This story contains sexually explicit material.
Please e-mail comments to twalden4 at juno dot com with ASSTR in the subject line.
Copyright 2004. All rights reserved.

Technical note: A gasp is a rapid intake of breath. In this story, it also means a rapid expelling of breath, since it is close to the sound I mean. Sigh, grunt, groan, pant, and scream don't work.

Sunday in the Park with Frank

I got a two year prison sentence without parole for providing drugs to a few friends. My supplier sold drugs to half the city, and he got parole with no prison time for turning in his low level dealers. He disappeared into the federal witness protection program. My priority for those two years was to survive, and those who are bitter tend not to. I hadn't needed the money, really, since I had a fairly good job doing building maintenance at a large hospital. I wouldn't be able to go back there with a felony conviction.

The educational opportunities in prison were limited. Classes in how to avoid sexually transmitted diseases and whatever one could find in the library, which wasn't much. All the books on computers had been removed, and no one said why. All the other classes, including the GED program, had been lost to a budget cut. I helped a couple of the more ambitious guys with their reading and math skills. Most of the rest spent their time watching television, lifting weights, or walking around the yard. Except for the large number who were in permanent solitary confinement, who spent their time going slowly or rapidly insane until they were released back into society.

We were only allowed to have a few books, and I had brought in the thickest ones I had. One of them happened to be Mair's translation of the complete Chuang Tzu. I had a mild interest in Taoism and had intended to read it someday. It turned out to be about finding your own way within an authoritarian state, and I studied it carefully.

When I was released, I was put outside the prison gates, miles from anywhere, carrying all my worldly possessions, which consisted of a few books, the clothes on my back, and half a bar of soap. And I was lucky to have the soap. Statistics said I would soon be back in prison, and I was desperate to beat the odds. I put two years of planning into action. I hitchhiked into the city, moved into a homeless shelter, did day labor when I could get it, and filled out employment applications.

I had scavenged a one liter seltzer bottle. On sunday I filled it with water and walked to the park. There were lots of people lying and sitting in the sun. On either side of the path there were people by themselves, in pairs, and in groups. Girls were lying on blankets and towels in one piece bathing suits, bikinis, and shorts. Some had on bikini tops and shorts that were unzipped part way and folded down. I paused to take in the view and tried not to stare. I continued walking, behind a girl wearing very tight pink shorts. I could see the muscles of her thighs and buttocks ripple with each step she took. When a girl passed me going the other direction, I would get a brief close-up view of her breasts, her shirt or top often doing nothing to conceal their shape. Her breasts sprawled out as if in hammocks, or pushed against their covering as if shrink-wrapped. As I rounded one corner, there was a woman lying on her back smiling up at the man who had his hand on her bare midriff, and two young children were playing next to them. The man glanced up, then slipped his hand down into her sweat pants for a couple seconds. She just smiled a little more.

I picked a spot by the water and lay down. There were people close by on either side, and there was the smell of suntan lotion. The grass had recently been cut. There were dandelions and a patch of clover with white blossoms. Some people talked or looked around. Some had books or headphones or lay with their eyes closed. A young Asian woman lying on her back in a bikini top reached down to adjust the elastic waistband of her shiny blue shorts. She lifted it, and I got a flash of white underwear low across her hips. There were a couple dogs, and some ducks eating grass. I lay on my stomach facing the path. People walked and rollerbladed by, girls ran by in black stretch running shorts and long white tee shirts, and the spokes of bicycles rolled by in front of my eyes.

On the other side of the path, a few places down, there was a girl in a bikini sitting with her legs crossed. She was looking at the book she held in one hand. Her other hand was pressed into the ground in front of her, and her wrist was pressed back against the side of her crotch. There was a look of concentration on her face, and as I watched out of the corner of my eye, her knees moved slowly up and down. Her shoulders were held rigid, and her breathing was controlled. As her knees strained downward, the muscle in her arm bulged. Slowly her knees came up, and slowly they strained back down, her buttocks clenching and pressing her against her firmly planted wrist. Her movements weren't very large or very fast, and the people around her didn't seem to notice anything. Some men looked startled as they walked past, but they kept going. She kept staring at her book. The speed of her movements increased slightly, and her jaw muscles clenched tighter. The legs of a police horse walked by between us. Her knees were straining down harder, and holding down a little longer. They were coming back up and back down a little faster. He knees strained down again, and her whole body went rigid. Then it was shaken by a single spasm, and all her muscles relaxed. She sat up straighter, and her hand moved casually to the top of her leg. A minute later it turned the page of her book.

In an effort to get some experience and make some contacts for my job search, I volunteered on a project that built houses for people who could not otherwise afford them. Jose was in charge of my team and could see I had done this kind of work before. After I had worked there several times, he asked me about myself and I told him. He said it would be difficult for someone with my background to find a job in construction, but he would look into it. The next week he introduced me to Judy, a volunteer who was a nurse at the hospital where I used to work. I had filled out an application there, but been told it was unlikely they would hire me. Judy agreed, but said she would ask some people she knew about it.

A few weeks later she told me that, though it was against the hospital's policy to hire felons, there had been exceptions. The restriction didn't apply to volunteers, and that might be a way to get my foot in the door. I thanked her and said I would try it. At least it would be something else to put on job applications. Then she and Jose invited me out to eat, offering to pay since they knew I couldn't afford it. I accepted.

I didn't think my clothes were appropriate for a restaurant, so we got some sandwiches and sat out in the park under the trees. It was a beautiful day with the sun low in a clear sky. Kids were running around on the grass and people were sitting.

Judy asked me how I had kept a positive attitude with all I had been through. I told her about reading Chaung Tzu and trying to make the best of any situation. I knew if I didn't I was going to end up dead or back in prison. She was surprised. She had started studying Taoism when she was trying to turn her life around and had read Watson's translation of Chaung Tzu. Later, she had found Mair's easier to understand since he provided a short introduction to each chapter. She said two other books that had helped her were The Art of Loving, about relating to people in a positive way, and Games People Play, about breaking out of unproductive patterns.

Before we parted, Judy hugged me and gave me a brief kiss. I almost came in my pants. I think it's called positive reinforcement, and it works. I read the two books she recommended in the library.

The first was short, but hard to follow. It said being in love was a form of insanity, which I could believe. It talked about learning to love in a different way, with care, responsibility, respect, and knowledge. It made sense. If you can't learn to see another person as she really is, why bother with her at all? Women are way too much trouble for just sex.

Games People Play was easier. The game of real life Cops and Robbers was especially interesting. It was like hide and seek, where the thrill was in the risk of being caught. Without enough risk, it was no fun. That would explain a lot, like why even smart people did stupid things and ended up back in prison. And why people who treated crime like a business were the ones who didn't get caught, or who escaped punishment.

From the way they acted I thought Judy and Jose were a couple, though I was a little surprised to see an Asian and a Hispanic together. But Judy sometimes brought her friend Mark to the work site, and he obviously wasn't her brother. He wasn't Asian, and they acted like they were married. Judy acted just as friendly with Jose when Mark was there, so it didn't look like she was having an affair with him. Besides, she said she tried not to play games. I didn't understand it, but it was none of my business. I just hoped she wasn't going to end up being hurt.

The next time I saw her, I thanked Judy for telling me about the two books. I said I had learned things from both of them that I hoped would help me. And I had helped out at the hospital a couple times as a volunteer. She said she would like to talk to me some more and offered to buy me another sandwich after work. I was reluctant, but she said I could pay her back when I got on my feet if I wanted, so I accepted.

Jose and Mark were busy, so Judy and I sat by ourselves in the park and ate. She wanted to know how I was managing. I told her I was able get day labor on some days, and had bought some clothes at the Salvation Army store. I was still staying at the shelter, but it was better than sleeping under a bridge or in a cell. There were some free meals, and I bought some food at the grocery store. I didn't tell her about eating oatmeal straight from the box, and I was glad she didn't offer me money. I said I had started adding my volunteer work to my job applications, and I thought I was being looked at a little more carefully. She said she was sure I would find something eventually if I kept at it.

Then she looked at me and paused. She wanted to tell me about Jose and Mark. I looked away and said it was none of my business, and that she didn't need to. She said she admired me for what I was doing and would like to be my friend. She didn't want a mystery between us, though she accepted that other volunteers gossiped about her. She would understand if I didn't want to be burdened with the information, but she hoped I would be willing to listen. I didn't know what to say. So I said I wanted to be her friend, both because I liked her, and knew I needed a support network. If she felt it was important to tell me, I would respect her decision and her confidence.

Judy told me her family had been very strict. After two years of college, she had declared her independence and gone too far in the other direction, though she had no regrets. She had left school and joined a commune, living in one house with a large number of people and working in their restaurant. There had been a lot of sex and drinking, and she had learned a lot about herself and about other people, about what was possible and what didn't work. Later, after she had finished school, she met Mark at her tai chi class. He already had a girlfriend, but didn't see anything wrong with having two, as long as everyone knew what was going on and was okay with it. Judy had thought it could work, and it had. Then she had met Jose. There were now five people in her group, and some of them also had relationships outside the group.

It was a lot to take in. I asked if all five of them lived together. She said more or less, though they still had more than one apartment. I said that if they had outside relationships, how did they know who was in the group and who wasn't. She agreed it was a little fuzzy, but the five of them hoped to spend their lives together and planned to set up a single household.

It was getting dark. She thanked me for listening and accepting, and said we could talk more later, after I had figured out how I felt about all this. I made sure she got back okay to a well lighted and more public area, then she hugged me and kissed me again and said good night.

I liked Judy and would have been happy to have her as my girlfriend. She seemed to be saying that she liked me and might find room for me in her life, if I was willing to share. But I would be one of her outside relationships. Did I want that? Was I capable of that? Right now I definitely wanted it, but I hadn't had sex in over two years. How would I feel later? I had no idea.

I let Judy buy me another sandwich. I told her I admired her for finding her own way, was proud and grateful to be her friend, and would like to get to know her better and see what happened. Then I kissed her and got tomato on her shirt. She wiped it off and said she was glad. Most men would have fled or misunderstood. I said I wasn't sure what to do, since I didn't want to invite her out for an evening of dumpster diving. Maybe on sunday we could go for a walk by the water and listen to an outdoor concert. She said she would like that.

So we met and walked and held hands. She told me more about her life, and about Jose and Mark and Linda and Paul. I told her more about what I had been through. I had been lucky. If I had been dealing in slightly larger amounts, I would have done a ten year bit. If I had been slightly younger, prison would have molded me, as it did so many young men, into a repeat offender. We sat on the lawn and listened to light classical music and show tunes. Judy had brought a blanket and made some peanut butter cookies. I had brought a bottle of water and an orange. I put my arm around her, and she leaned against me. I tried to look down her shirt. She pretended not to notice and shifted to give me a better view.

She wasn't wearing a bra. She had on a white cotton shirt with the top two buttons undone. The sunlight shining through it lit up the inside of it like a cathedral window. She was leaning a little forward, and I could see part of the nearer breast and most of the other. They were a nice size and beautifully rounded. Her skin had an even natural tan, and the nipple I could see was dark brown. The small disk was crinkled around the base of the cylinder, and was located toward the outside of her breast. As I watched, the nipple started to stand up. It poked out the front of her shirt like a tiny tent pole. I trembled slightly. Between the tops of her breasts, I could see down toward her navel. As she breathed, her entire chest expanded slightly, lifting her breasts with it and pulling out the folds in her shirt. I squeezed her with the arm I had around her. She wriggled against me, and the view shifted toward her nearer breast.

We went back to her apartment afterward. Mark stayed with her sometimes, but tonight he was with Linda and Paul. I warned her that if we started anything I might not be able to stop, and I didn't have a condom. She said she had some, and she wouldn't start anything she didn't intend to finish. She offered me some pasta salad with broccoli and zucchini. We sat at her table and talked, and then sat on her love seat and kissed. I had been dreaming of her, of what she felt like, of what it was like to kiss her, and of making love to her. I felt her beautiful, evenly shaded skin through her white shirt and was hungry for her. I ran my hand slowly down her back and over her buttock, and squeezed the back of her thigh. I slid my hand back up and pressed the top of her buttock. Our tongues flirted. I felt her arms around me. I tried not to rip off her clothes.

I reached for the third button of her shirt, the first that was fastened, and carefully unfastened it. Then I undid the fourth, and the fifth. I pulled the front of her shirt out of her pants and undid the last button. I folded back the side of her shirt and got a full view of her breast. She looked at me looking. I bent down and took it in my mouth. I wished I could die like that, so I never had to let it go. I ran my hands up her naked back, under her shirt, and felt all the muscles and what they were doing. I moved to her other breast.

When I paused, she stood up, took my hand, and pulled me up. She led me to the bedroom and sat me on the bed. She unbuttoned my shirt and took it off. She undid my belt and pants and slid them off. She laid me down naked on her bed and looked at me as she undid her pants and lowered them and her underwear. She saw me spurt. She got out a tissue and a condom, wiped me off, and put it on. She lay down and put my hand between her legs so I could feel how slippery she was. She pulled me on top of her and guided me inside. She pressed down on my buttocks and up with her hips. I felt myself slide all the way into her. She kept me moving slowly inside her. Tears came to my eyes. And we stayed like that moving slowly together.

When all the tension and the fear and the pain had washed out of me, we started moving a little faster. She smiled at me, and I kissed her gently. I felt her in my arms and all around me, and I didn't believe it. If I had to go through everything all over again to get back to this moment, I would have done it. I was grateful to all her lovers for making her happy, and I was proud and humble to be one of them. I came inside her, but I didn't slow down, and I don't know if she could tell. We kept going until I could see something starting to build inside her. I could see the hunger in her as she moved faster, and I moved with her. Her breathing got deeper, and we were pounding against each other. Then she was gasping, and I could see the orgasm flowing through her. I kept going as she thrashed, giving her all I could. Then it was subsiding in her, and I felt it building in me. I came inside her again, and she smiled at me and kissed me.

Eventually, I did find a job. It was sweeping floors. If I did well, I might move up to taking out the trash. At least it wasn't flipping burgers, and would do until I could find something else.

Judy and Jose were happy I had found something. Jose said they had been thinking. He had a small and inexpensive studio apartment. He had talked to his landlady, who thought he was a good tenant, and she had said he could have a roommate. Would I like to share it? It was really too small for two people, but he wasn't there much of the time and kept some of his things elsewhere. Besides, he worked days, and I worked evenings. He could borrow a futon for when we both slept there.

It was an act of kindness on his part, and I accepted. With a place to keep some better clothes and a phone number that wasn't at the shelter, it would be easier to find a another job once I had established some work history. I thanked him and arranged to move in at the beginning of the month. I would be able to save toward the first rent payment, and to treat Judy and him to a sandwich in the park.

Judy had a complicated schedule. I spent the night with her once or twice a month, sometimes at her apartment when Mark wasn't there, sometimes at mine when Jose was gone. After it started to get warm again, I would go to the park with her and watch her do tai chi. She tried to teach me some of it, and sometimes I would try to follow along, but I preferred watching her. She wore loose shorts and big tee shirts, and I loved her flowing graceful movements. I would sit with her when she meditated, looking at the water, the trees, the women, and her. She looked so peaceful. Several times I saw women putting on or taking off their bathing suits under their shorts and shirts. They could put on their shorts, take their arms out of the straps of their one piece suits, put on their shirts, and then pull their suits down and over their hips, far enough out one leg opening of their shorts to get them around one knee and foot, and off through the other leg opening. Once, when I was looking at a woman in a light blue bathing suit lying on her back with her legs apart, her hand reached down to make sure her crotch was covered. Sometimes Mark came with us and did tai chi with Judy. One day, she brought her friend Karen.

Karen had a relationship with Paul, one Judy's partners. She looked a little like Judy, but her hair was shorter and brown. She was slightly tanned, but the undersides of her arms were lighter. I sat and watched. She took off her jeans, and her ribbed gray cotton leotard followed every contour, riding lightly on the outside of her body without changing its shape, going in slightly between her buttocks and respecting only her navel. She folded her pants and set them down next to me, smiling a little. After she and Judy warmed up, they lined up and took the starting position, standing up straight with their knees slightly bent. Their arms came up and back down in the first movement. Their hands came back up, and they shifted their weight, turned, and stepped. Their movements flowed. When they stepped, their knees stayed bent and they stayed the same height, so they looked a little like Groucho Marx in slow motion, except they never moved in a straight line. Part way through the form, Karen stopped and started over while Judy kept going.

After we had meditated a little, I found out Karen had only been studying tai chi for a short while and didn't know the whole form. She had read a little about Taoism, and also the same two books Judy recommended to me, plus others. We talked about awareness and language. Describing something with words changes and limits your perception of it. Prepositions are only vague hints of structure and relationship. I asked Karen how she liked tai chi in the park and if she was going to come back. She said she did and she would.

Jose knew of a man who was rehabbing a house and wanted some non-union help. It was only a temporary job, but was much better than sweeping floors. There was a high turnover rate where I worked, and I had stayed longer than some people did. My boss said if I left, I would probably be able to get my job back later if I wanted it. So I took the construction job, working days with a couple other men on the house.

I had gone to dinner at Paul and Linda's apartment so they could meet me, and was invited back occasionally. When there were more than six people, we couldn't fit at the table in the kitchen, so we ate sitting in the living room, most of us on floor pillows. One night, the person eating rice and curry next to me while balancing her plate on her knee was Karen. I had seen her a few more times in the park, and we talked about tai chi and Taoism. I told her Jose had some of the books she had mentioned, and I had been reading them. I thanked her for telling me about them. She looked a little surprised. I asked her why. She said all this was so new to her, meeting Judy and Paul, learning about how they lived and what they believed, trying to be a part of what they were doing, that the idea of helping someone else learn about it struck her as strange. I said I could understand that, but that she had helped me just by accepting me, in spite of the way I stared at her. She blushed. She actually turned red. She said she had seen me doing that the first day, and had asked Judy about it. Judy had said I was safe. She had told Karen that she was very attractive, and that I wasn't the only man who looked at her. That if she didn't want people to look so much, she could wear something less revealing, but that a lot of women showed as much or more. But she had liked the way I looked at her, and kept wearing her leotard so I would. She could tell I tried not to stare, and was sorry she had teased me, but it was a new experience for her. She had felt she was ugly most of her life and had been made fun of in high school. I was surprised that anyone could think her unattractive. I asked her if she would like to go to the park with me on sunday and listen to some music, and she said yes.

We met and walked around the park, looking at the trees and flowers. We found a spot to sit, and I set down the cooler and helped her spread the blanket. She took off her pants and shirt, and the bottom of her white bikini was so low in front that a few black hairs showed. The top clung to her like a light dusting of powdered sugar. She looked embarrassed and excited at my stare (but didn't turn red) and disappointed when I rolled onto my stomach, though she had already seen my reaction. She lay back, and I looked at hers.

I asked her if she understood the lines from the first chapter of the Tao Te Ching that said having desire and not having desire were the same thing, and you should do both. She said she wasn't sure, but maybe, since desire was a natural thing, you allowed yourself to feel it instead of suppressing it, but stood back from it so it didn't control you. Something like the way they explained non-action. It didn't mean not doing anything, it meant waiting until the right time and only doing what was needed, without worrying about it or second guessing yourself. If things didn't turn out, you dealt with it, and if there was a way to do better next time, you did. So you felt desire without worrying about it, and tried to do the right thing. I thought about it.

Later, we moved over to where the music would be and claimed a space. I had brought seltzer and red grapes in my cooler, and a loaf of rosemary olive oil bread. Karen had made black forest brownies and brought a can of whipped cream. We had our picnic, then leaned together and listened to Pictures at an Exhibition, and as it getting dark, I kissed her. Our lips pressed together for a few seconds, with only a hint of tongue, but it was different in meaning from the kisses we had shared in greeting or parting. It was our first kiss.

We went back to her apartment afterward, and shared another brownie. They were good. She had been careful not to make them too sweet. I had given up drinking, so we had ginger ale. Too many ex-cons had ended up dead or back in prison from trouble they had gotten into while drinking. We sat with our hips pressed together, and I stroked the top of her bare foot with the bottom of mine. I tried to stand back from my desire, and it was easier than I thought. I felt as if I was in a dream, watching my actions and guiding them. I finished my ginger ale and put my arms around her. She finished hers and put down her glass.

We kissed, gently sucking on each other's lips and sliding them across each other, our tongues touching lightly. I pressed my hand against her back and felt the back of her bikini top. I rubbed her shoulder blade and the back of her neck. I moved my hand to her ribs and felt the side of her breast with the edge of my thumb. She moved a little back while we continued to kiss, and I slid my hand between us and held her breast. I ran my palm and thumb over her nipple. I squeezed it carefully between my thumb and finger and felt how hard it had gotten. I reached for the bottom of her shirt and pulled it off over her head. I undid her belt and pants, and she took them off while I took off my shirt. I put my arms back around her and her bikini, and we went back to kissing. I ran my hand over the skin of her back and over her lightly clad buttock. I moved more on top of her, and she undid the string of my shorts and reached her hand inside. She felt my erection and held it in her hand. She checked my balls. She ran her thumb over the top of my penis and spread what was leaking out over the head. She gripped me and stroked slowly. I moved my mouth down to her other breast and tongued the nipple through her top. I pulled gently on the pubic hairs that had escaped from the top her bikini. I released some more. I ran my hand over the front and felt the roughness beneath. I reached inside, parted her folds, and ran my fingers from her opening up to her clitoris. I pressed her clitoris with two fingers and moved it in a circle. She squirmed against me. I moved my fingers inside her and pressed them against my thumb, which was rubbing her clitoris. She moaned.

I stood up and took her hand, and we went into the bedroom. We stood by the bed, and I reached behind her, undid her top, and pulled it from her shoulders. I looked at her perfectly rounded breasts with their pink nipples sticking out. I knelt in front of her, put my thumbs over the sides of her bikini, and pulled it down to her ankles. I looked at the dark hair in front of me and kissed her belly. I stood up, and she knelt in front of me and pulled off my shorts and underwear, tasting what she found within. She got up and lay down on the bed, and I went to her and kissed her lips, her breasts, her navel, and her belly. I moved between her legs and opened her folds. She was pink and glistening, her clitoris at the top of her inner folds and her opening below.

I said maybe I should get the whipped cream, and she giggled, so I made a quick trip to the kitchen. I held her folds open with one hand, shook the can, and squirted whipped cream onto her clitoris and opening, not forgetting to put a little bit inside. I admired my work, then held her open with both hands and stuck my tongue through the white mass to find what was underneath. The sweet creamy taste of the whipped cream mixed with the sour slippery taste of her. She moved under my tongue as I tried to get some of her with each taste. I sucked the cream off her clitoris, working carefully, then moved down and cleaned around her opening. I stuck my tongue inside and got as much as I could. She was pumping against me to help. I kept going until I was getting pure Karen, then moved back up to her clitoris. I sucked with my lips and decided this was dessert. She said she liked dessert. I put my fingers back inside her and pressed outward. Her breathing got deeper, and she started to move faster, and then she was gasping as I tried to give her all I could.

When she slowed down, I got a condom from the pocket of my shorts and unrolled it over myself, then climbed on top of her and guided my penis to her opening. I felt her vagina close around me as I pushed into her, and we squished together as we moved. I kissed her and held her. I felt her moving in my arms, the motion of our hips pumping air out of and into our lungs. I kissed her eyebrow and cheekbone and tasted salt. Then she was coming again, and I thrust into her with each gasp.

I asked if I could enter her from the other side. I told her I had watched her beautiful rear doing tai chi in its thin covering and wanted to feel it pressing against me while I moved inside her. She rolled over. I put my legs on either side of her and my hands on her buttocks, parted them, and found the opening below her anus. I guided myself into it. I held her shoulders and started sliding my penis in and out of her. I shifted around, trying to find the right spot to thrust against inside her, and realized I had found it when her movements got more serious. She pushed back to meet me when I pushed forward into her, and our breathing alternated. Her small rear pressed into my belly, and I could feel the rhythm of the muscles moving inside as she worked with me. Her breathing got louder, and then she came again. I kept going until the orgasm flowed over me, and I gasped as I came inside her.

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