This story contains sexually explicit material.
Copyright 2014. All rights reserved.
The pictures are copyright by their respective owners.
Poems by Shakespeare, TS Eliot, and WB Yeats.

Technical note: A gasp is a rapid intake of breath. In this story, it also means a rapid expelling of breath, since it is close to the sound I mean. Sigh, grunt, groan, pant, and scream don't work.

Jamie Returns

Mirrors

I wasn't tall enough to see myself in the bathroom mirror, just the ceiling and the light, and if I stuck my arm up in the air, my fingers wriggling. Ezra had said I could stay in her reality after a year and a day if I visited every month. Everyone there was short, and I was nearly grown up. I had to find my own way there. She had said remembering it was the hardest part, and I'd done that, so I should be able to do this. I just didn't know how. I could try going through the same grove of trees as before, but she had said you could also get there through streams and pools. I thought a waterfall might work, and a shower was like a waterfall. I dropped my nightshirt on the floor, turned on the water, waited for it to warm up, and stepped under. Okay, now what? I washed myself and stepped under again. I closed my eyes and let the water run onto my head and down my body. I tried to remember what it had been like there. The shower had several nozzles coming out of the wall. The bathroom had several toilets and urinals and sinks. They didn't have separate stalls. It was a bigger space and sounded different. I listened for the echo and tried to imagine I heard it.

I felt the direction of the water change as the shower nozzle changed height. I opened my eyes and saw a soap covered boy looking at me from two feet away. He was a little taller than me, and water dripped from the short black hair on his head. He backed up a step. There was thick curly hair above his penis. He said he had never seen a girl appear in the shower before. It was neat. I said it was my own idea. I finished rinsing myself off, then walked over and picked up a towel from the stack. He got back under the spray and said his name was Snow. I said I was Jamie. I asked how close I was to Ezra's address? He said not very, it was across town. I said drat, I would have to work on my aim, and asked if I could borrow some clothes? And a comb? He said of course, would I like some breakfast? I said thank you, but I didn't have time. We padded down the hall naked to his room. There were other kids there with names I didn't catch except for Plum. I picked out a white tee shirt and briefs, khakis, and they found me some sandals and a belt. I hugged Snow and ran outside to catch the streetcar.

It was april in New Orleans. The air was cool but would warm up soon. My heavy tee shirt was enough. The streetcar was full of people on their way to work or school. Now that I was in this reality again, memories of my first visit came back. I could think more clearly. All the changes my brain and body had gone through returned. School started at eight, but work might start at seven or nine or later so the rush hour was spread out. The only other traffic was small trucks and pedestrians. People didn't have cars. There were lots of apartment buildings and few houses. Many roofs rose to a glassed in cupola in the center to prevent heat from collecting on the upper floors. It worked well and reduced the need for air conditioning, and also served as a sleeping porch. Since it worked better when it was higher, smaller buildings had the cupola on an edge or corner of the roof. It was a new school term, so I had a little trouble finding Ryan's first class. She smiled when she saw me, and we hugged and kissed. She said she'd been hoping I would come back. Our first class was Swahili. I followed along as best I could and found it easier to remember the words and grammar this time. Ryan is a boy.

From the time they are born, gender is the most important attribute among humans. Babies are color coded, children are dressed and groomed differently, adults move, talk and smell different. You can't think or talk about someone without knowing his or her gender. Not even age or race are this important. A masculine girl is a tomboy, a feminine boy is a faggot. Since among hominids it didn't matter nearly as much, they had had to change the language. They called strangers he, and called intimate friends she. They used the appropriate term only for other friends whose gender they knew. There were some exceptions. Small children were she, and professions had their own gender. Relationships were more important for them, but usage did not have to be exact or reciprocal. Gender only mattered for nursing and fucking, and sometimes for other levels of sex. You couldn't generally tell the sex of a full clothed hominid. The girls didn't grow breasts and the boys voices didn't change.

The people here called themselves hominids and started grade school the term after they turned three. A term was twelve weeks and there were four of them per year. They had already had two years of preschool and knew one foreign language, how to read, numbers to ten thousand, how to add and subtract, how to type and use a computer, some geography, how to sing harmony and play percussion, how to make up and act out stories, some scriptures, and how to meditate. They had also started learning gymnastics, and since they didn't grow much taller than I was now or appear to age, they could continue with it all their lives. I was four and would start grade school when I moved here, so I had some catching up to do. I had already taught myself to read, and they let me sit in on classes and learn what I could the last time. Most of the stuff I could pick up and practice on my own. The problem would be the foreign language. Kids studied eight languages in their year of grade school, and I would never be able to keep up unless I already knew at least two. Their brains worked better, and so would mine as I visited and acclimated to their reality.

When we and Socks went to our dining hall for lunch, Ryan asked what I was going to do about it? Socks and I had taken the mac and cheese, Ryan had bean soup and bread. I said I had tried to get a job in a Chinese restaurant so I could learn Cantonese. I was too young for a real job but thought I could help clean up and get things for them. The young man at the counter had been very nice. He talked to the cooks. They were sympathetic and pleased I wanted to learn their language, but said it was too dangerous with the hot woks and the cleavers. I might lose a finger. I was pretty sure I could grow a new one, since Ezra said hominids could, but I couldn't tell them that. So I helped sweep floors and fold boxes at Athens Pizza, which I learned was part of a chain. I became Althea, Dimitri's niece, and customers who saw me assumed it was a form of daycare. No one recognized me. I got free Greek lessons and all the pizza I wanted. My parents thought my sisters were taking care of me, and my sisters were glad they didn't have to. Ryan said one of the languages was an elective this term. She was taking Quechua, but there was a Greek class I could take. She could show me where it was. It wouldn't be repeated until next year. I said thank you, that would be great.

After school we went to the park. Sunlight sparkled on the water in the fountain. People were still playing in it and on the jungle gym and swings, and lying on towels on the grass naked. I watched two of them fuck and felt like I was home. I spread out my towel near them, took off my clothes, and sat down. I wet my fingers, opened my legs, and reached down between them while I propped myself up with my other arm. They were a couple spots over, but I had a good view of the girl's legs in the air and the boy thrusting into her. They weren't in any hurry, so I slowed down a little when I felt myself getting excited. Ezra and Tank showed up but didn't say anything. I closed my eyes and felt the heat of the sun. I opened them and didn't wait for the couple I was watching. I let my excitement creep up and gasped out my orgasm. Ezra said hello. I went over and hugged her and Tank. I was tempted to say five, but there would be time for that later.

After dinner as we were getting ready for bed I asked Ezra to sleep next to me, then said seven after someone turned out the light. It meant I wanted to fuck her. She said seven back and kissed me. A little later she said I had a pubic hair. I said what? She said she could feel it. It was longer and thicker than my other body hair, but it didn't seem like a pubic hair yet. It was straight and must be light colored if I hadn't noticed it. The light came on and everyone wanted to see. Tank said that was how they started, except darker for some people. Maybe I'd had it before, and it just reappeared when I came back. Things did that. Then half of them went back to the other bed and we turned out the light again. This time I kissed Ezra and grabbed her penis. It was hard and as big as it got, which was big enough for me. Her pubic hair had gotten thicker in the last month. I reached for the lube and guided her into me. In my reality I was too young to get pregnant, and in hers I couldn't until I learned to ovulate. It was voluntary. They had eliminated social diseases. It wasn't hard if everyone cooperated. I put my legs in the air and felt her moving inside me. It felt good. I kissed her some more. We thrust together slowly and went away for a while. I felt my excitement approach like an old friend. I didn't let it get too close at first, I liked the anticipation. Then I welcomed it and overflowed. Before too long Ezra did too.

The evening before my week was up, I knocked on Snow's door and handed him back his clothes. He asked me in and if I'd had a good visit? Plum and the others were there. I said yes and told him a little about it. I said I was starting to understand Greek. He said he would come to bathroom with me in case I had trouble getting back. This time only I was naked as we padded down the hall. I looked at myself in a mirror, then bent down a little and tried to imagine I saw only the ceiling and a light fixture. I turned around and imagined only one toilet, then peed. A girl can pee just as fast as a boy if you don't put her in a stall. I went into the shower, turned on the water, and hugged Snow while I waited for it to warm up. I didn't say goodbye because hominids didn't do that. But I did kiss him. I let go and didn't want to imagine he wasn't there. I stepped under the water and closed my eyes. I felt it run onto my head and down my body. For a moment nothing happened. I went into my mind and tried to let go of who I was and what I wanted. I felt across realities to the point when I vanished. I heard the echo disappear and felt the direction of the water change. I opened my eyes and felt alone.

Live Oaks

I tried not to let Dimitri and the others see how fast I was learning Greek, but they were still surprised by my progress. I said I practiced what I remembered at home. No one could tell I was lying. Hominids always could if someone did, so they mostly didn't. It was part of what made their world the way it was. It also made courtesy different. No one said they were fine or happy to see you because you would be able to tell if they weren't. Hominids also didn't eat if they weren't hungry. I was picking up that trait and didn't stuff myself on pizza. I had learned that Althea meant marshmallow. The flower, not the sugar thing it was made into. The leaves and root contained mucilage, a sticky stuff, and were used by the Egyptians and Chinese to reduce inflammation.

In may I tried to find a hawthorn, or mayflower, but couldn't. Which wasn't surprising when you considered how big its thorns were. It's a small tree that's supposed to be a passageway to fairyland when in bloom, maybe because the flowers smell like death. I thought it was an odd coincidence that the ship was named after it, but maybe someone had an unexpected sense of humor. Ezra had said you could cross over through trees, and this had seemed like a good one to try. So one afternoon I lay down under some live oaks and tried to fall asleep, which was how it worked. When I didn't, I tried watching my breath and relaxing my muscles in sequence. I heard someone come and sit down on the grass near where I was lying. I tried not to let it bother me and continued meditating. After a minute I heard Ginkgo say hello. She was another person in our group. I opened my eyes and saw the other park. At least my aim was getting better. I sat up and said hello. She smiled and asked how many pubic hairs I had now? I took off my clothes and checked. I said two, both still light colored and straight. She said ah, progress, and hugged and kissed me when she stood up. It was a nice lingering kiss. She had lots of pubic hair and adult nipples on her flat chest. Then we went over and played in the fountain with Socks and Ryan for a while.

We had theater class this term, acting out stories. They liked Macbeth. It was so different from anything they knew. You couldn't play superheroes on a world with no violence. There was no need to play house. But you could always pretend you were an animal and wanted to be boss. And of course it didn't work. You always lost in the end, no matter how many people you killed. It was the same with Hamlet and King Lear. And Henry the Fifth and Julius Caesar and The Merchant of Venice and As You Like It. Order was restored. Othello was different, about a man driven mad by jealousy. The only time you won was when you wanted sex, like in A Midsummer Night's Dream and Twelfth Night. Hominids had no drama of their own. They had no fucking or orgasms, faked or real, in their plays. Even Romeo and Juliet. If you wanted to put on that kind of show you went to the park. They did have kissing and touching. You could grab a boy's erection and pump it, like we did in the balcony scene, you just had to make sure he didn't get too excited onstage.

Hominids could memorize large chunks of text easily. Their brains were different. They were smaller but had more convolutions and surface area. Everything they noticed and experienced stayed it their short term memory. They learned to expand their awareness, and could choose what to remember long term. I was acclimating but had a long way to go. Small parts and short scenes were all I could play so far. I liked being Feste, the fool, and tried to relax my throat and project using my diaphragm.

O Mistress mine, where are you roaming?
O, stay and hear! Your true love's coming,
     That can sing both high and low.
Trip no further, pretty sweeting;
Journeys end in lovers meeting,
     Every wise man's son doth know.

What is love? 'Tis not hereafter;
Present mirth hath present laughter;
     What's to come is still unsure:
In delay there lies no plenty;
Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty,
     Youth's a stuff will not endure.

Except for them youth did endure. They had bred themselves to live a long time and stay young and lithe until almost the end. It was a different reality, and it had its price. Not sticking to the program would be disastrous, both collectively and individually. I had asked Ezra about it before, and she wouldn't tell me. I asked her again that night. She said having an extra child was nearly impossible. A girl had to hide her intention from her group without being able to lie. Everyone lived with a group. She had to find a boy to help her without exposing her plan to anyone else. If someone even asked a question she would be discovered. If she did get pregnant, she would have to hide it in a society that had no private bathrooms or showers. The last case of an unauthorized pregnancy had been three hundred seventy years ago. The child had been taken away. One extra child didn't matter much. The girl had chosen to have a red A tattooed on one side of lower abdomen rather than banishment or death. No government would kill someone. One of her friends would have had to volunteer to do it by pressing lightly on her carotid arteries. People had discovered the boy by simply asking each other if they knew who it was and seeing who lied. He had not been offered alternatives. A male willing the have extra children was much more dangerous than a female. I didn't want to think about it and said seven to Ezra. She said seven back, and there was an element of desperation in our lovemaking that night.

At breakfast I asked Ryan and Socks if it would be possible to see a play? I'd never seen one. Ryan said she had some money from her living allowance. Socks said her mother would pay for her and a guest. Ezra said she didn't need to. Ezra could pay for me out of my allowance. I said I had a allowance? She said yes, if someone vouched for a visitor and provided housing, the city would provide a food subsidy and living allowance. Socks asked what I wanted to see? I said Sweeney and Doris, if it was still playing. I had seen it listed at a theater downtown and had looked it up at the library. Tank said she would like to go too. Ryan said he would check.

It was still in the rotation, and there would be a performance before I left. Three nights later the four of us took a streetcar downtown. We picked up our tickets and joined the crowd going inside. The theater wasn't very big and there was no sound system. Our seats were toward the front. The play was created from the works of T.S. Eliot. He had written two fragments of an unfinished play about Sweeney. Four other poems mention Sweeney, and three more were first published as Doris's Dream Songs. Someone had combined these, along other poems that seemed related and a few famous passages, into a play. The four actors sometimes played more than one character at a time, although this wasn't always obvious. The lights come up on a stage with a window, a bed, two chairs and a door. They recite Preludes.

The winter evening settles down
With smell of steaks in passageways.
Six o'clock.
The burnt-out ends of smoky days.

The notes said poor people used to eat steaks. The rich ate fancier cuts. The four poems about Sweeney follow. In one we learn that Dusty is an epileptic. Another is a fragment from The Waste Land.

But at my back from time to time I hear
The sound of horns and motors, which shall bring
Sweeney to Mrs. Porter in the spring.
O the moon shone bright on Mrs. Porter
And on her daughter
They wash their feet in soda water
Et O ces vois d'enfants, chantant dans la coupole!

The notes said people liked Eliot because he used obscure references and fancy words and wrote about prostitutes, of whom Mrs. Porter is a procuress. Most writing about sex was illegal at the time. The beginning of Prufrock about going to a party follows, then the fragments from the unfinished play.

Where the Gauguin maids
In the banyan shades
Wear palmleaf drapery
Under the bam
Under the boo
Under the bamboo tree.

Doris and Dusty, two prostitutes, have a party with Sam, Sweeney, and five other men in their flat. There is no sex except what was added in the background. They sing songs and Sweeney tells a story about a murder.

I knew a man once did a girl in
Any man might do a girl in
Any man has to, needs to, wants to
Once in a lifetime, do a girl in.
Well he kept her there in a bath
With a gallon of lysol in a bath

Then come the dream songs. Eliot used one of them in The Hollow Men.

This is the dead land
This is cactus land
Here the stone images
Are raised, here they receive
The supplication of a dead man's hand
Under the twinkle of a fading star.

There is some more from The Waste Land about the unreal city, then three related poems. One about Burbank and Bleistein, one about death and a girl who seduces men with uncorseted pneumatic bliss (which might not mean much to hominids), and one that seems to be about Sweeney as a hippopotamus. They end with Rhapsody on a Windy Night.

And through the spaces of the dark
Midnight shakes the memory
As a madman shakes a dead geranium.

It was easy to make fun of this stuff if you took it too seriously, so they didn't. If there is a place where parody and pretension don't overlap, then they found it. There were male and female characters, but it didn't matter which genders played them. Everybody kept their clothes on. The person who played Doris also played the telephone. Its line was Ting a ling ling. I didn't understand most of the play, but it sounded good and I still liked it. For the second show they recited most of the poems from Cats. The book, not the musical. Those didn't make much sense either.

That night I watched Ryan fucking Ginkgo for a while. I wet my fingers, opened my legs, and reached down under the covers. Sometimes I liked to take care of myself. I wondered about the people who got excited reading Eliot. His family came from upper class Boston. He moved to England, married a proper girl, and went to prostitutes instead of fucking her. He also had an affair with an actress. His wife tried to get his attention with drama, so he put her in an asylum. He had some really strange ideas about right and wrong. I could see how self destructive other people were. Was I just as blind?

In june, I was walking in the park when someone threw a handful of bread crumbs onto the path in front of me. A flock of pigeons swooped down and surrounded me for a moment. I was startled and disoriented by the wings and feathers streaming past. When I looked up I saw I was in the other park. I hadn't planned to visit again yet, but here I was so it must be time. I was becoming less like a human and more like a hominid, so crossing over into their reality was getting easier. I learned some more Greek. And I discovered I now had three pubic hairs. This was stupid. I decided I should give up counting them if I could.

Train

The sleeping cars you see in movies have a corridor down one side and compartments on the other. Hominids used the older style cars with an aisle between two rows of berths. In july I started at one end and walked slowly down the hallway outside the apartment where my family lived. I squinted my eyes and tried to see berths on either side instead of the stairway and wall. I reached the other end and turned around. Maybe if I imagined the other kind of sleeping car first. Okay, those weren't doorways to apartments, they were to train compartments and there were more of them. Instead of a stairway railing there were windows that looked out over a prairie going by. The corridor was even narrower. I drew my arms in and hunched my shoulders. I closed my eyes and started walking. I thought I felt the floor move. Someone said excuse me. I opened my eyes. An African boy in a porter's uniform said welcome, my friends had told him to expect me. Right this way. He wasn't much taller than me. No one here was. I'd gotten used to it, but it still seemed odd at times. They built things to their own scale, but the train was even smaller because of the narrow gauge tracks. I followed him down the shifting aisle to another car and saw Altair reading and Ginkgo looking out the window. I thanked the porter and took a seat facing them. We said hello and smiled at each other. I felt very relieved that this had worked.

The sunlight slanted across the grasslands. We were on our way to the prairie reserve for bison, prairie dogs, ferrets, coyotes, grouse and dragonflies in Oklahoma and Kansas. It excluded part of Oklahoma and included part of Texas, but nobody cared if a few panhandlers ended up in the wrong place. There were roads in and around cities but no highways. They used trains and ships for shipping and travel. They had no commercial, military or private planes and no airports. If they needed to fly they used helicopters. Agriculture and railroads had separated the bison into northern and southern herds, unlike the caribou whose reserve still stretched all the way across the tundra. The northern buffalo herd was on the mountain and high plain reserve in Idaho, Montana and most of Wyoming. The plains were too dry for extensive farming, but agriculture was permitted in some areas that could be irrigated sustainably. Hunting with traditional methods and small scale farming near towns were permitted on the reserve, but railroads were not.

Porters were a traditionally African profession. Some of them were American or European now, and half of them were probably girls. Who could tell? They left one or more cars on a train made up as berths so people could fuck more conveniently if they wanted to. Altair and I did. Ginkgo came along to watch. Not that there weren't people touching and masting where they sat. Some people got tried of watching the scenery. It would have been a rolling orgy, except you didn't approach a stranger for sex. You struck up a conversation, got to know him, went on a date, invited him home to meet the rest of your group, then fucked his brains out. If you were in a hurry, all of this could be accomplished in an hour, since people didn't generally travel without at least two other members of their group, or suitable standins. Or it could take six months to arrange schedules.

The berths weren't wide enough for hominids. The narrow gauge car made them crowded even with two people. But with upper and lower berths on both sides of the aisle, you had an eight person bed on two levels with a big hole in the middle. There weren't any curtains. Altair and I pulled back the covers, took off our shoes in the slightly swaying car, climbed up to a top berth, Ginkgo to the one opposite, and got undressed. That might be awkward in the cramped space if girls here wore dresses or bras, but they didn't. Altair kissed me and ran her hand down my body from shoulder to hip. I opened my legs. She wet her fingers and slid them into my folds. Oh yes, that felt good. A little later she climbed on top and slipped into me. We moved together slowly. Ginkgo seemed content to just watch. We could hear murmurs and sighs from other berths and their occupants. Sunlight came in from the cupola running down the length of the car. I felt the warm body on top of mine and thrusting into me and held onto it and pushed back. I liked her pubic hair grinding against me. I closed my eyes and was content. I decided I wanted something more when Altair started moving faster. She let it build little by little. Our breathing got deeper. She was waiting for me, but I held out. Then I let go, and she worked me up toward a climax, and I looked at Ginkgo and gasped out my orgasm. Ginkgo reached into her pants. Altair came on top of me. We rolled apart and snuggled together and watched Ginkgo. She opened her eyes and looked back just before her own spasm hit.

We went to dinner in the dining car. There was silver and crystal and cloth napkins and menu cards. The porter took our orders. Afterward we went back to the other car. Ginkgo had linear algebra and civil law this term. There weren't any electives in high school, people didn't specialize until grad school. There wasn't space for everyone to travel during break, so Altair and Ginkgo went during the term and had to keep up on their own. The trip was part of their biology classes. My class would be starting Cantonese. Ginkgo said she would help me with it so I wouldn't miss out. She was Japanese, but while the languages are completely different, written Japanese uses many Chinese characters. And it was one of the languages everyone learned. There had been no revolution in China, and Cantonese was still more widely spoken than Mandarin. The Americans where we were going spoke Sioux.

Hominids used human languages since we shared a culture, but not nearly as many as we did. All of them learned the five widely spoken languages, plus one Romance language and two electives. The main American languages were Inuit, Tlingit, Salish, Iroquois, Algonquin, Sioux, Apache, Nahuatl and Mayan. America meant North and Central America. They referred to South America as Colombia to avoid confusion, although the Americas meant both continents. There weren't any countries. The main Colombian languages were Caribe, Arawak, Quechua, Tupi, Je and Chon. I asked if Americans lived in groups like we did? Ginkgo said yes, they had adopted many aspects of traditional Native American culture from my reality, but no hominids had given up the group social structure.

The most common group sizes were thought to be 7 and 9, which fit in a standard room of two 5 person beds. No one could exist in isolation, and 2 people fed each others delusions, but there were some groups of 3. A group of 4 was too evenly balanced to be stable, and while 5 was small and 6 also had balance problems, they both worked. Groups of 8 were large enough that balance was less of an issue. The largest common group size was 18. It was symmetrical and stable and fit in two rooms. Two empty spaces let people change beds at night. There were also other size rooms and groups. Some larger groups bought or shared a house. The first group created by the gods had been 48 people, although some said 52 because it was 4 times 13, or 54 because it was 3 times 18. Some people lived in groups that large for religious or historical reasons. Others thought that was too many to be considered a group, but no one argued over words.

An infant stayed with her mother for the first year. A toddler started daycare at one. She was talking to some extent and had some rights and some freedom of choice. A kid became independent at three. He moved from his family group to a kids group and started grade school at the beginning of the next term. The older kids in his group helped and cared for him. He started middle school and entered puberty at four. A kid was an adult at five and started high school. He could vote, work, and have a child, although most people finished school before having their child. He helped and cared for the younger kids in his group. A person had full rights and responsibilities at seven. He finished high school, which was the equivalent of college, and joined a peer group or family group. He could join the service corps, start a business, hire people, or move to another city if he chose. He might go to grad school. Everyone had to complete two years of service by the time he was 20. Most people did so earlier. The service corps did necessary jobs that not enough people wanted to make a career of. Money was not enough of an incentive, so they were shared. Some of the jobs got enough volunteers without pay, some did at various rates, and some were filled by lot and those who put down wherever needed. Everyone had to complete another two years before 60, and another two before 100. Most people lived until at least 120.

Companies were responsible for the training and actions of their drivers, engineers, captains or pilots. There were no private cars or power boats, but people did sail and paddle and were responsible enough to take classes. There was no gambling. Life and business were risky enough for anyone. You couldn't buy a stake in a company you were not actively involved in unless it was a start up. No company could own another company. A corporation was not a person and had more limited rights. There were no absentee landlords. Owners had to live within a certain distance of their buildings. All land was owned by the city and leased to people, a custom adopted or preserved from traditional cultures. People did have some rights of possession or occupation, and were compensated for improvements when their lease expired. It worked pretty much like the human system. The government could do what it wanted but mostly left people alone.

The porters came in to make the seats up into berths, which I found fascinating to watch. They were sort of like Airstream trailer bunks. They left towels and dimmed the lights when they finished, and Ginkgo said five to me. I said five back, and we climbed up to a berth and kissed and diddled each other for a while. Altair dozed. Later I swapped places and cuddled with Altair. People had left during the conversion. Now the car was filling up again. A boy asked Ginkgo if he could share her berth, and she said yes, please do. He climbed up over her and got undressed. He said his name was Rigel and introduced his companions in the berth below. Ginkgo stuck her head over the edge and said hello. She introduced Altair and me, and we said hi to all of them from where we were. She and Rigel cuddled for a bit, then one of them said three and they started kissing. Altair and I fucked again, as did most of the other people in the car. Train sex was popular. Then we went to sleep.

When it started to get light I heard Rigel say seven. I had heard him and Ginkgo talking quietly when I woke up at night. Sharing a berth counted as a date. Parts of our groups had met each other. Cuddling and kissing was just friendly. Anything beyond that was, in theory, a long term commitment to keep in touch and exchange at least occasional visits. There was a pause. Ginkgo had learned he lived here and traveled to New Orleans sometimes on business. I waited to see what would happen. She said seven back and proceeded to fuck his brains out. Which set off another round for those who weren't too tired. People here liked feeling connected. I eyed Rigel speculatively. So did Altair. The train would be arriving in Kansas soon, and people had until 10 AM to disembark. Ginkgo couldn't take that long because we had a ride to catch. Kansas meant the Missouri side of the city. The Kansas side was part of the reserve and didn't exist. Like other cities, it was much smaller in this reality.

Altair and I went to breakfast. The dining car was still open and people straggled in. I asked if there was a term for members of ones group? Altair said no, some had been proposed but no one had liked them. Even sisterwives had died out quickly and hadn't included children. The term group included everyone, and the term sib described the relation of the children to each other, but otherwise you to treated persons as individuals. It didn't really matter much who was with whom. You could feel affection for anyone and many people were part of your life. Groups were often fluid, some more than others, with people moving back and forth between them. Ginkgo joined us outside with a few minutes to spare. Hominids had a good sense of time and thought being late was disrespectful. Altair had already collected their luggage. We boarded the ATM, all terrain minibus, and started for Topeka. The other option was horseback.

Dreams

In august I browsed through the stacks at the library. Somewhere between Cussler and Dahl the books rearranged themselves. I headed for the catalog to check on an idea. I wanted to know if this reality had the complete works of Sappho instead of only fragments. I had run across some of her poetry while I was studying Greek and liked it. It did. I got excited and was going through a bilingual edition looking for where some of my favorite bits came from when I heard someone say hello. I looked up blankly, then recognized Snow and Sohl. There were tears in my eyes. I now knew the context of Pain penetrates me drop by drop. I explained what I was doing and said yes, I was happy to see them. They told me where they'd be and asked me to come over when I was done. I did, and we went outside and sat under the trees while we caught up. A lot had happened in our lives. Then I asked Snow, since I seemed to be drawn to him, if he would like to visit my group? He said yes, he would. I said good, I would ask Ryan and Socks to see if they could arrange it with his. Visits were usually scheduled two or three months in advance, and I was only here for a week at a time. It might take a while. He told me where to catch the streetcar that would take me across town, and I kissed them both before I left.

I dreamed I went dancing in my nightshirt and briefs. In september I went to sleep and appeared in Ezra and Tank's room. I couldn't tell any difference from when I visited while I was awake, except that I was in bed and not naked. Which was quickly remedied. Everyone was asleep so I snuggled up to Socks. She said hello Jamie, but I don't think she woke up. Later on I heard Ezra whisper seven to me. I whispered seven back and she welcomed me home.

In New Orleans this time of year, lots of people didn't wear pants. Since I was dreaming this visit I decided to keep wearing a white tee shirt and briefs like I was sleeping in. We had plenty in the clothes room. Ryan had moved on to middle school, so I went to some classes with Socks. In theater class we studied lighting, timing, movement and intonation. In computer class I was trying to learn to type. I didn't understand most of the other stuff but could sit with a text editor and practice. I had started on Cantonese, and the other language this term was English, which I already knew well enough. You just had to stick a U into some of the words.

After school Ryan escorted Tank and me to Forth and Fifth's group. It was the start of the full moon observance, and the three of us would be staying with them for two nights. It was my first visit to another group, although I'd been here once when my group hosted the two of them and Tau. We met them in a park. Along with Forth and Tau, there were Kali, Stone, Beetle and Cygnus. Fifth and two others were off visiting another group. I was a little nervous. Ryan had asked me if I wanted to do this, and I'd said yes. I had met them before but didn't know them very well. We spent some time playing in the fountain. This one was smaller and had water dripping down instead of jets shooting up. Not having bathing suits made things easier. People seemed to spend more time running around than they did in the water. The adults here liked playing just as much as the kids, but since no one looked older than six or seven you couldn't tell which ones they were. Afterward we lay on towels in the sun and listened to a group performing jazz and old time music. I snuggled with Cygnus.

People liked to go out to bistros during the full moon, and even though not everyone did on the same night, it had left enough room in the dining hall for a small group to set up on some risers. They played classical and jazz with a violin, cello, and two guitars to serve as a piano. After dinner some more tables were moved back. The main lights dimmed and the stage and dance lighting came up. Theater classes were useful. The band switched to old rock music, which seemed to be what people liked to dance to here. The violin became a fiddle, the guitars became lead and rhythm, the cello served as a bass, and they added a drum. Hominids didn't drink alcohol or coffee, but the serving counters held a variety of desserts that you wouldn't see in a human dining hall. A bakery had brought in cream puffs, creme brulee, fruit tarts, petit gateaux, and a chocolate mousse cake that looked like tiramisu. I reminded myself that hominids didn't overeat, but I did see a lot of people sharing desserts. I got some of the mousse cake and help eating it.

It had cooled off some and all the windows were open, but it wasn't long before all the dancers were naked. Stone asked me to dance, and we decided we might as well strip first. There were lots of things I liked about this place, but most of them came down to the fact that the people were open and sensible. As in providing terry cloth napkins and drying each other off. Forth got up and sang with band for the second set. She had an excellent voice but tended to be overshadowed by her twin when they sang together. I needed to get someone in my group to help me learn to sing harmony. This time I danced with Beetle. They did Good Day Sunshine, I am the Walrus, If I were a Carpenter, The Old Dance, and My Cabbages. Some people slow danced to Carpenter, and I saw quite a few erections afterward. I realized I was no longer nervous about tonight.

I had brought my toothbrush and a couple extra white tee shirts. I wouldn't need any money. The dining hall fees were covered by the exchange of visits, and as a guest I hadn't been allowed to pay for my dessert. In bed after the lights were turned off I saw the room slowly fill with moonlight as my eyes adjusted. Stone said seven to me first. I wondered if they had figured out the order beforehand. Or maybe Forth had arranged things. Probably not. I said seven back. I kissed him first. Tongues, lips, hands, thighs, shoulders, nipples, feet, fingers, legs. He climbed on top of me, and I sighed as I felt her enter. She slowly started moving, and I matched her rhythm. I wondered how many people she had fucked? I counted how many it had been for me and realized it was two. It was not anatomically possible for me to fuck girls, and Ryan hadn't yet. No, make that three. And soon to be more. And I was trying arrange something with Snow and his group. And Rigel was supposed to visit sometime. And there would be the return visit to whomever the boys were hosting. And I should check on when I'd be here during the waxing crescent and if we'd be exchanging visits that time.

I came back to the present. Stone was living up to her name. Her hardness inside me felt good. I supposed, with all this practice and observation, all the boys here were skilled. I moved my hands down her back and felt the muscles in her buttocks bunch with each thrust. That was it. Concentrate on the sensations of the here and now. This was what mattered. I sought out her lips and tongue again. Fifth loved her. I loved Fifth. I liked Forth too. She was over there with someone. So was Tank. It wasn't just us. I wanted to be connected to these people and this world. Oh yes, that was it. Give it to me. Be with me. I am you. Everybody. I opened myself up. I was near the edge. Don't think about it. Just be here. Yes. Ah, ah, ah. Uh, uh. Oh. Umm. Yes. Come to me now. That's it. Uh, Uh. Umm.

Sometime later someone said seven to me. I realized I was awake. Which meant I had been asleep. Stuff was going on but not much. It must be my turn again. Good. I said seven back and tried to see who it was. Beetle. Yes, that was good. I wanted to be with him now. He kissed me. More body parts. I smiled as she slipped herself into me. I held her and felt her movement. Yes. Good. Do this. Later on I heard myself gasp out another orgasm. I kept going and waited. Yes, here she came. Umm.

They let me sleep the rest of the night, which was probably a good thing. I don't think any of the others minded filling in for me, if they had. You were supposed to have sex off and on all night during the full moon, but no one specified how much off and how much on. Cuddling was level one, so it counted if you wanted it to. You didn't have to actually wake up. Anyhow, I thought I'd done my bit. The walls seemed fairly thick, but we'd been able to hear some of what went on in the adjoining apartments during the night. No one had been excessively loud. It was early morning when Kali said six to me.

I said six back and that I wanted to do her first, since I'd been on my back so far during the visit. Not that there was anything wrong with it. Then I kissed the girl. I worked down her body and around her pubic hair, turning as I did so, and put my head between her thighs. I liked this sort of kissing too. So did she. I realized I hadn't gone down on girls as much as doing other things. I didn't know why, because I liked it. A lot. I decided to be more proactive. I lapped her clitoris and sucked on it, sometimes moving my finger around in the wetness of her vagina, sometimes moving down there to taste her better. I gripped her buttocks so I could feel her squirm and thrust. I suppose you could call a half sixty nine a thirty four. Someone probably had. I wondered what a twenty three would be? I slowed down as she got more excited, then let her come in a sharp series of gasps. I moved back up and let her taste herself, then she moved down and tasted me. After I'd come in my own series of grunts, we all showered together and went to breakfast. I met Socks at school in my improvised nightshirt. A couple kids had miscalculated the distance or time and were late.

That afternoon in the park I tried talking to Stone about some of the things I'd thought of last night. But she lived up to her name. Which was okay, everyone should have her standards. So I talked to Forth. Just how connected did people want to be? And what did they mean by connected? She asked how connected I wanted to be and what did I mean? Which I thought was very perceptive, because that's what I really wanted to talk about. I said everybody was everybody, and everything affected everything. It was like the song. I am you as you are me and we are all together. Except I wouldn't personally be the eggman until I started ovulating. And no matter how nice we tried to be, we all had a piece of the walrus buried in us somewhere, even if we didn't like to admit it. I knew John wrote the song as deliberate nonsense, but that just made it easier to see ourselves in it. Like a mirror. And if this was a dream, then whose was it? What would happen when I disappeared from human reality? Would I go out like a light? If I was never a human, would that mean I was always a hominid?

Forth said yes. After a while I said yes what? She said everyone was everyone. The mistake was thinking that anything existed. I said stuff seemed real. She said it was real. At any moment I and all the stuff I saw and heard and felt and thought was real. So was the stuff in the next moment. And they were connected. They just weren't the same stuff. I said huh? She asked me to move over. So I got up and moved over. She said the person I was in this time and place wasn't the same person I had been in the other time and place. There were no objects that persisted through time. There were only connected events that each occupied a particular time and place. Everything was newly created every moment. I said I felt like the same person. She said well yes, there was that.

She said awareness was not an object or event. It existed in all times and in all places. And it was all the same. I said that what I was aware of wasn't the same as what she was aware of. She said no, it wasn't. What we were aware of was different, mostly, but the awareness itself was the same. That was the only way we knew that other people were real. I thought about it. After a while I said it didn't make sense. She no, it didn't. That was a good start. She asked how I knew that she existed? Not as an object, but as an awareness like my own? I thought about it some more. I said it was impossible, there was no way I could know, but I did. Everyone knew that other people existed. Because without that there was nothing. She said exactly. We knew it through our shared awareness. People who said there was nothing except the material world had to either cheat or admit that no one really existed. It was nonsense either way. I would cease to exist in the human reality, I would exist here, and there would be a continuity of awareness. That was all anyone could say.

She said twins often had a bond. She and Fifth were born two days apart to different mothers in the same family group. It wasn't a coincidence. Hominid girls controlled their own ovulation, but their cycles were still tied to the moon. Conceptions and births happened near the full moon, and if people were born less than a month apart, it was probably within a few days of each other. And even though hominids had as much genetic variation as humans, there wasn't as much variation in body type, height, temperament and intelligence. She and Fifth had the same environment and similar heredity. They had gone to the same daycare and joined the same kids group by choice. Twins of the same gender often stayed together. But the bond between twins of opposite genders interfered with other connections since they could fuck. Oral sex wasn't as much of a problem.

I asked her to wait. I asked if sibs had sex with each other? She said not in the family group. They were too young. And they usually joined different kids groups, but not always. So yes, they did sometimes have sex with each other. I said okay, go ahead. She said that among twins, it wasn't the bond itself that was the problem, it was the lack of other connections that it caused. So, people wanted to be as connected as possible, but they needed the connections to be somewhat balanced. And that included their connection with themselves. Which meant that there was a practical limit on the number and strength of the connections. Each person had to find what worked for herself. After a moment I said thank you, I thought I understood, sort of.

That night Beetle said seven to Tank first. Tank said seven back and kissed her. A little later Cygnus said seven to me. He was four, my age, and younger than Beetle and Stone. I said seven back and asked him to wait. We snuggled while I continued to watch Beetle and Tank. Beetle sucked on her nipples and had her hand between Tank's thighs. I could see Beetle's wrist moving and Tank's reaction to her fingers. She usually came before fucking when someone did that. A few moments after she did, she rolled Beetle back, kissed her, and started pumping her penis. Before long she climbed on top and guided it into her vagina. She usually rolled onto her back before she came again. I turned around and kissed Cygnus without waiting to see. He kissed me back and reached down between my thighs. I lifted my knee and moved my hips as his fingers worked. I felt my buttocks tighten with each thrust. I rolled back and pulled him onto me when I heard Tank's orgasm. I had to scoot over to keep from bumping into her. He lined up his penis and pushed into me. I held her, and we moved together. Tank usually came again before her partner did.

Later that night Forth said six and asked me to do her. I said six back and kissed her thoroughly. They had three spots reserved on the bed in the coupla that night, so we climbed the narrow stairs and joined the people up there. The moonlit city spread out before us, and we could see people fucking on other rooftops. There were railings to prevent a stray foot from going through the glass. I resumed kissing Forth and worked my way down past her nipples and navel. I tried not to be jealous of her thick pubic hair. My own was starting to curl and darken, and my nipples were getting bigger. I opened her up and sucked her little oyster in. We went off someplace for a while. How do you tell when someone wants to get there more than she wants to keep going? And do you let her? Not yet, anyway. Soon, but not quite yet.

The stars were still bright when Stone came up to join us and said fourteen to me. I said what? She said that was how many girls she'd fucked. I was fifteen. I said oh, how had she known? She said I had seemed rather thoughtful last night so she'd taken a shot in the dark, so to speak. I said I was sorry. She said thoughtful was good, up to a point. Then she said seven again. She had her own way of communicating, which I appreciated. I tried to learn what I could about it. We showered together again that morning, which I liked. I looked at all the gleaming bodies around me and thought I'd done pretty well. Three boys and both girls. Tau was still a little young, and Tank had fucked him. We would be leaving after breakfast and going home that evening, but there were still three nights of the full moon left. I decided to work on being more open and sensible.

After dinner two nights later Brook asked if I would sleep next to her and said six. I said six back and yes. I was a little confused, because we usually made sleeping arrangements when we got ready for bed. Maybe she wanted to be sure no one else asked me first, but with a girl it didn't matter. With a firm mattress and enough lube she could keep going all night, although a boy might get tired after the first couple times.

In bed after the light was out Brook was quiet at first. Then she said she had turned seven and was moving out at the end of the term this month, when she finished high school. I said no, I didn't want her to leave. She said she would miss me too, but we could still see each other and visit. It wouldn't be really hard until I had to choose a peer group, and then a family group, because I would love so many people by then. And there might not be space in some of the groups I'd want to join. I thought about not being with Ezra, and I realized how much I loved him. Then I thought about Altair and Tank and Ryan and Snow, and Forth and Stone. That made it better and worse at the same time. I started crying. Brook held me and said I had lots of time. Since I was behind, I would have four more years in the kids group. But that was the problem with love. It hurt. There were tears in her eyes too. I told her I was sorry and kissed her. Three days later I woke up back in my own bed.

Water

In october I took a bus to the riverfront and walked along it. If I acted like I knew what I was doing, people assumed I was with my parents. It helped if I followed someone. And people noticed me less as I became less a part of their reality. I boarded the Algiers ferry and looked at the river flowing by. I closed by eyes and imagined a larger ship farther up the river. I thought of Ezra and Tank. I could feel them. I opened my eyes and saw them standing at the rail next to me. I was higher up and looking at a different riverbank, one without as many buildings. The Mississippi was too shallow in many places for freighters. The hominids used smaller towboats pushing fewer barges. They did add a passenger deck with an observation area. They didn't like to be alone or go without sex, so they usually traveled in threes. The cabin had two levels of nine person beds against the bulkheads at either end, and doors on both sides. The galley was bigger and there were more toilets. Marine heads were not used due to the pollution. The trip was part of Ezra and Tank's economics classes and general education. Hominids didn't travel much, and they had never been to another city before. The trip to Memphis took two days. They would attend classes for two weeks and form connections there.

My fish shirt felt bigger than it had before, and my pants were longer. When I mentioned it, Ezra said that since I was only here one week a month, I wasn't growing as fast as I was in the human world. I said oh. My growth spurt wasn't very noticeable while it was happening, and last month I had been wearing a loose fitting nightshirt. I told them I had been practicing my Cantonese. When the manager of the Chinese restaurant saw how much I knew, she let me sit behind the counter and practice talking to the cooks until dinner started. I was working on my pronunciation and tone. Hominids were supposed to know two languages when they started grade school, but lots of kids knew three. They learn a new one at daycare during the first or second year or both. It was their choice which. Learning languages is not as difficult at that age, and gets easier with each one. The problem is not knowing what's going on at first, but toddlers are used to that. This term I was supposed to study Hindi, with German as my elective.

In high school Ezra was studying calculus, statistics, physics, chemistry, biology and economics. After three terms of preparation, kids moved on to more advanced topics for the next two. Differential and partial differential equations, material science, quantum mechanics and relativity, organic chemistry, molecular biology and ecosystems, and microbiology. They could start grade school during any term so they wouldn't be a year behind, but it messed up their high school schedule. They got around this by having three terms of classes without prerequisites, that could be taken before or after the five term sequence. These were different branches of math, journalism, law, psychology, medicine and business. For example, math was linear algebra, numerical methods and topology. Medicine was massage, anatomy and basic healthcare, which was how diagnose common ailments and care for or treat someone. Hominids did not make such a big deal about who was a doctor and who wasn't. None of their schools handed out degrees, and everyone was responsible for what he did. You couldn't expect people to understand writing, obey the law, or take care of themselves if they hadn't learned how. These classes did use some math and science that kids might not have had yet, but they didn't have to understand it until later.

That night I snuggled between Ezra and Tank on a lower level in the middle. There were 25 passengers and a crew of 7, which left four empty spots. Plus some of the crew was on duty. I said six to Tank first. She said six back and kissed me. When she got down to my nipple, it felt like nothing ever had before. I might be taller as a human, but I was growing in other ways as a hominid. My nipples here were larger and more sensitive than last time. I was going through puberty faster than normal as my body acclimated to this reality. I was wet by the time Tank reached my crotch. Her finger slid inside, and her tongue and lips massaged my clitoris. I gasped and writhed and listened to the sounds around us. Boat sex was popular. After I came, Ezra climbed over me and fucked Tank. I had my turn with Tank and tasted Ezra, then Ezra was ready for me. I was proud of my new maturity and wanted to show her what I could do, which I guess wasn't really much different. It was good as always, and we added more grunts to the chorus.

Territories such as we were passing through were administered by a city or group cities and had differing degrees of autonomy. Rights to land, water and minerals could be a tricky issue, but since limits on individual wealth were built into the tax system, something was always worked out. People were more interested in what worked than in ideologies, and intelligent enough to see what did. Cities had a legislative Assembly of 13 representatives with a speaker, and a judicial Court of 5 justices with a moderator. There was an executive Council of 8 ministers with a president, who headed the department of State and Trade. The other ministers were in charge of Treasury and Budget, Justice and Security, Interior and Environment, Agriculture and Energy, Commerce and Transportation, Labor and Education, and Health and Housing. Technology was part of Education. The healing arts and professions were part of their religion, but religious organizations refused to accept any authority. The dining halls were under Housing instead of Agriculture to prevent conflict of interest. Not being able to lie made campaigns much shorter and corruption impossible.

In november I wanted to try something with pools but didn't have one, so I filled up the sink. Then I turned the water back on a little. Then I turned it off, got a chair to stand on, and turned it on again. I looked at the water. I reached in and touched the bottom of the sink. Then I closed my eyes, reached in slowly, and touched the bottom of the sink. I took my hand out and looked at the water some more. I tried to imagine a dark forest pool, even though I had never seen one. I imagined that the inside of the sink was painted black instead of white first, and that helped. There were trees around, and leaves, and rocks. I tried to feel a breeze, and hear birds. I closed my eyes and reached in. My hand kept going. I stopped when my nose touched the water. I decided I needed to do this differently. I took off my clothes and sat down on the edge. I closed my eyes and put my foot in, then my other foot. The water got up over my knees, then my feet hit bottom. I put my arms up over my head, took a breath, and slithered down into the water. I reached out and felt someone's legs. I came up to sunlight, falling water, and kids yelling and running around the fountain.

Humps

In december I tried jumping on my bed. After a few bounces I landed with a thud, which was probably a good thing because hominid ceilings were not nearly as high. And the mattress on the floor didn't bounce as nearly as well. It was late afternoon and no one was here, which was also good because I could have landed on someone. I should have been more careful. I walked over to the park and found Ryan, Socks and Lizard. Lizard had joined the group when Brook left, and as junior boy, took over Ryan's task off arranging visits. Socks moved up to senior member of that team, and anyone else would help out if asked. It went by age rather than seniority, so I wouldn't take over from anyone. But I would need to help for a while since I had never done it before. If someone didn't rotate out of the job after a year, as often happened in family groups, people started taking turns.

I had a date with Snow the next day. Socks had said we should go on one before his visit, and I had arranged to meet him at a park. He smiled when he saw me and I ran up and kissed him. Then I kissed Plum and Twenty, who were there too. I wanted to, and it seemed appropriate somehow. I was happy to see all of them but a little nervous. I had never been on a date before. It was a nice day with sun sometimes but sort of cold, and there weren't a lot of other people in the park. We walked around and I asked Snow about the poster I had seen in their room. He said the things that looked sort of like badgers with funny noses were slithy toves. The tall awkward looking birds were borogoves, which were related to tookie tookie birds. The mome raths were ghost pigs and were said to sing and possibly fly. The picture was from a book. I said what about the birdbath with the toy sailboat? He said that was actually a sundial. I said oh.

Snow asked what I had been doing, and I told them about the ferry and the towboat. There had been a couple bands traveling that had put on shows for the captain and crew and other passengers. Touring bands helped link the cities together. Twenty wanted to know about about other ways I had crossed over. They already knew about the shower and library, so I told them about the train and pigeons and sink. They were amused and impressed. We climbed and played on the jungle gym for a while, which was made into a giant three dimensional maze by clear plastic barriers, and later made our way to the bistro where Forth and Fifth were playing. Plum had the grape leaves and the rest of us had mousaka. It was vegetarian, like most hominid food. Besides Forth on guitar, there was a mandolin and a cello played as a bass. They did Summer Breeze, Complainte Pour Ste Catherine, and Jamaica Farewell. I danced with all my dates.

Two days later I had my first group therapy session. It was for acclimating humans who wanted help fitting in. No one seemed to have a problem with only being allowed one child. I guess they wouldn't be here if they did. What is not growing up? The therapist asked us think of the things we would never do because we moved here. One person said drink coffee. Others said drive a car, get drunk, hate your job, pay a mortgage, get married, have your own room, and make dinner. We would still be able to fuck and not have people tell us what to do. Then he asked about things that bothered us here. Everyone liked being naked once they got used to it. After a minute I said that girls having sex didn't bother me, but I had a problem seeing boys together. Others said they did too. The therapist said many humans did. He asked if I would talk about how I felt?

I said I didn't mind sharing Ezra with other girls, it was even exciting. And he shared me with them. But sharing him with Altair felt different. It bothered me, a little, to see them kissing and humping each other. I didn't know why. I liked sex with girls and with boys, so why shouldn't they? Oral sex wasn't so bad. It looked just like when a girl did it. But somehow an extra penis when they were front to front was disturbing. As if loving your own reflection was only okay if there wasn't anything there. The therapist asked how I would feel about two girls being together if they both had breasts? I thought about it and said it seemed a little strange. I might like it if I was one of them, but it wouldn't be worth the bother of having breasts. My oldest sister was already tired of them, although they both liked the way they attracted boys. He said there was very little instinctual aversion to seeing boys together. The learned aversion would fade if we kept an open mind. I said good, then I didn't have to worry about it. He asked how the others felt about breasts? The girls mostly agreed with me and didn't want to worry about them. The boys thought they were weird, these big lumps you were supposed to notice and pretend that you didn't. Some were afraid of missing out on something, but they all thought it was better here, where they didn't have to hide their erections and nobody cared much about size.

That evening Ryan said five to me. I said seven. She hesitated then said six. I said six back. I wondered why she didn't want to fuck me? Maybe she was shy about not being able to ejaculate yet. It didn't matter. Her reasons were her own and weren't considered secrets. Not being asked why was the only privacy people here had. She kissed me and reached down between my legs. I was ready for her, and her fingers slid into my wetness. Oh god, that felt good. I held her against my body and attacked her lips and tongue. My hips gyrated against her erection. A few minutes later I grunted out a squishy orgasm. Then I moved down, collected some of my juices, and started stroking her penis. I nibbled up the underside and put it in my mouth. She sounded as if she were in agony, so I eased up a little. A few minutes later she asked me to wait. She said she didn't think she would be able to come like this. I said okay and lay back. She moved beside me and started slowly pumping against my thigh. I put my arms around her neck and felt the motion of her shoulders and hips. I wasn't sure this was going to work either, but after a while she started going faster. Then her breathing deepened to thrusts and gasps. I held her and felt pleased.

After school the next day I went for a walk by myself. I had been thinking about something since the group therapy session. I liked being with everyone, it was the main reason I wanted to move here, but how did I feel about not having time to myself? Since I was only here for a week at a time, it hadn't mattered much so far. But I was used to being alone. My family ignored me, and it was the only way I could think without being interrupted. My group was more respectful when I was reading or doing something. And I didn't have to watch everything I did to keep from being made fun of. I already felt more at ease around people. They listened to me and took what I said seriously, which was good but a little frightening. I couldn't just babble nonsense. Everyone had time alone when they meditated, and I could always go for a walk or to the library if I needed to get away for a while. I decided it would be okay.

Night

There are, of course, no caves in New Orleans. So one night in january I pulled the covers over my head and used my imagination. That was getting easier. As I became more hominid, I became less real here and gained magical powers. Which would have been fun except no one noticed. People were forgetting about me. I left my jobs at Athens Pizza and the Chinese restaurant because half the time people didn't hear me when I said something. The covers made a pretty good cave. It wasn't completely dark under here at first, but instead of getting brighter as my eyes adjusted, it got darker. I crawled around a bit, finding my way partly by touch, then set off exploring. After a few minutes I found my youngest sister lying still and breathing slowly off somewhere on another part of the mattress. I stuck my head out and looked at her mouth hanging open. Then I went back and continued on. I found my oldest sister asleep with a pillow between her legs. She had her jaw clenched and seemed to be grinding her teeth. I came out next between my parents, who were sleeping naked. That seemed unfair, since they always made me wear a nightshirt. I found other couples and kids and adults wearing pajamas, nightgowns, underwear and nothing. Also fuzzy stuffed animals, dented books, flashlights, and various lost articles of clothing. There were cats sleeping under here too, some of whom noticed me but pretended they didn't. It was getting crowded. Most of the couples fucking had only their legs or feet under the covers, if anything. I put my head out and looked at some of them. I had never seen humans fuck before. They had hair in surprising places, and not much more imagination than hominids did. Some had the lights on and some didn't, but none of them noticed me sharing their bed.

All of which was interesting but wasn't getting me where I wanted to go. I stopped and thought. A hominid queensize bed was the same size as a human one, but they slept the other direction, crosswise, since they were shorter and needed to fit more people in the bed. There were two sets of covers so someone could get in the middle, and so you wouldn't have to fight with four other people for your share of the covers if you were on the outside. They didn't have actual beds, just mattresses on the floor, sort of like traditional Japanese rooms. I couldn't sense anything like that around here, so I looked for another direction to crawl in. Then I moved over a few inches and found Xis, or parts of her. She said hello, I must be Jamie. The others had told her about me. I stuck my head up and said hello, it was nice to meet her. I learned that she had joined the group when Ginkgo left, and had taken over Socks's job of arranging visits. Socks had moved up to middle school with Ryan. I would be studying Arabic and French this term, like I had with Ryan on my first visit here. I felt like I was being left behind, but next term I would get to start grade school for real instead of just learning bits and pieces of things when I visited.

What do you do with a rock? If there were major geological features common to both realities, I could use one of them, but the whole place was built on Mississippi marsh. On my last visit I had picked up the largest piece of gravel I could find from the railroad tracks and decided it was a homing rock. In febuary I tossed it up in the air and said fly, little pebble, fly! It did. More or less straight down. This seemed like a promising start. I picked it up again and talked to it. I told it that it was time to go home and it should go back to where it was before. I reminded it of how happy it had been with the trains and all the rest of the ballast. I said I was sorry for disturbing it and asked for its help. I promised to leave it alone in the future. Then I threw it up into the air again. It spun slowly as it got smaller. It got larger as it came back and landed, as nearly as I could tell, in exactly the same spot where I had first found it. I clapped my hands loudly and bowed, thanking it for its help in returning me and in keeping the trains safe.

In group therapy three days later we learned about detecting lies. It started out as a feeling that something wasn't right, but we had to separate this from wishful thinking, believing what we wanted to believe. I had to use some of the detachment I had learned in my meditation practice. We broke up into smaller groups and took turns asking and answering questions. First we gave obviously right and wrong answers and tried to feel the difference. Then we tried to fool each other, which felt different from the obvious lies. Sometimes I thought felt something, sometimes I wasn't sure, but all of us were right more often than we were wrong even if we didn't know how we did it. Then the therapist brought in a guest to help us. He showed us the black T on the back of his hand. He said it was to let people know that he could lie and to remind him to always tell the truth. He did help. The unwavering blankness I felt when he lied helped me see and understand what I felt when someone else did, or didn't. At some point during the past year I had started seeing the truth without realizing it. The lies I told myself had masked my ability. If I took a mental step sideways and turned, I could sense them. It was like letting go and dropping into another reality.

Five hominids in ten thousand couldn't always tell when someone was lying. Two in ten thousand could lie without most people being able to tell. Neither were allowed to have children. A person who could lie had a black T tattooed on the back of his hand, which mitigated his potential to do harm. It was impossible for him to keep his ability secret. Some lies didn't matter much, and he could have a witness verify what he said when necessary. Hominids were seldom alone. He wasn't presumed guilty, but he wasn't presumed innocent either. He had to be careful that what he said was always accurate. Someone who could lie but did not deliberately cause trouble was not much of a problem. None of them did, since they would be discovered and dealt with. If two people had different stories and neither was just mistaken, you always knew who was telling the truth.

The next day Snow finally visited, with Clare and Eli during the waxing crescent. Xis, Ezra and Altair were off visiting Plum, Sohl, and the rest of his group. Xis was young but was escorting the other two and not expected do anything unless she wanted to. Nobody had to do anything she didn't want to, but since it was a boy's visit, Ezra and Alair were each expected to fuck one or more of their hosts. I had been over there and met everyone, and Socks and Lizard had met Clare while they were arranging the visit before Xis joined. But since some of us didn't know each other, we all went out dancing. Ryan had made the reservations. I know, it's a lot of names. Mostly it was Tank and me concentrating of Snow and Eli.

We shared an onion, pepper, olive, mushroom, broccoli and tomato pizza. The place was small and crowded. The band was a fiddle, guitar, hand drum, cello and vocalist, and played Sugar Magnolia, White Room, Strange Angels, Pink Moon, Skye Dance, Pachelbel's Frolic, Mozart Thinks of Mao, and Brown Sugar. I danced with Snow, Lizard, Eli, Clare, Ryan, Socks, Tank, and some people I didn't know. So did everyone else. I saw the crescent moon low in the west on the way home. We got ready for bed and turned out the light, but left a nightlight on since it was dark outside. Snow was three foot nine and had black hair, fair skin and brown eyes. It's amazing how much older a kid looks when he moves and speaks well and is not goofing around. I had adult nipples and thick dark pubic hair. Sex is sex, what can I say? Sometimes it's better than others, but it's always good. At various times during the night I fucked Snow, Tank fucked Eli, Clare and Lizard diddled each other, Socks fucked Ryan, who could now ejaculate, Tank fucked Snow, and I fucked Eli. I felt her coming. There were a lot of gasps, groans, grunts, and oh gods.

I had neglected to bring a homing rock with me from the human world and had promised not to use the same one. I didn't think one would work in the other direction anyway. I tried burrowing under the covers on the morning of the day my week was up, but kept bumping into Xis and Ezra. As I became less human, I was becoming more real here and losing the magical powers I'd had at first. It was too dangerous to just stay here before I'd finished my year of acclimating. I wasn't completely real. If I tired using the shower I would probably end up in the wrong place, naked. Ezra said she hadn't heard of other visitors having trouble getting back. Maybe they wore a path by always crossing over the same way. She said I had been back and forth enough times on my own now that it should be safe for her to help me. And once I had broken my connection with the human world, I would be able cross over on my own again.

So after we'd showered and had breakfast, she and I went back to the grove of trees in the park. This was how I'd crossed over and gone back the first time. She made sure I was ready, then walked between the trees. I waited a moment then followed her. It felt different. There was no slight dizziness. It was the first time I hadn't passed myself as I went back to the same time and place I had left from. Ezra was standing there. I asked how long I had been gone? She said she wasn't sure, somewhere between a few minutes and an hour. She couldn't sense my timeline very clearly this far away from where I'd crossed over, and had gone a little into my future to make sure I didn't overlap. I thanked her and kissed her, then she turned around and vanished.

Goddess

On an evening in march I boarded a bus with my backpack. I had some shirts and a few books, things that were part of me. I didn't know what would happen to the rest of my stuff. There wasn't much. Maybe my sister would think it used to be hers. Some of it had. I would just be someone they used to know and didn't remember very well. I cried a little and watched the buildings go by. Soon they were different and I was riding a streetcar. I got off at the stop near where I lived. Everyone was happy to see me. There was much hugging and kissing. Socks and Ezra cried. I put my shirts and books in my locker with the rest of my stuff, and we all went to the dining hall for dinner. I had mac and cheese and pecan pie.

My fifth birthday was six months ago, but since my hominid body had only aged three months in the past year, I would be four here for another three months. Hominids didn't do birthdays, they had too many of them. They went through puberty rapidly sometime while they were four. Tank said I was ready for my initiation into girls mysteries and had arranged it. Ten days after I arrived she led me to an undisclosed location in the basement of the YMCA. The sign on the door said storage but didn't really fool anybody. You weren't supposed to ask or tell what actually happened. Brook, Kali, Sohl, Fifth and Leda were already there and had set things up. The light was dim and there were four small altars against the four walls of the room with lights on each. Tank closed the door behind us and explained that she and Brook represented current and former group members, Sohl and Kali represented other groups I was connected to, Fifth stood in to represent my family, and Leda was a stranger to represent everyone else. I was the seventh, the initiate. Leda, Fifth and Kali were dressed as the three goddesses. I had to take off all my clothes.

We sat on the carpet and held hands in a circle. Sohl recited the invocation, praising the goddesses and praying for a successful rite. We meditated in silence for ten minutes still holding hands. I had never meditated while touching someone before. The physical contact with everyone made it a powerful experience, reminiscent of sex but with a different sort of intimacy, and with its own form of truth. Then Leda stood up in front and to one side of the east altar and in some of its light. We turned to face her. I could understand how the lighting had been set up and appreciate its affect. Her shirt was white with two black crows on the front, one on either side. She shaded her eyes with her hand and looked off into the distance. Tank told us she was Kate, the explorer, who was hungry for new experience and had to find her own way. Her familiars were Thought and Memory. Kate turned to face us and recited the seven ages of man from As You Like It.

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms.
Then, the whining school-boy with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like a snail
Unwillingly to school.

Leaving lots of space, Fifth lay down on her back in front of the altar with her knees in the air and pulled up her shirt. She had nothing on underneath. Tank had me lie down in the other direction behind her, in a fetal position with the top of my head level with Fifth's ribs. Tank told me to start squirming around. I did, and Fifth started moaning. Still naked, I had to start inching my way forward. I could only use my shoulders and back in that position, so I didn't inch very fast, and I had to pause between contractions. Fifth moaned louder. When the top of my head got to Fifth's hips, she started screaming. Softly. We didn't have to be too realistic. When my head was most of the way past her hips, Fifth turned on her side away from me while keeping her legs open. Tank and Brook and Leda picked me up and handed me through her legs to Kali and Leda and Brook, the last two moving around as I was handed off. They set me down and everyone beamed at me. Sohl got a basin of water and added salt to it. She washed my feet and dried them with the towel she had draped over her shoulder. Fifth and I stood up and hugged each other. Then Leda unbuttoned her crow shirt, took it off, and helped me into it. Tank knelt down in front of me and buttoned it. Leda put on her own shirt.

Fifth stood up next to the west altar in the dramatic light. Her shirt was green with two snakes coiled around it in opposite directions and their heads facing each other high on the front. She cradled her arms as if holding an infant and smiled down at her. Tank told us she was Anna, the nurturer, who cared for others and helped them find and fulfill their potential. Anna turned to face us. I will not say what she recited. Afterward Brook gave me mugwort and parsley to eat, saying they would help me ovulate. She led me through a meditation on how to feel their affect and actualize it using visualization and desire. A girl can feel her ovaries just as well as a boy can feel his testicles, she just doesn't get as much practice. Brook explained about menstruation. Hominids control their own fertility, but a girl needed to ovulate soon after puberty in order to avoid problems later. Then she cut the top off a pomegranate, scored along the membranes, and broke it open in a large bowl. She said eat, and we all stained our fingers eating the bloody seeds. After we had cleaned up, Fifth undid her shirt. Sohl unbuttoned mine, slid it off my shoulders, and put it on. Fifth held her serpent shirt for me. I put my arms into it, and she tied it around me. I wondered if I should be a doctor and learn massage and herbs? I could help people without cutting them open or sending them to a hospital.

Kali stood up next to the north altar. Her shirt was black with a small brown mouse low on one side of the front, and the black mask she'd pulled over eyes had a cat's nose. She looked sternly ahead with her hand on her sword, and did it without scowling. Tank told us she was Jane, the Dark Lady, protector and executioner, who heard everyone who asked for help and ended life when it was time. If someone was condemned and no friend stepped forward, it was said the Dark Lady herself would appear to perform the execution. There were no prisons or asylums. She carried Knowledge, the two edged blade. Jane turned to face us and recited Macbeth's speech.

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more.

Tank had me sit in front of the altar facing everyone. This would be the hardest part. I had to die. Kali sat down next to me and, to preserve part of my soul, kissed me passionately. Then she moved around behind me and placed her fingers on my neck. I felt the throbbing of my carotid arteries beneath them. She pressed down lightly. I wondered when she was going to start and what it would feel like? I felt a little dizzy and opened my eyes to six faces looking down at me. I asked what happened and if we were going to try again? Tank said no, we'd already done it. It was over. I felt a little cheated, like there ought to be more to it. Sohl handed me a glass of water and said drink, so I drank some. If Kali hadn't let go when I passed out, I wouldn't ever have woken up. She pulled off her mouse shirt. Brook undid mine and put it on. I held up my arms, and Kali and Tank slid her black shirt down over me. We held hands and meditated again. Then we turned to face the south altar, and Leda thanked the goddesses and opened the circle. We got dressed, put everything away, and went out to celebrate. I had chocolate.

I didn't speak Greek or Cantonese very well, but it was enough. I was able to learn Swahili and Greek in twelve weeks during my first term. Ezra took me to be registered and rated at the genetic counseling service. The rating determinded how many chidren you could have and was based on public health and safety, but the registration was public and could be used to decide whom to have a child with. Altair and Tank moved out next but didn't go very far. Other people moved in. If I knew one hundred people, and they all knew one hundred people, that would be ten thousand people. The Cantonese for ten thousand is wan. They count by ten thousands instead of thousands like we do. If each of those ten thousand people knew one hundred people, that would be one million. Of course, a lot of the people my friends know overlap, but people here know a lot more than one hundred other people, and the population of this New Orleans is less than one hundred thousand. Everyone knows almost everyone else by two degrees of separation or less. Hominids have much better memories than humans. Some people know everyone. They read the birth, death and migration notices to keep up to date. They go around to the schools to put faces to names. I met them when they came to my school, and my name had appeared in the paper when I moved here. What would it be like to know everyone you passed on the street in a city this size? I already knew everyone in my dining hall and many of the others in my neighborhood. We like to be connected.

Being able to trust everyone else is amazing. Humans can't even trust their own families, and all of advertising is lies. Nobody cares. They love their freedom to lie and cheat, and live in fear of other people finding out their identity. Humans have lie detectors. The technology has been around for nearly a century and could have been developed and improved. But their use is restricted and legally invalid, except on job applicants and poor people, because they would put too many judges, lawyers and politicians out of work, and too many rich people in jail. Just the idea of asking a rich person to take a lie detector test seems bizarre. Brook is a good teacher because she doesn't care about winning. She doesn't compete with anyone. I'd be a better student if I cared about it less, or a better doctor.

Where the wave of moonlight glosses
The dim grey sands with light,
Far off by furthest Rosses
We foot it all the night,
Weaving olden dances,
Mingling hands and mingling glances
Till the moon has taken flight;
To and fro we leap
And chase the frothy bubbles,
While the world is full of troubles
And is anxious in its sleep.
Come away, O human child!
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world's more full of weeping than
     you can understand.

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