a page, and the morning had not begun well. The new page had omitted to pack the knight’s ceremonial gilt chain-mail, and the knight’s face was set in hard lines of displeasure.

At length he spoke. ‘So, because of the carelessness of his pup of a page, Godfrey of Bodfrey must travel through hostile peasant country unprotected by his stout mail, is that not so?’

‘Sorry. I thought you said ‘pail’,’ said the boy apologetically.

‘Oh, very well, I can just put my head in the pail, then?’ snapped the knight. ‘Perhaps, though, you might have been considerate enough to cut eyeholes in it?’

Unwisely the page laughed.

‘So I have a jester now,’ said the knight angrily. ‘Whether or not, you shall most certainly entertain us all this evening.’

‘Yes?’ queried the boy.

‘Yes, indeed. This evening you shall dance and sing naked before the entire company, but the music shall be the rhythm of my stout leather belt on thy pretty buttocks. So you shall indeed caper wondrously for us. And you shall sing, oh, how you shall sing!’

The boy gulped, then drew himself up. ‘It would not be fitting, sir, that I should be whipt before all the company and the servants.’

‘And why not, sir?’

‘Because, my lord, I am not a scullery boy,’ said the thirteen-year-old youngster with dignity. ‘I am page to a great lord, a very great lord.’ He looked sideways at the knight. ‘Perhaps the greatest lord in the whole land.’

The knight was silent for a moment, then laughed. ‘Truly, boy, you have a smooth tongue in your head.’

The procession wound onward, but more slowly, on rising ground; the castle of Earl Snootley, for which the company was bound, stood halfway up a tall mountain.

‘The earl will prepare a fine banquet, my lord?’ ventured the page after several minutes.

‘Truly, boy,’ said the knight amiably, ‘And you, too, shall have your share.’

‘Deo gratias.’ The youngster, encouraged, chattered on. ‘I know all about Earl Snootley, my lord.’

‘Oh, so thou knowest everything, bold page?’

‘Yes,’ said the boy simply. ‘I was a page before, and we talk, you know. We meet at banquets, markets, joustings, and I hear all manner of things.’

‘Indeed?’ The brat could have his uses, thought the knight. ‘So tell me, sir, what thou knowest about my lord Snootley.’

‘Oh, he is a great, great lord. So great is he that his young pages attend him quite naked. Oh, very great indeed!’

‘Indeed?’ repeated the knight thoughtfully. The procession travelled on in silence for a little longer, then Sir Godfrey called an hour-long halt.

The horses, wagons and ox-carts drew into a semi-circle in a forest clearing; the women brought out bread and cold meats, and the men poured beer.

Sir Godfrey ordered the page to collect wood and light a fire. When it was crackling merrily he said, ‘Now, Sir Page, give me thine embroidered doublet.’

The knight carefully put the liveried garment away, then said, ‘Now, off with the rest of thy clothes, boy, and on the fire with them.’

‘WHAT?’

‘On the fire, quickly.’

‘Everything?’

‘Keep thy cap and slippers for now, also of course the jewel of office at thy neck, but otherwise, from now henceforth, thou shalt attend me naked.’

The boy groaned. ‘Why cannot I hold my tongue?’ He glanced shyly towards the company, but they were preoccupied with their food, conversation, and jesting. Slowly he peeled off his few clothes, then nude and blushing slightly, he reluctantly dropped them one by one on the leaping flames. Fortunately, it was a moderately warm day.

‘Now, come hither, boy.’

The naked youngster approached the knight and the latter placed an arm round his shoulders. ‘Before we continue onward, pretty page, I must deal with the matter of your appalling carelessness this morning.’

Stooping forward, he slid his palm down over the boy’s chest and stomach; the young page gasped as the knight’s hand reached its target. Then the knight began to smack, at first gently, then more forcefully.

The boy began to yell, his feet running on the grass, but in front he rose up very quickly, so that in a moment of two the man’s palm was smacking the underside. The man slapped on, the boy’s cries redoubled, then the knight abruptly stopped smacking, took a tight grip, and began to work diligently and rapidly.

The nude boy’s entire body writhed. ‘Yes!’ he yelled after a moment or two, ‘Yes! YES! YES!!’

Then he screamed and convulsed, clutching the man tightly with both arms round his neck.

Shortly after, at a signal from the knight, an attendant came forward and wiped the tingling boy down with a scented towel.

The procession in due course moved on, the boy sniffing a little. ‘I still smart, my lord,’ he said woefully.

‘I rejoice to hear it.’

‘My lord,’ ventured the boy, ‘The next time, can I get it on my bottom?’

‘There had better not be a next time,’ said Sir Godfrey shortly.

The boy became subdued as the mighty castle of Earl Snootley rose on the horizon, and a horn blew from the battlements to greet the visitors. He had begun, suddenly, to wonder whether the accounts about the earl’s household, and the naked pages, had after all been true. What if it had just been a leg-pull? It didn’t bear thinking about.

But, as the party entered the castle through the Great Hall, the boy soon saw that the young pages, namely those of around his own age and younger, wore nothing but a cap and slippers. And sometimes, when indoors, not even these, though all wore around their necks the glittering earl’s jewel. Older boys and adult attendants wore the conventional doublet and hose.

Earl Snootley greeted his visitors in person as soon as they entered. With him was a pretty girl of about fourteen, whom the duke introduced as his niece, the Princess Alida. The princess looked the nude young page up and down with undisguised interest, and to his embarrassment Alaric felt a blush rising up his neck and covering his face. He had not bargained for this.

‘Well, here is indeed a fine present you have brought for me, good Sir Knight,’ said Princess Alida, her eyes still on the naked page. Reaching forward, she touched his hair, running the long blond strands through her fingers.

‘Be silent, Alida,’ said the earl mildly. To the knight he said, ‘Friend Godfrey of Bodfrey, pray excuse my niece. These young girls grow bolder by the day.’

‘Your niece is quite perfect in every way, my lord, said the knight gallantly.

‘Turn around, pretty page,’ said the girl, unabashed.

The boy, his blush deepening, had no option but to turn this way and that under the girl’s gaze.

‘He too is perfect, Sir Knight,’ said the princess to Sir Godfrey. ‘He will dance for us at the banquet?’

‘If I too may speak with boldness, Your Highness, he will certainly dance if I take my belt to him.’

‘Oh, you cruel man,’ pouted the princess. ‘Yes, I truly must rescue this poor page from your horrible clutches.’

‘Alida, my dear,’ said the earl. ‘Pray go and help your good mother with the preparations.’

The princess laughed, shook her hair loose, made a face at the earl, and departed with a wave.

‘I shall see thee anon, pretty page!’

‘Truly, friend Godfrey,’ said the earl, ‘Thy page may not be the only one with scarlet buttocks by nightfall.’

‘Perhaps we may both have mercy, my lord,’ said the knight.

The earl laughed and turned to the young page. ‘Thy name, boy?’

‘Alaric of Noxley, my lord.’

‘Welcome, Alaric of Noxley. See thou dine well.’

‘I thank you, my lord.’

As at most banquets, Alaric dined twice. First, together with the other pages and the upper servants, there was a dinner in the kitchen before the main event, and then another after it (based on the leftovers, which were usually plentiful). It was a popular arrangement.

At the banquet itself each page, as usual attired in nothing but his jewel of office, stood each behind his master to bring the dishes and attend to all his orders.

One course followed another, to a dizzying total. The last was, for each diner, a dish heaped with fresh strawberries, covered with thick cream iced in the castle cellars.

An attendant offered the earl a long-handled silver spoon, but he waved it aside and cried, ‘Nay, my lords, there is but one way to sup the best cream. Behold!’

At a signal, an attendant bodily picked up a twelve-year-old page who stood behind the earl, and, sweeping dishes from the table, laid the youngster face-down before the earl, at which the earl immediately began to spread iced cream liberally all over and deeply between the boy’s squirming bottom-cheeks, then started diligently to lick it off, every drop, from every nook and cranny. The nude youngster writhed, kicked and shrieked, but with delighted laughter, and Alaric guessed he had served this function on more than one previous occasion.

The company applauded wildly as the earl at length raised his face, still dripping with cream. Only the Bishop of Blotting, a distinguished guest seated at the earl’s right hand, remained grave.

‘Nay, my lord, I beg a thousand pardons,’ he said at length, ‘But I do know an even more excellent way to sup cream.’

The earl raised his eyebrows. ‘Then I beg thee to share thy secret, my lord bishop!’

‘Benedictus benedicat,’ murmured the bishop. Then he rose, and with a heave picked up the nearest page, a boy perhaps of Alaric’s age, and spread him wriggling on the table, but this time on his back. Busy action by the episcopal fingers, both on top and below, quickly brought the desired response, and only then did the bishop reach for the dish of iced cream, the youngster yelling at the cold shock as the cream was generously applied, and with great thoroughness. After which the bishop bent his head as if to pronounce grace, but instead he started to lick up generous quantities of cream, and then, with his lips fastened tightly on their object, the bishop’s large head started to work diligently up and down to the AH-AH-AAAH-ing of the naked kicking youngster underneath. Very soon the boy’s cries redoubled until, with a scream, his slim body went rigid and jack-knifed, bringing a burst of applause that rang throughout the Great Hall.

‘My Lords,’ roared the earl, rising to his feet, ‘It is my command that all follow the ritual of the most holy lord bishop! Let none be slack!’

Amid a cacophony of yells, a score of naked pubescent imps were snatched up and spreadeagled face-up on the vast oak table, one before each diner. Princess Alida, who sat on the earl’s left, made a signal and instantly Alaric also was bodily picked up by two stout servants, being in an instant spread on the top table before the princess.

With brisk administrations of the princess’s nimble fingers, Alaric was almost immediately ready, then the boy yodelled at the top of his voice as the ice-cold cream was spread and heaped in place, then even more at the vigorous attention of the princess’s lips and tongue as her head moved rapidly up and down, ever more and more diligently.

Then ‘NO TEETH! PLEASE!!’ screamed the nude young page. But the princess was remorseless, as were the other diners, and very soon the entire hall echoed with a crescendo of ecstatic shrieks, in which Alaric very quickly joined, joined, his bottom thumping on the wooden table, his long legs flailing, his feet pedalling the air.

Someone, it may have been the earl, came up behind Alida and, with a quick movement, made her stand, grasped her light dress, pulled it over her head, and whisked it completely away. Under it she was completely naked, and Alaric’s eyes popped.

The princess pulled Alaric’s hand towards her and downwards.

‘You know what to do,’ she whispered.

Alaric did know. In a moment his arm was pistoning back and forth, his fingers working deep and frenziedly, and very shortly later the screams of the nude teenager as she jolted and convulsed, her feet hammering the floor, exceeded even those of Alaric’s a minute before.

Calmly the earl drained his flagon and dabbed his lips with a fine linen cloth. ‘More dessert, anyone?’ he asked.

Next morning, Princess Alida sought Sir Godfrey out in the rose garden.

‘Good Sir Knight, it is my custom that, the morrow being Saturday, I invite to the castle gardens certain maidens, dear friends of mine, and there we do make great sport and merriment. It would be our delight to have a new plaything, therefore I pray that I might borrow thy pretty page, all naked.’

‘With the greatest of pleasure, Your Highness,’ said Godfrey of Bodfrey.

(The End)