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                                  Andrew Roller Presents
                              NAUGHTY NAKED DREAMGIRLS
                                                 in 
                                    THE FRUITS OF DESIRE

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                                       Chapter Sixteen

         Bobbi and Sue roused the girls from bed.  It was daytime now, and 
had they been prisoners awaiting execution they would have already been 
dead, Amanda reflected, as she was drawn from the bed by Bobbi pulling on 
her arm.  But they were not to be killed, only tortured.  Amanda gulped.  
She wasnÕt sure which was worse.  A killing would be quick but torture 
might last for a very long time.  She looked at Kelli.
         ÒIÕm sorry,Ó Amanda said to her niece.  She had never intended for 
her own adventurous spirit to involve her little niece.  She was so young!  
Amanda wanted to reach out and grab her and whisk her away from this 
awful place.  But her hands were bound with steel cuffs behind her back.  
Amanda looked at Bobbi, who was straightening her stockings.  ÒPlease,Ó 
Amanda said.  Surely one female should understand another female on a 
point such as this, protecting her niece from a man who was over 50.
         ÒHold still,Ó Bobbi replied.  She adjusted the stocking on AmandaÕs 
right leg.  ÒMmmm.  These are so pretty!  Too bad theyÕll have runs in them 
soon,Ó Bobbi murmured.
         Patrick stood up.  He had been sitting in the shadows, in a 
comfortable chair, but now he rose up and squared his shoulders and 
looked at the girls.
         ÒYou are both going on a grand adventure today,Ó Patrick said to the 
girls.  ÒThere will be a certain amount of pain but I do not wish for you to 
be excessively frightened by it.  Always remember that it is being applied 
because it is necessary to your development.  Just as the piercing of your 
hymen involved pain, and the birthing of children, which you have yet to 
experience, involves pain, so too does this.  You will both place yourselves 
in my hands and trust me to be not gentle, for that is not possible, but 
rather, not so brutal that you are permanently harmed.  Have faith 
throughout your ordeal.  Have faith that I am punishing you only to the 
extent necessary to broaden your horizons.  And also have faith that I am, 
by my actions, more fully developing you both as young women.  You will 
both be more confident when I am through with you.  By having faced this 
ordeal, which is in fact pretend, though the pain is real, you will be able 
to face the real challenges of life, which wear down and destroy so many 
people.
         ÒNow once we leave this room you will not speak.  Any speaking will 
be considered a violation.  In addition, you should know that when you 
return to this room, later today, you will be in quite a different state.  You 
are both frisky with the morning at present.  I can see it in your eyes and, 
quite salaciously, in your nipples.  Later today, when you return, you will 
both be very tired.  You will require much sleep.  Also, you will be quite 
tender.  Your nipples will ache as if they have been sucked all day by a 
hungry babe and your cunts will be exhausted, as if from having given birth 
to twins.  In addition to this your bottoms, which you are, I should hope, 
quite proud of, will be well marked.  Currently they are white and 
flawless but when I am finished with you the cheeks of your asses will 
show my handiwork.  It will eventually fade but in the meantime you will 
want to cooperate with Bobbi and Sue as they apply poultices and cream to 
your behinds to help them recover.  I do not intend to leave any permanent 
marks on your skin but I should warn you that sometimes, in the heat of 
training, I can become overexcited and get carried away.  In such a case 
you should regard any residual mark as a proof of your beauty, for it is 
only the most extraordinary beauty which inspires me to heights of 
uncontrollable passion.
         ÒIn addition to your flogging you will be expected to provide me with 
entertainment, as I hope you have already discerned.  This will of course 
involve your sexual parts, since that is the part of yourself that I find 
most appealing.  In addition to your breasts and cunts, I will of course 
focus on your bottom hole.  At the end of your ordeal your bottom hole will 
not feel as it does now, all perfect and snug and tight.  Instead it will be 
fatigued, its rubbery ring stretched and tested.  A girl must learn to serve 
her lover not only with her cunt, but with all parts of herself; her palms, 
her mouth, and yes, even with her tight little rear hole.Ó
         Amanda and Kelli gasped.  Instinctively they tightened their behinds.  
At the same time they blushed, for although they were clad in stockings, 
of the finest silk, and pretty garter belts with rosetted straps, they were 
both bare bottomed.  Their asses felt the cool morning air upon them.  Both 
girls wondered, as they stood by the bed feeling chilly, if the man standing 
before them was really going to follow through on his words.  Or perhaps 
it was all just an elaborate ploy.  He had, after all, been especially nice to 
them for the preceding three days.  He had treated them like princesses.  
Sexual princesses, to be sure, but it was fun to be sexy sometimes.  Now, 
however, when they should have been at their most mistrustful, they found 
themselves mesmerized by him.  They could both feel their will being 
drawn into his.  They were no longer complete, they felt, without this 
gentleman who saw to their every whim, and who pushed them to be lovely 
sexual creatures. 
         At a command from Patrick, Bobbi bent down.  She lifted a corner of 
the rug that was beside the girlÕs bed.  It was a throw rug, and by lifting it 
she exposed a silver key.  AmandaÕs eyes widened.
         ÒYes,Ó Patrick said.  ÒThroughout the long night the means of your 
escape has been only a few feet away.  Did you know I fell asleep once, 
last night?  Bobbi and Sue were out emptying the chamber pot and I dozed 
off.  Were you awake then?  Did you know that by simply rolling out of bed 
and sitting down on the rug, and lifting the corner of it, you might have 
freed yourself?  Surely an alert victim, who felt truly victimized, would 
have not failed to notice when I fell asleep.  She would have tried anything 
to free herself.  She would have searched this room as best she could and 
she would have found the key.Ó
         Amanda swallowed.  She did not like the implications of what 
Patrick was saying.  Nervously she shifted her weight from one high heel 
to the other.  She looked down at her feet.  She found herself admiring the 
shoes Patrick had given her and her blush deepened.  Bobbi, meanwhile, 
stepped behind Kelli.  She inserted the silver key in KelliÕs handcuffs.
         CLICK.
         KelliÕs handcuffs unsnapped.  The girl looked astonished.  She pulled 
her wrists free and let the cuffs fall to the floor.  She brought her wrists 
out in front of her.  Gratefully she rubbed them.  Then she watched as 
Bobbi undid AmandaÕs cuffs.
         There was a dresser in the room and Patrick walked over to it.  He 
opened one of its drawers.  From this drawer he drew out two pairs of 
gloves.  They were white, matching Kelli and AmandaÕs stockings and 
garter belts.  Patrick handed the gloves to Sue.  She gave the smaller pair 
to Kelli, and the other pair to Amanda.
         ÒPut them on,Ó Patrick said to Kelli and Amanda.  ÒIt is my intent 
that you both should always be at your prettiest.  Even when I am putting 
you through the most extreme trials.Ó
         ÒOh!  But really we must wash first,Ó Amanda insisted, resisting the 
gloves Sue pressed into her palm.
         ÒPut on the gloves,Ó Patrick said.  ÒBobbi and Sue will give you both 
sponge baths.  You have no need of your hands.Ó
         As Amanda and Kelli slipped on the gloves, which were leather, and 
which felt cool on their palms and fingers, Bobbi took several rags from 
the dresser.  These she bound around each of the girlsÕ legs.  She did Kelli 
first, tying the rags right at the top of each of KelliÕs stockings.  Then she 
did Amanda.  Sue left the room.  She returned several minutes later, 
carrying a bucket.  In it was warm water, and a sponge.  As Patrick 
watched, smoking a pipe in the shadows of the bedroom, where the sun had 
not yet reached, Bobbi and Sue took turns wiping Kelli and Amanda with 
the sponge.  They wiped each girlÕs face, lightly.  Then they wiped each 
girl under her arms.  After this they wiped Kelli and Amanda between their 
legs.  Finally they wiped each girlÕs bottom, smoothing the sponge over the 
cheeks and pressing the sponge into each girlÕs bottom crack.
         Amanda thought the preparation was finished as she felt the sponge 
daub her bottom hole, but it was not.  Next Bobbi went to the dresser and 
took out a bottle of baby powder.  Along with this she took out a small, 
soft palm-sized cushion.  Kelli and Amanda were made to lie on the bed, on 
their bellies.  Bobbi powdered their bottoms.  Then she patted their asses 
with the cushion, to spread the powder evenly over their cheeks.  She even 
sprinkled powder in the girlsÕ bottom cracks, and upon the sweetly 
dimpled rosette of each girlÕs nether hole.
         ÒOooh!  I donÕt need any powder there!Ó Kelli whined.
         ÒShhhh,Ó Bobbi told the 13-year-old girl.
         The preparations continued.  Amanda and Kelli were perfumed.  Their 
features were highlighted with makeup.  Even their nipples were rouged, 
to give them a salacious appearance.
         ÒYou girls would not need your nipples rouged if you were each going 
to wear a bra, and a blouse,Ó Patrick smiled.  ÒHowever, where you are 
going, your sexual parts will not be hidden, but on display.  This will more 
keenly attract the eye of the gaoler, whose job it will be to punish your 
most intimate parts.Ó
         ÒOh!  Are we not to be... to be...Ó Amanda could not bring herself to 
say the word ÔpunishedÕ as she felt Bobbi tickling her nipple with the 
brush that was applying the rouge.  Finally she managed to conclude her 
sentence, omitting the word ÒpunishedÓ and simply saying, Ò...by you?Ó
         ÒI have misled you on this point,Ó Patrick said.  ÒDeliberately, IÕm 
afraid.  It is true I will have a hand in your punishment.  But, really, I am 
much too gentle a man to give you the true flogging you need.  For this I 
have retained an Arab.Ó  Patrick paused.  He watched as Amanda and KelliÕs 
nervousness grew more pronounced.  Their eyelashes, which were now 
heavily mascaraÕd, fluttered.  Their cheeks, painted with rouge, blushed a 
deeper red.  Their necks tightened and Patrick guessed they were 
swallowing down their saliva.  ÒHe is a convict,Ó Patrick said.  ÒA no-
nonsense fellow.  He will give you your training in an unsparing fashion.  It 
is important that you obey him in all things, as well as myself, for he has 
spent many years in prison, and is accustomed to seeing that orders are 
followed to the letter.  The fact that he is now giving the orders, instead 
of taking them, is of no consequence to him.  For in prison he won the 
wardenÕs favor and was put in charge of a prisoner work detail.  So in fact 
he is accustomed to giving orders, though until recently he was behind 
bars.
         ÒNonetheless he will have the same expectation of you girls that I 
have.  Namely, that you always strive to look your prettiest, however you 
may be treated.Ó
         Bobbi and Sue finished making up the girls.  Then Bobbi refastened 
each girlÕs hands behind her with handcuffs.  Kelli and Amanda were so 
frightened by now that they offered little resistance.  Patrick stood near 
them, taller than them both, calmly smoking his pipe.  His ColonelÕs eyes 
peered at them.  It seemed to the girls that he was peering into their very 
souls.
         Patrick escorted Kelli and Amanda downstairs.  He placed himself 
between them, and gallantly took each girl by her arm.  He walked with 
them as if to some sumptuous ball.  The girls walked unsteadily.  Not only 
were they balanced on high heels, but their hands were useless to them, 
being firmly locked behind their backs.  Nonetheless Amanda felt heady as 
she felt PatrickÕs grip on her arm.  She was still a princess, despite the 
fact that her nipples were rouged, her bottom was bare, and her pussy was 
becoming embarrassingly wet.
         Downstairs, the girls heard horses neighing.  They were startled 
when Patrick, escorting them through the front door of the house, brought 
them face to face with a carriage.  It was horse-drawn, and the girls 
sighed at the beauty of the two horses.
         Patrick brought the girls down the flight of steps in front of his 
house.  Then, turning to Kelli, he asked the girl,
         ÒShall we take a Sunday drive?Ó  Without waiting for her reply, he 
gave her a push on her bottom.  Kelli was propelled up the wooden steps 
that led into the carriage.
         ÒWhere to?!Ó Kelli asked.  She said this as she tottered up the steps, 
almost losing her balance.  Her ass wiggled in an exaggerated way from 
her unsteadiness and her big breasts flopping to and fro.
         ÒThe barn, actually,Ó Patrick grinned.  
         ÒOook!Ó Kelli shouted.  She nearly fell at the top of the steps but 
managed instead to wobble into the carriage and plop down on a leather 
seat.  ÒOooh!Ó she announced, as her bare ass landed on the morning-cold 
leather.
         Amanda made as ungainly an entrance into the carriage as her niece 
had.  PatrickÕs hand felt her cheeks as he propelled her up the steps.  He 
caused her to fall onto the leather seat much as her niece had and, in the 
same way her niece had discovered the chill of the leather, Amanda did 
too.
         ÒOoooh!Ó Amanda gasped.
         Patrick seated himself between the girls.  He put his arms around 
them both and drew them warmly to him.  Bobbi and Sue, meanwhile, came 
down the steps in front of the house.  Then they mounted the wooden steps 
leading into the carriage.  They wore blouses, each with a peplum 
attached.  This last garment was little more than a ruffled decoration, 
circling the waist but leaving the bottom quite bare.  As each girl wore 
stockings but no panties, Bobbi and Sue both issued a brief Òoooh!Ó as they 
sat down on the carriageÕs leather seat.  However the girls had ridden in 
the carriage before, and so their Òooooh!Ó was rather more dignified than 
the alarmed, almost cow-like ÒOoooh!Ó that both Kelli and Amanda gasped 
out.
         A strange interlude now ensued, as the carriage waited for a driver.  
Finally the front door of the house seemed to cough out a man, who came 
stumbling down the steps.  He wiped his mouth, looked once up into the 
carriage where the girls sat, and then went to the front of the conveyance 
and mounted up into the driverÕs seat.  He grasped the reins and spit.  Then 
he picked up a whip lying on the driverÕs seat and brought it down swiftly 
and abruptly across the backs of the horses.
         The carriage lurched forward.  The horses both issued a protesting 
whinny at the ferocity of the whip blow.  Quickly, hoping to avoid any 
further taste of the driverÕs whip, they crossed the lawn.  They circled 
around behind the big house.  As the carriage jostled along, making Kelli 
and AmandaÕs bare bosoms shake, the driver delivered additional cuts of 
the whip to the horses, which made them trot even faster.  Amanda 
shivered, despite the warmth of the ColonelÕs arm, pressing her close to 
his body.  For the driverÕs blows were haphazard, not frequent enough to 
cause the horses to gallop.  At the same time they were much harder than 
the horses needed, and seemed to be applied solely to vex the creatures.
         The carriage came to a halt.  Patrick, gallant as ever, escorted Kelli 
and Amanda down from the carriage.  Bobbi and Sue followed.  The driver 
leapt down from his seat.  He seemed now less unsteady, more awake and 
confident.  It was as if he had exorcised, through his whip blows, 
whatever confusion of mind had afflicted him when he first stepped from 
the house.
         ÒDo you feel up to an honest dayÕs work?Ó Patrick asked the driver.
         ÒFor girls such as these I am always ready for work,Ó the man 
answered.  ÒEven if I do have a hangover.Ó
         ÒThis is Amanda,Ó Patrick said, squeezing the girl on his left.
         ÒI do not need their names,Ó the driver answered.  ÒHowever perhaps 
they wish to know mine.  It is Sinbad, and no, that is not my real name.  
You American girls would not be able to pronounce my real name.Ó  He 
laughed.  It was a raucous, chest-heaving laugh, which caused the man to 
throw back his head.  The girls shivered.  The man not only had the name of 
a pirate, he looked like one.  He had not shaved in several days and he wore 
a shirt he had not bothered to button.  His pants were rolled up at the 
ankles.  He looked as if he had been out digging for clams, the way his 
pants were rolled up.  But there was no beach nearby.  As for his feet, they 
were without shoes.  He seemed not to notice he wore no shoes as he 
turned and stepped on some rocks lying in front of the barn door.  He lifted 
a wooded latch on the door.  He flung the doors open.
         ÒCome in, American girls,Ó the Arab with the made-up name of 
Sinbad announced.  Then he proceeded them, swaggering into the dimly lit 
barn.  Amanda and Kelli could barely walk, they were so afraid.  But 
Patrick, clasping them tight to his body, hurried them forth, over the 
rocks and into the barn.
         Slowly Kelli and AmandaÕs eyes accustomed themselves to the 
shadowy interior of the barn.  There was no light, only sunlight, 
glimmering through cracks in the wooden boards that made up the sides 
and the roof of the barn.  As the girls looked into the barnÕs semi-darkness 
they saw strange shapes.  They were shapes that did not belong in a barn.  
Shapes of metal, and wood, and ropes and dangling chains.  The girls did 
not see or hear any animals, only the sound of their own breathing.  
Patrick stepped away from the girls and, seeing that Bobbi and Sue were 
within the barn, he closed the barn doors.  This lessened the illumination 
in the barn, casting the interior of the place almost into darkness.  Then, 
suddenly, as Patrick clicked a lock on the barn door, Sinbad found a light 
switch.
         A flood of light erupted in the barn.  It cast into sharp relief the 
objects the girls had been trying to make out.  Suddenly the girls saw all 
too well, and they almost collapsed in fright at the vision which spread 
itself before them.  Devices of torture of every imaginable shape and size 
awaited them.  Racks, pillories, cages, not one but two flogging posts, and 
row upon row of wall-mounted accessories.  Kelli gaped dumbfounded at 
the sizes and shapes of the dildos she saw arrayed on a shelf on a wall.  
Amanda found herself staring at a series of dangling tittie clamps, each 
one looking more wicked than the one beside it, until at last, at the end, a 
pair of clamps with serrated edges looked as if they were intended not to 
pinch the nipples, but to remove them.
         ÒOh my GOD!Ó Amanda cried.
         ÒOh, auntie!Ó Kelli wailed.  She fell against her aunt, losing her own 
balance and almost knocking Amanda to the floor.  Patrick hurried over to 
the girls and righted them both.
         ÒRelax,Ó Patrick said.  ÒNot everything here is intended for you.  Do 
not tempt Sinbad or myself to use the wickeder of these devices because 
you are unable to behave.  You are here to be trained, nothing more.  
However it is helpful, I think, for you both to see the full range of 
possibilities that lie within this barn.  Then you will better appreciate 
how indulgent I am, when your bottoms are red and you think I am being 
too harsh.Ó
         An uneasy quiet settled over the girls.  They were handcuffed and 
now that the barn door was locked, they were both aware of how 
completely vulnerable they were to these men.  Quick, hopeful glances at 
Bobbi and Sue produced nothing but disinterested stares.  Amanda and Kelli 
realized they were shorn of all hope of rescue, not knowing at all where 
Mark was.  In addition to this they looked, rather embarrassingly, like 
willing participants in this evil game.  Both of them were clad in the 
immodest attire of stockings and garters and heels, with their faces 
mascaraÕd and their nipples tantalizingly rouged.  Amanda tugged at her 
handcuffs and found they were as solidly unyielding as ever.  She glanced 
at Kelli.
         ÒIÕm sorry,Ó Amanda whimpered.
         ÒOoooh!  I donÕt want my bottom spanked!Ó Kelli replied.
         ÒGirls, there should be no misunderstandings,Ó Sinbad said in a deep, 
guttural voice.  ÒYou are to be tortured, but it is not the torture given to 
ordinary people.  Perhaps they are luckier than you will be, for in the case 
of the ordinary man, it is his fingers or toes that are usually the subject 
of torture.  In your case, girls, it will be your sexual parts.  Your breasts.  
Your nipples.  Your private gash... what do you American girls call it?Ó
         ÒThe cunt,Ó Patrick murmured, lighting his pipe as he stood behind 
Amanda and Kelli.
         ÒAh, yes.  The cunt,Ó Sinbad said.  ÒAnd of course we must not forget 
the bottom hole.  This also must be tortured.  Perhaps you girls thought of 
your bottom hole as being only a place where things come out.  This is not 
so.  Things can go in too.  It is sort of like, ÔWhat goes up, must come 
down.Õ  Except in this case it is, ÔWhat comes out can go in too.Õ  But it 
would be rather messy to shove your turds back into you.  So instead, to 
properly work your bottom holes, as you can see, your master Patrick has 
generously provided me with a wide range of dildos.  We will experiment 
with these dildos and see how much you girls can take.
         ÒAlso of course there is the place where you sit.  The bottom itself.  
This is an excellent thing to sit on but it is useful also as a seat of 
learning.  A whip, properly applied to the female bottom, can provide very 
good instruction!  I had a wife and she did not fix my dinner on time.  
Fortunately I also had a belt.  It was useful for more than just holding my 
pants up, as my wife found out.  So by removing my belt, I not only rid 
myself of my pants, which I did not need anyway, being in my own home.  I 
also instructed my wife in the proper time for dinner.  After receiving her 
instruction I always got my dinner on time, and nine months later I had a 
son too, to carry on my name and do great things in the world.Ó
         Sinbad turned away from the girls and began rummaging amongst 
some chains.  They were big, heavy chains, as if for draw horses, but both 
Kelli and Amanda knew the chains would not be used on the horses outside, 
for the barn door behind them was locked.  The girls felt their knees, in 
their pretty stockings, begin to bump together.  Not once, but repeatedly.  
At the same time their cunts, as if in complete misunderstanding of what 
was to happen, grew very moist.  As KelliÕs eyes rolled in her head, taking 
in the roomÕs awful equipment, she saw a computer sitting in a far corner 
of the barn.  Its screen glimmered from behind a bale of hay which, 
splitting open, had dumped a pile of straws down onto the computerÕs 
keyboard.  Suddenly the screen grew brighter.  Through the haphazard array 
of straws which partially blocked the screen Kelli saw this word:  
ÒG.I.R.L.S.Ó
         ÒAttention!  Attention!  This is the G.I.R.L.S. Report!Ó a high-pitched 
voice announced.
         ÒRight here on Internet Radio!Ó a second, slightly deeper voice, 
added.
         ÒIÕm Johnnie Cat... as in TomCat, not as in the cat litter, and this is 
my pal, Ed.  We call him Ed the Bed because he once boasted of going to an 
orgy and having sex with 20 girls.  But in fact all he had done is steal one 
of his dadÕs porno tapes and WATCH 20 girls have sex.Ó
         ÒUm, thatÕs true,Ó the voice belonging to Ed agreed.
         ÒWell we got tired of watching T.V. so we are back with our G.I.R.L.S. 
Report!Ó Johnnie announced.
         ÒYes!Ó Ed agreed.  ÒWho wants to watch T.V. when you can talk about 
girls on the Internet?Ó
         ÒNow we should point out to our audience what the name of our show 
means.Ó Johnnie said.
         ÒThatÕs right,Ó Ed agreed.  ÒShall I do the honors?Ó
         ÒYes, please,Ó Johnnie said.  ÒIÕm not letting you watch my T.V. for 
free, you know.Ó
         ÒWeÕre not watching T.V.,Ó Ed said.
         ÒYou are a man of much wisdom,Ó Johnnie said.
         ÒWell then I shall explain the initials of our program,Ó Ed said.  
ÒG.I.R.L.S. stands for Gorgeous Innocent Ravishing Little Sluts.  Or perhaps 
it stands for Sexpots.  Or Johnnie suggested during our break, off the air, 
while we were watching T.V., that it could be Sylphs.  This, of course, 
means Ôa slim, graceful woman or girl.Õ  But you can leave out the ÔwomanÕ 
part, since our show is STRICTLY about girls!Ó
         ÒThatÕs right!Ó Johnnie agreed.  ÒNo women!  Girls only!Ó
         ÒNow another part of our show that we should explain is that we do 
not just mean any girl by the word G.I.R.L.S.  The girl in question must be a 
virgin.  Please do not call our show and tell us about a girl unless you have 
a good faith belief that she is, in fact, a virgin.  Preferably a total virgin, 
like me and Johnnie here.Ó
         ÒDonÕt say that on the air!Ó Johnnie said in a loud, hissing whisper.
         ÒOh, yes.  I mean, a total virgin like Johnnie here.  As for myself, I 
went to an orgy and fucked 20 girls,Ó Ed said.
         ÒWhat he means is that the girl has to be a virgin,Ó Johnnie said.  
ÒNow of course the question will arise, Ôif the girl has to be a virgin, isnÕt 
your show going to be about girls who are, frankly, 12-years-old or 
younger?Õ  Well as you can see, Ed and I have not been the ones deflowering 
all the girls.  So, if in corrupt America, all the cute girls lose their 
virginity by age 13, this is not our problem.  Ed and I are here to discuss 
virgins, and we are not in control of what age girls lose their virginity.  
So, yes, if indeed all the cute girls are losing their virginity by age 13 in 
America, then this show will in fact be STRICTLY about girls who are 12 
or younger.  DonÕt call us about a girl who is, say, 14 unless you are quite 
certain she is a virgin.Ó
         ÒNow letÕs take our first call,Ó Ed said.
         ÒIÕm supposed to say that,Ó Johnnie said.
         ÒNow Johnnie, our wonderful host, will accept our first call,Ó Ed 
announced.  ÒHereÕs Johnnie!Ó
         ÒThanks.  WeÕll have music someday,Ó Johnnie said.
         ÒHello?  Hello?  Is this the G.I.R.L.S. Report?Ó an anonymous voice 
asked.
         ÒYes it is!  YouÕre our first caller,Ó Johnnie said.  ÒWhatÕs your name 
and where are you calling from?Ó
         ÒIÕm Kenneth P. Valinskison!Ó the caller said.  ÒHey Harold, guess 
what?  IÕm on that G.I.R.L.S. Report thing!  On the Internet!Ó
         ÒTurn down your computer, Kenneth.  And we donÕt need your last 
name,Ó Johnnie said.
         ÒHey guys, I was wondering if you knew about www.plates.com?  You 
can get all the best plates and china at www.plates.com!Ó
         ÒWhat is this?  A salesman?Ó Johnnie asked.
         ÒIÕm not really a salesman, but I do like www.plates.com!Ó Kenneth 
said.  ÒMy wife got a whole set of wonderful new plates at 
www.plates.com just last night and...Ó
         FLUSH!
         ÒBoy, IÕm glad you made that tape of a flushing toilet, Ed,Ó Johnnie 
said.
         ÒYes it sure came in handy, didnÕt it, Johnnie?Ó Ed agreed.
         ÒLetÕs take another call,Ó Johnnie said.  ÒThis is the G.I.R.L.S. Report 
and youÕre on the air!Ó
         ÒHey guys!  Is this the G.I.R.L.S. Report?Ó an anxious voice asked.
         ÒThe one and only,Ó Ed said.
         ÒJust donÕt mention any plates,Ó Johnnie said.
         ÒHey guys I saw this beautiful babe!  What a woman!Ó
         ÒA woman?!Ó
         ÒYeah, sheÕs about 28 and she works in my office and--Ó
         FLUSH!
         ÒDamn pervert!Ó Johnnie said.  ÒThis is the G.I.R.L.S. Report, youÕre on 
the air!Ó
         ÒHey guys!  Did you ever read Maxim?Ó
         FLUSH!
         ÒDamn faggot,Ó Johnnie said.
         ÒHi!  IÕm calling from Boston!Ó
         ÒYes?  Go ahead?  YouÕre on the G.I.R.L.S. Report!Ó
         ÒSay, do you guys listen to Howard Stern?Ó
         ÒDammit!Ó
         FLUSH!
         ÒYou take over, Ed.  All IÕm getting is yahoos and people who want to 
mention Howard Stern on OUR program!Ó
         ÒOkay, Johnnie.  Hello?  This is the G.I.R.L.S. Report and youÕre on the 
air.  Tell us about a cute little girl youÕve seen.Ó
         ÒHey guys!  I saw a really cute little girl!Ó
         ÒYes?  Go ahead.Ó
         ÒWell she was only about eight, but she was VERY cute,Ó the 
anonymous caller said.  ÒI was walking along and I saw this woman coming 
toward me.  Plus a boy.  And, on the other side of the woman, a little girl!  
A blonde girl!Ó
         ÒSounds pretty good.  Tell us about her.Ó
         ÒWell I was really stunned by how beautiful she was.  Her mother 
had her on a leash, which I thought was really stupid.  I have no idea why 
her mother was doing that to her.  But anyway the girl didnÕt seem to mind.  
She was just trotting along beside her mother.  She looked quite innocent.  
She actually resembled a little kitten, hurrying along beside her mother, 
the wind in her blonde hair, blowing it back, and her eyes wide, almost 
looking a little lost.  I was really surprised, looking at her, for she was 
stunningly beautiful.  It was sort of like looking at an eight-year-old 
version of Helen of Troy.
         ÒNow when I passed her, I of course turned around.  I wasnÕt doing it 
for any particular reason, just because I was so shocked by her beauty.  
And an amazing thing happened.Ó
         ÒWhat?Ó
         ÒInstantly my eyes fell upon her bottom!Ó
         ÒHer bottom?!Ó
         ÒYes!  She was wearing very tight shorts.  I know thatÕs sort of, like, 
you know, something a pervert with an over-active imagination might say.  
But in fact she WAS wearing very tight little shorts, and they outlined her 
asscheeks completely!  Well, let me tell you, WHAT AN ASS that girl had!  
Like I said, I wasnÕt intending to look at her bottom, it just jumped right 
out at me.  Truly I have never seen a prettier bottom.  And, like I said, it is 
sort of embarrassing to confess this, since it was the bottom of a little 
girl in the lower grades of elementary school.  You know, a girl who was 
about eight.  Maybe even younger than eight.  It was hard to tell with that 
damn leash on her wrist, and with her eyes looking so lost and innocent.  
But she did have a really terrific ass.Ó
         ÒWell at last we have gotten a proper call,Ó Johnnie said, taking over 
from Ed.  ÒNow I will give you some advice, caller.Ó
         ÒYes?Ó the caller asked, a note of trepidation in his voice.
         ÒSoon your eight-year-old Helen of Troy will be nine.  ThatÕs when 
most cute girls start kissing, and playing Spin the Bottle, and things like 
that.  Some even start drinking and smoking.  Pot, even.  And then soon she 
will be ten, and then eleven, and then twelve and then thirteen and after 
that, since she is very beautiful, she will no longer be a virgin.  So it is 
very good that you called our show about her, since, at this moment, at 
least, we can still be quite certain that she is a virgin.  So you have done 
well.  You should not feel embarrassed.  You are one of the True Men in 
America, who listen to our show and want a VIRGIN girlfriend, who is 
cute.  Not some leftover bitch who has made a habit of jumping from one 
bed to another, and then has the audacity to join the P.T.A. when she grows 
up, and talk about ÔprotectingÕ children.Ó
         ÒThatÕs right, Johnnie!Ó Ed agreed.  ÒWeÕre tired of us men being 
blamed by, and imprisoned by, and castrated by women who, as girls, 
couldnÕt keep their legs closed.  Heck, even as women they canÕt keep their 
legs closed!  And their ÔprotectedÕ daughters have a habit of opening their 
legs too.  Not just once, but many times, and for many, many guys.Ó
         ÒExcept us,Ó Johnnie said.
         ÒYes,Ó Ed agreed.  ÒWe just sit here and get blamed, while these 
women, and their ÔprotectedÕ daughters, run from one guy to another, 
sinning all over town!Ó
         ÒWell I completely agree,Ó said the caller.  ÒThatÕs why I only like 
eight-year-old girls.Ó
         ÒOkay, thanks for your call,Ó Johnnie said.  ÒThis is the G.I.R.L.S. 
Report, discussing cute little girls and their sinful mothers!  Hello?  
YouÕre on the air!Ó
         ÒHey guys you can get lots of hardcore XXX photos by going to 
farmerjohnÕs.com.  Tell your audience all about it!  
www.farmerjohnÕs.com!Ó
         ÒDamn!  Just because we are guys talking about girls doesnÕt mean 
we want to see lots of smut!Ó Johnnie said.
         ÒEspecially junky smut,Ó Ed agreed.
         ÒBut you can see Pamela Anderson suck down a whole--Ó
         FLUSH!
         ÒI couldnÕt care less about Pamela Anderson,Ó Johnnie said.
         ÒTurn that damn thing off!Ó Patrick told Sinbad. 

30

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