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Protect your health with holy joe
Some people think IÕm a misogynist. This is not the case. In order to
dispel this misconception I have decided to devote my life to helping
women.
Next to AIDS, one of the greatest scourges of women is breast
cancer. October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month and I feel this is an
excellent time to begin my service. Early detection is critical in fighting
breast cancer, hence I will help the women of 2020 by examining them
today, while they are still girls. Once they are in the habit of visiting me
regularly, for my free exams, they should be free of any worries regarding
cancer.
Girls, donÕt settle for a second-rate examination by yourself. Visit
the expert, me, holy joe! Do you have questions about breast cancer? I can
answer your questions as I perform my complete and thorough examination
of your breasts! First I will begin with a gentle tactile hand exploration,
feeling every area of your breasts to ensure that they are completely free
of lumps. But I donÕt stop there! I follow up the hand exploration with an
even more sensitive instrument, my tongue. Finally, to ensure the
complete working order of your breasts, I suck each breast for several
minutes with my mouth.
Are you still too young to have breasts? Not to worry! I have a
special nipple safety system designed to ensure your nipples are healthy,
and to get you in the habit of thinking about breast safety. By meeting
with me regularly, you can ensure that youÕre never Òbehind the curveÓ on
this important subject.
Did you know that November is Cervical Cancer Awareness Month?
Yes, my services extend to this area of your body as well. By using my
special instrument, which I will insert into your vagina, I can ensure that
youÕre healthy here too. Just relax, the procedure will require several
minutes of thrusting my instrument back and forth. At the end of it there
will be an explosion of liquid from my instrument. This only happens if
youÕre free of cancer, so look forward to it as a sign that youÕve passed
your test. If you should become excited as I perform the test, donÕt worry;
itÕs a mere side effect that will pass when I withdraw my instrument.
Most doctors would stop at this point, but not me! I have designated,
on behalf of all (future) women, December to be Colon Cancer Awareness
Month. I will insert my special instrument, this time into your butt hole,
and thrust for several minutes to determine if there are any obstructions
or cancerous growths. Again, look forward to the explosion of liquid from
my instrument at the end of the test, signifying that youÕre healthy. A
quick trip to the bathroom will allow you to empty this liquid from your
behind.
January is Oral Cancer Awareness Month. I insert my instrument
into your mouth and you suck on it. The explosion of liquid is your happy
sign that youÕre free of cancer of the mouth.
February is Right Hand Cancer Awareness Month. Believe it or not,
people can develop cancer of the hand. But by squeezing a special
instrument, which I will provide, you can determine that your hand is
healthy. Look again for the explosion of liquid. Hand-washing afterward
will remove this sign of good health, or you can show it to your friends
and tell them about my service.
March? You guessed it! Left Hand Cancer Awareness Month. Each
hand should be tested separately, to ensure maximum protection from
cancer. Patients who still have lingering concerns about their right hand
may use both hands on my special instrument, if they wish. As I like to
say, ÒBetter safe than sorry. You canÕt test yourself too often!Ó
April doesnÕt mean weÕre done with testing. With the arrival of
Spring, itÕs time to check between your breasts. Yes, sometimes cancer
can be found where your breasts press together. But holy joe has a special
test just for this region! I insert my special instrument between your
breasts and you hold them together while I thrust back and forth. When
you feel fluid hitting your face, youÕre healthy!
Ready for summer? Not until youÕve checked your butt crack. Here
we are looking not up inside the hole but along the crack where your bikini
thong will soon be resting. I insert my special instrument here, you hold
your asscheeks together as best you can as I do the requisite thrusting.
When you feel liquid hitting your back, youÕre healthy!
Every day we walk on our feet but we donÕt think too much about
them, do we? In summer, walking on sun-baked sand, there is an
increased risk of cancer. ThatÕs why IÕve designated June as Foot Cancer
Awareness Month. You rub your toes and your two feet all over my special
instrument. If fluid shoots out of it after several minutes of testing,
youÕre ready to once again hit the beach, safe and sound!
As a working professional, I need time off. ThatÕs why July and
August have been reserved for my vacation. Sorry, but if you need help
during this period, youÕll have to call my appointment secretary (P.D.
Wilson) and set up something for the fall. I donÕt want to lose my touch
from overwork. However, if youÕre especially concerned, perhaps a special
private session can be arranged. IÕll see if I can fit you in at my private
retreat, where weÕll take an entire week, or the weekend, to examine all
the parts of your body for cancer. Space is limited, so call early if you
feel youÕll be needing my services during this period.
September is my office cleaning and preparation month. With
another year of busy cancer testing for future women ahead of me, I need
time to sort my paperwork. However if you donÕt mind the possibility of
being asked to arrange a few files, or perhaps cook me dinner, I can maybe
squeeze you in for a special private session during this period. Again, itÕs
best to call P.D. if you need this. I give unaccredited college credit for
this so itÕs popular with many girls.
Wow! That sure is a lot of helping, isnÕt it? I doubt any man is so
willing to give himself completely to AmericaÕs (future) women! Think of
all the girls who will live lives free of cancer, or detect it early, due to
my efforts. Perhaps someday the women of America will give a Holy Joe
Award, in honor of all my exhausting efforts on their behalf.
30
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-- Great art books by David Hamilton and Jock Sturges are at:
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-- Naked little girls/politics: http://www.AlessandraSmile.com
Man/boy love: http://www.nambla.de Politics: http://www.lp.org
http://www.isil.org http://www.fear.org http://www.fija.org
http://www.aclu.org
-- Naughty Naked Dreamgirls (Library of Congress ISSN: 1070-1427)
is copyright 2001 by Andrew Roller. All rights reserved.
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