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DREAMGIRLS ON TAPE !
Tired of one-handed reading? A solution is at hand! I have now
recorded an entire Dreamgirls story on tape. (By ÔDreamgirlsÕ, of course, I
mean ÔNaughty Naked Dreamgirls.Õ If youÕre a publisher unfortunate enough
to have ÒborrowedÓ the name ÔDreamgirlsÕ from me, I hope nobody
mistakes your product for mine!)
As you know, gentle reader, I have frequently been afflicted with
constipation. It didnÕt use to be a problem. But, I guess, now that IÕm
confined in a senior home, it was to be expected. I thought, with a
preschool across the street, IÕd still feel a certain excitement when I
looked out my bathroom window. Alas, age has taken its toll. Not only on
my dick, but on my bowels as well.
Hence, sitting for long hours on the commode, I wondered what to do
with myself? I mean, I canÕt even visit the Hustler web site while IÕm
stuck in the bathroom. (Let alone David HamiltonÕs web site!)
Then I got an idea. Why not put a favorite Dreamgirls story on tape?
And so I did, as I sat taking a crap. ItÕs the story, ÒBottoms in Bondage.Ó
(Fitting, donÕt you think?)
Now I must warn you, that here at Dreamgirls we donÕt have state-
of-the-art recording equipment. Heck, we donÕt even have state of the art
toilets! So, in addition to hearing my melodious (smokerÕs) voice, you will
also hear the sound of my toilet, continuously running in the background.
Also, since my friend Fred has a bathroom next to mine, and often leaves
the door between our two bathrooms open (so he can look out my window!)
you will also hear his toilet too. IÕm pleased to report that Fred has a
normal bowel, unlike me, so you will, in addition to hearing our mutual
plumbing, hear him excreting turds into the pot.
Now in my case although my poops are infrequent, I do make a lot of
pee. This is because I like to drink beer while IÕm sitting waiting for my
shit to come out. So you will hear me not only reading into the tape, but
also pausing, to refresh myself, and pissing out what refreshed me earlier.
I should also mention that the food here at the old folkÕs home isnÕt
the best. Sometimes IÕll be entertaining some guys when one of them
throws up. To keep him from making a mess on my floor, I open my legs
and let him pitch his load between them, into my potty. I realize that
sounds sort of gay, and youÕre probably wondering, also, what a bunch of
old men are doing in my bathroom? ItÕs simple. To while away the time,
in addition to reading aloud from my story, I invited some guys into my
bathroom to play poker with me. ThatÕs why, if one of them gets sick, he
throws up between my legs. (And the sucking sound you occasionally hear
on the tape is this guy drinking, from a beer bottle, not what you might
think it is, despite having the occasional man between my legs!)
Also on this tape you will be hearing the sounds of young females
screaming. This is not to be interpreted by any law enforcement officers
as me somehow having the opportunity to bring pleasure into a young girlÕs
life. It is, I assure you, the sounds of the little girls playing outdoors at
the preschool.
Now about the barking dog. (On the tape.) DonÕt worry. There were
no indecent acts performed on the dog. It was a stray dog. It wandered
into my toilet and wanted a drink. I was right in the middle of FINALLY
getting some shit to come out. So, to accommodate the dog and not
interrupt my poop, I let him stick his snout between my legs. I admit it
was rather weird, having that dog lap away, just inches from my cock, at
the toilet water. And yes, all that lapping did make me a little hard too.
(First time in the 90Õs!) How was I supposed to know a damn dog would
cause me to harden? So when my dick hit the dogÕs nose, he barked at me.
(Dumb dog. Did he really think, with all those pointy teeth, that I was
actually going to stick myself into him? With a two-incher, I donÕt have a
lot to spare. Geeez!)
Well, that is all the sounds youÕll hear on my tape that might get you
to wondering what is going on. Pooping, urinating, flushing (when IÕm
lucky enough to make something!), running water, little girls squealing,
dogs lapping, an occasional fart, and that guy who needed to vomit.
I know some of you will want the unabridged version of my tape, so
that you can enjoy every word of ÒBottoms in Bondage.Ó Others of you will
be happy to just have the shorter version. ThatÕs why there are two price
levels: $89.95 unabridged. $14.95 abridged.
Now, you may ask, ÒWhere do I send the money?Ó Well, donÕt send
any money just yet. My tape machine broke yesterday (an old guy sat on
it), so, while I do have a master tape of ÒBottoms in Bondage,Ó I have yet
to make any Ôfor saleÕ copies. Hopefully this will happen soon. In the
meantime, save your pennies, and re-read ÒBottoms in BondageÓ, so if any
of the text that I spoke into my recorder gets blotted out by farts or
flushing, you will easily be able to follow whatÕs going on, because you
will (hopefully!) already know ÒBottoms in BondageÓ by heart.
In fact, since I still have constipation, IÕm planning to record all my
stories in the coming months. So, my recommendation is: commit all my
stories to memory. Then, when you buy the tapes, no matter how much IÕve
fucked them up, youÕll still be able to understand and enjoy my stories!
A final note: IÕm not sure how many more issues of Fuck Decency IÕm
going to be able to publish. My old folks home is run by Catholic Relief,
and IÕm here as a poverty case. The nuns would not be pleased if they
found me making my zine. So IÕve got to keep it Ôunder wraps,Õ if you know
what I mean. Especially since I like yanking on my wiener when IÕm
writing it. You can imagine the distress the nuns would feel if they
walked in on me doing that.
Oh, well, itÕs almost 8:30, time for lights out! Hopefully IÕll write
to you again. By the way, I see IÕm all out of toilet paper. If you send me
some money, send along some Charmin too, would you? I donÕt get out
much and the stuff they use here for toilet paper isnÕt fit to wipe the ass
of a mule.
Andrew Roller Presents
FUCK DECENCY
Hamilton? Sturges?
http://www.amazon.com
Issue No. 373
Naughty Naked Dreamgirls in
PassionÕs Playpen
Chapter Three
ÒThere. You are quite captive now, my dear,Ó Bess said. She drew
KateÕs hands apart so that the short chain between them became taut.
Bess yanked on KateÕs hands to ensure they were properly locked. The
chain did not give, the cuffs did not spring apart or even hint that they
wished to.
Kate already wore earrings, new ones Bess had pinned on her at the
vanity table. Bess tugged on KateÕs earrings. They dangled down almost to
KateÕs shoulders and they felt heavy. Kate hoped her lover treated her
well. The earrings made her feel delicate, as if she might lose her
earlobes if they were pulled on too hard. Bess batted at them, watching as
they brushed across the tops of KateÕs shoulders. They were ruby,
matching the color of her nipples, with silver to match her chains.
ÒWait. Let me get you something for good luck,Ó Bess said. She rose
and she bustled from the room. Kate stood, hardly able to move, she felt
so weighed down by the chains, though they were light. She looked at
herself in the bathroom mirror and saw a girl with radiant blonde hair and
red lips and big, wide blue eyes staring back at her...
BOOK REVIEWS
by holy joe
A GuyÕs Guide to Dating, by Brendan Baber and Eric Spitznagel, $10.95.
Paperback, 216 pages. Published by Doubleday. ISBN: 0-385-48553-0.
Review: This is a helpful book. It explains that strange species
known as Òthe female.Ó It begins, appropriately enough, with explaining
girls in kindergarten. The authors point out that if a kindergarten girl
teases you, it isnÕt because she doesnÕt like you. For instance, if she says
to you, ÒBart the Fart, He likes to Fart,Ó (and your name is Bart), what
sheÕs actually saying is: ÒI find you extremely attractive and IÕd like to
get to know you better.Ó (page 13).
This book ends with Marriage. In between there are lots of fun
illustrations and there are many insights drawn from psychology that
explain both yourself, females, and even your mother. I was pleased that
this book wasnÕt hostile to males who might like girls who are younger
than themselves. They donÕt just take a Ôcookie-cutterÕ approach to
male/female relationships, assuming, say, that all a 30-year-old guy
could ever be interested in is a mature, grown woman who is about 30-
years-old. Some guys who are 30 might get along better with a girl who
is 14. Some guys who are 30 might still be trying to figure out what a
kindergarten girl is doing when she points out that his first name rhymes
with Òfart.Ó
The authors of this book also delve into all aspects of sexuality.
They report that lesbianism is common among college-age females,
almost a Ôrite of passage.Õ They say that bondage is quite common,
writing: ÒIf you can find us a co-ed who doesnÕt own a pair of handcuffs,
weÕll give you a shiny new nickel.Ó (page 117)
The authorsÕ writing is superb. There are lots of great lines in this
book. For instance, the authors summarize the Story of O as follows:
ÒGirl finds purpose in life through being submissive at an exclusive S/M
club.Ó (page 137)
In their descriptions of various females that a male might want, the
authors write of a sought-after girl who Òknows how to take a good
spanking.Ó (page 10)
On Catholic School Girls, the authors write: ÒThe combination of
their forbidden status and those sexy plaid-skirt uniforms is enough to
give any man with a pulse an erection from forty yards.Ó (page 32)
On various types of males, the authors write of the man who has Òa
harem of female companions who need either Daddy or Brother.Ó But, the
authors warn, ÒDonÕt play Daddy unless youÕre ready to give a good
spanking.Ó (page 107)
Finally, interviewing men about marriage, the authors come upon an
old man with this insight: ÒIÕve never been married, and IÕll tell you why.
I donÕt like old women. Their boobs sag, their butts get bigger, their
entire body goes straight to hell. I say no thank you to that. Who needs
it? ...It makes me sick just thinking about it.Ó (page 209)
Of course, according to the conventional media, which you can
wallow in every day of the week on your T.V., ÒgrownÓ men are only
interested in powerful, career-oriented women, who are at least as old as
themselves. This book helps shatter that myth. In the section describing
various sought-after female types, there is only ONE who fits the type
advocated by the media. Others include: ÒA slacker girl who sleeps till
noon and quits her job at Starbucks.Ó ÒA... homemaker.Ó Ò[A] multiply-
pierced, part-time exotic dancer who steals money from [your] wallet.Ó
and ÒA wide-eyed girl whoÕs looking for Daddy.Ó Also, in addition to the
girl whoÕs looking for daddy, thereÕs a different girl who is Òobedient...
cowers in [your] presence, and knows how to take a good spanking.Ó (pages
9 and 10)
As a result of this book, I have learned many new things about girls
that I didnÕt know. (Even girls in kindergarten!) I have also realized that
the media is selling me ONE type of female, even though there are actually
many types of females in this world. I am told by the media that I MUST
have a powerful, career-oriented woman, who is the same age as me. At
the same time the media tries to turn all the females in this world into
career-oriented feminists. Worse, various laws have been passed, further
restricting my choices in life.
This book has helped to open my eyes. I now see what a fucked-up
society I am living in. I am surrounded every day by laws, rules,
regulations, and media propaganda. All of it is designed to make me desire
to have sex and relationships with powerful, career-oriented feminists.
ItÕs funny, though: the more I am told what I MUST like, the less I like it.
IÕd rather have a slacker girl any day, who sleeps till noon and works at
Starbucks. And IÕd love to know sheÕs looking for Daddy. And if she can
take a good spanking, all the better!
Even if youÕve never gone on a date, youÕll find ÒA GuyÕs Guide to
DatingÓ to be a good resource. It will help you understand what you want
in life, and why you want it. Hopefully, armed with the knowledge in this
book, youÕll never find yourself in bed with a powerful, career-oriented
woman whoÕs the same age as you are. (Unless, that is, you truly want a
woman like that in your life, which probably means you had a ÒShow MomÓ
mommy type and are ÒBoy XÓ.
Return to the Chateau, by Pauline Reage, $10.00. Paperback, 187 pages.
Published by Ballantine. ISBN: 0-345-39465-8.
Review: This book is subtitled, ÒStory of O, Part II.Ó It is by the
same author who wrote the highly-acclaimed novel ÒStory of O,Ó which
was also made into a movie in the 1970Õs, then re-made into another
movie again later on (the latter film receiving much less widespread
distribution).
O is obviously a combination of several female types listed above, in
the book ÒA GuyÕs Guide to Dating.Ó She often, as a slave girl, sleeps till
noon, like the ÒslackerÓ type of girl. Also, sheÕs definitely looking for
Daddy. And she can take a good spanking.
Unfortunately, with O having already progressed from girlhood to
womanhood in Story of O, this book lacks the fundamental quality of
naivete which made O so appealing in the original book. The author seems
not to know quite what to do with O. What more can be done with a girl
whoÕs already been fucked fore and aft, whipped, pierced, and branded? (I
mean, a man can only do so much for a girl before his services are needed
elsewhere!) Like the husband struggling to find his pregnant wife sexually
interesting, Pauline Reage struggles to find new ways to make O
appealing. Ultimately, she fails, and this book resorts to double-spaced
type and frequent chapter-breaks (leaving lots of blank pages inbetween)
to make this book hefty enough to appear to warrant a $10.00 investment.
Nonetheless, ReageÕs ability to Ôturn a phraseÕ is still present, and
her best lines are some of the finest in erotic fiction.
Return to the Chateau begins with O and a young girl, named Natalie.
The girl is described unflinchingly by Reage as Òthe childÓ. She is going to
be taken to Roissy, along with O, where both girls will be slaves. Of
Natalie the author writes: Ò[Her] happiness was equalled only by her
impatience, and there was, in that happiness, a fair measure of the
naivete and confidence that children display when they have been promised
something by adults.Ó (page 30)
Unfortunately, NatalieÕs mother cuts short her visit with O, and
little Natalie never gets to go to Roissy. In compensation, O deflowers
Natalie, and then Natalie is fucked by OÕs master, Sir Stephen.
Why does Natalie disappear from the book? My hunch is that Reage
wanted to focus on O, alone, being taken back to Roissy. The journey of O,
travelling all by herself, except for the male escorting her, was too juicy
a topic to be spoiled by the presence of Natalie. However, once O arrives
at Roissy, Reage quickly finds she needs little Natalie in the picture for
the story to continue. (After all, O has already suffered in every way
possible in the original Story of O.) Natalie is recreated in the guise of a
character named Noelle. The new girl is described by Reage as follows:
ÒO watched Noelle, who was seated opposite her, laughing. She was
laughing because the black horse-hair of the chair on which she was
sitting tickled her.Ó (page 94) (O and Noelle are wearing dresses that
open in back, leaving their bottoms bare.)
If I had been writing this book, I would have found a way to get
Natalie back into the story, after O had travelled by herself to Roissy. It
is not uncommon, though, for a sex story author to invent a character, only
to discard it along the way and then forget to bring the character back
into the story when it is needed again. Instead, a new character appears,
even though itÕs really the same old character. (IÕve even found
Shakespeare reinventing a character, after the character had been killed
off earlier. Hence, of his play Hamlet, I once wrote a term paper titled:
ÒPolonius lives!Ó)
The first half of Return to the Chateau is excellent. Then it gets
less and less interesting, as O is subjected, without much erotic effect,
to a series of sexual acts. Reage is at her best as she is writing of OÕs
anticipation, of her travelling to Roissy, and of her first days there. Once
the ÒactionÓ starts, the book descends into poorly-crafted, hack
pornography.
Perhaps someday Reage will write a new story, featuring an all-new
character: the Story of P.
AND IN THE END...
WHAT IS A CRIME?
ÒShe was convicted of the crime of being a common scold. ...WeÕd
all be in deep trouble if that were a crime today.Ó
- Reporter Cokie Roberts, (Charlie Rose, May 18, 1998.)
-------------------------- Fuck Decency! ------------------------
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-When visiting Barnes and Noble, ask for: Jock SturgesÕ Radiant
Identities and David HamiltonÕs The Age of Innocence. Support art!
-Also by David Hamilton: A Place in the Sun, and Twenty Five Years
of an Artist Need a book? http://www.amazon.com
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-Naughty Naked Dreamgirls (Library of Congress ISSN: 1070-1427) is
copyright 1998 and a trademark of Andrew Roller.
-Official Newsletter, Temple of Pan
-END OF 373 EMISSION