I AM NOT ASHAMED 01

THE MEGUMI STORIES
BY MEGUMI KATO AND FRIENDS

VOLUME 03: I AM NOT ASHAMED
BY KIMIKO KOBAYASHI AND MEGUMI KATO

CHAPTER I

The Office Ladies

"Corporate Planning Division, how can I help you?" I 
said into the telephone in the high, feminine but 
carefully modulated tones I had been taught on my 
training course. 

The Shinagawa Electronics Corporation occupied a 
handsome building in an undistinguished district in 
southern Tokyo. It looked rather out of place, as if 
it had taken a wrong turning on its way to the Ginza; 
and had been put up at the height of the so-called 
"bubble economy", when any money you wanted was 
available cheap for real estate development, and 
everyone thought the boom would go on for ever. The 
Head of the Corporate Planning Division was a very 
senior man in the company, and worked in a large, 
luxurious office on the twelfth floor, directly below 
the Chairman's Suite. Even the anteroom where my two 
colleagues and I sat was expensively laid out, with a 
real fountain built into the floor and two Western oil 
paintings on the walls. One, which I liked very much, 
was of a vase of flowers by Van Gogh, bought by the 
company at an auction in London for $8 million. The 
other was said to be a self-portrait by Rembrandt, and 
had been obtained privately in Switzerland. A senior 
executive once told me, when he was rather drunk, that 
it came from the collection of Imelda Marcos, former 
First Lady of the Philippines; and that the company 
had been cheated because the picture was a fake, a 
fact which had to be carefully concealed from our 
President, who had bought it, and from the company's 
auditors. I didn't like it much, anyway - it was too 
dark and gloomy for my taste. 

We three girls were Office Ladies or OLs. We took it 
in turns to look after the desk which faced the 
entrance doors from the hallway, one of us sitting 
there to greet our boss's visitors and receive phone 
calls. The other two sat further back, and attended to 
his needs: word-processing, telephoning, filing papers 
and making tea. We all wore a specially smart version 
of the company's uniform for female staff: a 
one-button jacket and very short skirt both in pink 
with dark blue edging, a white silk blouse and dark 
blue high-heeled pumps. We were required to supply our 
own underwear and tights, but the company specified 
the type and colour - virginal white bra and panties 
with lacy edging, and tights in a sort of honey colour 
which the male staff who determined these things had 
decided they fancied. The skirt was a lot shorter than 
I really liked to wear - I was sensitive about my 
thighs, which were slightly plumper than those of my 
two colleagues - but there was no doubt that in our 
uniforms the three of us looked very pretty. Like the 
paintings we had of course been specially chosen as 
top-quality decorations for an important man's office, 
and were expected to regard ourselves as privileged. 
Sometimes we did. 

On the whole I liked working for a company which 
insisted on uniform for its OLs. I had a girlfriend 
who worked for a company which had abolished it - 
officially as a gesture to women's rights, but in fact 
to save money - and she told me she and her colleagues 
wished that hadn't happened. Now that she had to wear 
her own clothes, the male staff felt entitled to 
comment on her choice, complaining when she didn't 
wear a miniskirt, and speculating about her underwear. 
And she could never wear the same outfit two days 
together: if she did, they would all laugh, saying she 
had obviously not been home for the night, but had 
come straight to the office from sleeping with a 
boyfriend. She and her friends were now petitioning 
the company to reintroduce uniform. 

I was lucky to have the job. I had left high school 
hoping to go to university. There are lots of 
universities in Toky - not all of them famous, of 
course - but again and again I failed the entrance 
tests. In the end I just gave up trying. At that time 
many companies were cutting staff, especially female, 
and hardly recruiting at all. My father had a position 
in a big car manufacturing company. He had spoken to 
an old friend from Keio University, who had entered 
the Shinagawa Electronics Corporation and had risen to 
a rather more senior position in that company than my 
father had in his. This friend had arranged for me to 
be considered for a job; and one of my father's own 
OLs had coached me in the sweetly modest and compliant 
behaviour expected at the interview. Of course there 
wasn't much work to do in the office, and no prospect 
of promotion. But I tried hard to deserve my good 
fortune. My mother often pointed out that learning how 
to look after an important man - running his errands 
and serving his tea with the right depth of bow - 
would be useful experience when the time came to find 
a husband. I knew I wasn't really as clever or 
beautiful as my two colleagues Tomoko and Shizue, and 
owed my position to my father's old university friend. 
I think the other two knew it too. They tended to 
stick together and exclude me from their 
conversations, but it was pleasant enough to pass the 
time gossiping with them when they felt in the mood. 

When I first joined the office they had been very 
friendly. They had soon begun to chatter frankly to me 
about their boyfriends and their sexual experiences, 
and clearly expected me to do the same to them. I had 
to confess that I had no lovers to tell about. They 
thought I was just being coy and refusing to share my 
secrets, and were annoyed with me. In fact I was 
telling the truth, even though I wasn't actually a 
virgin. I had briefly had a boyfriend at high-school, 
and had been so flattered that he seemed to like me 
that I had gladly let him do whatever he wanted. He 
was rather rough with me though, so I hadn't enjoyed 
sex with him much, and I guess he soon got tired of a 
girl who could offer him only gratitude. Since then I 
had been uncertain about whether I really wanted to 
try sex again, and was shy about not being clever and 
beautiful like Tomoko and Shizue, who both had such 
lovely figures and long slim legs and were so poised 
and sophisticated. If a man did take an interest in me 
I found myself tongue-tied, blushing with confusion at 
the mixture of shame and excitement I felt. 

Shizue in particular seemed to have a very active 
social life - in fact she often came to the office in 
the morning complaining of tiredness, and once or 
twice I even caught her dozing at her desk when work 
was slack, as it often was. She sometimes spoke of a 
mysterious "Club" which she visited two or three 
evenings a week after work: Tomoko was rather cool 
about this activity and I had the impression she was a 
bit jealous at not being invited to go along too. When 
she felt like talking to me she sometimes referred to 
her colleague as a "typical Chanel Girl". This was a 
popular joke just then: "Chanel" is pronounced 
_Shaneru_ in Japanese and could be written with the 
characters for "company" and "sleep" - so a "Chanel 
Girl" was a girl who was obsessed with fashionable 
accessories and smart sexy clothes to wear on her 
dates, and came to the office only to catch up on her 
sleep. 

Despite the coolness about the mysterious "Club", 
Tomoko and Shizue were often out together in the 
evenings, bringing secret bags to the office with them 
so that they could discreetly change out of their 
office uniforms and into party clothes once work was 
over. Friday night seemed to be a regular special 
occasion, and they often had much to giggle about 
together the following Monday. Of course I had some 
pretty dresses in my closet at home too, and would 
have liked to be invited to parties myself sometimes. 
I thought it was mean of them not to suggest including 
me, but I never said so. 

Then one day a rather dreadful - and in a way 
exciting, and wonderful too - thing happened. It was a 
Monday, and we were quite busy at first with the mail 
and then with serving refreshments at our boss's 
weekly meeting. It always took two of us to do that, 
and that day it was Shizue and I who walked 
respectfully into the inner office, leaving Tomoko in 
charge of the reception desk. We placed the trays we 
were carrying soundlessly on a side-table, then 
carefully arranged the china cups on their lacquer 
saucers one by one on a precise spot beside each of 
the men at the conference table, bowing low before 
backing away to fetch the next. Of course they paid no 
attention, but it was important to get it right all 
the same. 

Shizue seemed unusually excited, her eyes sparkling. 
"I've got something to show you!" she whispered as we 
met again by the side-table - very daring, but 
fortunately our bosses were too preoccupied to notice 
her impertinence in speaking in their presence. We 
picked up our empty trays, bowed again in unison to 
the uncaring meeting and left the room, closing the 
heavy door behind us with just the slightest click. 

As soon as the three of us were alone together, Shizue 
showed us a beautiful brooch, still in the wrapping of 
a famous shop in the Ginza. It was in the shape of a 
spray of lily-of-the-valley flowers, the stems 
modelled in silver, with pearls of different sizes 
forming the blossoms and little chips of emerald 
suggesting the leaves. While we admired it she giggled 
a bit, and then told us in whispers how she had got 
it. She had fallen in love with it when she saw it in 
the shop weeks ago and had wanted it desperately ever 
since; and the previous Saturday night she had made up 
her mind, dressed in her sexiest clothes and gone to 
an expensive bar where she had let herself be picked 
up by a man she had never seen before. He had taken 
her to a hotel, and after they had made love all 
Saturday night and most of Sunday he had offered her a 
present - so she had asked him to buy her the brooch. 
I was terribly shocked. 

"But Shizue, how could you _do_ that? It's like ... 
it's like being a ... a _prostitute_!" 

"Don't be so silly, Kimiko. And don't talk so loud. 
They'll hear you in the meeting. I gave him what he 
wanted, and I got what I wanted in return. In fact, I 
got two things I wanted, because the sex with him was 
just fantastic and he paid me for it as well. What's 
wrong with that?" 

"But it _is_ wrong!" I protested. "Surely you can see 
that!" 

"Anyway, it was fun. It was really exciting being used 
by him - completely at his mercy, having to do 
everything he wanted so as to earn my present. He 
taught me things I never knew before. I loved it! I 
_was_ going to tell you about all the wonderful things 
we did together, but I won't now." 

"Oh, _do_ tell us Shizue!" Tomoko begged. "Anyway, he 
was _so_ lucky to get you like that, whoever he was!" 
she went on, looking at her friend with admiration. "I 
bet you were the most fantastic girl he'd ever had, 
you're so beautiful and so clever. Of _course_ he had 
to give you anything you wanted in return!" She 
giggled. "What was the most exciting thing he did to 
you? Do tell!"  

"I don't want to hear about it," I said firmly. 

"Well, _you're_ not going to," said Shizue. 

She turned away from me and whispered for a while to 
Tomoko, causing her to burst into delighted giggles 
and hide her blushes behind her beautifully manicured 
fingers. 

"But I can tell you one thing," she then said aloud, 
"I'm certainly going to do it again. Now that I know 
what fun it is, and how easy." 

"Oh, Shizue, how thrilling!" exclaimed Tomoko before I 
could say anything. "Can I come with you? Do you think 
a man would want to do wonderful things like that to 
me, and would he give me a lovely present too? When 
shall we do it?" 

"Soon," said Shizue briefly. I thought she was a bad 
influence on Tomoko, who wasn't a naughty girl really, 
just easily led by her friend. "We must talk to the 
other OLs. I bet some of them do it all the time, and 
can tell us all the best places to get picked up." 

"Oh, Tomoko, please don't!" I begged her. "Shizue can 
be a wicked girl if she likes, but you mustn't do it 
too!" 

"Listen to the little schoolmistress!" said Shizue 
mockingly. She and Tomoko went off to talk privately 
together, leaving me on my own. 

After that the atmosphere in our outer office was a 
bit strained. I won't say we quarrelled, but for a 
while the other two girls mostly stuck together, 
leaving me to myself. Gradually they became more 
friendly again, but I still had a feeling of being on 
trial. I tried to talk naturally to them, as if 
nothing had happened, but avoided any subject which 
might lead to talk of sex. 

The following Monday it was my turn to look after the 
reception desk, so I got to work early in case there 
were any urgent phone calls before the office formally 
opened. Shizue and Tomoko arrived together, and I 
could see from the way they were giggling and 
whispering to each other that they were bursting with 
some secret. They were obliged to control themselves 
while they served tea to our bosses at their weekly 
meeting, but the moment they returned Tomoko couldn't 
hold it in any longer. 

"Oh, we had _such_ a lovely time on Saturday night!" 
she said. "Didn't we, Shizue?" 

Shizue gave her a warning look but Tomoko was too 
excited to pay attention. 

"We went to a bar in Akasaka a friend of Shizue's 
upstairs had told her about - where some of the 
richest and most exciting men go. Shizue was looking 
_so_ beautiful," she went on, looking admiringly at 
her friend, "she was wearing a lovely _bodikon_ dress, 
and it was so short that when she sat on a stool at 
the bar you could see her little silver g-string 
panties glittering under her skirt - oh, all the men 
were thrilled by her." 

I could guess what she meant. I had seen photographs 
in magazines of girls showing themselves off at discos 
wearing tight, skimpy dresses in a fashion known as 
_bodikon_ or "body-conscious". 

Shizue smiled. "You looked pretty good yourself, you 
know." 

"Well, yes, I decided to be _very_ daring and wear a 
black see-through blouse I bought weeks ago. I'd been 
dying to wear it ever since but hadn't had the 
courage." 

"You mean, _really_ see-through and with no - I mean, 
nothing at all underneath?" I couldn't help asking. 

"Yes - but it would have looked _so_ much nicer on 
you, Kimiko! You're so lucky to have such pretty 
breasts. If you like, I'll lend it to you for your 
next date." 

I blushed. For all my reluctance even to think about 
sex, I had a weak point: I was proud of my firm 
breasts, which I secretly knew were better than 
anything the other two had to show. They had the 
fashion-model figures and the beautiful slender legs, 
but my plumper body had its advantages too ... I had a 
little waist which seemed all the smaller for the 
roundness of my hips and breasts ... and my breasts 
were not only pretty - I thought - but extremely 
sensitive, so that alone in bed at night I could give 
myself lovely treats by just gently stroking them and 
then pinching the hard nipples. I imagined myself 
showing off my nice breasts - naked, without a bra! - 
in a transparent blouse like Tomoko's, the hard 
nipples brushing deliciously against the silky 
material as I moved. The idea made me shiver in a 
thrilling way to which I was quite unaccustomed. I 
gave my body a little shake and told myself to stop 
day-dreaming. 

"Shizue was _so_ clever!" Tomoko was saying. "She knew 
exactly how to choose, and before I knew it we were 
chatting to two such handsome men ... a businessman 
and his _gaijin_ friend." 

"Oh, I don't think I'd want to ... to do anything with 
a foreigner!" I said with alarm. 

"Don't be silly, Kimiko!" said Shizue. "You don't know 
what you're talking about. They're often much more 
exciting than Japanese men and - you know - more 
considerate." 

I suddenly thought of my high-school boyfriend and his 
rough, greedy love-making. 

"And did they take you to a hotel?" I asked. 

I hadn't really meant to ask that, but I was 
fascinated as well as shocked and horrified. 

"Not to a hotel, no," said Shizue slowly. She looked 
at me thoughtfully, as if wondering whether to 
continue. "Well, after we'd had a few drinks," she 
then said, "they told us they were going to a party at 
a friend's house and asked if we'd like to come along. 
Of course we said we couldn't intrude on a private 
party like that, but the Japanese man explained that 
the party would be a big one for a large group of 
friends, and guests were welcome - so long as they 
understood the rules." 

"And so of course we asked what the rules were," 
Tomoko broke in excitedly, "and he said - what was it 
he said exactly, Shizue?" 

"'Do anything you like, but don't talk about it 
afterwards'," said her friend. "So we'd better not 
talk about it, don't you think - if we want to be 
invited again, that is?" 

"Oh, but we can tell Kimiko!" said Tomoko 
irrepressibly. "She won't pass it on to anyone! It was 
so exciting! There were lots of famous people at the 
party - you know, from television game-shows and the 
weekly magazines - and other people I didn't recognise 
but just as good-looking, and before long they were 
doing ... you know ... absolutely _anything_!" 

Shizue tried to silence her, but Tomoko just looked at 
her, her eyes sparkling as she talked on. 

"You should have seen Shizue!" she said. "We all know 
she's beautiful, but you can't imagine how lovely she 
is with nothing on! Her date helped her out of her 
dress, and I'll never forget the way she looked, 
dancing for him, wearing nothing but her little 
glittering panties. Everyone admired her." 

I gazed at Shizue, horror-struck. But she said 
nothing, just smiled at me in a strange way I had 
never noticed in her before. Tomoko went on 
chattering. 

"And of course I felt I had to do the same. I'd been 
wearing my transparent blouse all evening anyway, 
revealing my breasts you see, so it didn't feel at all 
strange just to take it off and go on showing myself 
the same way without it, and when I'd done that it 
seemed natural enough to take my skirt off too. So 
then I was dancing like Shizue, in just my panties. It 
felt so nice! Shizue's date was the Japanese man, and 
of course he wanted her to be _completely_ nude for 
him, so he helped her undo the strings of her little 
g-string, and she looked so beautiful like that in 
just her high-heels, so I asked mine, the _gaijin_ 
man, to do the same for me, and he _did_ - oh, so 
gently and slowly and nicely. So then we were both 
completely naked with everyone watching, but it went 
on not feeling strange at all, just right and natural. 
People were shining spotlights on us both, and taking 
lots of photos - we were quite the stars of the show I 
can tell you! And our dates wanted to be the first to 
take us, of course, under the lights while the others 
watched, which was only fair since they'd brought us 
there and made us the first girls at the party to go 
nude, so we all four made love together, and then lots 
of other men and even, well, even some girls decided 
they wanted us too, and ... and ... oh, there were 
couples and threesomes everywhere, all naked, all 
making love so beautifully to us and to each other 
without caring who was watching ..." 

I was feeling quite overwhelmed. My heart was beating 
hard, and as I pictured the scene as Tomoko described 
it my body was feeling again that strange dangerous 
thrill. Suppose _I_ had been invited to a party like 
that, and found a handsome, considerate partner there, 
who knew how to treat me better than my school 
boyfriend had done ... Oh dear, this wouldn't do at 
all! 

So it was a welcome distraction when the telephone 
purred discreetly. I could tell from the sound it made 
that I was receiving an outside call. I pulled myself 
together and left the other two to whisper secrets to 
each other as I ran to the reception desk. I flicked 
my hair back over my shoulder out of the way before 
putting the receiver to my ear, and picked up a pencil 
so as to be ready to take notes on whatever the caller 
wanted. 

"Is that Kimiko Kobayashi?" asked a girl's voice. 

I said it was, rather cautiously - we were not 
supposed to take personal calls in the office, but of 
course the caller could have been one of my OL friends 
in another company, telephoning for her boss. 

"Have you forgotten me? I'm Megumi Kato." 

"Megumi!" I exclaimed, delighted, but looking round 
anxiously. My boss would be occupied with his meeting 
for some time yet, and Tomoko and Shizue were still 
chatting together across the big room. "How are you, 
and what are you doing nowadays?" 

Megumi had been my best friend at school, but she was 
a bit older than me and had left about eighteen months 
ago while I stayed on another year. For a few months 
she had been my elder brother Ken's girlfriend; but 
when he graduated from university, and agreed that my 
parents should arrange a marriage for him, I lost 
touch with Megumi. In fact my parents were secretly 
rather pleased that Ken had broken off with her: she 
was a sweet girl and very beautiful, but she was 
rather strong-minded and had no family. Her father had 
died when she was a child, and although we all admired 
her mother for working so hard to support the two of 
them, there was nothing the Kato family could do to 
help Ken in his career. The girl my parents had chosen 
to be my brother's wife was the daughter of a 
Professor at a University of Fine and Applied Arts in 
Akita Prefecture in the north of Japan. Ken was going 
to be a film director and the connection would be 
useful to him. 

"Well, you know I'm working for a film company now?" 
asked Megumi's voice. 

"Yes, I had heard. Ken told me." I was suddenly 
embarrassed at having mentioned Ken - perhaps Megumi 
still cared for him. To cover up, I said quickly, "It 
sounds thrilling! Have you been in any films yet?" 

"Well, yes, a few. Nothing you would have seen. But 
I've got something much more exciting to tell you. I'm 
getting married!" 

"Oh, Megumi! How wonderful! Congratulations!" 

"And I want you to come to the wedding reception." 

"Of _course_ I'll come. When is it? And who is he?" 

"His name is Mr Otani, and he works for the company. 
Or rather, he has his own company which used to work 
with ours, and now he's going to be Chairman of our 
company too." 

"But how marvellous! That's a big responsibility for 
you. You're going to be terribly important. And happy 
too, I hope," I added hastily. 

"Oh, yes. We're going to be happy. We have so many 
tastes in common. Now, the reception will be in our 
studio in Shibuya. The Marucho Film Company." 

"You mean, I'll actually see the inside of a film 
studio?" 

"That's right. Though of course it won't look the way 
it usually does! The company are giving me a send-off 
party as a wedding present." 

She gave me the date - Saturday after next, at the end 
of September - and promised to send me a proper 
invitation with full details. 

That evening my brother Ken and his new wife Chizuko 
were coming to dinner with my family. We were all very 
fond of Chizuko: she was not particularly beautiful 
but she was nice and well brought up. Ken seemed happy 
with her. My elder sister Fumiko wasn't able to join 
us as she was working hard - she said - at her 
university. My father was still in his office, of 
course. 

In the subway, on the way home from work, I was 
embarrassed by the glances of a man seated opposite 
me. That often happened. The skirt of the office 
uniform was so _very_ short, and so tight on my rather 
plump figure, that I could not help attracting 
attention. Even though I sat with my knees and my 
thighs close together, my hands folded in my lap and 
my eyes modestly lowered, I always had the feeling 
that a man's eyes could see up beyond the hem as far 
as the lacy white panties peeping coyly through the 
crotch of my tights. There was nothing I could do 
about it - I was obliged to wear the uniform miniskirt 
and it would have been immodest to cross my legs. What 
really upset me was that I could not deny there was a 
part of me which enjoyed the attention I got. 
Secretly, in a corner of my mind which I could not 
control, it excited me to dream of showing off my 
legs, my firm round bottom and my nice little waist in 
the shortest and tightest possible skirt. I was 
terribly ashamed of these wicked thoughts, and 
punished them by never wearing such clothes except in 
the office, where I had no alternative. Now Tomoko had 
added to my confusion by reminding me that I was 
secretly proud of my firm and sensitive breasts too, 
and had triggered in me a new fantasy of showing them 
off in ways the modest, high-necked office blouse did 
not permit. All that day, in fact, I had been 
dreaming - except when I caught myself at it and 
firmly put a stop to it - about the party my two 
friends had been taken to, and the incredibly exciting 
things that must have happened there. So now I no 
longer had myself properly under control, and could 
not stop my heart beating quickly or the blush rising 
to my cheeks with the thrill of the strange man's 
admiration. 

I felt terribly bothered and confused by these 
unexpected feelings. I know I'm not very clever, but I 
thought I knew clearly what I felt about sex. It 
wasn't something I expected to enjoy the way some 
girls did. Of course it was part of marriage, and 
having children, and perhaps it would be pleasant 
enough one day with a husband I knew and trusted. I 
took it for granted that there would come a time when 
my parents or the company would find me someone I 
liked enough to accept as a husband, and that after a 
while I would one day have a child - perhaps as many 
as two. My mother had even had three, and she seemed 
happy enough. Sex would be part of that, of course, 
but not as important as the husband, and the home, and 
the children ... Now all of a sudden I didn't know 
what I wanted. 

Suppose _I_ had gone out with Shizue on Saturday 
instead of Tomoko. She would have taken me if I had 
made it up with her after our disagreement and asked 
nicely enough. Suppose _I_ had been taken to that 
party - what would it have felt like to dance there 
for my date, with strangers watching, dance for him 
... yes, oh yes, oh, _naked_ ... and then let him ... 
No, no! I mustn't think about things like that. They 
told me things about myself that I didn't want to 
know: they made me feel it would be lovely to be fast 
and wicked like Shizue. But I didn't _want_ to be like 
Shizue! Thinking of her was no good, though: she 
wasn't a dreadful warning any more, she was smiling at 
me, tempting me, offering to induct me into a 
thrilling new life. I could not stop myself recalling, 
or imagining, the things she did with the men she went 
with. Oh, and that party! What must it have been like? 
Were there lots of parties like that, and would I ever 
be invited to one? Thinking of it gave me a funny, 
tremulous feeling, and made me feel so short of breath 
that I was afraid I might faint. I suddenly realised 
that a thick liquid was dripping from between my legs, 
wetting my panties and tights. 


[Next in Part 02: Chapter II: Dinner At Home] 

For complete series so far see 
/files/Authors/Bob_Williams