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holy joe ends the war on drugs
Yes dear reader, once again it falls to me, a hobo living in a
construction site toilet, to solve AmericaÕs problems. Today I shall
address my massive (if mostly unused) intellectual ability to the War on
Drugs. For years our great nation has been plagued by drugs. Sentences
have been stiffened, prisons have been built and expanded (and expanded
again), 100,000 new police officers have been hired. Yet the war goes on,
and some say the U.S. should pull another Vietnam and cop out.
I have a very simple solution. If the American government mixed
Anthrax with heroin and cocaine, and then released this substance into the
U.S. drug market, the War on Drugs would end very quickly. After a
thousand or so drug users died from Anthrax, nobody but an idiot would
ever touch heroin or cocaine again. (And if they did, they would die,
thereby ending the problem of idiocy as well.)
There is even a third benefit. People were complaining about police
brutality prior to the World Trade Center bombing. But with so many cops
having died in the collapse of the towers, New York City will now have the
opportunity to hire new police, from a more diverse range of groups. In a
year I can guarantee you that youÕll see more Black, Hispanic, Asian, and
gay police officers in New York, with perhaps even a pedophile or two
slipping onto the force as well.
It is the same with my war on drugs. Not only will drug users die,
but police will die as well, when they confiscate Anthrax-laden heroin and
cocaine. Inevitably, their replacements will be more multi-cultural. They
will also be more tolerant on the subject of drugs. Think of it, if youÕre a
cop, how eager would you be to bust someone for cocaine if it might have
Anthrax in it?
So I have now solved four problems, in one fell swoop. Drug users
are less likely to use hard drugs like cocaine or heroin. Police are more
tolerant of drug users, preferring to stay away from anyone who might
have white powder thatÕs half cocaine and half Anthrax. Police brutality
is solved, as some intolerant police will eagerly bust drug users, and die
from exposure to Anthrax, making way for a more diverse group of new
police officers to be hired. And, finally, the intellectual level of our
country will be improved, because inevitably some idiots will ÒdoÓ
cocaine or heroin despite the fact that it might be poisoned with Anthrax.
My position on illegal drug use has always been a Libertarian one:
total legalization. And it still is. However, if you are looking for a
pedophile for president in 2004, the above should more than certify my
intellectual crudentials. Top that, George W!
But I am not here to get you to write in my name on a presidential
ballot in 2004 (although you can, I do need a girlfriend). IÕm here to
discuss another subject entirely. Can you guess what it is?
It is said that feminists dislike three things most of all: fashion,
beauty contests, and pornography. What a pity, because those are my three
favorite subjects. With one added wrinkle, however. I have no interest in
seeing women in such things, but rather little girls. (DonÕt take that as an
invitation to send me yet more ÒstingÓ e-mail. IÕm talking about
pornography as a form of erotic art, not the crap the government keeps
flooding decent citizensÕ e-mailboxes with.)
My favorite little girl of the moment is in an ad for Ameridebt. ItÕs
a non-profit debt reduction company. This girl is about 8 or 9-years-old,
and she is really cute! In addition to having a great face and body, and
great hair, she is wearing a little black bondage-type collar around her
neck. Best of all, the ad shows her cavorting with a man and sheÕs in the
ad for the entire length of the ad. Plus, so far as I know, there is no
picture of any wife in the ad, just the man and the little girl.
I only got to see the Ameridebt ad one time so far, so right now IÕm
busily taping six hours of CNN Headline News in an attempt to capture it
on tape. ItÕs that good of an ad. And yes, IÕm taping on Maxell High Grade
Movie Theatre and Satellite System tape (available at WallMart).
Thank you, Ameridebt, for featuring a very cute L-I-T-T-L-E G-I-R-
L in your ad! I still remember when feminists yanked a Danon yogurt ad
off the air, because it featured a little girl. So we pedophiles must
celebrate whenever a little girl makes it past the censors. Best of all,
this is a CUTE little girl, which has not been seen often, since women and
feminists favor ads with cute boys but ugly little girls. You know the
feminist advertisement mantra by now, IÕm sure: Very handsome father,
stupid-looking mom with no tits, very handsome son and ugly daughter.
Thank God some of this feminist crap is beginning to ebb out of our
society. I think IÕll go out and get myself heavily into debt, just so I can
thank Ameridebt some more by becoming one of their customers.
God bless America, and debt!
30
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