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An Indecent Proposal
by holy joe
There are museums to just about everything, but so far as I know
there is no museum dedicated to pornography. Rock and Roll and the U.S.
military and other human endeavors may have their place, but these are
nothing compared to the celebration of sexuality that is pornography.
Today pornographic magazines are treated as comic books once were;
ephemeral entertainments, something to be consumed and then discarded.
But who ever throws out their porn, except in the throes of guilt? And
who, having thrown their porn away, doesnÕt regret it later?
One might say that porn is too crass to be celebrated and preserved,
yet it is the very crassness of porn that delights. To see a young girl
eagerly and yet hesitantly shoving her ass at a camera, at the viewer; it is
not the Mona Lisa, but it is exciting!
Sex novels suffer from the same lack of appreciation as porn
magazines and videos do, though they are, indeed, no less appreciated! The
great Victorian sex novels are still only indifferently available, and then
only in throwaway paperback form, often with their names changed to try
to induce more sales, as if they are something that can be tampered with
at will, because they are so worthless. Yet anyone who has read the
(correctly titled?) Arabella, or Beatrice, or the Gardens of the Night, can
tell you that these novels are written at the highest level of achievement,
while never forgetting to entertain their viewer with descriptions of
whipped behinds and cock-sucking mouths.
So, I suggest that a museum to pornography should be created.
Something as vivacious as porn does sound odd joined with the word
ÒmuseumÓ, but whatever your opinion of a particular work, one has to
admit that some great porn has been produced. It should be saved, not
merely stuffed away in closets where some future Puritan will discard it.
It should be preserved and put on public view.
Perhaps after the alt sex stories repository is funded a new fund
could be started, for the pornography museum. Pictures can present legal
problems, but the museum could be located on some island or country
where the laws are liberal. Indeed, IÕm sure some country somewhere
could be induced to revise its legal code to allow for a museum with no
restrictions on content: imagine the tourist revenue such a museum would
bring!
Now the question arises, who will be the curator of such a museum?
It will need to be somebody whoÕs looked at lots of porn. Maybe even
someone whoÕs written sex stories. Although IÕm currently unemployed at
the moment, I would be willing to give up my free time to become the
curator of such a museum. I will test each work of porn to determine if
itÕs suitable for inclusion in the collection, using my special jack off test.
If it makes me cum, itÕs included, if not, well, better luck next time. I
realize this will place an enormous burden on my dick and balls, but I am
willing to do it in the service of such a great, noble, and indecent cause.
30
Fly Safely!
by Perply
People have been asking, how do we make our airlines safe for
travel? ItÕs very simple. Have everyone take off their clothes before they
board the plane. Since everyone is naked, there will be no opportunity for
anyone to have weapons secreted on their person. You might ask about the
carry-on baggage. This would not really be a problem if people are
allowed to have sex on the airplane. Most young men, if having to choose
between hijacking a plane or having sex, would probably choose to have
sex, particularly if the goods are temptingly on view. Instead of a sign
that says Òno smokingÓ, there could be a sign that says, Òhave sex.Ó Porno
videos could be shown, and porno magazines passed out, to induce those
who are inclined toward chastity or virginity. Even the sound system
could be rigged up, to produce sexual sounds throughout the flight. Viagra
could also be made available, and if that isnÕt enough, the sight of naked
young girls losing their cherries might provide the necessary stimulation.
When the flight is over, everybody will be safe and happy. A few
people might have aches and pains but nobody would have been blown up.
And people having sex in tall buildings on the ground wouldnÕt have been
blown up either.
30
Okay. I guess there is a minor flaw in my idea. Hijackers could
stuff sheathed knives up their asses and then yank them out on the plane
and hijack it. I can see it now, a bunch of Arab guys digging in their asses.
ÒStewardess! That man is digging in his ass!Ó Then these (literally)
shitty knives would be used to threaten the passengers. Oh well, at least I
tried my patriotic best to protect America!
Of course if they did butthole inspections prior to boarding, this
would then solve the problem...
----------------------- Dreamgirls! -----------------------
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-- Naughty Naked Dreamgirls (Library of Congress ISSN: 1070-1427)
is copyright 2001 by Andrew Roller. Dreamgirls, Naughty Naked
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