Senior discount by Karen Blayne

Oh by the way red tape first.

Be warned these short stories contain mature content or naughty bits and as such may corrupt you if you’re under 12, 16, 18, 21 or 25 depending where you live thus they are not suitable for you so put them back on the shelf and let them age for a year or two.

They were sort of scribbled for fun. They were first posted on asstr.org. If you’ve paid money for this book just be aware the author has not received any payment. In fact no one has permission to charge money for this book and copyright is retained by the author. All copies must be of the complete document. Asstr.org accepts donations if you’re feeling rich or even if you’re not.

Luv Karen

“There’s just no way we can buy everything, we’re 10% short no matter how you look at it and we certainly can’t afford the $50 delivery fee on each item.” The trouble with Nicole was she was just too logical. I mean everything was near perfect, she had the house and I had a bag of money. We’d worked out just how much to put aside to pay the school fees and to live on then carefully selected everything for the house. Design that was my strong point, maths was hers. I’d put everything into making it perfect, it was an integrated design. “We could go shopping at IKEA.” “No way am I having chipboard fall apart furniture, besides can you imagine what it would look like with our screw driving skills.” “So we’re stuck then. We could flip a coin to see who goes pole dancing?” Honestly I ask you.

This old fogey turns round “What are you after?” Nicole hands him the list with all the stores and everything on it. He looked down it, “Pity you aren’t paying cash or I could get you most of this at 15% off.” “Why cash?” “Oh its Tuesday tomorrow so senior discount day at most of these stores, I can’t pay with your credit or debit card but I could with cash. I’ll scribble my address down for you if you have some cash tomorrow come and see me in the morning and we can pick a few things up at least.”

We talked about it that evening eventually we decided to take some cash out of the sports bag and put on the money belts. We walked the two blocks to his house and knocked on his door. “Right then we’d better get the transport out.” Wow a mini van to carry furniture? Wrong, a bloody bicycle trailer, I ask you. He pulled it out, “Cheaper than $50 delivery.” Well yes I guess so. He pulled off a tarp and pulled out a tandem recumbent trike and attached the trailer. He checked the tires, “Haven’t been out on it since the wife died but it should still work. Right now you two are fit and healthy off we go.” He pulled out a recumbent trike for himself and we set off. It worked out really great, when we arrived at each store he said the magic words “Have you got my list Nicole?” Nicole produced the list, we brought and got our senior discount, he said pay the lady and we did. Mind you I would never have thought to ask for a cash discount but as he said it costs them 2-3% for a credit card so giving us 1% off for cash worked out well for both sides. We just dumped everything in our garage. We even had money left over at the end of the day so we thought we’d buy some scanties.

Would you believe the old cow on the cash looked at our scanties and refused to believe they were for him. For a moment I thought we weren’t going to get our senior discount but then Nicole looked her straight in the eye and said “Of course they’re for him, he likes to dress us up and undress us.” Honestly I didn’t know where to look I was that embarrassed, we got our old fogey discount though. I thought we ought to feed him in return at least so asked if he preferred Chinese or Indian take out. Never ask a retired chef if he prefers Chinese or Indian take out. He cooked for us, not only that but he cooked ten times what we needed then froze the rest so we could just microwave it afterwards. As he cooked Nicole did the sums about cooking from raw food, it was incredibly cheap compared to takeouts delivered or even nuke and puke from the supermarket. She quietly showed me the numbers well yes but so what nuke and puke was about my limit. It tasted like mother’s cooking ought to taste like if mother cooked. Mine had a list of phone numbers in the kitchen, “What would you like tonight?” 30 minutes or free was the most common dish.

We split a bottle of wine with the food and afterwards we gave him a fashion show. I didn’t catch on at first until Nicole bent forward over him to show him how her new front opening bra worked. I mean can you imagine, I just couldn’t bring myself to wear something so forward, but then I thought about four years of quarter price food if we could coax him into cooking once a week. I could hike my skirt up with the best of them, anyone would think he’d never had a blow job from two girls before at the same time. I mean I won’t win any competitions with the football team but I’m not a complete dunce at it.

So once a week on Tuesdays he lets himself in during the day and cooks us something special. Sometimes he even buys us a little something at the lingerie store with his senior discount. He says its cheaper than the lap dancing place but I think we’re just better at it.