Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience. Steven Gets Laid at the Bowling Alley, By Asexual Guy Story Codes: MF Introduction: I went bowling today, and I wondered if there were any stories on ASSTR about people having sex at a bowling alley. When I got home, I did a search for stories on ASSTR that have the word "bowling" in the title. It turns out there are eight such stories. Just in case you haven't read these stories, here's an overview of what they're like: "Lust at the Bowling Alley" by Mona In this story, a girl named Sally is being raped by 25 men at a bowling alley for some reason. She worries that she's not doing a good enough job, because the men have a habit of doing bad things to girls they don't like. Luckily, she manages to turn them on by masturbating with a bowling pin, and they celebrate by raping her some more. "The Blonde in the Bowling Alley" by Q-Tip In this story, we have an unnamed narrator with a hot wife named Lyndia, who is not as slutty as he would like her to be. On a snow day, the narrator goes to the bowling alley (where Lyndia works) and spies on the bowling alley employees having a party. Lyndia has too much to drink, and the four bowling alley employees rape her. The husband is then happy, because when she gets home, she's as slutty as he always wanted her to be. "The Bowling Club" by Honda In this story, Admiral Tabero teaches Captain Fraser how to bowl. For some reason, instead of using bowling balls, they use the skulls of recently-decapitated girls. "Bowling Alley Bonus" by dude sweet In this story, a thirteen-year-old boy gets a job at a bowling alley. Before the boss can give him a raise, however, he has to bowl naked (a rather queer company policy). He does so, and gets a raise. He and his boss get in the habit of bowling naked together, and they have further adventures involving masturbating with the ball polishing machine and measuring each other's penises. In the end, the 13-year-old manages to get his friends to join in on the whole deal. "Lyndia's Story -- The Blonde in the Bowling Alley Part Two" by Q-Tip This story is the same as "The Blonde in the Bowling Alley", except Lyndia is the narrator this time. She explains that her parents were very repressive about sex, and that she ended up marrying the first guy who went on three dates with her (always a good plan). Later on, she and the other bowling alley employees play a drinking game based of the Bob Newhart show (because everyone knows drinking games based off Bob Newhart are the best), and they all have sex with her. "Cosmic Bowling Teen" by jgciggybutt This story is an autobiography, about the first time the author had sex with a minor. Basically, it starts with him eyeing the teen while they bowl in lanes next to each other, and they flirt a bit. The teenager "coincidentally" goes to the bathroom at the same time as the author. The two of them start fondling each other right at the urinal (this is why I always use the stall), then they go to the author's place and have sex. "Working in the Bowling Alley " by 10501 In this story, a military man notices that one of his fellow military men is friendlier with men than with women. They have a conversation about how the friendly man, who likes to draw, has a hard time finding people to pose nude for him now that he's in the military. On a weekend they both have off, they go to a hotel together and play strip poker. Sure enough, they end up having sex, and, sadly, they never see each other again. "Joueur de bowling" (unknown author) This story is written in French, so I couldn't read it, except through a computer generated translation, which came up with strangely worded sentences like "Force a child to the sex in real life deserves the prison!" In the story, Mike, a bowling player, goes home and easily seduces Maria, a young teenager who is cleaning his house. Mike's wife calls midway through and suspects Mike of cheating on her, but that doesn't stop him and Maria from being "bandaged to the maximum". Just as a recap, here's what the other bowling stories were like (asterisks are next to the stories where people have sex at a bowling alley): Stories starring Lyndia (2)* Stories involving decapitation (1) Gay Stories (3) French stories (1) Mass-Rape stories (1)* So as you can tell, the majority of ASSTR stories with "bowling" in the title don't tell the stories of people having sex at a bowling alley. I figured this was something that I, as an erotic story writer, had to change, so I immediately pledged to write one. That's how this story came about. -Asexual Guy -- Steven Gorimander walked around his room, deep in thought. "What should I do today?" he asked himself. An idea came to Steven, and he stopped walking and brightened up. "I know!" he said. "I'll go get laid!" "That's brilliant!" he exclaimed. "That's really a great idea!" "I know," he said. "I'm proud of it." "Um, why are you talking to yourself?" someone asked. Steven turned around and saw his twin sister Stevenia. He saw the slight frown of worry on her lips, and his eyes went straight down from there to admire her clevage. It was only about an inch that was showing, but it was enough to keep him happy for a long time. "Stop looking at my boobs, you pervert!" Stevenia said, pulling her top up higher, much to Steven's dismay. "You're my brother, dammit!" "Uh...right..." Steven said, not paying attention to her, his mind filled with images of her removing her top and him getting a full view of her breasts. And he would do a lot more than just _view_ them, of course. He could practically see himself nibbling on his sister's soft breasts, gently squeezing them with both hands, playing with her nipples until they were harder than his throbbing- "Hello, Earth to Steven!" Stevenia said, breaking Steven's train of thought. "Why were you talking to yourself?" _Why was I talking to myself?_ Steven wondered, still having hard time thinking about something besides the pair of breasts not less than five feet from him. _Something to do with...bowling?_ "Bowling!" Steven cried. "That's it! I'm going bowling today!" "That sounds like fun," Stevenia said. "Where are you going to go bowling?" "I'll have to check the phone book," Steven said. He went to the phone book and found that there were exactly five different bowling alleys in town, each with an descriptive name and attractive slogan: Gay Bowling Alley (For the man who likes big balls!) French Bowling Alley ("Force a child to the sex in real life deserves the prison!") Mass-Rape Bowling Alley (For the man who likes sloppy twenty-fifths!) Decapitation Bowling Alley (For those who can't get enough snuff!) Lyndia's Bowling Alley (Lots of sex, guaranteed!) "I'm going to Lyndia's Bowling Alley," Steven announced. "The one where people get wasted playing Bob Newhart drinking games?" Stevenia asked scornfully. "Why would you want to go there?" "I don't care about Bob Newhart," Steven said. "I'm just going so I can check out the chicks." "You know, I always thought bowling was perfect for you," Stevenia joked. "Your mind is in the gutter." "Ha ha ha," Steven said. "Don't you have something better to do?" "Nope," she said. "Let's go bowling together." Steven hesitated. Having his sister with him while he bowled would seriously impair his ability to get laid. "I don't know..." he said. "People might think I'm not cool if they see me go bowling with my little sister." "We're _twins_, you moron," Stevenia said. "I'm only younger than you by twenty minutes." "Doesn't matter," Steven said. "It'd be very damaging to my reputation if I was seen bowling with you." Stevenia frowned. "C'mon, what's the big deal? It's just bowling." Steven thought quickly. _It'll take me an hour, tops, to go to the bowling alley, find a nice girl, and screw her brains out. _Then_ I can go bowling with Stevenia._ "Okay, you can go bowling with me," Steven said. "Meet me at the bowling alley in an hour." "Why can't we go right now?" Stevenia asked. "I've got something special I have to do first," Steven said. Stevenia rolled her eyes. "Whatever," she said. Steven smiled at her, took a last look at her breasts, smiled even more, then turned and left the room. -- Albert Hormowster, the attendant at the main desk of Lyndia's Bowling Alley, was bored out of his skull. All the other employees got to play Bob Newhart drinking games, but he got stuck with renting out shoes to bowlers. Not that shoes were the only thing he rented out, though. There was also the matter of renting out Room #5 to the people who requested it. Room #5 was a private room in the back where people could have sex without being disturbed, not unlike the private rooms at the back of strip clubs. No one had rented out Room #5 that day, unfortunately, which was just as well, as the secret camera Albert had hidden in the room was screwing up. _This is bullshit,_ Albert thought to himself. _I just installed this fucking thing, and it's not working? I'd better be able to get a refund for this piece of shit._ "Get me a pair of size tens, my good man," someone said. Albert looked up and saw Steven, who was being cockier than a man with a fifty-foot penis. "And set me up in lane seven, next to that cute little girl who's bowling all alone." Albert knew the girl Steven was talking about. "Cute" was the word Albert would use to describe her. He'd use something more along the lines of "fuck-tastic". _No way a girl like that'd give this asshole the time of day,_ Albert thought. Yet no more than ten minutes later, Steven returned to the front desk with a huge grin on his face and his arm around the girl. "Can we rent out Room #5 for an hour or so?" Steven asked. _What the fuck! How'd that asshole do it?_ Albert thought as he said, "Twenty dollars." As Steven paid the money, Albert checked out the girl. _She's got tits to die for. Fuck, I'd give anything to switch places with this asshole._ Albert gave Steven the key, and Steven left with the girl. Albert turned to his computer and opened the program that was connected the hidden camera. _I've got to get this thing working,_ he thought. _I've gotta see this girl get fucked._ -- "You wanna skip the foreplay and get straight to the fucking?" Steven asked the girl. She smiled. "I'd love to, but there's something else I'd like to do more." She leaned over to the shelf in the room, which contained a convenient array of sex toys, and grabbed a pair of handcuffs. "Handcuffs?" Steven asked. "Sure," the girl said. "Why, haven't you used handcuffs before?" "I've...never done something kinky like that before," Steven said. The girl smiled knowingly. "Okay, we can start off slow. But trust me, once we get the handcuffs involved, you're going to love it." "What I'd _really_ love is for you to take off that top," Steven said. "And I'd like to see you whip out that hard cock of yours," the girl said. "Why don't we do it at the same time?" Steven sighed happily. "Where have you been all my life, um...did you ever tell me what your name is?" "It's Kristen," the girl said. -- Albert was busy trying to get the camera to work. _Everything seems to be working fine,_ he thought. _What the fuck's wrong?_ He double-checked the camera name in the "input" section. _It says it's receiving from 394065585347, like it's supposed to. Wait, fuck, I typed in the wrong number. Fucking computers. Who the hell can remember a number that long?_ Albert re-typed in the serial code, and the camera immediately came to life. Fortunately, he hadn't missed anything. The girl hadn't taken off any of her clothes yet. _Fuck yeah,_ Albert thought. _I get to see a strip show._ He hit the record button and started watching with glee. "Hot damn!" Albert cried. "That's one hell of a rack you've got, gal!" "Why thank you, sir," a passing woman told him. -- Despite Kristen's assurance that he would love it, once the handcuffs got involved, Steven was most definitely _not_ loving it. Kristen had somehow managed to handcuff his hands behind his back while he was busy titty-fucking her. "Hey!" Steven said, momentarily stopping. "Why'd you do that?" Kristen pushed Steven away from her and rolled off of the bed. Steven landed sideways on the floor, and got back up on the bed almost instantly. "What are you doing?" he demanded. Kristen was grabbing another pair of handcuffs from the shelf of sex toys, but she turned around and gave Steven a sly look. "Trust me," she said. "You'll enjoy the blowjob much more if you can't use your arms." Steven wasn't so sure about not being able to move his arms, but then he realized it is absolutely impossible to _not_ enjoy a blowjob, so he spread his legs out to give her some room. "Then let's stop with the handcuffs and start with the blowing," he said. Kristen smiled, then quickly handcuffed Steven's ankles to the bedposts. "Moron," she said, getting up and putting her bra back on. Steven didn't like being called a moron, he didn't like being handcuffed helplessly to the bed, and he _really_ didn't like the fact that Kristen was covering up her breasts. "_What the hell is going on here?_" he demanded. "I'm robbing your dumb ass," Kristen said. "Duh." -- Albert laughed. "This shit's better'n a soap opera!" he said. -- "Kristen, you can't do this!" Steven cried. Kristen laughed. "I do it all the time," she said. "You're about the twentieth guy I've done this to so far this month. No one ever sees it coming. God, you men are all fucking morons." "I'll call the police!" Steven said. "They'll arrest you!" She laughed again. "No you won't," she said. "See you later, retard." She got up and left the room. "Kristen, NOOOO!" Steven cried. She stuck her head back in the room. "My name's not really Kristen. Duh." -- Kristen stopped by the main desk to drop off the key for Room #5. "Nice work you did there, _Kristen_," Albert said. She stopped. "What do you mean?" she asked politely. Albert grinned. "Robbing that dumbass. Nice work." "I didn't rob anyone," she said. "Quit fooling around," Albert said. "I got it all on the security tape. Nice tits, by the way." Kristen sighed. _Damn, another operation busted,_ she thought. _Third one this month. Maybe I'm losing my touch._ "Here's the deal," Kristen said, preparing her usual getaway plan. "I'll give you all the money I got if you destroy the tape and don't tell anyone." "I got a better deal," Albert said. "I want in on your operation. Say you cut me half of the profits, and I ensure you'll never get arrested." "You want to be my partner?" Kristen asked. "Sure, why not?" Albert said. Kristen thought for a moment. Maybe having the bowling alley attendant as a partner wasn't such a bad idea... -- Stevenia showed up at Lyndia's Bowling Alley about forty-five minutes later. She went to the main desk and asked if her brother had shown up yet. "How should I know?" Albert asked, too busy checking the video camera to look up. "You think I know him or something?" "We're twins," Stevenia said. "He looks just like me, only stupider." Albert looked at Stevenia, then chuckled. "Stupider is right, gal. Yeah, he's in Room #5." "Where's room five?" Stevenia asked. "That's Room #5," Alfred corrected. "And it's in the back. It'll cost you twenty bucks to get in." "Twenty bucks just to get into a fucking room?" Stevenia cried. "What the hell are you keeping in there?" Albert grinned. "Just like you said, gal. It's a _fucking_ room." Stevenia's face fell. "Tell me you're joking," she said. "See for yourself," Albert said, tossing her the key. "Seeing as you're only going there to fetch your brother, I'll let you in the room free of charge." -- Steven had lost all track of time, still bring handcuffed to the bed. Kristen had left him to await whoever would come into the room next. _I hope to God it isn't someone I know,_ Steven thought. God apparently wasn't listening to Steven, because the door opened, and in came Stevenia. "AH!" she cried, immediately covering her eyes with her hand. "I think I'm blind!" "Fuck," Steven said. "Get your clothes back on," Stevenia said, still covering up her eyes. "We're getting out of here." "I...can't get my clothes back on," Steven said. "I'm handcuffed to the bed." Stevenia peeked at Steven through her fingers and saw that he wasn't lying. "What the hell happened?" she demanded. Steven sighed. "I met this girl here, and she said she was going to have sex with me, but she robbed me instead." "Oh my God," Stevenia said. "You fucking moron. I can't believe this." "Just let me out, already," Steven said. "You are going to owe me for the rest of your life for doing this," Stevenia said, bending down to undo the handcuff on Steven's left leg. Steven closed his eyes, and tried to pretend he was in another situation. Maybe one where he sister wasn't eyeing his naked body with disgust, but with unbridled lust. He could almost see it, her removing her top, letting him _finally_ see her gorgeous breasts, playing with her bouncy- "FUCKING EW!" Stevenia cried. Steven looked down. Sure enough, he was sporting a boner. "What the fuck!" Stevenia cried. "Am I turning you on or something? I'm you're fucking _sister_!" "I can't control it," Steven gasped. "Bullshit!" Stevenia cried. "Stop it right now!" "There's...only one way to get rid of it..." Steven said. "You're right," Stevenia said. "Waiting." She left the room without undoing Steven's handcuffs. -- Stevenia stopped at the front desk. "Set me up with a pair of size sevens," she said. "Aren't you going to let your brother loose?" Albert had to ask. "I'll bowl a frame and see what he's like after that," Stevenia said. "Wait a second, how do _you_ know I didn't let my brother loose?" _Fuck,_ Albert thought. "I...uh...there's a security camera in Room #5." "Sounds like a good idea based off how much illegal activity goes on in that room," Stevenia said. "I'm sure the police would like to see that tape." Albert thought quickly. If the police got involved, his new business deal with Kristen would be over before it even started. "I think there's something much better that you can do with that tape..." he started to say. -- Stevenia came back to Room #5 shortly afterwards, in a much better mood. "Good news," she said. "You got caught on the bowling alley's security camera." "Fuck," Steven groaned. He had no idea how things could be worse. "Better news," Stevenia said, waving a CD in the air. "I managed to get a copy of the security tape. Now I've got the ultimate blackmail against you." "Fuck," Steven repeated. "Look at the bright side of things," Stevenia said. "You might not have gotten laid at the bowling alley like you originally planned, but you sure got _screwed_!" "I hate you," Steven said. The End -- If you remember the introduction to this story, I said that my main goal in writing this story was to let someone have sex at a bowling alley. I just realized this never happened in my story. Shit. Let me fix that real quick. -Asexual Guy -- Albert groaned as he started to have sex with Kristen. "I wish _all_ my business deals could be like this," he said. "Oh my God," Kristen groaned. "Forget robbing horny losers; having sex with you 24/7 is going to be my new priority." "Sounds like a good idea to me," Albert said. The End