Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 Author: Mindy
Title: MINDY'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY
Universe: Mindy
Summary: Yes, I am an actual person and not just a figment of Hungry's
imagination.
Keywords: nosex true caution
Language: english
Hello everyone, this is Mindy.  Yes, I am an actual person and not just
a figment of Hungry's imagination.  For the longest time he's been asking
me to write responses to his stories about me so you would get the story
from my viewpoint.  Now I've seen in the feedback section that I even have
a few fans.  I've written very little fiction and I'm not even sure what
I'd write for these stories.  I mean, once I'm encased as a statue or
installed as a toilet there'd be very little for me to do other than just
be an object.  I'm sure what would be going through my mind is more along
the lines of "Why the hell did I let myself get into this?" I mean
seriously, even someone who "wants" to be a toilet or statue is going to
get bored with it very quickly and want out.  I suppose I'll go into that
later.  What I guess I wanted to write here is more along the lines of why
I would agree to some of these things to begin with.  Over the years I've
found that I'm a bit of a special case and most people don't understand me
and what I'm looking for so it's easier if I write out a long letter like

this.  Even then a lot still don't get it but at least Hungry does.

   I suppose the best place to start is the beginning.  Even though I've
heard a lot of people say this, I knew I was different from the start.  As
young as four or five I knew there was something about me that I wasn't
supposed to let others know.  I know I had to have been that young because
the earliest things I can remember usually dealt with nursery rhymes.  In
my world Handles and Gretel went into the oven like they were supposed to.
The knight didn't arrive in time to save the fair maiden.  And the prince
didn't break the curse.  When a witch turned you into something, you stayed
that way.  I'm not sure how I knew it was wrong to think this way, but I
did, so I kept quiet.

   I suppose at this point I'd like to say that I'm not sure why I had the
strange thoughts that I did.  I came from a loving family that went to
church most Sundays.  I was never abused.  None one was an alcoholic or
anything.  And my parents had a good marriage.  I had an older sister and
we got along.  While we weren't rich, we were pretty much middle class and
had everything we needed.  We were the typical average family.

   Anyway, as I got older, besides coming up with some fantasies of my own,
I got a lot of new ideas from TV and movies.  Any time I saw something
happening to someone, I wished it was me.  One of my favorites was seeing
"House of Wax" with Vincent Price.  You can't believe how much I ached to
find someone who had a workshop setup where I'd be coated with wax and
turned into a statue.

   Probably before I was even ten I would even try to wander off a bit in
hopes that I'd be 'captured'.  I remember going to the hospital so my
parents could visit someone and I'd ask to go look at the gift shop and
they'd allow it so I wouldn't get bored while they talked.  As I walked
along the corridors I'd imagine a nurse or doctor pulling me into a room,
strapping me to an operating table and then experimenting on me.  Every
time I was on an elevator I'd be wishing it would stop on some hidden floor
where someone would be waiting for me.  If I was at a haunted house for
Halloween I'd hang back from the group in hopes that a secret panel would
open and I'd be led into a secret room to become part of one of the torture
displays.  Once I even remember being allowed to roam around a huge
furniture store while my parents shopped.  (Parents could let their kids do
that back then) I found what looked like a psychiatrist's couch in a dark
corner of the store.  I had this overwhelming thought that if I laid down
on it, steel bands would spring out of the sides to hold me down and a
panel of the wall would open allowing the couch to slide in where a mad
scientist would be waiting for me.  Of course I knew it wasn't going to
happen but that didn't stop me from laying down on it.

   I suppose at this point I should explain that I have never been
completely reckless in letting some idiot get his hands on me.  To some it
might seem that I'm being picky and that if I'm looking to be used as a
victim or a slave that I shouldn't have a right as to who gets me and how I
am used.  But I've never wanted to be caught by someone who simply wanted
to rape me, slit my throat and leave me dead by the side of the road.  It's
one thing to get pulled into a van knowing you're being taken to the lab of
a mad scientist who will use you as a Guinea pig to test his new device. 
It's another thing to just get stabbed by some moron who has to do it just
because there's no other way for him to get a woman in real life.

   Anyway, now that I've explained that, let's get back to the reality of
my life.

   I suppose that the easiest way to put things is that I've never had a
zest for life.  Whereas my sister was an excellent student, joined every
club and sport she could, was always popular with a ton of friends, I just
never got excited about things and couldn't see the point to them.  I
wasn't stupid so I passed everything but I couldn't throw myself into
studying and getting straight A's, I usually just got by.

   I usually had friends but I think it was more a matter of making sure we
didn't go crazy from loneliness.  I didn't have the close friends.  Of
course part of this might have been from the fact that when the other girls
wanted to play with dolls I was always secretly wanting to put Barbie in
dungeon scenes.  When they wanted to play 'house', I was wanting to play
"victim of the mad scientist." While the other girls avoided playing with
boys, I liked it as long as we played 'cowboys and Indians' or 'capture the
flag' or anything else where I'd get tied up.

   While I don't think I was a tomboy, I was just never into 'girlie'
things.  Of course I'm sure that, being the younger of two girls, my father
had probably been wishing for a boy.  And while I was the one he took
fishing and played catch with, I don't think that was a big influence.  I
just never liked playing dress up or anything like that.  I remember
absolutely hating it when I had to wear a dress of my mother or sister did
something to my hair because we were going somewhere nice.  I'd always look
in the mirror and think I looked incredibly stupid like that.  And before
you say it, no, I don't wish I had been a boy.  I'm not a female to male
transsexual.  I'm not a butch lesbian.  I've just always thought that me
trying to look feminine was a stupid idea.  It's just not me.

   And so I just sorted floated along through life like that.  The next big
thing that I should probably mention would be my senior prom.  Of course I
had never had a boyfriend.  I had friends who were boys but they were just
friends.  I'm sure a few of them would have wanted more but I think most
understood I wasn't interested in them that way.  But by now I was getting
pressure from my family.  I'd get asked (particularly by my mother and
sister) if there were any boys I was interested in and when I'd invite
someone over to the house.  Just as a side note, I'm probably the only girl
I can think of who was encouraged by her mother to date, get her ears
pierced and wear makeup.  I remember friends telling me of fights they had
had with their parents over those issues and the parents always saying no
as a way to keep their daughters under their control.  I think my family
eventually figured out there was something different about me and, because
I had waited so long and never brought up the issues, started encouraging
me to do those things.  Anyway, back to the subject.  I didn't go to my
junior prom.  No one asked and I wasn't interested anyway.  But for my
senior prom a friend asked me to go.  Of course I wasn't really interested
in going but I figured if I went it would maybe make my family happy.  I
made sure he understood that I was just going as a friend and he said
that's all he had wanted.  He was wanting to go but since he didn't have a
girlfriend he thought we'd just go together as friends.  Of course my
family was excited about the news.  And of course the deeper I got into it,
the less I was.  Let's start with the dress.  As I've already explained, I
hated anything feminine.  I was not into clothes and certainly not into
shopping.  While I'm sure most of the girls at school had an adventure
while picking out their dream dress, I was in a nightmare.  I went to the
mall with a friend to shop and I think she got a little mad at me because
every time she pulled something out for either her or me and asked my
opinion, I would usually just say "whatever" or "I don't know".  The
weekend before the prom my sister came home just to go shopping with me and
my mother because I hadn't gotten one yet.  Well, they finally picked one
out for me.  Then the day of the prom my mother sent my sister, a friend of
mine and me to the salon for the day.  I think my sister was there just to
make sure I actually came back with my hair, makeup and nails done. 
Needless to say this was the most dressed up I had ever been and I wound up
feeling like a complete idiot all night.

   Fortunately it wasn't long after the prom that we graduated and no
longer had to pretend that my friend was really my boyfriend.  Off to
college I went.  Why?  I'll never know.  Actually I do know.  Once again it
was my parents.  My sister had went to college and became a nurse.  Just
after graduating she married an engineer.  Of course everyone wants to go
to college.  Everyone has to go to college to be successful.  What they
couldn't understand is that I didn't want to go to college.  But of course
I went.  This was another huge mistake in my life.  I took all those basic
stupid courses that everyone needs to take the first year and wound up
going into accounting my second year.  While I suppose I had more freedom
at college, I wasn't sure what to do with it.  I still didn't want to date
but at least since I was away from my family there wasn't the constant
pressure to have a boyfriend.  I remember doing a lot of walking back then.
Whenever I wasn't in class (and sometimes when I was supposed to be as
well) I'd usually be reading or out for a long walk.  Could have been my
old desire to be abducted by someone driving by in a van but it's probably
more like I just didn't want to be around people.  Needless to say, I
didn't finish college.

   So I went back home.  Partly because I didn't have any money, partly
because I wasn't sure what else to do in life.  I knew what I didn't want
to do.  But for the few things I did want to do (becoming a slave of
various sorts) wasn't listed in the help wanted ads (probably wouldn't have
paid the rent anyway).  Since I had a little office training, I got a job
working for a small trucking company.

   Life again just sort of plodded along for a few years.  I was always
trying to avoid my parents questions about when I was going to get a
boyfriend, of course now the idea of marriage was in the picture.  I don't
think it was that they wanted me out of the house as much as it was they
just wanted their daughter to be 'normal'.  While my parents never
mentioned it, my sister did bring up the idea of me being a lesbian a
couple of times.  I'm sure she was just the front for my mother and
reported back to her.

   Then after a couple of years, it happened.  If you think that means that
I met the man of my dreams and fell in love, clearly you haven't been
paying attention that closely or you'd know me better than that.  While it
does involve me meeting a man, it's more like I was leaving work one day
and my car wouldn't start.  The man was one of the mechanics for the
company.  He got my car running and I thought that was the end of it.  I
saw him around after that but it wasn't until someone else in the office
pointed out that he had the hots for me that I noticed it.  I never was
good at figuring those things out.  After a while he asked me out and,
mostly because I was tired of my parents asking, I accepted.  While it was
just casual dating, things eventually got out of hand.  By that I mean he
proposed.  And in what I feel like was the worst mistake of my life, I
accepted.

   Just for a moment I'd like to say something in my own defense.  There is
a lot of pressure on women to get married.  All our life's were told it's
the most important day of our life and the older you get without being
married, the more people wonder what's wrong with you.  Apparently there
are a lot of women who get married without really loving the man they marry
so I wasn't alone.  I've heard many women talk about why they got married
to the man they did and one of the most common answers is "he was the only
one asking".  Sometimes it's the fear of being alone, in mine it was to get
away from my parents and to appear more normal because marriage and family
are supposed to be important to women.  In the wake of that 'runaway bride'
story I heard that 1 in 5 engagements never even makes it to the alter. 
After a few months one of them realizes it was a mistake and they call it
off.  But a lot of them go through with it.  They see all the preparations
that were made, all their family and friends already know, so how can they
back out?  That's why that woman ran and said she was abducted.  I wish I
had done that.  Getting married to someone you don't love or for the wrong
reason is far worse.  At least I know I wasn't alone in it.

   Anyway, back to my story.  He was a nice guy and we had fun together.  I
suppose I hadn't noticed we had been dating for about 2 years when he
proposed and I guess he thought that was the next step.  If I said no I
thought we'd stop dating and I didn't want to explain to my parents why we
broke up, so I said yes.  Planning for the wedding was like the prom only
ten times worse.  My mother, sister and bridesmaids were more concerned
about my dress than I was.  The hours we spent looking and to me they all
looked the same after the first three.  They'd keep asking me which one I
liked better but it's like I couldn't tell a difference, they were all
white.  It was the same for everything from invitations to flowers.  It
didn't matter to me.  I should have backed out but it kept getting harder
as it went.  And so one day I found myself married.  And that day I would
have been more excited to have been at home with a video or out mini
golfing.

   Once we were married I suppose I tried to be a wife.  It probably would
have been better if we just tried to be friendly roommates though.  I
suppose that everything was pretty much normal and life wasn't so bad.  We
took trips, we did things, we got along well.  For a time we even did a
little bit of bondage.  I never let him know the extent of my fantasies but
he'd tie me up and my mind could wander a bit.

   Then the second biggest mistake of my life happened.  Even though it was
more traumatic, it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't made the first
mistake of getting married.  About two years into the marriage I broke down
and went off the pill.  It was a combination of everyone asking when we
were going to have children and him saying he was wanting to have them, so
I gave in.  It took a while but I eventually got pregnant.  I'd rather not
say much more than I lost the baby.  He was a boy and he was just too early
and they couldn't save him.  I have to feel it was my fault because I
didn't want to be pregnant in the first place.  Besides getting married and
all the other things a woman is supposed to want to do in life, she's
supposed to want to have children, and I didn't.

   After that it was an avalanche of misery.  Just a few months after that
happened, the trucking company we both worked for went out of business. 
Our insurance hadn't been too good to begin with so the doctor's bills were
piling up, but with losing our jobs we had no insurance and I was still
seeing the doctor.  My parents tried to help out a little but we wound up
filing for bankruptcy soon after.  My grandmother died just about the same
time but she had not known I had lost the baby.  She was too far gone with
Alzheimer's to even recognize my mother anymore.  The death of my baby and
her mother were probably just too much for my mother.  She was diagnosed
with cancer a few years before but with the treatments she had been doing
better.  But having lost her parents and now a grandchild, I think she got
depressed and somehow in her weakened state she was more vulnerable.  My
father died of heart failure a few months later.  I think he was just too
upset about losing her.

   As you can imagine with all the crap happening along with the fact that
I was never little Miss Mary Sunshine to begin with, it wasn't a thrill to
be living with me.  By then I was drinking quite a bit.  We had been
married a little over four years when he left.  I don't blame him at all.

   I finally found a job in a factory.  I got a little one bedroom
apartment and mostly drank and watched TV.  I don't know how I wound up
with it, but I had the computer we had bought when we were married.  I
never used it much and at first didn't even have it hooked up but one day I
went online and started finding chat rooms and web sites all about the
fantasies I had always had.  Well, I started looking and talking to people.
I joined the local d/s group.  I decided that since I knew I didn't want to
ever have a normal relationship again that I would try to find someone to
help fulfill one of those bizarre fantasies.  For some reason it feels like
that is my purpose in life.  For most people that kind of feeling usually
leads them to a particular career or a religion, maybe to help out a
certain charity or cause.  It guides them to get married and raise a
family. For me, I feel like I'm meant to be the damsel-in-distress who
doesn't get rescued.  Ever.

   I have been divorced for ten years and I'm still looking.  Most of the
people I've talked to are either nice men who, no matter what they say,
want more of a wife/girlfriend who will do kinky things.  I know a lot of
them talk about being a strict 24/7 master but you wouldn't believe how
many 'slaves' I've talked to who feel they are rarely treated as one.  I've
seen many d/s relationships end because it was too much like a normal
husband/wife relationship and I know that's not what I need along with so
many other women.  The other type of person I always seem to encounter is
the one who talks big and says all the right things but then winds up being
married and this is just an online game to him.  I've talked to probably
hundreds of each kind and can tell the warning signs so while I probably
sometimes seem rude to some, I just know when to call it quits early in the
talking phase.

   So where am I today?  Pretty much sitting in the same spot I was years
ago.  I've got something of an escape plan for when I do find the right
person and I've already taken steps to make sure no one would ever come
looking for me, but for now I sit and wait.  The only person there's even a
chance would ever look for me is my sister but I'm making sure even that
wouldn't happen.  So where do I go from here?  Probably no where.  I know
some people would talk about that if I'm unhappy with my life I should go
back to college and get a better job and all those other things.  But I've
been there.  I was given a good start in life and had those chances but I
know those things won't make me happy.  Right now I'm working two part time
jobs at gas stations and I'm miserable.  If I went back to college sure I
could get a better job but I know I'd be just as miserable no matter what
job it was.  Yes I could have a better apartment or even a house but I know
that's not what I want.  I'd have a better car but that's not it either. 
And I definitely know I don't want 'the right man' or to start a family. 
So I suppose that for now I'll have to be content sitting in front of the
computer (which is so old it barely works anymore) or the TV, living on
wine and Maalox, until the right situation occurs.  The only things I've
thought of doing on my own are either escaping by learning to drive a truck
or disappearing to another part of the country and having myself committed
to a mental institution for the rest of my life.  Maybe a straight jacket,
a padded cell and some electric shock therapy is what I need.

   So what am I looking for?  Well the exact fantasy isn't important.  I've
dreamt of just about everything.  I've told many people if they give me
their fantasy then I can come up with the details under which I'd submit to
it.  Unfortunately most people I talk to either want the kinky
wife/girlfriend or they want just a general cook my dinner, clean my house
and let me beat and fuck you whenever I want type of slave.  And those who
do have a particular purpose in mind for me never seem to have thought it
through properly.  There are a lot of people who would say that a real
slave isn't supposed to have a say in what happens to them or who owns them
and they just have to accept their fate.  Well if that's true then I guess
I'm not really a slave.  Maybe the better description for me is the
unwilling, damsel-in-distress victim type.  I really do think that if I'm
handing my life over to someone who is going to lock me into some sort of
device and never let me go then I have the right to decide which device I'm
going into.  After that though, I don't want to ever be released.  Here are
some of the basic guidelines:

   1.  I would prefer something bizarre and unusual.

   Not just "I'll keep you chained up in my dungeon".

   Even if you do have a large dungeon with a lot of

   interesting toys, that's not exactly what I'm looking

   for.

   2.  It has to be permanent.  I don't want to ever go back

   to the 'real world'.

   3.  Once it starts, it has to be done in such a way that I

   don't have to willingly cooperate.  At least to some

   extent.  The idea of being completely bound and having

   no choice no matter how hard I fought back is best but

   I'm open to other options.

   The basic fantasy of mine goes like this.  I meet someone only who wants
to do "X" to me, and for now X is just whatever fantasy you want to
imagine. I'd have to make sure they were serious and could really do what
they claimed.  I'd want pictures of the equipment of wherever it was I'd be
kept.  Only after making sure they were for real would I disappear and go
to them.  I'd ask to be shown to the room with the equipment and to be left
alone for a while.  Here's where my fantasies take over.  I'd be transfixed
by whatever it was, dreaming of being the captured girl early on in the
movie.  (the one who is strapped in and the audience sees what the machine
does to her so they know how dangerous it is later on when the female star
is captured later only to be rescued) Anyway, I'd be lost in my fantasies,
dreaming of what it would be like to be strapped in knowing that at any
moment "X" was going to happen or, depending on what it is, that I was
never going to escape.  I'd probably sit or lie down just to see how it
feels and then get back up.  Without even thinking about stripping I know
would and then I'd get back in.  If there were a system that would
automatically lock or I locked myself I'd be playing with it.  I'd either
have my finger on the button seeing how much pressure I had to put on it
before it activated or how far I could let the door swing shut before it
snapped shut and locked.  After a while I know would let it go further and
further until finally it did lock.  After that the person comes back into
the room and it begins.  If it wasn't anything that was automatic or I did
myself, I would have told them to come back in after ten minutes.  When
they did they would find me naked, in position and waiting to be strapped
in.

   Anyway, that's the basic fantasy for me, just insert you particular
details into it.  It works great with the "House of Wax" fantasy where I
discover a sort of booth where the victim stands and is then sprayed with
wax.  I'd be in there naked, letting the door close a little further each
time until it finally latched shut and I can do nothing but stand there and
wait for the sculptor to come back and turn me into a statue.  Of course I
know that's fantasy and probably wouldn't work in real life but I've always
hoped to find someone who loved that fantasy so much that they actually
tried building the equipment.

   So how about some examples?  Since I'm already on the statue one, let's
start there.  The ideal for me is some sort of setup like that where, once
I'm strapped in a posed or locked into the booth or whatever, I'm covered
with something and can never move again.  It would be permanent.  Even if
it's not some quick spraying with wax or whatever, show me a framework
where the victim is locked in and posed and then slowly covered with
plaster or something similar.  Just as long as once I'm locked in I no
longer have to cooperate.  I'm also not crazy about being told to willingly
stand there and pose or else I'll be punished.  For some fantasies that
might work but not this one.

   The next one would have to be the toilet fantasy.  If you've been paying
attention and learned something about me, you already know that if you
showed me a device in which you could lock someone and force them to be a
toilet and consume waste, that's what I need.  The best would be something
where I'm concealed in the plumbing and never even have contact with
people. I'm just part of the sewage processing.  Get creative but stick to
those guidelines and most anything goes.  The next best thing would be
something where I'm accepting the waste directly from the person.  If the
device was just right I might do it.  What I don't think I'd ever do is
willingly just get under the person and take it as they let it out.  Sorry
but that just wouldn't work.  If you've read Hungry's stories then you've
already seen what I'm looking for along these lines.  My favorite from
before we started talking is "The Replacement".  You build that and I'm
there.

   Most people probably know what a pony girl is.  When I was involved with
local d/s groups I knew quite a few of them.  They loved playing the part
of a pony for either a scene or even a weekend or week long pony event.  In
talking to some of them, even though they liked doing it and wanted to do
it, they'd sometimes fantasize about being taken to a ranch where they are
forced to remain a pony with no safe word for an out.  If they had the
chance and if they could afford to take the time of from the real world, a
couple said they'd agree to do that for a whole summer.  Me?  I've never
pretended to be a pony.  I'm not sure I could do it with a straight face. I
don't ever want to hurt someone's feelings so I'm not calling pony play
silly, what I'm saying is ME pretending to be a pony would be silly.  I
could never get into it.  But, show me the secluded ranch, show me the
specially designed harnesses and stalls designed to permanently keep
someone as a pony for the rest of their life no matter how much they
resisted and I'd sign up for it.

   This is almost starting to feel like a little game.  Name the fetish and
see if she can come up with the details under which she'd give the rest of
her life to it.

   So folks, if you've been paying attention, even you should be able to
give the details to it by now.  It doesn't matter what the fantasy is, as
long as it follows the basic guidelines, I'd probably do it.  Even if in
the normal world I'd want no part of it.  Over the years I've talked to
people about most every fantasy you can think of and probably some you've
never heard of.  If done right I'd agree to be encased as a statue,
mannequin, doll or robot.  I'd become a toilet or a piece of furniture. 
I'd be transformed into an animal or an adult baby.  I'd agree to have
medical or psychological experiments done on me by a mad scientist.  I'd
agree to be force fed until I'm the fattest woman on earth or corset
trained until I'm ready to snap in half.  I'd agree to be buried alive,
roasted in an oven as dinner or put on death row and executed.  About the
only thing I won't agree to are people who simply want a slave to obey them
all the time for housework, beating and sex.  If a slave is someone who's
supposed to do what they're told then I guess I'm not a slave or a
submissive.  I'm looking to be an unwilling, damsel-in-distress victim from
a bad movie.  And do I "WANT" to do these things?  Do I get "turned on" by
them?  Not really.  It's not a sexual thing for me.  I'm not sure why doing
things this way would appeal to me.  I'm pretty sure I'm not insane.  I'm
rational and know what I want.  I just want something that not many other
people want.  I know I don't want to spend the rest of my life as a toilet,
a statue, a pony, fat beyond belief or die in the process.  But if shown
the equipment and I knew it worked, if given the right opportunity, I'm
pretty sure I'd lock myself in and let it start, knowing that as soon as it
did, I'd come to my senses and want out.  But if I suspected before it
began that you'd let me out as soon as I objected or after you figure I'd
had enough, I'd never let it begin.

   Anyway folks, so that's me.  Think what you want.  But if you want to
chat about whatever fantasy it is you want to do because you figure you'll
never find someone who'd submit to it, give me a try.

   Love, Mindy

   mindysescape@yahoo.com

   * END *