Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 Title: Diary, 1
Author: Kael
Keywords: nosex

   comments may be sent to kaelsmith12@yahoo.com

   I'm sad.  I want to cry, to see something beautiful, to kiss someone I
love.  I don't want to be a whore, but I can't face a relationship.  What
am I supposed to do?  I can smell a freshly-peeled orange and taste blood
in my mouth.  What does that mean?  I know they're all broken, but I care
about them all, and I don't know how to fix them.  They need commitment and
time, but I seem determined to help them all with a tight hug or warm kiss
on a lonely night.  Soon, I will lose myself, and I don't even think I'm
afraid of that happening.  I can't see the future...will I even be back
here next semester?  I sincerely hope so.  I love so many people here, and
like with Z and F, I know if I never see them again that their lives will
haunt me.  I'll always be wondering how they are, whether they're happy
yet. I seem to be that poor clown from Prof's joke.  I can be cheerful for
anyone, but when am I happy?  On the surface, I am, but when I get in moods
like this, the world seems so big.  Just sitting in front of this building,
I could see so many people, learn so much about life.  Imagine an entire
globe of human life.  It's overwhelming, and no one can ever comprehend all
of it.  It paralyzes me; I don't know which paths to follow or what my true
ambitions are.  I'm afraid that to find out, I'll have to get as low as
possible and work my way up.  I don't particularly want that to happen. 
I'm afraid of P.  He's sad in a different way from E, but he likes me in a
different way too.  Although, I could just be vain saying that.  He's told
me he doesn't like relationships any more than I do.  Hopefully that's
true. I wanted to hug him today.  It felt so good leaning on his shoulder
with his arm around me.  I want that all the time.  I desperately wanted R
to hug me too, but he didn't.  Oh well.  Fuck this shit man, I need
cigarettes.  I hate being angry.
   comments may be sent to kaelsmith12@yahoo.com