Fish and Chips by Karen Blayne 

Oh by the way red tape first.

© Karen Blayne 2020.    All copies must be of the complete document.    

Be warned these short stories contain mature content or naughty bits and as such may corrupt you if you’re under 12, 16, 18, 21 or 25 depending where you live thus if they are not suitable for you put them back on the shelf and let them age for a year or two.

They were sort of scribbled for fun. They were first posted on asstr.org. If you’ve paid money for this book just be aware the author has not received any payment. In fact no one has permission to charge money for this book and copyright is retained by the author.  Asstr.org accepts donations if you’re feeling rich or even if you’re not.

Luv Karen

Harry sat back and listened to the young girl tell him he was overweight, his blood pressure was high, his blood sugar was a little high and he wasn’t getting enough exercise.  He was sure she was far too young to be a doctor.  She looked at him and shook her head “You aren’t going to change your way of life are you?  I don’t know why I bother sometimes.”  “To be honest no.  The wife died three years ago and I don’t see much point in wanting to live forever.  Still its nice to know these things just in case I decide to change my life style.”  “You could sell your car and buy a bike?”  “I thought bikes were dangerous in accidents?”  “They are but the health benefits outweigh the dangers.  I’ll see you in two years time and try to cut back a bit on the drinking.”   “Think I’ll live that long then?”  She frowned at him and he left the consulting room.

That evening he walked down to the pub.  He brought a pint and sat down on one of the bench seats towards the rear and people watched.  Well let’s admit it he admired the amount of leg being displayed by the latest fashions despite the cold weather.  He watched the young girl sneak in and sneak towards the rear.  At a guess he’d say her hair needed washing, and her clothes had come from the second hand store.  Fashionably slim or just hungry he wondered.  He made an eye movement to her to seat besides him.  Hesitantly she approached.  “Think you could save my knees and get me a pint of Newcastle Brown and something for yourself?”  She nodded as he passed her a note.

He wondered if she’d be back as he admired the red knickers being flashed below a blue dress on the far side as the blonde parted her legs.  Next to her another girl crossed her legs and displayed her thighs up to her hips.  He wondered if he should walk across and smooth her thigh highs slightly as the lacy bit seemed to have rolled over at the top.

His drink appeared but his attention was drawn to two girls kissing on the other side.  Just lightly pursed lips just touching as if to say we’re not lesbian just trying to get some male attention.

He turned and looked at the girl holding out his change.  “Hang on to it love for the refills.”  Her eyes widened then the money was quickly tucked away.  They sat there silently watching the rest of the room until late.  He sipped his ale slowly mindful of his doctor’s advice.  “I think I fancy fish and chips. I could spare you a chip or two.”  Her eyes widened again and she nodded.  Together they walked to the chippy.  She hung back outside whilst he went in and ordered three bits of cod and double chips wrapped in one paper.

They walked along to the bench and he unwrapped the supper.  Hesitantly she took a chip, then came back for another.  By the end she’d eaten most of two bits of cod and many of the chips.  She looked at him nervously wondering what he expected in return.  “I’ll bid you good night.”  She blinked and he turned away.

The next evening he walked to the pub and ordered a pint at the bar before strolling over to his corner.  A brassy blonde approached him “Are you some sort of pervert grooming Julie?”  “Julie?”  “You brought her a drink last night.”  “Well I confess I did think her hair could do with washing but I restrained myself and didn't offer.”  “You having me on?  I mean chatting up underage girls to do unmentionable things to them on the Internet.”  “Well if she was in the pub last night she isn't under aged.”  The blonde thought about it for moment “Yeah you're right.  Julie is sort of vulnerable though.  She never had a dad and her mother is well she is that's all but she's bright.  Everyone was expecting her to follow her mum and have a child before she was sixteen.  Still she's not here now and if you have money seeing as you're not a dirty old man you can buy me a drink.  I'm Mags by the way.”  “In these days of female emancipation I think you can buy your own.”  “Well it was worth a try.  No hard feelings?”  

“No hard feelings.”  

Half an hour later Julie crept in.  He greeted her with a glance and a proffered bank note then returned to looking towards Mags who was trying to wheedle a drink out of some poor unsuspecting male.

Another pint of Newcastle Brown ale appeared in front of him.  He guestered to her to tuck the change away which she quietly did.  This evening she sat a bit closer to him.  She accepted her own fish and chips when it was offered.  It was nice to eat for a change and she liked mushy peas.

By Friday night she felt quite comfortable with him.  She rested her hand possessively on his thigh and asked him shyly how his day had been.  “Much the same as the day before yours?”  She hesitated “I work as a cleaner on zero hours and today my boss suggested if I was nicer to him I wouldn't get my hours cut.”  “He doesn't sound very nice to work for.”  “He isn't but at least it's a job.  Hillary has found a new boyfriend so I think she might be getting tired of me sleeping on her sofa.”

“I have a spare room.”  “How much?”  “Well a bit of your professional cleaning wouldn't hurt.  I suspect I really should run the vacuum cleaner round more than once a year.”  She shook her head in disbelief.  “You're on.”

Julie looked round the house.  “Are you sure it's seen a vacuum cleaner in the last year?”  “I've been meaning to do it but now you mention it I think it might have been the wife who did it last and she died three years ago.”  Julie shook her head and set to work.  She could make a difference here.  He picked up a book and hid in the corner as she tidied up and vacuumed.

Then she took stock of the spare room with its comfortable double bed.  She could get used to this very easily.

“Are you sure you don't want to charge me rent?”  “If you paid me anything the taxman would only take half.”  “I could cook for us?”  “Well I suppose a few vegetables wouldn’t harm me and I could settle for a hug and a kiss a day rent.”

Julie told her boss what he could do with his job and knob, she certainly wasn’t touching it.  Then reality stuck her.

“Harry?”  “That sounds like me.”  “I told him where he could put his.”  “I’m sure you did luv.  So we need to find you another job?”  “I need to find another job.”  “Well you could look after me?”  “All right.”  “Good then we’d better sort you out a training plan.”  “A what?”  “A training plan, all jobs should have one.” 

Julie found herself at an interview.  “Now why do you want to become a nurse?”  “A what?”  “A nurse that what we train.”  “Harry arranged it and he’s paying I’m just along for the ride.”  “Classes start a week on Monday.” 

“Harry what have you signed me up for?”  “It’s just a training plan.  You never know you might even pass the exams.”  Julie scowled at him.  “Look my doctor said I wasn’t looking after myself so that becomes your job.”  “Harry it’s going to cost you thousands.”  “Well I’m sure if I give up foreign holidays I can afford it.”  “Harry when was the last time you went on one?”  “Well I haven’t actually been on one yet but there is always a first time.” He beamed at her. 

“All right we’ll do it on one condition.”  Harry looked at her.  “You get a thirty minute lap dance each day.”  Harry blinked as Julie put some music on before sitting in his lap and squirming round.  Smiling as she felt his hardening rod.  “This way I can feel in control.” 

It was hard work at first, some nights Harry didn’t get his lap dance and even ended up cooking for the pair of them as she struggled to keep up.  Even Harry noticed she’d put a bit of weight on so he took her shopping.  After he suggested one or two items she wouldn’t be seen dead in she realised he was going to spend the money anyway so she grew a bit more assertive and picked out things she thought would look good on her much to Harry’s amusement. 

Julie poured over her books.  At least she had all of them.  Harry had been quite strict on that he’d ordered every single book in the reading list.  She knew most of the others had been selective as the text books were so expensive. 

Her tutor hadn’t taken much interest in her preferring to concentrate on her other four personal tutees who were much more enthusiastic about the course.  Some of the other girls had money and it showed with their talk of designer gowns and expensive meals.  At times she felt out of place and seriously thought she’d give it up but Harry talked her out of it.  “Give it another week or two.”  He’d say and she’d curled up in his lap and felt safe in his arms and agree to stick it out a bit longer.

She did better in the practical.  She seemed to relate better to the patients.  One ward adopted her and she learnt as much from the patients as she did from the nurses.

“Just you listen carefully to Mabel’s ticker.  Hear the irregularity?”  She was taken through each patient’s symptoms and recorded them on her stethoscope.  “Now don’t forget to smile and joke with the patients that always helps them feel better.” 

Harry sat waiting for her.  “Well how did you do?”  “I passed, not by much but I passed.  Mabel’s ticker was the clinching thing.”  “Well you’ve passed and that’s all that matters.  You can explain about Mabel’s ticker another day.  Now shall we celebrate and go out for dinner?”  “Where shall we go?”  “I know a place that will look after us.”  “Do I need to dress up?” “I suppose I could run to a new dress.”  Julie had a thought.  “The consignment store.”  Julie looked through the racks and found something in her size and tried it on.  She put her head round the curtain and beckoned Harry over.  “Is it too posh?”

Harry looked it over and changed his mind about which restaurant they were going to.  “No it suits you just fine.  Now how about some shoes to go with it?”   

Julie’s eyes opened wide when she saw the restaurant and the elegant diners queuing up outside.  Harry just walked past the queue and looked round for a table.  “Excuse me sir but have you a reservation?”  “New are you lad?  Just check with the manager and tell him Harry’s here.”  Harry walked over to a table for four with a view from the window. “Hi Harry we haven’t seen you for a year or two.”  The waitress greeted him.  “What would you like to eat and drink and what would your granddaughter like?”

Julie sat up “I’m not his granddaughter.”  The middle aged waitress smiled.  “Good for you Harry.”  “Mildred behave yourself.  Could you sort out the person on the front who asked me if I had a reservation.”  “He never did.  I’ll go and put him right.  Jean-Paul will no doubt want a word as well.” 

Jean-Paul came out from the kitchen.  “Harry if you dare ask me for fish and chips.”  Julie smiled at him “Has he done so before?”  “The very first meal I cooked in the kitchen was the evening before we opened.  We’d gone across to the pub after working all day setting things up and we came back to cook a snack.  Harry demanded fish and chips.”  “And you made it for him.”  “Sometimes when the owner asks I allow his request but tonight we have other diners so Harry will just have to have the foreign muck as he puts it.”  “I’ll be good and eat what you put in front of me.”  “Are you here to celebrate something Harry?”  “Julie has just passed her first year exams on her nursing course.” 

“Any allergies?”  “Not that I know of.”  “Good.”  The meal passed in a succession of tastes unlike anything Julie had had before and best of all she didn’t have to wash up.  She wondered what the wine was.  The tall fluted glasses seemed to be designed to tickle her nose with the wine’s bubbles.  She glanced round and spotted two of her course with their elegant escorts then kept her head down. 

When they got back with her inhibitions lowered by the champagne she sneaked into Harry’s bed and snuggled up.  “What are you doing here?”  “I came to get warm, the landlord is terribly mean you know with the heating.”  Harry slipped his arm round here and she snuggled up safe.  Harry looked down at her and wondered if he could still remember his way round a cliterous.  He started at her toes and worked his tongue gradually up her legs until finally his tongue lapped her crotch.  Just gently and slowly, Julie melted “I could get used to this.”  she murmured.  “We’d best see what we can do then on a more regular basis.”  Julie blessed the day he’d entered her life.   

“Harry have you made a living will?”  “I haven’t even updated my ordinary will after the wife died.”  “Well I have to draw up a living will so I thought you’d be the ideal person to draft it for.  Have you thought about whether you want to be kept alive at all costs?”  “No thank you.  An acquaintance ended up in an ICU for years because her daughter, who was religious, couldn’t bring herself to agree to turn the life support off.”  “So no resuscitation then.”  “If I’m dying, I’m dying so no resuscitation please.”  They talked about various options and eventually drew up the living will. 

The second year she found much easier, many of the other students had part time jobs but not having to work at the same time meant better grades which was all Harry cared about.

“Harry I’ve finished.”  “Really, we’ll have to see about a new training plan then.”  “Be sensible.  I have to get a year’s experience in before I can take a specialist course.”  “If you were a specialist though you would get all the rotten shifts they give you.”  “Someone has to do them.”  “True but it’s me who gets fed at odd times and woken up in the middle of the night.”  Julie looked at him “Self, self, self, that’s you.  I’ll put an application in for next year now satisfied?”  Harry thought back to the timid girl he’d first seen at the bar.  He liked the way she’d grown more confident. 

Another exam passed, so another celebratory meal.  Mildred greeted him at the door, he was sure Julie had texted her to warn her.  The meal was as expected superb.  Jean-Paul had been a good investment.  

Time for his check up though why he needed one he wasn’t sure.  He rang and made an appointment. He sat in the waiting room waiting to be called when Julie appeared in front of him.  “In you come.”  “What are you doing here?”  “I’m a nurse practitioner and this is my new job.”  She took a seat opposite him.  “Anything out of the ordinary?”  “Health wise no but you mean you get to tell me I should lower my cholesterol, lose five pounds and exercise more?”  “Well I could do if you like but reality is you’re within the normal range for everything even blood sugar but seeing as you mentioned exercise I prescribe walking down to the pub with me this evening and having a beer.” 

Harry wrinkled his nose.  “I don’t supervise everyone walking to the pub you know.”  Harry laughed “I’ll see you this evening then.”

They strolled into the pub and Harry took a sear in his usual corner whilst Julie went to the bar to collect their drinks.

Harry noticed her first, the sort of eyes down and sneak to the back as if she just wanted somewhere warm for the cold damp air outside.  He looked over to Julie who on catching his look added a third drink to her order.  As she carried them back she paused by the girl who looked surprised then followed Julie back to Harry.

“Harry meet Imogen.  I used to babysit her when I was younger.”  Harry and Imogen exchanged greetings and gradually Julie drew Imogen out on how life was treating her.

Harry had his contemplation of whether the blonde with dark roots was going to fall out of her dress or not interrupted by a dig in the ribs from Julie.  “Can you believe that that slime ball of a cleaning supervisor is up to his tricks again.”  “You mean sleep with me or your hours get cut?”  Imogen looked embarrassed it had been mentioned.  “Fish and chips?”  Harry asked and soon the three of them were walking along the road eating their fish and chips.

“She could have your old room seeing as you haven’t slept in it for a year or more?”  Julie blushed, “She could and since I’m working and don’t have as much free time as I used to she could do the cleaning?”  Harry gave the matter some thought.  “Is she bright enough for a training plan?”  Julie tilted her head “I expect so.” 

Much to her amazement Imogen found herself on a nursing course after Harry drew up her training plan.  She wasn’t sure what to say until Julie mentioned how much work it would be.  Still it would be a qualification and without one it was back to scrubbing floors. 

Julie called out to Harry “I’m back.” as she came through the door.  It seemed quiet in the house and she spotted Harry apparently asleep in his favourite armchair.  “Wake up Harry.”  Then touched him.  He felt cold.  There was no pulse or sign of life.  She rang the surgery and asked them to have Harry’s doctor drop by and sign a death certificate.  Then she sat down and made herself a mug of coffee before going to his fire safe to see if he’d made a will.  She heard a key in the door as Imogen entered and carried the envelop marked will upstairs with her.  “Just go through to the kitchen.”  Imogen did as she was told.  “Harry’s dead.  I think he died in his sleep sitting in his favourite armchair.”  “But what will happen to me?”  Julie read through the will.  “The old rascal, I get the house etc so you’re welcome to stay.”  “I’d just worked myself up to offer him oral sex to compensate for him paying my fees and keeping me.”  “That won’t be a problem.”  Julie unzipped her skirt and let it pool to the ground.  “Let’s go upstairs and I’ll cut you the same deal.” 