Alice Day: Alex in Wonderland

by Aunt Molly

[ Note : Text messages are translated from Netspeak into English ]

Tick-tock, tick-tock, the sound of grandmother's many coo-coo clocks And the light "tic-tac-tic-tac" of the teen on her cell phone's keyboard. Grandma, a scrawny old woman nearing eighty sat watching the weather channel.

<< Kyle: Are you going to be coming to the city today?>>

Alex didn't consider the UK to be the ideal spring break destination, but she'd made a lot of online Brit friends and was hoping to hang out with them But there was a small catch.

<<Alex: I can't, I'd have to take my grandma. >>

Alex didn't have any money for the train. And also her mother told her under no uncertain terms she was not to just abandon the old woman - the two of them were supposed to be spending quality time.

<< Kyle: What's so bad about your grandma?>>

Grandma was bat-shit crazy. Her house was a reflection of a confused mind. Not *messy* - no everything had its place. Its just the decorations seem to have no logic to it, colors clashed and knickknacks of varying sizes and shapes. And she kept telling weird stories about how as a little girl she fell into a rabbit hole and ate a mushroom and grew fifty feet tall and met a talking cat - and well.

The Mad Hatter, the Cheshire Cat, the playing card soldiers, she believed it all when she was like six, but now she was fourteen. Alex knew better. But grandma wasn't changing her story. Either she was convinced it was real ( and some kind of lunatic ) or she thought Alex was stupid.

Grandma turned away from the television, "Oh what are you typing dear?"

"I'm texting with a friend."

"I see. I never really understood the point of texting, I mean you have a telephone, so why don't you call them?" Grandma mimed putting a phone to her ear.

Alex lifted her head and stared.

"So do you want me to take you to the city?"

Alex looked down at her lap.

"I see. You're embarrassed of me aren't you? no, no - you don't need to say it. I'll give you the money to go to London, I won't tell your mother. I can entertain myself. No need to worry about me. I know you probably have all kinds of adventures you should be getting to.

When I was your age, I remember when some school chums and I would be up to all sorts of mischief. Of course It is probably all pretty tame compared to what young people get up to these days. I hear a lot of people criticizing teenagers these days, but I just wonder if we old folks aren't just jealous. It makes me wish I could be a girl all over again. *sigh*, but I had my youth Remember that dear - you don't get a second go round. You know seize the day and all that. Oh dear, you're gone again. Sitting right there, but you're gone."

"What?"

The old lady reached into her purse and pulled out a debit card and handed it to Alex. "I anticipated this might happen. We used to be close, but I don't want to get in your way. It has your name on it, and about a hundred pounds. Enough to get you there and back and have a good time."

"Grandma thank you!", the young girl hugged the old woman for the first time in a long while. She went to her room and gathered a few things. Her cell, her ipod, Fixed her hair a bit, searched through her clothes for the outfit she was going to wear. And then one of the old lady's coo-coo clocks went off, she had a half dozen each set ten minutes apart so that they wouldn't all go off together.

Alex happened to look out the window, her grandmother was in the back yard. She had on her coat it was a dreary day. Alex could hear her talking seemingly to no one in particular.. She did that sometimes. She'd have ongoing conversations with herself. But this time she was looking down at the ground. She was talking as if she heard someone else speaking. Then she started to walk towards the woods shouting for a white rabbit to slow down..

*Yep - grandma Alice has left the building.*, Alex was reconsidering the wisdom of leaving the old woman alone. Now grandma had a small back yard - but few neighbors - her yard ended in woods that went for quite a ways. It was hilly, rocky, terrain, not easily navigated by an old lady with a cane. Worse, for one shouting at an imaginary white rabbit to slow down.

Alex's head slumped. She would have to go after her grandmother. Alex might have thought she was crazy, but the old lady was still family.

Alex went out into the back yard, and shouted for her grandmother, "Grandma! Come back! The weather channel is having a special on drizzle! You'll miss it! Grandma! Where are you?"

You didn't exactly need to be a master tracker to follow the imprints left by old lady's cane in the wet grounds. And Alex was able to follow them into the woods to the play house. Grandpa had built the house back when Alex's mom was a little girl, but she was forbidden to play in it. The house, she was told, was meant to cover a large hole. But then why not just fill it in? Or put a couple of wooden boards over it? Why build a miniature house on it? Her whole family was crazy, that was it. She must be adopted or something.

Alex's heart skipped. She'd heard of old people forgetting what age they were, suddenly convinced they were children again. And seeing a lovely play house - forgetting that it was her long lost husband that had built it. Alex could imagine the old lady walking inside and falling through the rotted floor boards. Anything was possible once you started talking to invisible rabbits. Alex peeked inside. There was a trap door - an *open* trap door.

"Grandma! ", her voice echoed inside the chamber below. Their was a ladder leading down. It looked strudy enough. And their was a dim light. "Alright, I'm coming down " Fortunately the ladder was remarkably sturdy despite its age. And the climb was not that far. That meant if her grandmother fell she might not be seriously hurt. Alex opened her cell phone using the screen to provide some light, "Grandma?"

No grandmother in sight. She did see an old wooden table and a small glass vial. A tag was hanging off of it "Drink me. " it said. And she saw a door - about one foot high, too small for grandma to go through, or Alex. But light was coming from it.

"I get it - you want to see if I'll drink from the bottle. And you'll have a big laugh at my expense. What you have a small flashlight behind the door or something? Ok - I'll play your game grandma - I'll drink this. I hope its not your pee or something. " she sniffed it, "No its not pee. Smells kind of nice. ", maybe it was vodka. No didn't smell like liquor. Alex drank it.

The room suddenly just got really big. The table got big, or rather she got small. " Grandma - you put lcd in here? Mom will have a heart attack!", I get it, thought Alex, I get high and you watch me from above as I dance around. Well so long as it isn't a bad trip I'll forgive you.

* The door is big now - I wonder what I'll see if I go through.*

***

The door slid closed. She had pulled it to open, then it *slid* closed, and she felt the distinct sensation of descent. She was in an elevator. A musac version of "The Girl from Ipanema". A sign read on one wall "Rabbit Hole Elevator for the Safety and Convenience of Our White Rabbit Corps."

Well it had been some seventy years since grandmother had allegedly entered the rabbit's hole. Its not too surprising things would have updated a bit.

When the bell *dinged* instead of the front door sliding open, the whole elevator opened like blossoming flower. She seemed to be thirty feet above the ground and she found herself plummeting towards what looked like a gigantic Monopoly board. Her last thought before hitting the ground * This isn't safe -or- convenient!*

Though the landing knocked the wind out of her, she did not seem to be seriously injured. She'd landed on "Chance", and did not see any old ladies, living or dead. She *did* hear a revving engine and squealing tires. She smelled exhaust and burning rubber.. Then she spotted the a 1930's race car speeding towards her. Alex didn't have time to move out of the way. She was dead for certain.

***

The Throne of the Queen of Hearts was gilded and the seat and backing was covered in red satin. The Mad Hatter lay upon it, crosswise - his legs over one arm rest and his head resting on the other. He was now King - King of Hearts he supposed. He had overthrown the Queen of Hearts But the people had begun to protest his rule with a Sit-out. They were going to have a sit-in, but the Hatter explained to them that it was so lovely outside, that they would enjoy a sit-out far more.

Still,what to do about them? The Hatter couldn't just ignore them. Well, he could, but how did that show leadership? No, even in Wonderland their were rules and procedures, and they had found just the thing. A general twelve step response to all challenges to the rulers of Wonderland.

The March hare was drinking tea at a long table where steaming cups of tea had been set for every chair even if it was only the three of them who were drinking. Scones and tarts were brought in fresh every hour, even if they were not being eaten.. The Dormouse was reading from a scroll.

"What is step one?", the Mad Hatter sprang dramatically from the throne and waved one finger in the air.

"Step one - shut off the internet."

"Shut off the internet! Yes! Do it March Hare!"

"Hatter?"

"*King* Hatter to you!""

"King Hatter, what is an 'internet'?"

The Dormouse cleared his throat, "In the mundane world it is a technology that gives humans access to the sum total of all knowledge and wisdom. It can be used to organize vast social movements, allowing people to make friends with people across the planet, exposing them to knew cultures, religions, philosophies from the comfort of ones own home. Mostly its used for watching porn."

The Hatter waved his hands, "Forget it! Skip to step two - Dormouse what is step two!"

"Step two - Blame Al' Gezera"

The March hair scratched between his ears, "Who is Al Gezera? Does her prefer 'Albert'? Does he Like tea? What does he look like?"

"Hey Hare - I'm only reading what's on the list."

The Hatter tugged his hat against his head and grunted with frustration, "Skip to step three!"

The Door Mouse moved his finger down the list, "Step three- Make meaningless reorganization of the government..."

The Hatter went out to the balcony and shouted out to the sit-outers "People of Wonderland hear me! The March hare is now the King, with me as prime minister, and the Dormouse is Chamberlain!"

The Castle grounds were surrounded by a lovely rose garden, and outside of that was the garden maze.Not strong enough to defend against armed invaders, but a great deterrent to Jehovah's Witnesses. The sit-outers lounged amongst them A hippogrif was even eating some of the roses. While a mock turtle was sharing tea with a Dodo, and a lizard in a red shirt and baseball cap was lying in the sun.

They acted as if they hadn't even heard what the Hatter had said. This upset the Hatter mightily. But what he was doing was important. And it was important because it was patriotic. And it was patriotic because if it wasn't then his overthrow of the Queen would be treason, and he was too patriotic for that...

"Dormouse, step four!"

"Step four - hire mercenaries to pretend to be your supporters."

"Ah hah! The camels! They're always looking for work, have the White Rabbit send a message to the camels tell them we'll pay them whatever they want if they will pretend to support us.!"

"Ahh but sire -"

"Prime Minister! Didn't you hear?"

The March Hare raised his paw, "Excuse me - if I'm king shouldn't *I* be in charge?"

"No, you're only a figurehead. Guard! Get me the White Rabbit!"

The guard was a card. Or rather a playing card. More specifically a three of clubs, with hands and feet. " Yes your Ma - Yes Prime Minister!", He stood to attention and went to seek out the White Rabbit.

An interminable five or six minutes later. "She's missing Prime Minister!"

"Who's missing?"

"The White Rabbit sir."

"We had better find him then!"

"'Her' sir. She took the job after her uncle Harvey retired sir."

"Who could have done this? Wait, - Dormouse! What is step five?"

"Prime Ministers, about the camels -"

"We're on Step five! Step Five!"

"Step Five : Blame Foreign Actors!"

"Screen? Television? Theater?"

"Just reading' what's on the list boss."

"I've got it - I know who kidnapped White Rabbit - he"

"*She* sir."

"*She* is in the hands of foreign actors! Guards - arrest all foreign actors!"

***

Alex turned to see an old fashioned looking race car barreling down on her.She was certain to be run down, she closed her eyes, bracing herself for the inevitable. Then she heard screeching breaks.

"Vermont Avenue,its mine.! In your face Thimble!"

A four foot tall thimble bounced up near the car, "Hey! I don't remember *her* playing!"

A wheelbarrow rolled up, "She landed on 'chance' - let her pick a card."

Yep, thought Alex, Definitely an acid trip. But playing along Alex picked up a card from Chance. It was three feet wide and though not heavy, awkward to pick up. Still the letters were nice and big," 'Go to jail - go directly to jail do not pass go. '"

The other pieces started to chant "Go to jail! Go to jail! Go to jail!", except on the 'go to jail' square their were actuall bars and a skeleton in shackles.

"Guys, what's with the skeleton?"

The race car spoke through his radio speakers, "That guy? He died of thirst before he could roll thirteen. We would have given him water, but none of us has hands. ".

Alex cleared her throat, "But your supposed to roll doubles aren't you?."

"House rules, you have to roll thirteen."

"But you can't roll a thirteen on two six sided dice!"

The thimble spun around on his base, "You know that's exactly what that guy kept saying."

The cannon rolled up, " He kept rollin' and rollin' never seen such a string of bad luck."

"You know, I don't want to play any more!"

The thimble hopped up to Alex, "Oh no - you drew the card - you have to go to jail!"

The Wheelbarrow, the car, the little scotty dog, the thimble, and the cannon, all gathered around her, they were trying to heard her to the jail cell,"Go to Jail! Go to Jail! ".

Alex made a run for it, and the Monopoly pieces chased after her.

The little dog barked, "Jail break! Jail break! Cheater! She won't go to jail!"

The race car's engine revved. "Everybody inside me! Except Cannon, he's on top!", the doors opened and the dog, the thimble and the wheelbarrow all hopped into the race car. Somehow the cannon was able to roll onto the car's roof. Then the screeching of tires as the race car took off after the escaping teenager.

"Little girl you have to go to jail - that's the rules!"

Alex ran off the board and onto a cobblestone road.Thick forest canopy nearly blotted out the sun. *Bad trip! Bad trip! *. She decided to jump off, going into denser vegetation, figuring the rougher terrain would make it more difficult for her pursuers. Then she heard a "Ka-boom!", and the ground next to her exploded. Sending Alex flying.

* Grandma didn't mention getting shot at!*, the wind had been knocked out of her but she wasn't seriously injured. She heard the thimble talking.

"Did we get her?"

"I'm not sure.", The car revved his engine a few more times,"I can't drive down there. Dog, you go after her see if she's dead or not."

The dog yipped, "If she's not?"

"Then Cannon will show her what we do to cheaters!"

Alex heard the little scotty dog bark as he crawled his way through the underbrush. Alex got up and ran down the hill only to find herself in a wide open road. Smooth enough for an old fashioned race car. She heard the vehicle racing towards her.Then vines reach down from the canopy, wrapped themselves around her and yanked her skyward.

The race car stopped, the cannon and the thimble took a few minutes looking around. A vine had been shoved in Alex's mouth. It was at least a twenty foot drop, and homicidal Monopoly pieces were looking for her.

"Dog? You saw her last - where did she go?"

Leafy appendages were stroking her. They seemed to be massaging her, stroking, caressing her body.. But Alex kept getting images. Movies a girl her age shouldn't be watching. Cartoons about girl's her age, and horrific tentacle monsters doing things that turned her off the porn sights..

Below the dog sniffed about, "I don't know race car, she was there one second then gone the next. And I'm not getting a scent. But if I had to guess."

Alex struggled, she didn't know what was worse getting shot by the crazy Monopoly pieces, or… She didn't even want to think about it. She struggled mightily. The vines kept stroking her body. Then a vine covered in blue flowers was waved beneath her nose. Alex's mouth covered she could only breath through the nose, breath the sweet scent that suddenly made her feel kind of drowsy.

* Can't sleep, plant will rape me. Can't sleep, plant will rape me *

"- if I had to guess, she probably went further into the forest."

But then as Alex had no choice but to relax the vines loosened their grip slightly. Alex noticed the vines stayed away from personal body parts.

The car's back right door opened, "Get in, we'll go back to our game. Who's turn was it?"

Below, the monopoly pieces drove off.

A pretty blond girl in a blue and white dress came out from the bushes, "Alright they're gone. You can put her down now. Gently though.", she had that same kind of perky upper class accent Alex's grandmother did.

The vines lowered Alex to the ground - very, very gently, put her down on the ground. Right in front of the pretty blond girl.

She looked to be about eight or nine with a white haedband to hold back her hair. "Hello, are you unharmed? My name is Alice. ", She made a low curtsey, "And what is your name?"

Alex rolled onto her back, she could see up the little girl's dress. "You have really big underwear."

"Yes, well my parents are very conservative. I would very much like to wear more contemporary fashion. But they think what is 'hip' for girls my age looks too sexy."

"I think you're sexy.", Alex was too out of it to self sensor what she said. Alex liked little girls. *Liked* liked them. Though when she babysat she took care to keep her hands to herself. Usually she was ashamed of her feelings but she was too mellow right now to care.

"Are you finished inspecting my knickers?"

"Huh? Oh yeah. Sorry. ", Alex climbed up to a sitting position.

The blonde girl seemed not to care, "You still have not told me your name."

"Alex.", Alex made a kind of half hearted hand way, "Hey."

Alice smiled and imitated Alex's half-hearted wave, "Hey."

"So. Uh you seen a little old lady around here? I came looking for her. Of course I could be having an acid trip and none of this is real."

"Well, I feel quite happy to be part of your hallucination for as long as you should be having it. Perhaps we should start looking for your grandmother then? Just in case you are not having a hallucination?"

"I didn't say she was my grandmother."

"Oh I simply assumed she was. Is she your grandmother?"

"Well yeah. So where do we start?"

"Well, if one is not sure which was to go, one must either decide whether it is best to stay still or to pick some direction and hope for the best.. Now, if we stay still your grandmother may have come up with the same idea and we would both be standing around not finding each other. Or we can start moving"

"So?"

"Well there is a street sign right here.", much to Alex's surprise the road split, and Alex was sure it had been straight just a moment before.

"'This way ' or 'that way'? I dunno. I guess I'll go 'this way'."

"Excellent - it looks quite scenic. Mind if I accompany you? I have been alone in the forest with not but the cuddle vines for company. And they are not very talkative I'm afraid. As you may have noticed I am the chatty type. I hope that doesn't bother you.

I talk a lot, especially when I am nervous. And I sometimes get nervous when I meet new people. Will they like me? Will they hate me? Sometimes I will talk to myself, sometimes with my cat. I can have very involved conversations with my cat. I imagine what she would say and I answer back. Sometimes she and I get into squabbles. You know She is very opinionated on some topics. Cats are terribly stubborn."

"Relax - I like you.", Alex took hold of Alice's hand and stroked it gently. Alice stopped talking. She smiled and blushed, but didn't try to take her hand away. She instead took hold of Alex's and they held hands as they walked.

"I suspect your grandmother is not in any real danger. Few creatures in Wonderland mean people harm. They are often eccentric, sometimes frustrating, but not really dangerous."

"Tell that to the Monopoly pieces who tried to kill me."

"Well alright, there are a few bad apples in every bunch. Still, she was not with them right? So she must either not have encountered them,or somehow escaped."

Alex heard do-op, and found it coming from a bunch of daisies. Their leaves wrapped around each other's stems swaying together.

When Alice noticed her new friend staring, "That is odd - Daisies are usually more into country western Its tulips that like do-op.", Alice tugged gently and they continued walking.

"This is it? This is really Wonderland?"

"Well you did suggest you might be hallucinating. But assuming you are not - yes it is.You have heard of it before?"

"My grandmother said she was here when she was a little girl. She told me stories, I thought she was just senile."

"Well, so long as it does not receive too many visitors. I wouldn't want the place to go all touristy."

Suddenly the singing stopped. The girls heard the clopping of hooves and the trumpeting of elephants They ducked behind a tree and waited.

A playing card with arms and legs ( a five of diamonds to be precise ) was leading a pair of creatures with the bodies of donkeys and the heads of elephants. But they sniffed about like dogs. "Hey! Six! I think we got a trail!"

"The foreign actors that kidnapped the White Rabbit?"

"I'll bet it is!"

Indeed, the creatures pointed their trunks directly at the girls. Knowing they had been spotted, they broke into a run. Clopping hooves and trumpeting snouts the cards and the odd tracking animals gave chase.

The girls went through thick foliage. But poor Alice kept getting her skirt caught on brambles. "Oh bother - why won't my mother let me wear pants. Oh if I ever get home that is the very first thing I am doing. Buying my first pair of jeans. I don't care if she doesn't think its proper. This won't do Not one bit.."

Alex ran back and extracted her friend, "Alice - less talking, more running!"

"Yes, yes, more running! *pant* The playing cards are very ungainly, we should outrun them easily,, but those odd creatures they are using to track us *gasp*, I have never seen them before. *pant* But then again the last time I encountered the playing cards they weren't looking for me - I had found them. Of course-"

"Alice - if you keep talking its easier for them to find us.", Alex heard the sound of bubbling water and the smell of rotting garbage, "What the hell is that?"

Alice stopped her commentary. The creatures ran faster than the girls did, the elephant like trumpeting got louder, A horrid stench like rotting garbage began to fill the air, Alex could hear a gentle gurgle coming from the same direction as the stench.

Alice didn't say a word, she turned sharply and heading towards the gurgle and the horrid smell.

Alex followed, the horrible stench just got worse, but she hoped the little blond girl knew what she was doing. There was a muddy bog, filled with half rotting vegetation. And without hesitation, with her clean and prim and proper and pretty blue dress, her perfect silky blond hair and her immaculate white socks, she jumped into the muck.

With their pursuers closing, Alex jumped in after. The mud was warm, and slimy, and her skin crawled as it covered her. But she forced herself to sink into it. They hid amongst a collection of tall reeds barely exposing their noses to the air. The stench kept them from breathing any more than absolutely necessary.

"Five! Did you get em?"

"Naw', the blue dogs lost the scent! Lets go back to the main road.", the clopping of hooves and the trumpeting receded. The girls waited a few minutes more, once they were sure their pursuers were going the girls emerged from the muck.

Alex wiped muck from her face, she breathed through her mouth to avoid the stench, but she could still taste it. "Blue dogs? They weren't even blue. And what were they talking about - 'foreign actors'?"

"This is all new to me. I cannot think of a single thing I could have done to upset them. But then again the people of this world do not think like you or I."

"I'm sorry you got muck all over your pretty dress."

"Well.", Alice wiped some mud off of her pretty face, "If this does not give my mother reason to buy me new clothes, I do not know what will."

"Unless there's a Wal-Mart over the next hill, we are going to be wearing these stinking, wet, clothes for a little while."

"This bog must have a stream to feed it - I suggest we follow the stream, up stream, we should find clean water, or so I would suppose. And if we do find that, we can make our clothing, and ourselves, semi-presentable.", as they walked they tried to wipe the mud off of their dresses and themselves.

"Ah - there, a clear pool.", Alice removed her muck covered dress. She whacked it hard against a nearby rock trying to get some of the muck off. Then she tossed it into the water soaking it ringing it out, rinsing it again. Smacking it on a rock a few times then hanging it on a tree branch to dry. Beneath the blue dress was a white under skirt, which without pause she slipped out of and repeated the process she had done with her dress.

She was just standing in her oversized granny panties, Mud still caked on her once smooth blond hair. Alex took off her jean jacket - removed her cell and her ipod. The former, not surprisingly, was not picking up a signal. She did as Alice did washing, wash, whack, repeat, until she got the garment as clean as she could realistically manage.

"Alexandra, have you ever been to the UK?"

"Yeah - I was there visiting my grandmother, I wasn't very nice to her. I guess it wouldn't have killed me to spend some time with her. You know, she does live alone. And I don't see her that much."

"`Well I am sure she understands. I mean you have better things to do than mind some old woman."

"That's a mean thing to say about my grandma"

"I Apologize, and if - sorry again - *when* we ever see your grandmother I will apologize to her face. Speaking of which it is considered polite to look someone in the eyes when you are talking to them."

"Oh uh.. Yeah - I have to make a confession that might make you *really* uncomfortable. I never told my parents but I'm a, I think I might like girls. And not girls my own age."

"Oh I see. And we are out here in the forest alone, and you could have your way with me and I could do nothing to stop you No police or social workers, oh woe is me, so small andhelpless. And I am standing here nearly naked, oops - now *completely* naked!.. ", Alex heard Alice Slip into the water.

"No - no! Its not like that! ", Alex stripped off her jeans, she was in a bra and some ordinary white panties. "I wouldn't touch anyone without their permission. I just, just thought you should know. I wouldn't want to damage you or anything. I like you."

"Well I am glad you felt comfortable enough to share that with me. And I am sure you would not damage me if you were gentle I mean I might be just a teeny bit curious what it might feel like.. But I would need you to show me how. Since I do not even know what exactly you want to do.I've never kissed anyone besides my parents. I mean I know how a boy and a girl would do it, but two girls that, I mean, I would need some instruction."

Alex looked up at Alice's nude body, mud still caked the hair, but she was gorgeous and smooth "You're under aged in both our countries. I'm pretty sure nine is under aged *everywhere*."

"Well Alexandra, since I am unable to seduce you, and you are unwilling to seduce me, then we may both miss out on an opportunity that may never come to either of us - ever again."

Alex removed her bra and panties - her jeans and jacket and t-shirt hung in the trees. She slipped into the water it was pleasantly cool. She kissed Alice's cheek. "If this feels bad, or weird, or icky."

"It won't."

Their lips touched.Hands gently caressed each other's bodies "I'll take this really, really slow. Alright?".

A voice called from the water, "Yeah Babes get it on! Woo-woo!!"

Crap they had a spy.! Alex grabbed a rock, and held it high "Who said that!"

"Didn't I tell you Clyde? This is the best place for girl on girl! ", An Orange fish with a long moustache like appendage on his upper lip poked his head out of the water, " Oh no ladies, don't stop on my account!"

A Blue fish popped up next to first, "Oh yeah ladies, keep doing what your doing!"

A Yellow fish popped up next to his companions, "What did I miss? What did I miss?"

"Nothing ' We're still waiting for them to start.", all three fish stared intently at the naked girls.

Alice folded her arms on her bare chest, "Alexandra - I was thinking I have not eaten a thing all day. But I don't feel like anything too heavy."

"Fish isn't heavy - and my dad taught me how to scale and gut them."

"Excellent! I am sure I could manage a fire. Maybe someone nearby has a frying pan."

"Some extra virgin olive oil."

"Splendid notion Alexandra, and I believe I smell wild basil nearby!"

"Stupid dikes! ", Alex watched as the multi colored fish swam down stream.

They took a few moments looking for spying fish. Their were other fish, but the minnows seemed only to be minding their own business. " Is there any place on this world you can get any privacy?"

"Probably not, but I do not feel ashamed. I no longer care who sees, just so long as they stay quiet."

Alex took hold of Alice's hands in hers. She kisses the younger girl's sweet cheeks., her nose and her eyelids.

Alice slipped her hands free and slid them up Alexandra's stomach, and up the older girl's petite breasts, sliding upwards, catching the nipples between her index and middle finger and tugged them gently "How does that feel?"

"Nice."

"Would you be so kind as to return the favor?"

Alex slid her hands up Alice's smooth stomach, over the undeveloped chest and caught the nipples in a scissor like grip of her index and middle fingers, and tugged gentle on small pink nipples. The two girls exchanged gentle kisses on the lips, on the cheeks, on the chin. Alex's whole body warmed up and hoped her lovely partner was feeling the same.

Alice's hands left Alex's breasts and slide over the older girl's back, and down to her bottom. Alex copied the move, and then the girls pulled each other clother.Bodies rubbed against each other. Lips met in a deep, passionate kiss. Alex couldn't completely shake the feeling that this was wrong, but it was too exciting and she was too willing. Alex's lips left the younger girl's and made their was down her soft, warm body. Suckling nipples and exploring restlessly with her hands.

Alice lifted herself out of the water and onto shore, she spread her legs, pink naturally hairless vulvy in full view," Please, You can do whatever you wish with me. I *want* you to do whatever you wish with me. And I shall do for you whatever you desire."

Without pause Alex leaned in and ran her tongue along the pink slit, "Did that feel alright?"

"Yes, may I have more, please?"

Alex licked a second time and a third, and she got into a rhythm. Not matter what Alice might say she must have done this before, she was too comfortable with this. Maybe one of the patronesses at her father's hotel? Did it matter. Alice 's breath quickened. Her hips raised to Alex's lips. And Alex's tongue grew more aggressive.

Alex's tongue running over a clit and pushing into a small tight vagina, and back again. Alice's back arching and at last release. Nowt a scream, not a moan, nothing so animal like. Even in sexual ecstasy Alice was proper, More like a sweet drawn out coo of a dove. Though the brod smile suggested she had enjoyed herself immensely.

"Alice if you don't feel like - I mean. You don't have to feel like you have to. I know the first time I did it I thought it was going to be gross."

Alice practically pounced upon Alex, almost knocking the older girl over in her rush to return the pleasure she had been given.

And as they lay in the cool water, the sun began to set and the two girls held each other close.

"Bow Chicky Wow-wow ", A large splash, "Hey, that almost hit me!"

***

The weather in Wonderland was actually quite nice. They made a lean-to out of some tree branches. There was a light rain Then a few rocking horse flies came out. They didn't bite but they made an odd squeaking noise any time they stopped flying, that was not a good replacement for the peepers of her home. Alex wondered if there was a special breed of termite to feed on them, or was she applying logic to an illogical place.

It wasn't cold but the girls held each other close, because after their lovemaking it felt right.

"Alice! Alice! ", the call came out of the night, an older female voice with a Brookline accent, "Alice!"

Alex grabbed a rock, waiting for some other dangerous or annoying creature.

Instead a Rabbit popped out, wearing a white dress covered in little red hearts. She ran up to Alice and shook her, "Alice, Alice, wake up!"

Alice woke up and rubbed her eyes, "Oh - its you."

"Yeah - Yeah its me alright. What's the big idea runnin' away like that?"

"I have no desire to do what you ask. Now Alexandra and I have to get some sleep."

Alex held Alice close, "Hey rabbit, aren't you supposed to be a guy?"

"Oh mah Uncle Hahvy retired *ages* ago. I took over the family business. Who are you? How did you get here?"

"Oh I was following my grandmother and I thought she might be lost in the woods and, hey have you seen a little old lady, kinda sounds like Mary Poppins?"

"Uh sweety - yuh' cuddlin' with her."

"No - I'm looking for an *old* lady. Like eighty.

"Alice, yer gonna have t' tell her the truth sooner or later."

Alice took Alex's hands gently in hers, "Alexandra, when I came back to Wonderland I was surprised to find I had become a little girl again."

Alexandra shook her head, "No no - this is some kind of joke, right?"

"This morning I gave you a pre paid debit card so you could go to London and meet up with your internet friends. You were texting them, I asked why would you text if you have a phone? And you stared at me like I was a dullard."

Alex looked down at Alice's sweet face., and she suddenly felt sick. It was staring her right in the face. She didn't talk like a little girl, she knew more than a little girl should know, she was completely comfortable with sex.

"Please Alexandra, let me explain dear. Now I know you are upset with me deceiving you."

Alex extracted herself from the grandmother who was masquerading as a little girl. Masquerading as her lover. And she ran, as fast as she could.

"Rabbit - if you would be so kind as to look after my granddaughter. See that she comes to no harm."

"Yea-ah, of course."

***

"Alexandra - wait! Wait! Yah can't be runnin ' round half naked like that! Oh dear oh dear!"

Alex ran, she didn't know where she would go, she didn't know what she would do, she just knew she needed to run. She just made love to her own grandmother. But it wasn't just how gross that was, but she had told her and grandmother her deepest darkest secret. Now everyone would know. Her mother, her father, her school. She would be branded a pervert forever.

Alex had been so focused on herself she didn't see the Card soldiers or the blue dogs.

The odd thing - they weren't even blue.. Their trunks wrapped around her legs and one of the card soldiers, a two of spades, grabbed her chin "Young lady, I have one question for you. Have you done any acting?"

"I was in a Utube video with my friends, we made a Christmas video for my dad. I-I was an elf."

"Good enough! We have the foreign actor! The Prime minister will be glad to hear we can move on to step six!"

The Blue dogs trumpeted in triumph as Alex was carried as a trophy back to the Castle of the Queen of Hearts.

The Rabbit stopped in her tracks. Either the cards had not seen her or they just weren't interested. Which was odd because she had supposedly been kidnapped by that girl, "Oh dear! Oh dear! I better tell Alice!"

***

Alexandra was shoved into some clothes. A fairly conservative night dress covered in hearts. It was a bit girlier than she was used to, but at least she wasn't running around in her underwear.

"We brought your foreign actor Prime minister! Why are those Camel's picketing outside?"

The Dormouse looked up from his scroll, "They wanted to be paid up front. And someone spent all our petty cash on scones! Of course I *tried* bring that up."

The March Hare studied Alex, "Wouldn't she be a foreign *actress*?"

The Door Mouse shook his head, "No its 'actor' for both now. Its been that way for a while."

Alex looked around, aside from the guards she saw a short man in a tall green top hat, a large brown rabbit in a tuxedo, and a small mouse reading from a scroll, "What's going on? Where is the Queen of Hearts?"

"I had to overthrow her, she was getting out of control, she was a threat to Wonderland."

"Why? You didn't do anything when she was shouting 'off with their head'? Was that is? She was getting worse?"

"Why? Why? For the love of country my good lady! That and suddenly she stopped caring about chopping people's heads off! *Suddenly* she stopped compulsively eating tarts. *Suddenly* she loses the weight, gets a little work done on the tummy. *Suddenly* she's happy, looks good, is *nice * to people!"

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"No! Don't you see? You're from *there* - where everything is all logical, and *reasonable *."

"You might want to actually spend some time there. We even have a Tea Party that's crazier than you guys."

The Hatter seemed not to have heard, " It just starts with the Queen, then she'll want her court to organized, efficient *logical* - then the next thing you know Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum are in couples counseling! The Mock Turtle will come out of his shell! Flowers will stop singing! Animals will walk on all fours - Wonderland with go Stark Raving SANE!

So this stops right now. Right NOW! ", the Hatter pointing to the ground for emphasis.

"Did she say she was going to do any of that?"

"No - but she *might* And we didn't want to wait until it was too late! Until someone actually expect me to make hats for a living. I've never made hats before."

"But there isn't any reason to -"

"Reason? REASON! Reason is the whole problem! Wonderland wants nothing to do with *reason*."

The March Hare stroked his ears, "This is exactly what happened in Narnia. They got reason and everything went to Hell."

The Hatter stomped his foot, "Dormouse! Step seven!"

"We're actually on step, six."

"Fine! What is step six?"

"Praise the Youth."

"Fine! I love the youth! Now Step Seven!"

The Dormouse read off of the scroll, "Violent suppression!"

"Sounds gruesome - but if that's what is on the list. Cards! In the name of Step Seven!"

Raising their weapons high in the air the card soldiers shouted "Step seven!"

Alex tried to grab the Hatter, but the cards restrained the teen, "Wait! No! My grandmother said few creatures in Wonderland were cruel. Especially you, you might have been insane - but you were always kind in your own way. You can't do this!"

The Hatter had a pleading look on his face, "But its step seven. Its one of the few steps I *can* do."

Alex was able to shake loose from the cards and ran to the balcony. Alex watched as the card soldiers rushed out to a bunch of Wonderlandians sitting in the field just outside the castle, and started beating on them. Soon unicorns, lions, lizards, dodos and mock turtles fled.,There was a maze garden ringing the field and slowing the escape. Fortunately for the poor Wonderlandians the cards seemed not to have killer instincts, and mostly poked them with the blunt ends of their spears.

A herd of camels, walking on their hind legs and wielding picket signs that said " No Pay - No Praise! ", attempted to use their picket signs as shields, only to have them be smashed to bits by the attacking soldiers.

A mock turtle retreated into his shell as card soldiers beat upon it with spears. Their were no deaths, its doubtful any of the soldiers had actually killed anyone before. Still, this was the most violence most had seen in Wonderland in their lives. But Alex feared it could easily get worse. Like a tame animal that had tasted blood for the first time.

Then there was a noise. Something large and heavy had fallen to the ground.

Then the chaos and the beatings fell to silence. Their was an eerie stillness. The sound of a thunderous crash, then another, and another. Regular as a heartbeat. The Hatter's tea cups rattled. Alex could feel vibrations though the floor.

Then Alex saw it - or rather *her*. Alice, grown suddenly gigantic, crossed the maze garden in a single step.. The gigantic Alice gathered up the card soldiers into a deck and shuffled them ( an act that surprisingly didn't seem to harm them ). Then taking the deck she reached in through one of the large castle windows and placed the deck on the floor of the thrown room.

The Door Mouse cleared his throat, "Boss, I suggest we skip to step twelve."

"What is step twelve?"

"Fleeing!"

The Hatter Scooped of the Dormouse, the March Hare opened the door and all three ran down the stairs, to emerge in the courtyard and be scooped up in a gigantic hand.

A gigantic Alice looked down upon the three, "You have been very naughty. Now promise me you will release the Queen of Hearts, and put Wonderland back to the way you found it."

All three nodded emphatically and drew X's over their hearts.

***

Alexandra found the Queen of Hearts in the castle dungeon. Once she was released the card soldiers fell in line behind her.

Alex wondered how the Hell the Hatter had been able to take over in the first place and why the card soldiers had followed his orders so obediently. Followed him. Maybe they were worried about "creeping sanity" too, or maybe they followed whoever declared themselves monarch, or maybe it was something that only made sense to Wonderlandians.

Of course now Alex had to confront her grandmother returned to "normal" size. They had gone to a sitting room in the castle to talk in private. They sat in a pair of overstuffed chairs in front of an unlit fireplace.

"So would you let me explain dear?", Alex had trouble looking the pretty little girl in the eyes. The little girl Alex knew was her grandmother.

"Yeah - I guess."

"I had a wonderful, adventurous girlhood, and I felt a little nostalgic for them. But also it seemed as I grew old, fewer and fewer people wanted to be around me. You and I used to be close And suddenly I found out we could be close again."

"But at the stream."

"Yes, when I thought you might be interested that way it was so deliciously naughty. I couldn't pass it up. Just as you couldn't."

Alex blushed, "Now you know though."

"Now we both know dear. Very few people knew I was attracted to girls. That is another thing I am so envious of. You can run around your school and say you are a lesbian and it would barely elicit a shrug. I had to be careful who I told. I had to search seedy neighborhoods and hidden clubs.

Hidden worlds away from 'decent' people. But I didn't tell you those stories because they aren't 'family friendly' I'm afraid."

"But I'm not just gay I -"

"Yes, well since I am not really a little girl you have committed no crime. In fact *I* am the criminal.if you stop to think about it. So you have nothing really to feel guilty about. It was the perfect opportunity to live your fantasy without harming anyone."

"Are there any of those 'Hidden worlds' left?"

"More than you could count my darling. If you like I will show you some. I'll Tivo the special on drizzle you were shouting about."

Alex chuckled. "The Hatter said the Queen of Heart had 'gone sane'."

"Yes Well, with the help of the White Rabbits I had managed to smuggle in some Lithium into Wonderland.

***

Just as the Hatter had told her, the Queen of Hearts had been transformed, Alex's grandmother had been sneaking Lithium into Wonderland for as long as Alice had access to it. Eccentricity was fine - but the Queen had been of control.

She had lost the weight and was a handsome woman. The now more even tempered Queen had decided to show leniency to the Hatter and company. She assured them that Wonderland was not going sane. And so long as no one did harm they could enjoy their madness without any interference. They would be returned to their tea table in the forest to drink in peace.

The Queen then made a tempting offer to the girl who had saved her. A girl the Queen had tried to kill the last time she was in Wonderland.

"Alice, the rabbit told me that at first you were afraid to act on my behalf because you feared being returned to your old self. Well I have a proposition for you. I will not be Queen forever, I will need an heir and since the king and I have separated ( apparently he was a chubby chaser, but we're still friends ), I cannot get one the 'old fashioned way'. In Wonderland you can stay a little girl until you grow bored with it. But you will have to stay in Wonderland."

Alice curtseyed deeply, "While I do adore being a little girl. I have had my youth, It doesn't seem fair for me to be a little girl more than twice. Besides I was going to take my granddaughter on a tour of London. She only has a few more days left on her break."

The Queen turned to Alex, "Alexandra, should Wonderland have need for a heroine could we call upon you?"

"Well, your majesty, I don't live in England I live in a small town in America."

"And they have rabbits in this 'America?'"

"Uh yeah."

"And by extension rabbit holes?"

Alex nodded.

"Excellent - should be straight foreword to open a gate there. Of course if the White rabbit comes looking for you, you will be the only one to be able to see her. Everyone will think your mad."

Alex sighed. "Of course they will"

The elevator that had brought her to this world seemed to drop out of nowhere. The doors opened and Her and Grandma Alice got inside.