Angel's Fantasies: The Long Ride

by Angel

This is a story of a 12 year old girl coming to terms with her new-found sexuality, and a confession from her mother who's been waiting for the right moment to tell her.

It had been an uncomfortably bad Thanksgiving for Katherine. Her sister Becky was the only member of her deeply religious family who'd see her, let alone speak to her. When it became apparent Katherine was gay the family shunned her. She always felt Becky was chosen by them to keep tabs on her, and especially Angel. Katherine's lifestyle was never mentioned in front of Angel. Their narrow-minded religious beliefs forbid any such discussions in front of the girl.

Katherine, reluctantly agreed on her own. But she felt guilty she couldn't share her life with Angel more honestly. She wasn't ashamed of who she was and if her family didn't understand, well...... Adios Familia!

The worst part of the weekend for Katherine, though, was that Angel was going through a rough time. They'd discussed the facts of life and Angel knew all there was to know. She was a very smart girl. But even the obvious can be over looked by the smart ones. And Angel never once noticed her mom ever dating men. It's just the way it was.

All weekend and for a week before, Angel was sullen and even a bit withdrawn. The long ride at night in the rain was the perfect opportunity to do some digging into what was bothering her.

Goodbyes said, car packed... They set off. In clear weather the ride was usually about four hours. But in the dark, in the rain, it would be more like six.

Angel sat with her hands on her lap, and her right temple against the window. She just stared out into the cold, wet darkness.

It was time to talk.

"Honey?" Katherine said.

"What..." Angel replied in an emotionless monotone voice. The same way she'd been speaking ever since this started.

"Would you like to talk, honey?"

"No. Thanks anyway." Angel replied.

"C'mon honey. I know something's bothering you a lot. I thought it was a typical 'almost teen' thing, but I know now it's much more than that."

"I don't want to talk about it." she said.

"C'mon honey. I..."

Angel cut her off. "Mom, PLEASE! I don't want to talk about it!" she almost shouted, turning to face her mom.

"You've never raised your voice to me like that before."

Looking out the window, again, Angel said,

"I'm sorry Mom. It's just, I don't know. Too hard to talk about. I'm too embarrassed...."

"Whatever you're going through, whatever you're feeling... I went through it, too. Please talk to me, baby..." Katherine said in her usual kind and tender voice.

"Please, Mom. Please let it go..." she began to sob, gently.

"I hate to ask you this Honey, but I have to.... Are you... you know..."

"Mom! I'm not pregnant!" she shouted. "Have ever seen me with a boy? Do I EVER talk about boys?"

"Okay, baby. I'm sorry. But the way you're acting... well, it got me worried. And I wanted to clear that up right away!"

"I'm sorry I shouted, Mom. I guess I knew that was coming..."

"Then what has you so upset, honey? Please talk to me. I promise I can help. Don't we always talk things out together?"

"I know, Mom. But.... I guess I'm a little scared to talk about it."

"Why would you be scared to talk to me about anything?" Katherine asked.

"Because.... because.... I think you'll be disappointed in me.... Maybe you'll even hate me...." Angel said.

"I can understand the disappointment thing... But, honey. Do you really believe I could ever HATE you?"

Angel, sobbing again, "Mom... Something's happening to me. And I don't understand it. I'm so scared Mom." She began to cry.

On a main road now, Katherine pulled into a parking lot and stopped the car. She unbuckled her seat belt, leaned over and wrapped her arms around her daughter.

"God, baby. What is it? Tell me! You know I love you more than anything in the world. I promise I'll help you. We can get through this together."

Angel hugged her mom, still crying. Katherine comforted her as best she could in the car.

After a few minutes, Angel calmed down.

Katherine, almost whispering asked "Do you want to tell me now, baby?"

Angel pulled away a little. "You promise you won't be angry or disappointed in me?"

Katherine, with tears in her eyes, smiled softly and said, "I promise."

"Okay. I suppose it had to come out, sometime..... Mom? Have you ever noticed I never talk about boys? In school all the girls except me and Megan talk about them constantly. This one's so cute... or that one's cute... I don't see it."

"You said Megan doesn't care about boys, either?"

"Yes. And I think there are girls I see as better looking than any of the boys.... Does that mean I'm... you know... gay?"

"I can't say for sure, Baby, but... even if you are, I promise you from the bottom of my heart I wouldn't be disappointed with you, or angry with you... and I especially wouldn't hate you! Okay?"

Katherine used her thumbs to gently wipe the tears rolling down Angel's cheeks. Angel smiled at her. She knew things weren't as bad as she thought.

"Do you know how long you've felt this way?"

"I guess it started with the sleepovers at Megan's house, and at ours, too." Angel said. "We started to practice kissing. Everyone does it. But, the more I kissed Megan, the more I liked kissing her. And she liked kissing me back!"

"Have you two ever done more than that?"

"That's what's been making this so hard, Mom. I WANT to go farther with her."

"And, does Megan want to go farther with you?" Katherine asked, all the while gently stroking Angel's hair.

"I think so, but she's fighting her feelings. Mom, they say being gay is a choice... But I never chose this. What's wrong with me?"

"There is nothing wrong with you, honey. I have a confession of my own to make. I've been waiting for the right moment, and it doesn't get more right than this."

"What is it Mom?"

"Honey. Have you ever thought about when you and I kiss, it's always on the lips?"

"Yes... and I like that."

"Me, too. And, lately, it's become... exciting to me. I mean... I can feel it in a special place. Do you understand?"

Angel had a shocked look on her face. "You mean... You like it, too?"

"Ever wonder why Sandy is the only person I go out with? And sometimes she stays over... on the couch?"

"Yes. She's your best friend, isn't she?"

"Well... she's more than just a friend, baby. And she's only on the couch until you're asleep. Wait! Wait! What do you mean by... '... you like it too?"

"That's one of the other things bothering me, Mom." Angel lowered her head. "Lately, when we kiss hello, or goodnight, My panties are starting to get a little, wet."

"Mine, too, honey" Katherine said with a soft smile.

"But how did this happen to me? I didn't chose this!"

"I've felt the same way as you.... toward girls, I mean.... for as long as I can remember. And something I've learned over the years is, being gay isn't so much a choice as it is a... a ...realization, of who you truly are. Mother nature played a little trick on us... But what a wonderful trick it was! When I came to that 'realization', all became clear, and I was very happy with myself. And you'll find it easier than I ever did. I had to keep this a secret from my family for almost twelve years. I lived in fear of them finding out, and what would happen if they did. Now, they'll have nothing to do with me. And, so you know, I told Becky we wouldn't be coming back. I've had it with all of them."

"But... Becky's the only family you have, Mom!"

"No, honey. She isn't. You are!"

"So... You're not upset about all this?"

"Upset? I couldn't be more pleased. And, I have to say... Knowing how you feel when we kiss has aroused... well, some thoughts in me."

"What thoughts, Mom?"

Katherine looked in her eyes, smiled an evil grin, and said, "You know. Thoughts...."

"Oh." Then Angel thought for a moment, turned to Katherine with her eyes wide open, finally understanding..."OH!!!" The shock of what Katherine meant took her off guard. "You mean, like... you and me...?" hoping she asked the right question...

"Hoey. I have so much to teach you. So many pleasures, wonderful feelings. And, I'm pretty sure you feel the same way... don't you..."

Angel smiled and dropped her head in embarassment' "Well, sometimes when Megan and I are together, we... you know... sorta... I don't know, fantasize about you."

"ReallY! You mean, if I wanted, I could have both of you?"

"You'd have to break her down, first."

"I think we can do that together. What do you think?" Katherine asked, smiling.

"I guess it's worth a try, Mom."

Katherine leaned into Angel, again, and kissed her. But this time it was a deep, passionate kiss. Then she said, "You AND Megan." Still facing Angel, her eyes looked to one side.... "The wonderful possibilities...."