Child Brides of India

By C. Stanton Leman

Chapter 2: Best Laid Plans (slow, no sex)

While my Dad and I were discussing his conversation with Adib Haaseem on the Thursday before I took off for New Delhi, there was another set of events happening at the Haaseem residence in New Delhi…

“Assalamu aliakom,” Salima, Adib’s wife said when answering the phone.

“Wa aliakum asslalm,” replied Adib to his wife, “Have you been preparing Sarah for the meeting? Praise Allah, peace be upon Him, I believe that Sean will agree to meet with her, although it may be a little awkward because both of the families will be present. I still have to await a call from either John or Sean.”

“Yes, husband, I have Sarah and Priya at the dining room table discussing how and what takes place at an introduction.”

“Why is Priya there?” Adib asked surprised

“By Islamic law, she is of marriageable age and she’ll need to learn this at some point in time. I felt it better to explain some of this to her as well, so that when her time comes, she won’t be so shocked by the suddenness of it all as with Sarah. What I’m teaching them now is just the formalities, the gestures, posture, how to speak, reading the man’s body language: things of that sort.

“Besides, Adib, if our hearts are right in this, it’s my duty as a mother to educate Priya also. This way, Priya feels included even if indirectly, and sees it as a mother explaining what lies ahead for both of her daughters. Being secretive and paranoid about things only invites resentment from her.

“Frankly, I don’t think Sarah is emotionally and mentally mature enough: she’s only two years ahead of her class, and she does not have the physical appearance and presence to attract an American with Sean’s attributes. She has a fuller figure than most Americans like, and she’s not as quick witted. When she gets nervous, her English also begins to falter. If she can’t impress him at first glance, I’m afraid things will go downhill for her from there.”

Not too encouraged by his wife’s words, Adib replied, “Well, Salima, once you get her alone, you need to impress upon her that we have diligently searched our hearts with Allah’s help and believe that we’ve found her a suitable husband and lifelong partner for her.”

“Adib, I just hope we’re not putting too much pressure on Sarah. You know how she gets when she feels she’s required to perform. She needs your reassurance and confidence in her abilities. I’m afraid that she kind of feels that this is some sort of test she has to pass to win our approval — especially yours. She’ll likely take a rejection very personally, even if she feels she’s trusting completely in Allah on the outcome.”

Adib pressed, “Reassure her that all is in Allah’s hands and to be at peace with the results Allah presents to her. She needs to pray for guidance and dispel her fears. I will also do what I can to put her at ease. Your job is to assure she knows how to act chaste and humble. Does she realize that we feel that we’ve found in Sean a man capable of fulfilling all of her needs: emotional as well as material?”

“Yes, Adib, but all of that doesn’t matter if he doesn’t want to pursue her. Any girl, regardless of her faith, would take a rejection personally in varying degrees. When a girl lays herself, who and what she is, open to inspection, especially in a room full of people watching her every action, and she’s rejected — for whatever reason — that’s all she has to offer. She has no experience with boys, much less a man. Sean may be the right man for her, but if the time isn’t right for her, Allah may, in His wisdom deny your wishes for her.”

“That may be true, but I also think, Salima, that we need to help her present her physical flaws in a more pleasing manner. Give her less to worry about. What do you think?”

“I think you’re treading on dangerous ground here. You know what the Koran states regarding dress. She’s not allowed to enhance or accentuate her physical appearance: good or bad. It would be like prostituting herself. You know very well, if he finds her attractive as a person, her physical flaws are immaterial.”

“Salima, I don’t mean openly displaying her charms in a favorable light, but listen for a moment. For example, if we dressed her in a black sari, it would give her a slimmer appearance and, it is an acceptable color. That’s not displaying anything: good or bad. We could dress Priya in white, which would make her skin color appear darker than it really is. This could draw Sean’s eyes to Sarah’s fairer complexion.”

“Adib! I can’t believe you just said that! Attempting to make either of your daughters ‘appear’ any other way than honestly is a sin! Besides, how could you do that to Priya? You’d injure the heart of one child for the sake of another? You know how Priya has suffered because of this!”

“Look. Although she’s darker than you, you found a loving husband in spite of your color, didn’t you?”

“Yes, but my father was as pained as I was because I suffered the same indignities as Priya: and still do. How can you rationalize your thinking to accommodate such a thought! My father took great care to try and shield me from it as much as he could. He also took great pains to find me a husband that saw past my color to see the real person inside. My love for you and yours for me has given me the strength to overcome my pain. He would never try to accentuate my pain in any way as a means to an end. I feel hurt that you’d even suggest this! You need to reconsider this carefully.”

“You just have to find a way to impress upon her that this is Sarah’s time. Hers will come when Allah and her parents feel so moved, and we will try as hard for her as we are for Sarah. She just needs to sacrifice a little for her sister, she’ll understand. Do as I ask and explain things to her; I’ll talk to her also.’

”I will do as you ask, and take the girls out tomorrow and buy the saris, but there is a bitterness in my heart for my child that will never leave until she has found a man who will shield her from these indignities. You have wounded my heart, Adib, and I fear we bring Allah’s wrath upon us for this deed.”

Changing the subject, Adib asked, “What does Sarah have to say about the whole process of meeting a man for the possibility of marriage?”

“That’s another thing. She feels unsure and a little frightened by the suddenness of the whole thing. Because of the very ‘flaws’ that you speak of, she’s like many girls her age. She feels insecure about her body, her sister’s better academic achievements, but also in your love right now. She’s thinking you may be trying to ‘marry her off,’ or get rid of her because she’s not pleasing in your eyes. I’ve tried to reassure her and reinforce the idea that it’s because we love her immensely and are looking for a lifetime of happiness for her. But the more we discuss this, the more I fear she’s not emotionally ready for the separation from us — especially you. She really does crave your approval and love.

“I am also beginning to have doubts about Allah’s wisdom in this. This should be a time of expectation and happiness with a clear conscience and conviction that we’re doing the right thing. I fear that if you try to force these events, you’ll end up hurting not one, but both of your daughters’ hearts and drive them away from us. I need to find a way, and the strength to try and explain your wishes to Priya… I fear I’m about to commit a sin against my daughter.”

“Don’t cry, Salima. Neither child should see any tears or confusion from you. I truly believe that I have Allah’s blessing in this endeavor. If things don’t work out, we simply continue to look for suitable husbands for our daughters. If it’s ordained to be, then it shall come to pass, don’t you agree?”

“On that last statement, I do agree. I shall pray and encourage the girls to pray also more fervently on this matter for guidance, peace and reassurance.”

“We still have several days to ease the girl’s minds and prepare them for the evening. I think you need to concentrate on Sarah and her fears. I’ll do the same. Priya is a very intelligent and empathetic girl and understands her sister’s insecurities much more than you think she does. She’ll be alright.”

“Yes! It’s her tender and empathetic heart that will make this pain all the worse! You’re asking her to verify all the indignities to advance her ‘fairer’ sister’s cause! It shall be on your heart if she’s hurt by all of this.”

“I’ll be home tomorrow evening by six. Together we’ll have a nice family meal and put things in their proper perspective. Okay?”

“Fine. But I have to tell you, I’ll do what I can, but you’ll bear the brunt of making this right. I am slowly loosing my conviction and being as close as I am to them, I’m not sure I can truly hide my feelings. How this all turns out may have an effect on our relationship… I hope you know that.”

“Salima, we’ve been married for eighteen years. I love you and my family more than life itself. In all those years, have I done anything to put any member of my family in jeopardy? Would I drive a wedge between us? Do you really believe that?”

“No, not consciously, but sometimes, in our desire to do the right thing, we can set into motion a chain of events we can no longer control, and with unexpected consequences. This is all I’m saying. Be absolutely certain of your motives: if they’re pure, all will work out. If you try to force the will of Allah, we can spend the rest of our lives in painful repentance to no avail.”

“I love you, Salima. I’ll see you and the girls tomorrow evening. Assalamu aliakom.”

“Wa aliakum asslalm. I love you too.”

****

After evening prayers and further discussion with the girls over dinner, some of it fraught with tears and pleadings followed by reassurances of love and support, the three of them retired early, each to her own prayers and supplications.

After morning prayers and breakfast, Salima, Sarah and Priya headed to the seamstress to purchase Sarah’s and Priya’s saris.

Sarah’s would be a black sari with the pallu trimmed in gold, with a black petticoat and full choli, finished off with black beaded slippers. Priya’s would be white with a pallu trimmed in light blue with a petticoat, full choli and beaded slippers of powder blue.

[I later learned these terms, but a sari is one continuous piece of material of 5-6 yards. Underneath, a skirt called a petticoat is worn which is waist-to-ankle length, and tied at the waist with a drawstring along with a blouse or choli. The long choli extends to the waist, where a short choli ends right below the bust. The sari is worn by tucking in the plain end onto the petticoat at the right hip, and a number of pleats are made and folded. These pleats are tucked into the petticoat using the naval as a center, wrapping the fabric again around the waist and then draping the fabric over the left shoulder. This draped material and remaining material becomes the pallu. The remaining material can then be either wrapped under to right armpit or over the shoulder, wrapped around the back, over the left shoulder (or used as a head covering), and the remainder draped around the bust over the right arm. It can be wrapped to either hide or accentuate the figure. Sorry for the interruption.]

Both girls were excited about buying such beautifully detailed dress saris, but at the same time, quietly subdued. Each knew the significance of the choice of colors, and while Sarah was thankful for the flattering color, she felt guilty about what was on Priya’s mind.

Priya was as outwardly happy as she could bring herself to be. She felt betrayed by her father’s actions and tried to hide the sting in her heart.

Salima looked at Priya and thought, Oh, my dear child! Your eyes cannot hide what your smile tries to cover. I know all too well your pain, and I pray to Thee, O Allah, my strength and my hope. Please turn my child’s pain to joy, let her heart be quieted by Your gentle reassurance.

With purchases in hand, they all returned home to await Adib’s return home for dinner and discussion.