Human Nature 1-4

by Lea

Chapter 1 – First step

Part 4 – Tensions

The weather doesn't help. I'm all alone on this platform of the train station, waiting for my daughter. Of course she looks a little disappointed to see only me, but she seems happy to come back to home. She asks after her father. "At work." I am laconic, maybe a bit harsh. But I'm not in the mood to sadden her even more, explaining her dad won't get any vacations in August. I won't tell her the quarrel we had about that. No, not now, not when she just comes back and that I can find her again.

She seems more relaxed than before she left. Perhaps the summer camp wasn't such a bad idea. Whilst we unpack her suitcase, she tells me about what she did, her friends, boys and girls. Sometimes I feel like I find again a bit of the Noémie's cheerfulness in her voice. Also a bit of her innocence, she's just talking about boys and friendship, nothing more.

I can't help myself from watching her. She's wearing a tank top with spaghetti straps and yes, she has two small tangerines appearing underneath the fabric, too. A second later I'm imagining how she may look like in the nude. Sandra's staring at me. "Something wrong, mom ?" I blush, I mumble an evasive answer. My daughter still is defensive with me. It makes me sad.

Tonight, at the diner, Alain explains to her daughter why he won't get free time for her this summer. I can see the anger and sadness mingle in her eyes. She only says "as usual". Alain growls. I keep quiet. What could I add? To be honest, I'm pretty glad about the way my daughter reacts. Maybe she understands some life things. Some things of my life.

We have friends for the Sunday lunch. Whilst I bustle around the kitchen, Sandra is watching me. I let some time pass and I ask her what happens. "There's something changed. Like that dress, it's been a while since the last time you have worn it. I don't know what it is, but there's something new. Anyway, it goes you right". I remain speechless for a moment. I stammer a clumsy thank you. I'm not sure I have to, but it seems the best thing to do. I'm wondering if I'm that much readable or if my daughter is more attentive to me than I thought. But Sandra already left with the meat for her father's barbecue.

Since then, my mind rushes. I feel like a teen caught going over the wall. I don't like that. I must be more careful. I could betray myself. So what? Betray myself doing what? Talking and playing with a girl and her mom? That I had dirty thoughts looking at a naked child? I blame myself again. I'm an idiot to feel guilty. My daughter is beautiful and I'm proud of her. So what? What's wrong about being proud about the body of my own daughter? What's wrong about thinking she's sensual, maybe sexy? It's just about facts, not dirty thoughts.

Tonight, again, another quarrel. Alain doesn't understand how I can let our daughter alone while I'm going to work. First, she won't be that alone, our neighbors are still there. Next, our daughter isn't a kid anymore; she'll be twelve next October. She's a young lady. Alain rumbles. Sandra leaves us for her bed. The voices raise. Alain thinks I'm crazy, not careful enough about our daughter, not enough motherly. And what is that fucking dress? I'm showing my boobs when I lean forward! I try to remain quiet. I don't want to alarm nor worry our daughter. Besides, I don't feel like arguing anymore. I don't even feel the need to justify myself. Alain fulminates, but not too long, a bit later he's sleeping on the couch. I'm alone in the bed and it suits me.

All along the Monday, I only have one thing in mind. How will be the meeting of my daughter and my new friends? I don't take my lunch-break and I speed back to home to take Sandra and to go to the beach. I'm a little surprised to see my daughter ready with a beach bag at her arm. I recognize the dress she's wearing. I thought she was hardly paying attention about what we bought then. It suits her pretty well. It's unfair; everything suits you when you're this age old.

At the beach, Sandra wonders why I'm walking so far. Usually we are just looking for a quiet place and we settle down there. It's at this moment that I talk to her about Héléna. I don't give too many details. I can already feel her heavy suspicious gaze on me. Anyway, I'm not going to pretend I'm meeting Héléna for the first time. So, come what may. To be true, I feel ridiculous to be so much febrile about their meeting. Am I the mother here or not?

Héléna is the first to welcome us. Noémie stands back. She looks like she assesses Sandra, as if she had to find her marks in front of the intruder. Sandra does the same, for a while, the two girls are turning one around the other. I leave them for my daily swim and when I come back, both girls are in the sea. Héléna tells me that she talked to her daughter about mine. Noémie was anxious to meet Sandra. "Noémie likes you" she says to me. She finds that's a good thing. It makes me proud, proud and touched.

The girls seem to get along well. They aren't the best friend of the world already. But at least, they don't hate each other at the first sight. Noémie places her towel between her mom and me. Not a subtle way to mark her territory, but Sandra doesn't say a word. She lays down her towel next to me, closer than she used to be. This is much more importance than what she granted me so far. I catch my daughter looking a few times at Héléna's breasts. I haven't been brave enough to suntan braless like her.

Héléna doesn't mention my daughter's interest for her chest. She just shares with me a few ordinary talks. Noémie remains sage, too. After her last bath, she dries herself and puts a dress on. On our way back to home, Sandra remains silent. She didn't look annoyed when we set an appointment for tomorrow. I'm dying from hearing her point of view, her feelings. But she says nothing.

I leave her quiet; I don't want to hasten things. The next day, again, she's ready to go when I come to take her. Ready and in a good mood too. This day at the beach looks like the one before. Sandra doesn't talk much more with Noémie. And Noémie also keeps her distances. But in the car, she finally decides to speak. "Why don't you tan topless like Héléna does?" Taken by surprise, I ask her if it wouldn't bother her to see her old mom with her breasts naked. Still with an equal voice, she answers that she doesn't have to care or not, they are my boobs so this is my problem not hers. What an odd way to give her benediction, isn't it? Anyway, it's very frustrating.

The Wednesday noon, a good surprise awaits me. Sandra is not only ready but she has prepared a salad and sandwiches for our lunch meal. So I take a quick shower and we're on our way to the beach. It's becoming hard to situate myself between the mood of my daughter and the way she acts. In the car she doesn't talk, but as soon as we reach the beach, she takes our bag and she quickly walks towards our friends. I'm lost.

In fact, we are the firsts today. As usual, before anything, I go swimming for twenty or so minutes. When I come back, Sandra installed everything. Whilst I dry myself, Sandra throws me a few glances. While the lunch, we talk about her morning and what she did, but she keeps peeking at me from time to time. I realize, then, that it's my breasts she's staring at. Our eyes meet and she turns her head, blushing. Again, while we are clearing the remains of our meal, she watches my breasts. I catch her glance but, this time, she eventually speaks. "So you'll keep your bra on?" Simple and clear. I feel like I'll ask her why she worries so much about that, but I'm afraid that it could break this so thin link that makes her care about me.

So I pretend I forgot. Trying to look natural, I thank her. This way my tan lines will dim a little. Thinking about it, I'm glad that I protected myself well enough with sunscreen to keep my boobs white. Sandra doesn't take her eyes away from me a single second all the time I'm covering my breasts with sunscreen. Then my fingers rub against my nipples and a big shiver runs all over in my body. I blush, I scare. Did I moan out loud? Sandra is still staring at me, but she doesn't seem to be shocked. I remain wise; I cannot allow myself to cross the line.

I'm relieved to hear Noémie's voice. Their smile shows me how much glad they are to find us. Sandra smiles in return, but there's something else in her gaze. My daughter is proud of me, of me exposing my breasts. Actually, Sandra wanted to show to Noémie that her mom wasn't the only one who could sunbath half naked. I laugh to myself. Sandra wasn't at all interested in my body or what I look like. Whatever, I don't care. My daughter is proud of what I did and only that matters.

Even though I have my nose buried in my book, I can see Sandra glancing at Héléna and me. She follows Noémie in the sea. Oddly, I see the both girls talking while they swim or play in the sea. But as soon as they are back to us, each one stays in her corner. They are funny but a bit ridiculous, too. As if she wanted to score another point, Noémie offers her mother a back massage. Héléna happily agrees, of course, and her daughter sits across her bum to make her back shiny with sunscreen. Sandra's attentively watching them. Noémie is aware of that and she emphasizes each one of her rubs.

Noémie isn't able to remain doing nothing. All logically she offers me her services. She imitates every move of Noémie. If I had to compare, she's not as gentle as her friend, not as adventurous neither. The waistband of my swimsuit is a limit my daughter doesn't dare to cross. But, because she is my own daughter, this massage is just marvelous. To feel my daughter so close to me, her fingers on my skin, the fact she's doing something just for me overrides any other considerations. Even my shame to shiver with the contact of its skin against mine doesn't seem so much important to me.

Nothing slips out of my friend's attention. While our daughters are swimming together, Héléna tells me how Sandra and I look like Noémie and her. I don't know. Noémie seems so confident, so comfortable with her own body. Sandra looks like the opposite. However, to look them playing in the water, they seem to get along better and better. Héléna holds out a towel to her daughter. Sandra watches the scene, and the next day, she asks me for help. She doesn't need to ask twice. I rub her young body with all my care. I take all my time. However, while I'm drying her legs, standing on my knees, I see something changing in my daughter's eyes. Maybe because it has been a long time since she saw me at her feet like that.

Friday, the day after, things seem to follow a kind of new rituals. Sandra gives me a nice massage scented with the monoï. Later I help her to get rid of the sand from her skin. More than accepting them, Sandra seems to appreciate my hands on her body. And it's time to go home for the week-end. Sandra kisses goodbye our new friends what is a great proof of interest from my daughter.

During these two days there's a lot of tension between Sandra and her father. She doesn't understand why he spends most of his time in his office. She tries to talk to him about our new friends but he doesn't care. Alain and I are arguing again. He blames me to set our daughter against him. As if I had to.

On Monday, I start my last working week before three weeks of vacations. I ask my daughter about what she would like to do during those three weeks. Of course, she doesn't have any idea. I'm not mad at her. She's still sad because her father won't be with us. I understand that.

Back at the beach, when I go back to my towel after my daily swim, Sandra almost jumps on me. Her massage is firmer, tenderer too. I feel her strongly lean against my back and I purr with pleasure. Her little hands are so good on me. I'm not reasoning anymore when I feel her slowly sliding from my bum and I spread my legs. Only when Sandra stops her moves that I realize where she is and the view she gets. I'm ashamed and blushing as hell, but what can I do now?

I mustn't be the only one to think about it. Sandra's fingers don't start from my lower back but from my thighs. Anyway as soon as her fingers come in contact with my skin, a huge shiver invades all my body. From the rear of my knees she slowly strolls along my thighs till the hem of my swimsuit. She doesn't cross the leg band but it's enough to snatch a moan from me. I don't know if she heard me, but after two second of hesitation, she goes down back to my calves. That's where she ends her massage and she lays on her towel. She smiles to me but, at this moment, she looks lost in her thoughts. So do I.

Héléna and Noémie kindly smile at us with that sparkle of lust which inflames my belly. Sandra noticed their smiles too and a few minutes later, the girls are talking about school, teachers, preteens life. When they come back from their last bath of the day, I welcome my daughter like Héléna does. Sandra doesn't protest and she sits down between my thighs. First I carefully dry her with the towel. And then I drop it to take off the sand with my bare hands.

It's the turn of my daughter to purr. I caress her, I massage her, I dust her. Not a second she tries to avoid my hands, at the contrary, I think she enjoys what I'm doing. Then, all of a sudden, she tenses up. My hands immediately stop on her skin but, glancing aside, I understand. Noémie asked her mom for help to unclasp her bra before slipping her dress on. Sandra stares at the young breasts of her friend till they disappear under the light cotton. I'm surprised that my daughter was so captivated. She even sighs when Noémie is fully dressed. I don't know if it was a sigh of pleasure or frustration, but I could bet Noémie touched her.

That's what I call a very busy day. So many progresses between my daughter and me, I can hardly believe it all happened. Anyway, Sandra talks to me about it only the next day, on our way back home. "She's cute, Noémie." I don't even know if my daughter's waiting for an answer. So I avoid the question, I notice out loud she's as blonde as Sandra is brown. Each one has her charm; each one is a beauty in her way. I wanted to avoid her question; I'm all wrong. Sandra's staring at me, taken aback. "You find me... beautiful?!?"

I'm not the only one who needs to be reassured. Of course, I do find her beautiful. Subjectively and objectively, she's such a lovely brown long haired girl. She's slim, a little muscular. Not a lady yet, but it's obvious she soon will become a cute teen with adorable curves. I don't tell her that because I'm her mother, I defy anyone to tell me otherwise. Sandra still looks at me, a little ashamed, a little surprised. I'm glad to drive; I don't have to meet her look. I'm just wondering if my answer made her happy.

The Wednesday noon, we eat at the beach with our friends. The discussion comes to my upcoming vacations. Héléna then explains to us that she has a few works to be done in her home. The garden, two bedrooms, a bathing room, nothing too difficult, just a few things she would like to finish before the start of the new school year. I don't see what the purpose of her talk is until she invites us to spend a week in her home, or even more if we want to. Living near the sea, we could go to the beach as often as we do now.

Sandra reacts before I do and she offers her help for the redecoration works. I know that Sandra likes this kind of work. The hand labor, I mean. But I'm not sure we should go to her place. Sandra's father won't like the idea. If we stay in the area he won't understand why we wouldn't come home every night. What Sandra doesn't understand is why we should make efforts while her father doesn't make any.

All along the afternoon, the girls are discussing. Both their towels are between Héléna and me now. Sandra grants me a massage each time I come back from swimming. It's like a ritual, but she still slides from my lower back to my thighs without daring a finger on my bum. I feel her hesitating, her stare at me and then she moves downward. She once touches me there but the shiver she sent to me is so strong that she takes her fingers away from my skin. I blame myself; I should be able to keep control. Of course, Noémie does the same to her mother although she also takes care of her buttocks. Sandra watches them, especially when the little fingers of Noémie push against the leg bands of her mother's swimsuit.

When I wrap my daughter in her towel at the end of the day, she looks like she wants to ask something. But, eventually, she stands up and puts her dress on. Back to home, Sandra immediately asks her father about Héléna's proposal. His answer is simple and clear: no. And then Sandra begins to argue. He doesn't really care about her; she's nothing but a stupid obedient little girl for him; he doesn't feel the need to spend time with us so why should we take on our vacation time to please him.

Of course, later tonight, Alain and I have a serious quarrel. I can't tell our daughter he's right. He's quite sure I'm the one who's mad at him and that I'm setting Sandra against him. Alain is really upset. I try to tell him he's wrong but he doesn't hear me anymore. I sleep alone tonight, again.