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                                Congress votes to outlaw fire


         In a race to keep up with advances in science, the Cave Man Congress 
voted today to ban experimentation with fire.
         ÒFire is too dangerous for scientists to play around with,Ó the 
sponsor of the Fire Protection Act told Congress.  ÒDo we want some mad 
scientist setting the whole forest on fire?Ó
         The High Priest of the Cave Men reported that he had been weighing 
the ethical implications of fire for over a month.  ÒFire is not part of 
nature,Ó he told the Cave Man Congress.  ÒIt is a scourge sent by God to 
warn us about our behavior and punish us for our sins.Ó  The Cave Man 
Police Chief was in full agreement.
         ÒPossession of fire must be criminalized,Ó the Police Chief told the 
Congress.  ÒFire belongs to the Gods.  For a human to own it, what is he 
trying to say, that he is a God?  That alone would bring lightning down 
from the heavens to punish us.  We must not risk the wrath of our Gods by 
allowing some arrogant human to try to own fire.Ó
         Some scientists responded that fire might have many benefits, such 
as allowing people to stay warm in cold weather and to scare away 
animals.  But others said these were simply the stuff of science fiction.  
ÒYou will scare away the animals and burn down the forest.  What good 
will that do?Ó one person replied.
         ÒIf he scares away the animals with fire, what will we eat?Ó a 
person asked.
         ÒThe Gods will decide whether we are warm or cold.  Next will a 
scientist claim that fire will allow us to produce rain on command?Ó 
another person asked.
         ÒItÕs too dangerous to try to tame fire,Ó a mother told Congress.  
ÒFire could burn up our precious children.Ó  When a scientist argued that 
fire could be used to cook meat, there was anger.
         ÒAre you trying to burn up our food?Ó someone asked.  Another 
person said that if meat was cooked, but burnt in the process, it could 
harm the body.  ÒBurnt meat is full of harmful carcinogens,Ó he said.
         An alternate measure was suggested:  allowing scientists to rub 
sticks together in order to create smoother spear shafts.  However, under 
this proposal anyone wishing to rub sticks together would have to first 
register as a stick rubber and sign a statement affirming that he knew it 
was illegal to rub sticks in an attempt to make fire.  This proposal, 
however, was voted down.  The Congress decided not only to criminalize 
the possession of fire, and any attempt to make fire, but also to ban 
rubbing sticks together.
         ÒThis new law ensures that our tribe is protected, and that our 
forest is protected too,Ó the Chief of the Congress said upon passage of 
the bill.  ÒIf we wreck our forest with fire there is no going back.  We will 
have upset natureÕs balance.Ó




----------------------- Dreamgirls! -----------------------
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