The Flu Shot by Karen Blayne

Oh by the way red tape first.

Be warned these short stories contain mature content or naughty bits and as such may corrupt you if you’re under 12, 16, 18, 21 or 25 depending where you live thus they are not suitable for you so put them back on the shelf and let them age for a year or two.

They were sort of scribbled for fun. ©2018

Luv Karen

Sam skimmed the news, flu was expected to be bad this year, maybe he’d get a flu shot just in case. He dropped into his doctor’s office and presented his health card. “I’d like a flu shot please.” Out of the corner of his eye he caught sight of a nurse scurrying out of the door. “The nurse has just left for lunch, she’ll be back in an hour if you’d like to wait?” “No I’m not that desperate.” The receptionist glanced at her computer screen. “Dr. Morris is free at the moment. I’m sure she can fit you in.”

He found himself in Dr. Morris’s office. Doctor, she didn’t look old enough. “I’d like a flu shot please.” Dr. Morris looked at her screen. “Your last check up was more than five years ago.” “Can I just have a flu shot?” “Take your shirt off then.” She quickly injected him. “Now since you should wait fifteen minutes anyway why not let me check you over?” He glowered and she grinned holding his shirt to ransom. Fifteen minutes later he’d been weighed, had his blood pressure taken, his chest listened to, ears inspected and his eyes examined all the while being very aware of the young lady in front of him. “There that wasn’t so bad was it?” “You mean I can go now?” “Certainly.” She printed off a form and handed it to him, “If you could just drop in and get your blood tested.” “Promise you won’t give me the cholesterol talk?” She grinned “I promise.”

He crawled into the labs at some unearthly hour and gave his samples before even his first cup of coffee. The receptionist took pity on him and offered him a chocolate biscuit on the way out. He glowered and she smiled sweetly fluttering her eyelashes at him.

Two weeks later he had a phone call, could he drop by and see Dr. Morris once more. Well she was young and blonde and her legs were good, why not.

“Not the cholesterol talk?” She smiled hesitantly, “No one of your test results was a bit odd.” “Can we ignore it?” “No I don’t think we can. I asked Dr. Howard about it and he mentioned he hadn’t seen anything like it in thirty years. I’d like you to go and see a specialist. Now what are you planning for your holiday this year?” “I was thinking about Europe.” “I went last year, I got a really good last minute deal but you need to get your travel insurance sorted out first. You know if you got an inclusive year’s deal then you could just fly away without having to wait for approvals. Paris is very nice but a little expensive.” She smiled at him and he left with an appointment to see a specialist.

He filled out the travel insurance form and dreamt of the holiday of a lifetime in Europe. Paris, definitely, Amsterdam? A boat cruise on the Rhine? Which would come up on a last minute deal web site? Definitely something to dream about. He dropped into the specialist and had a few more samples taken and thought no more about it as he’d picked up the Dundas project which looked as if it could be an interesting one.

He had another call from the doctor’s office. Could he drop by at one o’clock? Why not. He got there at 12:45 and shortly after he arrived Dr. Morris’s door opened and he was shown in. “It’s not good is it?” “How can you tell?” “Well your lunch is unfinished on your desk for a start almost as if you didn’t want to put it off. How bad is it?” She took a deep breath in. “You have roughly nine months to live.” “Are you sure?” “Two separate test samples and the time frame, well shall we say you’re good for at least seven months but you’ll be setting medical history if you last more than eleven.” “But I feel fine.” “Realistically you’ll feel not too bad for four months or so, then you’ll begin to tire more easily by six or seven months you can expect to be feeling very tired and you might feel some pain. You have a chance to set your life in order, do you have a bucket list?” He shook his head. “I’ll give you a prescription for a dozen sleeping pills.” “I don’t have trouble sleeping.” “You might. It’s just precautionary, be careful with them and don’t leave them where a child might find them. For although five is a lethal dose for an adult, even one might seriously harm a child. Now think about what you want to do and go and enjoy life whilst you can. A bit of gentle exercise will help and when the times comes and you’d like a sick note at any time just call.”

In shock he returned to the office. Well the Dundas project needed to get done and he had the expertise to pull it altogether. He’d been positioning the project for nearly two years now, it was definitely his baby. He needed an experienced middle manager to carry it forward when he dropped out but where to get one? He didn’t want to let the company know about his illness so asking HR, going through the normal recruitment process would take months and that he didn’t have. In desperation he emailed his old university friends perhaps they might know of someone.

An hour later there was a knock at his office door and a head popped round. “Mr. Henshaw?” “Yes.” “Mom asked me to pop round, something about a job?” Well she wasn’t old enough to be an experienced middle manager but now he placed her mother. One of the brightest in the class. “Elinor is your mother?” “Who else?” “So who did she marry?” “Oh my dad, he’s called Steve.” It all came back to him now, the mathematician. “Do you have CV?” She pulled out her laptop and brought it up on the screen before handing it over. “Mom said she’s checked and there is some sort of expensive three week middle management course being given at the local university that has a place being held for me until the end of the day but could you let her know quickly please.” He skimmed her CV, very high grades and interested in classical music, that was good. She had a prim professional no-nonsense air about her. “OK fill in the form and you have a job.” He took a quick photocopy of her form and stuffed it in his drawer.

“Could you tell me a little more about it before I accept.” “Basically the Dundas project will take a year possibly two if they amend the contract which I expect they will. It’s complicated so your role will be to learn enough about the project so you double check how things are going and possibly run it should I be out of the office for a day or two. I suggest you start at 7 am then we can go through things whilst it is quiet.” “Probationary period?” “A month.” “Of which the first three weeks I’ll be on course. Mom thought you might be desperate enough.” “And who do I directly report to?” “Myself.” “Do I get an office?” “Let’s go and find you one. Would you like a window one?” “I’d prefer something quieter where I can think. I’ve noticed people with window offices tend to chat a lot.” They found a small meeting room close to the programmers that Mika thought would be acceptable and Sam said he would arrange for a set of normal office furniture to be moved in before she arrived.

He gave a sigh well her pedigree was good at least. Now for an office junior? He placed a job advert, office junior required no experience necessary, in the local paper and awaited to see what it attracted.

“Lindsey?” “Yes granddad?” “Have you seen this advert in the paper for an office junior?” “What in the paper?” Grandad passed her the paper. “It doesn’t even have an email address or a web site for the application form. Do you think its for real?” “Get off your backside and go and see them in person in the morning.” Lindsey texted her friend to go with her. “Can you imagine a job advert that isn’t on the web?”

Next morning after going through her wardrobe twice Lindsey settled on an outfit that didn’t look too prim but not too forward either. Emily was dressed in tight jeans when she called for her. “Been up late swotting for the interview have you?” she asked mischievously. Lindsey put her tongue out and they both dashed to catch the next bus which Emily’s smartphone warned would be at the stop in two minutes. “I wonder how it knows?” “That’s easy it’s smart, that’s why it’s called a smartphone. Ask me another?” Giggling they smiled sweetly at the driver but he frowned at them. “Show the scanner your transit pass and stop trying to get me in trouble.” “Well it was worth a try.” “Your transit pass is a monthly one, you don’t get charged extra when you take the bus.” The driver spoke in an exasperated tone.

They sat down together on a side seat opposite a neatly dressed young office worker. “Did you know they didn’t charge us once we had a monthly pass?” “Why do they have the price per trip on the front of bus then? Still the driver should know. We could go to all sorts of places if we don’t have to pay extra.”

Lindsey let her knees part slightly to give the boy sitting opposite something to look at. Emily looked down at the messages on her smartphone. “Did you know that Olivia went out with Thomas last night.” “Really?” They fell into a gossipy conversation about Olivia’s love life until Emily looked out of the window. She lent forward and tapped the boy on his knee. “Wasn’t the last stop yours?” He looked up and suddenly embarrassed cried “Thanks” and rang the bell then dashing to the door. Lindsey visibly brought her knees together as Emily looked disapprovingly. “High heels and a short skirt? Lacy knickers as well no doubt?” “I’m sure I could have distracted him for another three stops.” They both had a fit of the giggles again. “He was nice to look at though.” “A bit posh for the likes of us.” “If I get this job I’ll be an office worker.” “You won’t want to associate with the likes of me then.”

Sam looked at the giggling girl in front of him. Still there had been less response to the advert than he’d hoped. Oh well he only wanted a minimum wage girl to help out round the office. She’d do. The girl next to her smiled the sort of confident calculating smile that you don’t see often. “Lindsey I think he could do better than what he’s offering you.” Sam looked at her in surprise. She stood and very slowly came behind the desk before perching in his lap and undoing her blouse to expose her hard nipples poking through her thin bra. She lent in and kissed him. “Worth another five cents an hour?” She felt him stir under her. Emily had him pegged. “Come and lend me your lips.” She commanded Lindsey. Lindsey tottered round the desk in her heels. “On your knees girl.” “Yes Mistress Emily.” Emily slipped off Sam’s lap much to his disappointment however this was tempered when Emily undid his flies. “Suck!” came the command. Lindsey’s lips opened over his rod and soon she was bobbing up and down gently. Sam knew he shouldn’t but what the heck you only live once and Dr. Morris had said gentle exercise would help. Besides by the time anyone made a sexual harassment complaint he wouldn’t be around. He felt a sense of freedom. Lindsey paused “Emily there’s enough here for both of us. You never know you might get a job out of it as well.” Soon two tongues were doing delicious things to Sam. Mika slid the office door slightly wider and paused at the sight of two heads giving head on the other side of the desk.

Well it least it wasn’t Mika who was having to give head to get a job. Really these days you would have thought he knew better especially with two at once. Hadn’t sexual harassment laws been heard of by Sam? She’d have to do something about it. Just what she’d have a think but for the moment the important thing was to keep anyone else out of the office. She sat down at the desk in the cubical by his office door. How could he? She needed him to teach her project management so he had to be protected now where could she find someone to act as a receptionist to guard his office whilst the two girls flaunted themselves. Someone visibly intimidating but wouldn’t disapprove of the girls too much. Mika picked up the phone “Sophia darling would any of the gentlemen you visit be available shortly for an office job?” “Are you serious?” “Yes, I need someone who looks tough.”

“I was going to meet Delroy this afternoon at 1 pm but you can pick him up instead. He’ll need somewhere to live as well.” “Is he housetrained?” “If you’re offering him a job he’ll be housetrained or I’ll deal with him. I’ll send you his photo.”

Mika went to the car rental web site and booked the smallest car there. At lunch time she popped into the rental office and was handed the keys to a top of the line BMW when she explained she’d return it that evening as they had nothing else available. At the prison gates she held her phone with Delroy’s photo displayed so she could find him when he was released.

“Delroy?” She queried, “Depends who’s asking.” She called Sophia up on the phone said “Hi” then handed it to him. Delroy spoke with Sophia then handed back the phone. “She says I’m to trust you.” “But you’re still not sure.” “Something about a job?” “An interview for one certainly but I think you’ll pass somehow.” “I don’t do drugs and I don’t murder people.” “It’s a regular office job.” He looked at her in disbelief. “You need school certificates and they’ll do a background check. No way lady no way will it happen.” “Sophia said you were to trust me now get in the car.” He stepped inside the luxury car and his nose twitched. “Are you sure you aren’t into drugs?” Mika laughed “Sorry it was the last car on the car rental lot.”

She pulled up outside a gents outfitters. “Are you sure? I can’t afford this place. Walmart is where I shop.” “Out.” She commanded. She led the way into the store. “I’d like him dressed in something that will blend into an office environment. Three suits, with two pairs of pants for each, a dozen shirts and three pairs of shoes.” The salesman looked Delroy over. “Well he’s big but I’m sure we can find something that will fit him. If you’d care to step this way sir.” Delroy looked behind him to make sure it was himself that was being addressed as sir then followed meekly behind him.

Mika looked through the racks of socks and underwear whilst she waited. “If you’d care to come and inspect the young gentleman was a bit uncertain about the garments.” She was led to the changing rooms where Delroy was looking a bit uncomfortable. “Perfect.” she pronounced. “Heaven help me if anyone I know sees me.” Delroy shook his head. “Have you seen the prices?” “They have to make a living after all. Now change your socks to these and let’s get some shoes on you before your interview.” Delroy carried the carrier bags out to the car and took his place in the front passenger seat. “I was wrong, you aren’t into drugs I must be. This has to be some sort of drug induced dream.” Mika smiled at him and Delroy didn’t know exactly what it was he was smoking but for a devastating smile like that it had to be powerful.

They parked the car and stepped into the office building. Security gave them a second look as they entered. Mika taped on Sam’s door before entering and closing the door behind Delroy. “Mr. Henshaw I’d like to introduce Delroy to you.” “New boyfriend?” Asked Sam in a puzzled voice. “Are you sure you draw the line at murder?” Mika asked Delroy. “Well I put a guy in intensive care for two weeks once. My lawyer did mention I was lucky it was only GBH and not murder since he survived and for one of your smiles I might even make an exception.” Emily’s jaw dropped. “Not a new boyfriend then.” “I thought he might make a good receptionist for when you were working with your staff and didn’t wish to be disturbed.” Sam quickly grasped the implications. “Welcome to the team Delroy. Now can you sort out the paperwork.” “He does have a criminal record.” “So he got caught once, no big deal the decision is mine and not HR’s no matter what they think. Now off you go and I expect to see you outside my office at nine tomorrow morning Delroy.” Mika ushered him outside the door quickly before he uttered a word. “Now we need to unload the car and drop it back to the rental office.” She drove him home. “You get to choose which of the two spare bedrooms you want and no you are not sleeping in my bed.” Delroy looked disappointed. “This is sure some powerful stuff I’m smoking.”

Next morning he was sat at his desk twiddling his thumbs listening to the giggles that were coming out of Sam’s office when one of his female coworkers left him a scorching torrid romance to help him pass the time. She grinned at him and asked him how he was enjoying it when he met her in the coffee room. “I struggled with some of the words. Reading isn’t my strong point.” he admitted, “I can see I’ll have to give you private lessons.” “In reading I hope.” Interjected Mika. “You’re not too bored are you?” “Well there isn’t much to do except read Her Torrid Temporary Marriage.” “I’ll find you a couple of web sites that will help your maths and things.”

That evening Sophia came to have supper with the two of them. “So how is he working out?” “I hadn’t even thought about a gym membership.” “No I meant in the office and here?” “Well I had to show him how to use a potato peeler but apart from that he’s fine.” “Delroy?” “Until I had the potato peeler thrust in my hands I thought I was dreaming.” “And now?” “Well I know it’s not a dream and it’s a little slow at work but that’s fine it gives me a chance to catch up on my school leaver certificate. We’ve decided it would be better if I had one.” “Is the job temporary or permanent?” “He’s permanent and if he can stick it out here for a year that might help him put together a rainy day fund.” Delroy swore to himself there and then Mika would have no cause for complaint ever even if it meant using a potato peeler every day. “I could cycle to work if I had one rather than a gym membership.” Mika nodded her agreement. “I’ll buy you one and you can pay me back over time.” “I think my brother’s old one is floating around somewhere. He had a bike craze when he was a teenager now he’s into cars with a passenger seat so he can escort girls around.” “Anyone new?” The girls drifted off into gossip and Delroy quietly picked up the plates and washed them up.

“Am I suppose to be paying you rent?” “I’d rather you put the money in a savings account then after a year or so you should have enough for a deposit on an apartment.” Delroy looked shaken “Me own property? I’d never even dreamt about it. It would be a first in the family.”

Emily and Lindsey thought themselves in heaven. The work, what there was of it was easy. They were both paid twice the original amount Lindsey had been offered and no one complained about the length of their skirts in the office or the fact they didn’t normally drift into the office much before ten. Emily mentioned it was only a twenty odd week contract but Lindsey was certain the way Sam was getting his oats they’d be renewed. “Anyway he said it was temporary whilst he sorted out the paperwork to make it permanent.” In fact Mika had been kind enough to pass them some items of clothing she said she was clearing out from her wardrobe although Emily thought from the length of some of the skirts they must have been in Mika’s wardrobe since she was ten.

Five months later as Sam was penetrating Lindsey on the desk he found himself getting breathless very easily and thought it was time to see Dr. Morris once more. He called the office to make an appointment and the receptionist made him one for three days time and faxed him a blood testing form saying on his file Dr. Morris had asked him to have it done before the appointment.

“So have you completed your bucket list? Manage your dream vacation in Europe?” “I decided to stay and work on my project at work but I’ve been taking it easy and have someone who can continue the project working with me. How are the test results?” She brought them up on a monitor on the wall. “About what I’d expect, you haven’t deteriorated quite as quickly as you might have done. Enjoying life is often the best medicine.” She clicked a few keys and his old test results came up together with his new ones. “As you can see the expected course is behind and you’re pretty well on track. You’ll start to see a few more symptoms now.” She gave him a list of what to expect. “In two or three weeks time it will be time for the painkillers and moving into a hospice.” He nodded accepting what he was told. Time to plan his demise. “Would you like a sick note?” “Yes please but does it have to say what my illness is on it?” “No I can just put on it I think you’re unfit for work because of stress and will be initially for a month.” “Thank you.”

On his return Sam first gave his two office juniors the rest of the day off then called Mika into his office. “Here’s your appraisal. You’ve done well and it means you’re through your probationary period. I think as you surmised my illness is getting worse and after this interview I’ll be taking sometime off sick. Since I’ll need some sort of care I suppose I’d better think about a hospice although I’m not looking forward to an institution.” Mika looked thoughtful, “I have a spare room.” “But I’d still need someone to look after me.” “Delroy?” “Would he mind?” “If I smile at him he might.” “Let’s ask him then.”

“I’m not a professional nurse but if that’s OK I’m OK with it.” “Officially you’ll be teleworking and on flextime so 24/7 and time off afterwards. I can still sign your time sheets.” “So how long you got man? I’d give you a couple of months max.” “How do you know?” “Seen it before behind prison bars.” Sam typed quickly and printed off Delroy’s appraisal and handed it to him. “That should get you through your probationary period.” “Thanks man.”

His next door but one neighbour’s sister was interested in his house and when he named a price that was ten percent below market she was very interested and happy to close quickly.

Mika looked up he looked rather dishy “Hi I’m Martin. I’ve been sent to look after the project until Sam returns to work.” “Oh good we can go through everything then.” “Do I need to? Can’t we just put major decisions off until his return?” “I don’t expect him back.” “Got a better offer has he?” “No but his illness is very serious and probably terminal.” “Take me through it all then from the beginning. This isn’t exactly what I was expecting.”

Mika led him through to Sam’s old office. Emily gave Martin a speculative look and Mika suddenly remembered a communication course that ran for the rest of the week starting tomorrow. “I’ve booked you two on a course starting tomorrow morning want to take the rest of the day off and prepare? I’ll email you the details.” She’d forget to renew their contracts at the end of the course. Lindsey and Emily were quickly out the door. They hadn’t bothered to get changed into their office attire for as Lindsey said there was no one to admire them.

She spread out the project details on Martin’s new desk. “I’ll just leave you to read through the papers shall I and you can send me a message if you want more details. I’ll just make you a coffee first.” She stepped into the kitchen and made two mugs of coffee then left one on his desk.

Sam cashed in his retirement savings which left an obscene balance in his bank account. He dug out Mika’s bank details from her application form and wrote a letter transferring it all to her account. “Delroy deliver this personally to the bank.” He then called the bank and spoke to someone he knew and verbally confirmed the instructions in the letter. The pains were getting worse no but he was content he’d managed everything he intended to do. That night he took all twelve sleeping tablets that Dr. Morris had supplied after dismissing Delroy for the night. When Delroy came in the next morning his body was cold so Delroy followed his instructions and called Dr. Morris’s office first then the funeral coop to pick up the body once it had been declared dead.

Dr. Morris quickly examined the body and wrote out the death certificate as natural causes. “I noticed all his sleeping pill bottle was empty this morning.” Dr. Morris shrugged “It’s easy to make a mistake when you’re very ill. He wouldn’t have lasted more than a week or two anyway and they would have been hard. Its simpler and less distressing to have natural causes on the death certificate sometimes.”

Sam’s body had been taken away by the time Mika had returned home. Delroy looked a bit down. “I think he did himself in at the end.” “But it was his own choice, I don’t think I would have wanted to die surrounded by machines in a hospital bed. Now I think we should cheer ourselves up. Adriana has a fancy dress ball tonight and I think we should attend.” “Fancy dress? You may not have noticed but I’m difficult to disguise.” “Honestly don’t try and hide it, flaunt it. Tonight you’re going as a criminal and I’m going as your bit of fluff.” Delroy looked at her incredulously but after they had eaten he allowed her to dress him up in a dark suit with a black shirt and a white tie and shoes. She finished off the ensemble with a hat she found on top of her wardrobe. She disappeared into her bedroom and came out shortly afterwards in a very skimpy mobster’s moll outfit that featured black fishnet stockings and heels. Delroy had picked her up and was carrying her off to his room before he realised what he was doing. “Let me guess you got carried away?” “Well it is a bit provocative.” “Good.”

Adriana welcomed Mika with open arms. “Darling what an outfit.” Her eyes opened wide as she took in Delroy. “He looks so real, so absolutely criminal, absolutely perfect.” “That’s because he’s the real thing.” “You mean?” “I’ve served my time, she’s trying to reform me.” “I’d better tell James to hide the silver. Oh so delicious. Coats to Sally then food and drink on the right and you know where the dance floor is.” She turned to greet the next arrival. Mika moved Delroy forward towards the buffet where he was accosted by a young waitress who held her tray of glasses to him. “Take what’s on offer.” Advised Mika and Delroy’s eyes opened wide. The waitress giggled as he took two glasses “Just the champagne is on offer tonight, but next week I’m free.” Her eyes twinkled appreciatively at him over her shoulder as she drifted off to serve the next guest.

“Not a bad drop of wine.” “Adriana usually serves a good vintage champagne.” “Monied then?” “She’ll never starve.” They heard sounds of Rock and Roll from the dance floor. “Can you Jive?” Delroy looked affronted “Can a duck swim? Can you?” Mika took his hand and led him to the dance floor. It took them a moment or two to attune but then Mika’s flared skirt billowed out showing glimpses of bare thigh above the fishnets as she whirled around the floor. “Trust me?” Mika nodded glowing as she danced, Delroy scooped her up and twirled her over his back as he leant forward. “Under?” She nodded again and ducked down as Delroy stepped over her, and pulled her up laughing between his legs.

When the dance ended Adriana strolled up to them. “Mika dearest this is a side of you I haven’t seen before.” Mika was flushed and breathing a little heavily, Delroy was breathing at his normal slow rate. “You’re very light on your feet so go and ask Octavia to dance while I catch up with Adriana. She’s the one looking wistfully at you in the corner.” The next number was quieter and Octavia looked delighted to be waltzing with Delroy. The DJ looked down at the dancers and decided to play one specially for Delroy who closed his eyes and stepped back into his youth dancing alone. As the tune came to an end he opened his eyes to find a line of girls repeating his moves as he made them much to his enjoyment.

He made his way to Mika near the refreshments and she popped a mouth melting vol-au-vent between his lips. “Enjoy it?” He nodded “I always thought you were miss prim and proper.” “I am except when I let my hair down. Where did you learn to dance?” “Music was the way to fame and fortune for those musicians who made it. For me it was always there. I can just about play a steady beat on drums so others can play over the top but I was never really good enough.” They danced some more and took another break. “Mika introduce me.” Mika smiled “Isabella may I introduce you to Delroy my escort this evening. Isabella and I were at school together.” “May I rent him?” “How long for?” “I was thinking of three months in Europe but I hate travelling alone. One always gets hit on. Delroy looks big enough to deter and Sophia mentioned he was housetrained.” “Well Delroy are you interested?” “I have a job.” “But you have two months compressed time off available and by taking a week’s unpaid leave and using your vacation you could do it and return to your job afterwards.” “Just think of the theatre, concerts and opera we could view.” “I couldn’t even afford the airfare.” “All expenses paid and a thousand a day.” “Sounds like a gigolo’s pay to me.” “Well now you mention it.” Delroy looked flustered “I’m not certain I’d be any good.” Isabella looked at him curiously. “What makes you say that.” Fondling him through his slacks, “It seems in working order to me.” “I haven’t ever.” “Religious?” “No if you must know I did something stupid when I was young and I’ve only just got out. There wasn’t much opportunity and since I’m living at Mika’s place its not exactly somewhere I can bring a girl back to.” Isabella lent in and kissed him on the lips lazily slipping her tongue inside his mouth. “A virgin, how wonderful, I can teach you exactly how my body works. Twelve hundred a day and a hundred bonus for each big O you give me.” Mika grinned, “It’s all money in your savings account for your house deposit.”

Just then Delroy’s waitress came by, “I need your number to call to set up something next week.” “I’ll be in Europe then.” Isabella looked the waitress over “You could always come with us. All expenses paid for three months but I have to make economies somewhere so you’ll have to share a bed.” The waitress looked interested “Whose?” Isabella kissed her on the lips “Three in a king sized bed?” “I think you’ve shocked her.” “No not really three months, and Delroy is included, oh definitely count me in.”

Martin had a look about him so Mika made him a coffee and sat opposite him at his desk. “So tell me all about it.” Martin looked up “Am I that obvious?” “To me you are.” “One of my old college friends is getting married.” “Are you going to kidnap him and save him from himself?” “No but it’s a formal society wedding and I’m to be best man. I know nothing about being a best man at a formal wedding. Do I wear a suit or what? It’s no good asking him as he’s besotted and just says be yourself. I can just imagine if I turn up in jeans what people will say.” “Who, where and when and if you’re very good I’ll sort it all out for you even down to the shoes but I’ll need your measurements.” “Could you?” Mika nodded. “It might look better if I took someone?” He added hopefully. “A boyfriend perhaps to hold your hand?” Martin blinked, “Would you like me to attend?” “Well the invite did say and partner.” “We’d better practise some bridge then first or do they play whist?” She grinned at his expression.

She arrived at his place in an executive bus. “Martin meet my father. He thought he’d act as chauffeur that way he wouldn’t worry about me drinking and driving.” “The bus is borrowed for the weekend by the way.” Remarked her father “and there are some friends nearby I can visit and impress with it.” “We have to pick up a few guests on the way.” Martin climbed in and Mika handed him formal wear which he changed into in one of the bedrooms. She inspected him as he came out, brushing tiny bits of lint from his jacket then she retied his tie for him. “You’ll do.” “Who are we picking up?” “The bridesmaids.” Martin looked a bit taken back. “Long dresses need plenty of room if they aren’t to be creased, low slung sports cars don’t work too well.” They picked up four bridesmaids on the way who spent the time casting glances towards Martin and chatting to each other.

Martin spent his time trying to memorise the instructions that Mika was giving him about his role in the service. He felt quite relieved when the ceremony was over. The meal was superb, then the speeches began. He looked in horror as Mika mentioned to him it was his speech coming up. “Something to warm them up.” She sent the first line to his smartphone after adjusting it to portrait and enlarging the text. “I heard there was a bet going around about how long the best man speech was going to be. I went in with a 20 on 45 minutes so get comfortable everyone.”

Martin stood and rattled off Mika’s suggestion leaving his smartphone face up on the table so he could read the next line as his audience responded.

“The groom is known however for his care of money. As he has often told me: ‘The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it back in your pocket’.”

Even he was surprised by the embarrassing things that came up on the screen and from the groans from Stuart and the chortles from the guests it was very obvious they were all true.

“And finally we come to the bride, beautiful, intelligent and her cooking is superb. Stuart, I can truly say that you’re one of the luckiest men alive. And she writes a cracking best man speech as well.”

He sat down exhausted. “Where did all that embarrassing inside information come from?” he whispered. “Her bridesmaids did the research for me.” He glanced down and saluted them with his glass.

Mika kept glancing down at her smartphone then whispering in Martin’s ear, “Best avoid this one unless you want to hear him relive his climb of thirty years ago. Now the blonde over there is married but has interest in church brasses.”

The party was winding down, the waitresses were pointedly picking up empty glasses, and Mika thought it might be an idea to return home. She gathered up Martin who was having a discussion about supercharged motorcycles. She got the impression that neither knew much about the subject but the idea of so much power available was tempting both. Two bridesmaids were easy to locate. A third one they found fast asleep sprawled on the lawn clinging to an empty champagne bottle. Between them and with Mika’s father’s help they got her onto the bus. The last one was smooching on the dance floor. Mika cut in and danced with her partner whilst the two other bridesmaids hustled her protesting away to the bus. Mika slipped away as soon as she saw them exit through the door.

“I was enjoying him. All worked up lovely I was and you had to drag me away.” “Yesterday you told us not to let you get carried away into someone’s bed under any circumstances.” “A girl can change her mind.” Stephanie looked across the bus to where Martin was seated. “Still we’ve got the best man all to ourselves and there is a bed in the back do you think we should try him out?” Mika stepped into the bus as the words were spoken. As she passed Martin slipped his arm out and pulled her down into his lap. She snuggled up to him and pulled out a ring from her handbag which she slipped her third finger of her left hand. “Your expression is priceless. I assume you want protecting?” He nodded, “This is my magic charm that protects against being hit on and I’m sure will deter even drunken bridesmaids.”