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                                  Andrew Roller Presents
                              NAUGHTY NAKED DREAMGIRLS
                                                 in 
                                       BIKINI BRIGADE

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                                       Chapter Twenty

         ÒHeÕs just some big, ugly goopy guy who needs a bath!Ó Matilda said 
angrily at the large figure looming before them.  It held a half-eaten 
fudgesicle in its hand.  It had big goofy eyes and a lolling tongue.
         ÒYouÕre not very nice,Ó the figure retorted.
         ÒAway, bum!  Go visit a public restroom and wash all that goop off 
you!Ó Matilda said.  ÒWeÕve no time for you!Ó
         ÒYou should be nice to people,Ó the figure said.
         ÒNow Moe--Ó Polly said.  She smacked her lips, as old people do, and 
prepared to launch into a speech.    
         ÒHeÕs awfully large,Ó Glenda said to Matilda.  She gazed at the 
molasses-laden creature.
         ÒBums come in all shapes and sizes,Ó Matilda snapped.  She pushed 
Polly aside and advanced to the front of their raft.  ÒAway, you idle 
creature!Ó Matilda cried.  ÒWhat are you, some out of work sumo wrestler?  
CouldnÕt keep a job wrestling, so you decided to live like Ted Kaczynski 
instead?  Hanging out in this swamp?  Go and have yourself a bath, man!  
No one will employ you, looking like that!Ó
         ÒWell if you donÕt like me, then IÕll let you enjoy my molasses!Ó 
Molasses Moe cried.  He sank lower into the swamp.  He seemed to 
disappear.  Matilda glanced at Glenda and Polly, a satisfied grin on her 
face.
         ÒWeÕve no time to bargain with dirty old strangers,Ó Matilda said.  
She pointed to Percy and Paul and Al, who were holding the pole that 
guided the raft.  ÒForward, you three.  DonÕt stand there idly, or IÕll pitch 
you over the side and you can enjoy the rest of the night in the swamp 
with that bum!Ó
         A sooty tern flew overhead.  There was a soft, subtle sound in the 
swamp, as of liquid moving.
         A moment later Molasses Moe rose up underneath the raft.
         ÒWhat-- ho!  WeÕre being flipped over!Ó Matilda cried.
         ÒYeek!Ó Percy and Paul yelled.
         ÒOh, my!Ó Polly shouted.
         With a blubbering roar, Molasses Moe rose up from the depths of the 
moor and pitched their raft over.  Everyone on the raft was plunged into 
the swampÕs sticky, dark fluid.



         I gazed out at the peanuts painting the throne room.  There were four 
of them, in all.  Another peanut had been drafted into the project, making 
it all the harder for Pauline and myself to escape the Peppermint Portal, 
where we still were hiding.
         I looked down at my gun.  It only squirted cream, still.  I didnÕt dare 
use it unless it was really necessary, for it would be like trying to win a 
war with a squirt gun.  
         ÒI hope my DaddieÕs still alive,Ó Pauline whispered to me.  She was 
sniffling, quietly as she could, with her hand over her mouth so the 
peanuts wouldnÕt hear her.
         ÒIÕm sure he is,Ó I lied.  I had no idea whether her father was alive or 
dead, but the last thing I needed was a bawling 6-year-old on my hands.  I 
looked at my gun again.  ÒIf only this thing would work,Ó I sighed.
         


         ÒWell if you wonÕt give us the barge, IÕll just shoot you off it!Ó 
Tommy yelled to the peanuts by the Sea of Cream.  He fired at the ice 
cream bar.  He hit a peanut and it went flying backwards into the waves.  
The other peanuts let out screams and dove voluntarily into the sea.  
ÒForward, driver!Ó Tommy shouted.  The driver cracked his whip across the 
horsesÕ backs.  The carriage rolled forward.  It crossed from the road out 
onto the ice cream bar.  ÒMake way for royalty!Ó Tommy cried.  He fired his 
gun again, at no one in particular, and watched as the shot from his 
marshmellow gun arced out over the surf.

30

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