Harvest of Expectations

© Copyright 2013

By Autumn Writer

Chapter 9 — Passing Through

May 1974

April was giving way to May.  Jim turned in his final project.  He thought it came out well, and Professor Stark did, too.  Final exams were looming.  Jim knew that he was prepared and that meant that he would do well. 

His wrist was healed well enough to put him back on the Track Team.  It didn’t look good for a letter in his final year.  Jim figured he had to get at least a third in one of the three remaining dual meets and a third in the Conference Championship.  Points earned in the Conference Finals counted triple those earned in dual meet points.

The two things most on his mind, of course, were Hildy and getting an answer from Douglas Chemical.  Hildy had gone up a big notch since their last date when it rained on their picnic.  Having declared for each other it seemed natural to think about the future and all that meant.  The non-answer from Douglas made him feel like he was walking on quicksand, but Professor Stark told him to be patient, so he was.

Rich was busy at the stove making dinner.  Jim wanted to help but Rich told him to stay out of the kitchen because Jim was so nervous that he was driving him crazy.

“They’re sure taking their sweet time,” he said to Rich.  “What could they be waiting for?”

“You asked me that already about fifteen minutes ago,” Rich answered, not even looking up from the pot of spaghetti sauce he was stirring. 

“I suppose, but…”

“They want to see if they can drive you nuts before they answer you,” Rich said.  “I think they are.  Didn’t Stark tell you not to worry?”

“If they weren’t interested in you they would have sent you a ‘no thanks’ letter long ago and put an end to it,” Jim’s professor had told him.

“Why don’t you think of Hildy, and how you’re going to get her into bed?  That should make you feel better.”

Jim knew Rich was right.  He had to admit that he wasn’t thinking enough about Hildy in recent days. 

“Just don’t re-injure your wrist while you’re making yourself feel better,” Rich said as an afterthought.

“If you weren’t making dinner I’d throw something at you.  Why don’t you pass me a beer,” Jim said.

Rich shook his head.

“Beer is not allowed with spaghetti.  There’s a bottle of Chianti over there.  Drink some of that.”

Jim poured himself a glass of the dry wine and one for Rich and brought it over to him.  He sat at the kitchen table.  He took a sip.

“So, you and Hildy are officially a couple,” Rich mused.  “I wouldn’t have believed it last September, but here you are.”

“I suppose so,” Jim said.   “I wouldn’t have thought it.  It’s just working out that way.”

“Just tell me something,” Rich said as he set two plates of spaghetti and sauce on the table.  “Would you buy a pair of pants without trying them on first?”

“Maybe,” Jim said.

“Would you buy a car without taking it out for a test drive?” Rich asked again.

“You never know, Rich.  Stranger things have happened.”

“Would you consider riding a horse before checking out the saddle?”

“The answer is ‘yes’, Rich.  Hildy and I are a couple now, even though we haven’t made love,” Jim said.

“I wasn’t talking about ‘making love’,” Rich said thorough a mouthful of spaghetti.  “I was talking about…”

“I get it, Rich.  Now that Hildy and I have a different status, I have to call it that.  Anything else wouldn’t be right.”

Rich was chuckling as he twirled the spaghetti around his fork. 

“I know it’s not how a lot of people would do it.  If we were starting over we might not do it the same way.  But Hildy has just gotten inside me so deep that I don’t even want to think about being without her.”

“I’m going to start calling you ‘Rainbow Trout’,” Rich laughed, “because she’s got you hooked and she’s reeling you in.”

Jim couldn’t help but laugh a little bit as Rich pretended to turn the crank on an imaginary fishing reel.

“I suppose it’s true,” Jim admitted.  “But so far I’ve gotten the better of it.  She does a lot for me and I’m always scrambling to make things up to her after I’ve screwed up.  She accepts getting the short end and never complains.  I just hope I can make it up to her before she figures it out.”

“You didn’t utter the “M” word, did you?”

“No, but it was a close call.  Hildy picked up on it and she said it.  I told her I couldn’t propose to her without a job in hand first.”

Rich shook his head and began winding his imaginary fishing reel again.

“Promise me one thing,” Rich said.  “You two are actually going to do it someday, aren’t you?  This isn’t some sort of priest-nun thing, is it?”

“You can bet on that.  It may be soon.  I think I’m going to ask her to come down for the formal dinner-dance.”

“Two virgins going at it,” Rich laughed.  “If I had any money I’d pay it all for the movie rights.”

“Don’t worry Rich, we’ll figure it out.”

“Well, if you need any help…”

“Don’t worry Rich, we’ll figure it out,” Jim said again for effect.  “By the way, are you taking Chelsea?  It will be your last chance to take her anywhere decent before you graduate.”

“I already asked her.  We’ll be going to her place later, so you and Hildy can have the whole place to yourself.”

Jim thought a moment while he finished off his Chianti.  He poured himself another glass and filled up Rich’s glass, too.

“So you and Chelsea are becoming a couple, too.”

Rich held up his hand like a traffic cop.

“Whoa,” he said, “for us it’s strictly recreation.  I’m heading for my job in Illinois after graduation and she has another year to go.  After that she says she’s wants to work in New York City, so never the ‘tween shall meet.”

“Chelsea seems to be alright, even after living in the same apartment as Ashley for two years.”

“Ashley’s not so bad.  You just got off on the wrong foot with her,” Rich said.  “She taught Chelsea a lot of things and for that I’m grateful.”

“Who’s taking Ashley to the formal?  I’ve never known her to be without a date at this event.”

“Stevie Sadowski,” Rich answered, “a good match if there ever was one.  She’ll trim the horns off that little weasel.”

*************************** 

On the second Saturday of every May the fraternity held a formal dinner-dance to celebrate the end of classes.  Most of the brothers rented tuxes or dinner jackets.  Their dates would wear formal gowns made of some kind of silky, shiny, showy, pastel-colored fabric with matching cleavage.

Jim had only taken a date to the affair a single time and that didn’t turn out like he’d hoped.  In his first, as a freshman, he waited table at the event as all pledges were required to do.  The other two years he sat with the contingent of brothers who went stag and borrowed the other brothers’ dates for a dance every so often.  Later, when they tired of dancing (which could be sooner rather than later), they would retire to the basement of the frat lodge where a keg of beer was waiting.

It was going to be Jim’s last spring formal dinner dance, and for some reason that he couldn’t completely understand, he decided to forgo the keg in the basement and wanted to take Hildy.  He was hoping that Hildy might be able to pry herself loose from her father’s house. 

Hildy had been ready to move out of the house to Darlene’s apartment until Darlene developed landlord problems.  She was becoming less afraid and her parents seemed to accept it.  He was sure she would be home after the dinner hour, so he gave her a call.

The conversation started with small talk and she asked if had heard from Douglas Chemical.  After saying ‘not yet’ he told her about the Track Meet with Bucknell the following weekend and how he needed at least a third to have any hope for a letter.  Then he got to the point.

Jim:      “Hildy, what are you doing a week from Saturday?”

Hildy:   “Nothing; not yet at least.  I promised that I would go to Aunt Mildred’s birthday party the next day.  Her age is catching up with her, so I don’t want to miss it.”

Jim:      “How about coming down here for a visit.  There’s a formal dinner-dance Saturday night.  It will be my last one before I graduate.  How about it?”

Hildy:   “I don’t have anything to wear to something like that.”

Jim:      “You must have something.  Maybe you could pick up…”

Hildy:   “Jim, a gown like that will cost a lot of money—more than a week’s pay.  Do you really want me to…”

Jim:      “I didn’t realize that.  But…”

Hildy:   “I do have a long, pink skirt that I wore to a Valentine’s party once.  It should still fit.  I could wear it with my silk, ruffled blouse.  Would that be okay?”

Jim:      “Perfect!”

Hildy:   “There are hearts embroidered on it.  I’ll have to take them off.”

Jim:      “If it’s all the same to you, I think I’ll wear my navy suit, instead of rent a tux.”

Hildy:   “Sounds like a fine idea to me.  We’ll both slum it.”

Jim:      “What about your father?  Are you going to get away?”

Hildy:   “I’ll do it.  I’ll work something out.  I’ll worry about that.”

They spent a few more minutes talking about other things.

Jim:      “Hildy, we’ve got to hang up.  I could drive up there for the money I’m eating up in Long Distance.”

Hildy:   “I’ll see you soon.  I’ll write to you tomorrow.”

*************** 

Jim left his key for Hildy under the doormat on the Saturday morning of the formal dinner-dance.  He didn’t think that he would be there when she arrived.  He didn’t think that Rich would be there, either, because he had to pick up his tux and do some other errands that afternoon.

. 

Jim couldn’t be there to meet her because he was competing in the final dual meet of the season against Bucknell.  Before the meet he thought he had a good chance to score a third.  As it turned out, Jim scored a second as he got over seventeen feet for the first time and Bucknell’s best vaulter didn’t compete because of an injury.  Jim re-injured his wrist on his final attempt in which he hit the bar.  He had already cinched his second place in his second try.

After his event was finished Jim went to the locker room to get treatment on his wrist.  He was sitting alone with an ice pack on it with nothing to do but think.

“That could have been my last meet ever if this wrist doesn’t shape up in time for the Conference Finals.”

It would have been a shame to finish his athletic career that way, but the possibility didn’t bother him all that much.  He sensed that his life was changing.  Graduation would be in less than a month.  A job offer might be on the table by then.  He and Hildy were a new item, though few people knew it.  He included her every time he thought about his future plans.  Track meets and fraternity parties were fading fast in his priorities list. 

“Hildy!  I almost forgot.  She must be at the apartment by now.”

He wanted to call her to be sure she had found the key he hid for her.  There was no phone in the locker room that he could find.  He knew there was one in the coach’s office.  If it was open he would just give the apartment a quick ring.  He got up from the chair, complete with ice-pack and walked to the coaches’ suite of offices. 

“I knew it would be locked.”

He tried them all—even the head football coach’s door.  They were all locked.

“It’s getting to be three-thirty.  I’m wasting time.”

He was hoping that someone with a key would show up and let him into an office where he could use a phone.  He could hear the muted public address outdoors announce that the relays were beginning.  That was the culmination of the meet and would take about an hour to do all of them.  He knew no one would be coming back to the locker room until they were done.

“I’m not waiting around.”

The trainer had told him to leave the ice-pack on his wrist until he came back to look at it.  Jim didn’t care.

“What’s he going to see when he ‘looks at it’, anyway?”

The wrist would have to heal with or without the ice.  He thought that it felt better.  He tossed the ice-bag aside.  He showered and then left for his apartment.

***************** 

It was after four in the afternoon before Jim was able to coax his Rustmobile to the crest of the hill where his apartment sat.  As he did he saw Hildy’s purple Duster in the driveway.  Rich’s car wasn’t there, but Jim knew that he would be retuning soon.  He parked and then hurried down the terrace steps.  He looked in the picture window and saw Hildy sitting at the kitchen table working on a sandwich and a glass of milk.

He borrowed a few seconds to look at her before he went in the door.  Hildy was dressed in shorts and a top, just right for the late spring weather.  Jim could see that her hair had grown just a bit hair longer than when he’d last seen her.  She looked nice.  Most of all, Jim liked something that he saw that couldn’t quite explain.   

Maybe it was that she looked more comfortable in being where she was, like she belonged there.  She seemed unworried and that was something that Jim had seen too few times.  Perhaps, she looked a bit older.  He had seen enough.  Time was wasting and he opened the door.

“I found the key right where you left it under the mat,” she said as Jim walked into the apartment.  “I was hungry so I made myself a sandwich.  I hope you don’t mind.”

“Hildy, I’m glad you’re here.”

She rose to her feet and a broad smile etched across her face. 

“Me, too,” she said.

Jim moved to where she was standing and held out his arms.  She stepped forward and into them.  Jim felt her arms encircle him and her hands on his back.  They shared a long, gentle kiss.  To Jim it felt good and he decided on the spot that the stab of pain in his wrist was worth cutting short the ice treatment.

“Let’s make tonight the night,” she whispered in his ear.

Jim felt himself begin to shake.  He wondered if Hildy could feel it.

“I’m sure she can feel it.  How could she not feel it?”

“Hildy, are you sure?” he asked, “Because, if you’re not ready, it’s okay.  We could…”

“Don’t you want to?” she pleaded.

“Of course,” he answered. 

“Well, I sure do,” Hildy said before he could say any more.  “I decided it the moment I hung up the phone the night you asked m to go to this party.  I was thinking about it so much driving down here today that I had to pinch myself every so often so that I could concentrate on the road.”

“Then, tonight it will be,” Jim said.

It seemed so final to Jim after the months of telling himself why they were right to put it off.  A whispered proposition and an ‘of course’ meant that the longing for the first time would soon be ended.  Of course he desired the end of waiting, but it seemed to him a perfunctory ‘good-bye’. 

“That’s better,” she purred and she kissed him once again.

“Hey break it up you two!”

It was Rich returning to the apartment with his rented tux. 

“Can’t you two be left alone for just a few minutes?  It must be something in the water!”

He was laughing as he carried the rented white dinner jacket and black pants into his bedroom.

“I was about to suggest that we skip the party and have our own right here,” Jim said in a low voice to Hildy.  “But it looks like Rich broke that up.”

Hildy was laughing.

“Hey, don’t blame it on me,” Rich called out from the bedroom.  “Just remember, I’m here to help.”

Hildy looked at Jim.

“What did he mean by that?” she demanded.

“I don’t know,” Jim answered.  “Rich is hard to understand sometimes.”

It was one of those little white lies and Jim was sure that Hildy knew it, but this time he was sure that she would let it go.  She might have had an idea what the real answer might have been. 

“Some things are better left unsaid.”

“Well here’s something you can understand,” Rich bellowed from his bedroom.  “We need to line up for bathroom time.  We‘re supposed to be there in an hour and I’m planning on taking a shower.  Then I’ve got to pick up Chelsea at her place.”

“I already took a shower while I was waiting for you,” Hildy said.  “I’ll be ready after I slip on my skirt and blouse and fix my makeup.”

“I took a shower in the locker room after the track meet,” Jim said.

“Well, I can tell you that you need a shave,” Hildy interjected.

“Okay, I’ll grab a quick shave and then the bathroom will be all yours, Rich,” Jim said.

“I’ll clean up the kitchen while you’re getting dressed,” Hildy called after him as Jim made his way to the bathroom.

Jim was quick in the bathroom, sliding the razor over his face and brushing his teeth for added effect.  He bounced into the bedroom and threw on a white dress shirt and his navy suit.  He wondered, for a moment if he should have rented a dinner jacket.  It was too late to worry, so he grabbed his tie and walked into the living room.

“It’s all yours,” he said to Hildy, who was sitting on the couch waiting for him.

He watched her walking as she slid past him on her way to the bedroom.  Her short-shorts made him remember the company softball game when they first noticed one another.  Her legs still made a heck of a statement, although she was only wearing shorts and not the hot pants like she had on that hot night that past July nearly a year ago.  Her skin wasn’t nearly as tan as it had been then, but it was only May.

“Pretty soon I’ll be getting a lot closer look.”

It was a refreshing thought.  It was a reminder that although he and Hildy had come a long way since that July night, some lust still remained.  That was important because earlier he noted how more like a married couple they must have appeared.

While he was thinking he had forgotten to tie his tie.  Hildy was already out of the bedroom, dressed and ready to go.  He whipped the tie into a knot as fast as he could and fastened his tie tack.

“How do I look?” she asked.

She was wearing a long, ankle-length skirt, just as she said she would and it was a rosy pink for Valentine’s Day, just like she said it would be.  It was made of a satiny material and there was a black and white border at the bottom.  If one looked very hard the outlines of three-inch hearts could be seen where Hildy had removed them.  She was wearing a white, long-sleeved blouse that looked like satin.

“You look nice, Hildy,” he told her.  “I’ve got a corsage for you.”

He went to the refrigerator to bring it out.

“I know,” she said.  “I saw it when I was looking for something to make a sandwich.”

“I was afraid of that.”

He pulled the pin out of one of the stems and approached her to attach it to her blouse.

“If it’s all the same to you, I think I’d better do that,” she said.  “This is my good silk blouse.”

Jim handed her the corsage and the pin.

“It’s not really a corsage,” he said.  “It’s just three pink roses tied together with some white lacy flowers.”

“That is a corsage, and I love it,” she said.  “I’m going to wear it on my wrist so I don’t have to stick a pin through my blouse.”

She disappeared into the bedroom for a few moments and came out with a white, satin ribbon. 

“I thought I might need this,” she said.

She stuck out her arm and Jim threaded the ribbon through the stems and tied it so that it rested on her wrist.  When he got close to her he noticed that she smelled like perfume. 

“I like your perfume,” he said.

“Actually, it’s cologne,” she replied.  “I’m glad you like it.   I just bought it to wear tonight.”

“It smells like the stuff I almost bought you for Christmas instead of the scarf and hat,” he said.  “It looks like I should have bought the cologne instead.”

She didn’t answer but smiled a little smile.

“I can see you liked my graduation picture,” she said at last.  “I saw it on your dresser.”

“I could have just put it there because I knew you were coming.”

Hildy laughed and shook her head. 

“I’m not that easy to fool.  I moved the picture frame and saw a layer of dust, so I knew that it had been there a long time.”

Jim drew a deep breath.

“Careful, Hildy, you’re starting to sound like my mother.”

They were ready to go.

************************** 

Jim and Hildy were driving through the campus on the way to the fraternity house.

“Mind if we’re a little late?” he asked her.

Hildy shrugged. 

“We’ll take a detour around the engineering quad.  It’s where I spent the past five years.”

He stayed straight on the street they were on, instead of bearing to the left as he would have done if he was going straight to the fraternity house.  In a few minutes they were parked in a lot looking over a quadrangle of buildings. 

“Let’s get out and walk around,” he said.

Hildy got out of the car and waited for Jim to join her.  She held out her hand and he took it as they started walking.  The weather was quite pleasant, with just a slight breeze, so they were comfortable in shirtsleeves.

They started their walk at the corner of the quadrangle that was closest to the street.  On most of the campus the quads were large, grassy fields dotted by statues of ancient professors, striped by cris-crossing cement walks, and lined by old ivy-covered limestone buildings. 

The Engineering School was unlike the rest.  There was more cement than grass and the brick buildings gave it an industrial look.  The students were somewhat apart, too.  Differentials and Organic Chemistry didn’t leave very much room for debates about Nixon and whether Gandhi’s model of non-violence would work in Western Society.

“This is the Engineering Chem Lab,” he told her.  “I sure spent more than my share of time in there.”

He walked up and tested the doors hoping that he could show Hildy around inside, but the doors were locked.

“Not much going on at this hour on a Saturday afternoon,” he said, which he hoped would suffice as an apology as he started to realize that the tour was going to be a bust.

“There are a few people around,” Hildy said.

“They’re just passing through,” Jim said.  “For example, see that guy over there with the dark hair and beard?  I know him; he goes to the Agriculture School that’s in the quad just beyond.  He’s just taking a shortcut back to his dorm.”

“I see,” Hildy said and clasped his hand just a bit tighter.

“I never wanted to be a person who’s just passing through,” Jim went on.  “I never wanted to be a short-cut kind of guy—though I’ll admit to a few that I’m sorry for now.  I wanted to dig in and be right in the middle of everything; to get my hands buried in it.”

“Did you?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” he answered.  “I tried.—I guess I did.”

They walked some more, about half-way around the quad.  He had her stop in front of one of the larger buildings that was opposite the Chemistry Lab Building.

“This is the Engineering School Library.  I probably know every nook and cranny of it.  When I roomed at the frat lodge this was the only place where I could study.  The librarian said she was going to start charging me rent.”

The last remark made Hildy laugh.

“Did she make you pay her?” she asked.

“I couldn’t afford it.  I put the Rustmobile up as collateral, and then she told me to forget it.”

“Now I know you’re joking,’ Hildy said.

“True,” Jim admitted.  “I didn’t own the Rustmobile back then.  I only had a car when Rich and I moved out to the apartment.”

He pointed to another brick fortress across the way.

 “My advisor’s office is the building over there.  It’s the main building of the Engineering School.”

He began to realize that Hildy had been very polite and nodded each time he pointed out a certain building and its function.

“I guess they’re just a bunch of brick buildings,” he admitted.

“Maybe to some, but they mean a lot to you,” she said.

“Sure, but next week are finals and then it’s all over.”

He felt her stroke his hand.  Somehow, it was a comfort.  He wondered how another person’s hand passing over one’s own could do such a thing.  As confusing as it was, he could not deny the effect.  Of course, to be soothed by the stroke of a hand was somewhat effeminate and not something that he ever thought he might seek or want.  At the same time, he didn’t pull his had away and he hoped that by not doing so Hildy would understand how he felt.

“You’re sad, aren’t you?  You’re going to miss it.”

“You see, I have to admit that I don’t think I just passed through.  There were many things that I did that turned out pretty well.  But, after finals and graduation, who knows what’s next?  Maybe things won’t go as well out there and I’ll wish I was back here—but I won’t be able to get back.  I might be passing through somewhere else.  I can’t allow that to happen, but I might not be able to prevent it”  

Hildy drew a breath and leaned close to him.

“You won’t have to worry about that, Jim.  People like you always worry about things like that and never have to.  I know you well enough.  You would never let yourself be one of those ‘passing through’ kind of people.  You wouldn’t let yourself.  And if you ever do, I’ll be there reminding you.”

“Do you mean that, Hildy?  You know, people like me aren’t always fun to have around.”

“Don’t worry about me,” she said.  “I’ll provide the fun.  You see, I’m a ‘passing through’ kind of person.  I know that.  It’s who I am and I accept it.  If I’m part of you, I won’t have to explain it to myself anymore.”

“And, if I’m part of you?” he asked.

“You won’t have to worry about having fun,” she said and gave him a playful elbow in the ribs.

They hadn’t realized that they had completed the circuit and returned to the car.  He opened the passenger door for her and she got in.   

“Have you heard from Douglas Chemicals about your job yet?” she asked when he’d settled into the driver’s seat.

“No, nothing; if I ever do you’ll be the first to know.”

“Why don’t you call them?” Hildy asked.

“Professor Stark says to ‘hang in there’; it will work out.  I want to believe him.  He’s never steered me wrong yet.  Just the same, I applied for the Master’s program as a fallback.  I’m pretty sure I’ll be accepted.”

“More school?” Hildy asked.  “How long would that take?”

“Another year.  But I don’t think I could swing it financially.  The Engineering School is willing to give me some help, but I’d still have to come up with a lot.  CG&E won’t even give me my summer job back after I’ve graduated.”

Hildy turned in her seat facing Jim.  Her eyes were bright all of a sudden.

“I could move down here!  I could find a receptionist job.  We could make it.  We could move in together.”

Jim hadn’t been ready for Hildy’s offer.  He thought it was a big step to ‘make tonight the night’.  This was going a lot farther than that.

“Hildy, I thought it was the man who’s supposed to propose.”

Hildy’s eyes were still bright.  She was leaning forward so that a fresh dose of her cologne floated into Jim’s nostrils..

“We wouldn’t have to be married—just move in together.  A lot of couples are doing it now.”

It was true.  ‘Cohabitation’ was the latest thing, especially among the college set.  He couldn’t help but do some mental math, but he wouldn’t allow himself to finish the equation.

“Maybe some people, but not us,” he said.  “I couldn’t ask you to do that.  You’d have to give up your job and move down here where you don’t know anyone.  I’m sure your family would disown you.  And, what if it didn’t work out?  You’d be alone with a mark on you.  It’s a tempting idea, Hildy, but it’s not for us.”

“I don’t care about any of that,” she pleaded.  “I just care about you—and us.  I always assumed that was going to be my choice—or to end up with some apprentice my father set up for me.”

“Someday we’ll do it all with no regrets,” Jim said.  “It’s just that we can’t do it right away.  I couldn’t propose to you now.  I couldn’t even afford a ring.  For that matter, I couldn’t even afford a diamond chip that they might overlook when they’re sweeping up in the diamond ring factory.”

Hildy’s bright eyes had dimmed.  She sat back and looked away.

“We could make it work,” she said, but the conviction in her voice was gone.

“We will make it work, Hildy, and it won’t be that long.  I promise.  And I swear—every time I think about these things I’m also thinking about you.”

Hildy looked up at him.  Her eyes were glistening.

“Do you promise?” she asked.

“Yes, Hildy, I do.”

“We’re going to be late,” she said.  “We better get going.”

It reminded Jim of one of his favorite songs by one of his favorite bands, the Chicago Transit Authority:

Does anybody really know what time it is?

Does anybody really care?

If so I can’t imagine why.

We’ve all got time enough to cry

Jim took a look at Hildy and laughed.

“I suggest you look in the mirror.  Your makeup is running down your face.”

She took a look and let out a small shriek.  She reached into her handbag and began her repair work.

In a few minutes they were on their way to the party.

TO BE CONTINUED