| Human Nature 1-10 Chapter 1 – First step Part 10 – A smile Bleep... Bleep... Damn it! Turn your alarm clock off Alain. Alain? Why am I not able to make a move? Bleep... Bleep... I have... to.... Bleep... Bleep... Do I hear voices? Why is there people talking in my room this morning? It's weird. My bed doesn't seem to be like the usual. A man's voice, I panic. But why is it so hard to open my eyes?!? The man's voice is getting closer. I've got to get up. I've got to run away.I'm still trying to open my eyes but the light hurts so bad. I sit up but what is this bedhead, where is the wall? "Mwwissiiss" What's this weird voice? Who is it? I don't understand. Alain? Oh my god what have I done yet? No... No... I swear, I didn't know that... "Shhhhhhh Mmwwiiissiiss" But what does he talk about? I don't get a word. Oh no, please... I... Ouuuchhh!! I had a fall. But where the fuck am I? Damn it, it hurts! At least I found the wall. But why the hell is it so cold? I'm frozen. And what about this fucking light, why does it hurt so bad when I open the eyes? What the fuck?! I am half naked! But what have I done now? The guy is getting closer. It's not Alain's aftershave. But who else can he be? BASTARD! Oh no, that's him, I must... The wall corner behind me, quick! That's him, I must... The wall corner behind me, quick! I must curl me up in a ball, it less hurts when this bastard can't aim. "Mrs Duchamp?" Sorry! Sorry! I didn't mean bastard, I didn't mean it! I swear! Here he is. I feel him, just close to me. But... I don't understand...Is this one of his new games? What have I done? What does he want from me?!? "Shhhhh Madam, calm down, I gave you something to relax, you must see foggy I guess, but calm down, everything is fine ... It's only the effects of the drug, nothing else." Eh?!? What!? What drugs?!? NO! No way! I have never taken drugs!Never ever, I swear! Don't take my daughter! Don't take her away from me! Ouch! I remember. That damn beastie again, it hurts... "Hello you." "Mmmmmmmh? Hi." I stretch and look at Héléna beside me. What weird dreams I made. I don't remember them very well, it's all blurry. I guess I hurt myself. I feel this stabbing pain in my chest. I feel all sore, even my head hurts when I open my eyes. I can't see clearly, it's so foggy. Anyway, this is apparently not my room. What would do Héléna in my room? I try to remember but my thoughts remain vague, confused. I have a coated tongue; I've got to get up to go to brush my teeth. But, hey, everything swirls around me, it's weird. Yes, Héléna is right; I should get some more rest... Sat against the headboard, I rub my eyes. I try to get up but I feel so slow, so knackered. Hey, that's not my bed. And that's not my night shirt. Oh my god, I've got such a headache. OK First, I get up. After, I think. This smell, I know this smell. A shiver runs all over my body, the floor is so cold underneath my feet. And that smell, that weird place, I feel so insecure. Well done, girl, what a great idea to have an urge to pee in the middle of the night. I try to remember, the stores with Héléna and the girls. After that, I came back home alone and... I don't know. I think I got to bed but maybe I took a glass of champagne. Yes champagne, it has to be the champagne. Oh my God, my head hurts so bad. And that fucking beeps?! Damn it, will you turn your alarm clock off for god sake! Hey! Who are you? What are you doing in Héléna's house? Hey! Stop pushing me back to the... "Are you sure you want her back to your house, Miss Perkovsky? - Look, you told me it was just a matter of days. It's been a week now. You tell me she's healthy, out of danger, so why is she still sleeping all the time? - It can happen in some cases of trauma. I just want you to understand well the burden it will be. I'm talking about money but also about tiredness. We can't tell exactly when she will wake up. A person in this state can quickly become a cause of stress and exhaustion. - I already know all of that, Doctor. - Ok then, if you made your choice. His breath, I feel his breath just against my ear. No. Not his breath. Not his hand. Her breath, Héléna's slow and quiet breath. Her hand is over my breasts. It makes me feel peaceful, safe. I know she's here just beside me. But it's the night; I can still get some sleep. My God what a fucking dream! What a nightmare!I don't know what got me in this state but never again. Never ever again. Uh-oh, this is not my bed. This is not my room and not my night shirt either. But, I know this bedroom. This is Héléna's room, the one we renovated. A quick glance at the clock, four o'clock in the afternoon. Oh my god, shame on you girl! Now you wake up in the afternoon, better and better! I find Héléna in the kitchen. She stares at her cup of tea, lost in her thoughts. When she sees me, she hugs me so tight that I almost suffocated. We spend a long time in the arms of each other. I worried her so much that I'm terribly ashamed. My stomach growls. I blush and Héléna laughs. She sends me to sit in the living room while she gets a snack for me. She sits beside me on the couch, she seems so happy to see me "I'm so sorry Héléna; I don't know what I drank yesterday but I swear I won't do it again. You can't even imagine the weird dreams I had all the night long. I guess I messed up. I don't even remember you loaned me one of your nighties or that I went to sleep in your bed. I..." "Yesterday? Really? So you absolutely remember nothing at all. A week Laura. It's Friday today but you fell down on the floor in front of us one week ago." One week, her voice echoes in my head again and again.She explains me that the girls are with Léon and Cléo. She then tells me what I did, what happened. One week, one fucking week... Tuesday morning, I lost consciousness. Héléna called the emergency medical service and I ended up in hospital emergency. Shortly after, I had surgery.When I woke up, I made such a mess that I have been heavily sedated. Héléna becomes sarcastic when she explains that this small blow against the trunk door of my car degenerated into a hematoma then into internal bleeding. During our family hug, Noémie have leaned against my breast and the blood has pressed against my heart making me collapse. Without that I could have died. I listen to her and I don't know if I should cry, apologize or explain myself. As soon as the operation ended, the surgeon has reassured Héléna and the girls. I was out of trouble. It would take me two or three days to recover and be able to go home. They spent a lot of time in the hospital.Noémie made a strong impression among the nurses. She is also pretty interested in the profession. My daughter was determined to watch me over all the weekend long. Of course, Héléna and Noémie stayed with her. On Sunday evening, the doctor declared I had almost fully recovered and guaranteed to Héléna that as soon as I would have woken up, I could go home. I woke up on Monday afternoon, but I was confused and disoriented.When the doctor walked up to me, I have thrown myself to the floor. I was particularly shaken and agitated. He decided to put me on tranquilizers to prevent me from hurting myself. I had several episodes of awakening and agitation, but I slept most of the time. Tuesday they took the last drip away from me. And Wednesday, Héléna has managed to take me back to her home. My sleep seemed to have no physical cause. So my recovery of consciousness could have been facilitated if I found myself in a familiar environment. What, obviously, has been the case. Héléna leaves me some time to get over all these news. She called Léon to whom she entrusted the girls for a couple of days. Héléna clears the leftovers of my snack but before coming back, she answers the bell of the front door.A woman in her forties enters the living room and looks particularly pleased to see I'm awake. The nurse takes my blood pressure, my pulse. She asks me a few questions to check my state of consciousness and she changes my bandage. The surgeon did a great job hiding the scar under my breasts. As clean and clear as my scar is, it makes me realize the gravity of what happened. The door barely closed behind the nurse, I burst into tears. This is how we spend the evening. My head nestled against her breasts; I enjoy the warmth and safety of her arms. We hardly talk, not much to say anyway. Later I follow her in her room but I can't bring myself to take off my nightie. We spend the night entwined in the arms of each other and, in the early morning, when I open my eyes she is there, her face a few inches from mine, watching me sleep. I don't say a word, nothing to say, nothing useful, nothing needful. I just come closer and I kiss her, tenderly. She is the one who broke our kiss. I follow her advices and I take a good shower while she is preparing our breakfast.I join her in the living room. The breakfast she arranged on the coffee table looks like a feast. There is something else, a file of a dozen stapled sheets. When I seize it, Héléna thrills on the couch next to me. "Take your time Laura, but before you read this I must tell you that ..." After he examined me, the doctor contacted the police. The cops went to visit Alain has finally confessed that it was he who had struck me in the chest. Of course my husband shifted the blame for his gesture on me. He told the cops how I changed since I had met Héléna, how I have stalked and harassed him. He explained them how I had called upon a lawyer without even discussing our problems with him. He was absolutely sure that I had become homosexual and that I was detaining his daughter at my friend's house. He was certain that I had lapsed into pedophilia and that I had bought a new camera because of that. Two dykes with two little girls, so think! Obviously I had forced his daughter to do disgusting things and I was sending it all on the internet. On Friday afternoon, police drove Héléna to her house to lead a search there. Computers, camera and even mobile phones, they have inspected everything. At first, they found the number of my lawyer and they have let Héléna call him. Then they found the photos I had taken of my husband at home, in bed with his mistress. Unfortunately, they also found some pictures where we all are more or less unclothed. Because of this, they then have questioned our girls. Héléna's voice is a bit shaky telling me the entire story. As for me, I silently sob, unable to look her in the face. A social worker has questioned the girls who tried to deny everything. Fortunately my lawyer arrived timely. He first talked to Héléna and then he assisted the girls during their interrogation. Noémie hasn't been bothered for a long time. There were way more pictures in the computer, pictures of Noémie with her father, with her family, normal and decent pictures. There was no trace of sending pictures on the internet either. So the investigation into the little blonde had no reason to be pursued. My daughter, on the other hand, had to take a complete examination. I concentrate on the heat of the cup of coffee in my hands. I concentrate on the heat of the cup of coffee in my hands. I can't look up at my friend; I don't have courage enough to meet her gaze. I need to focus on something simple to fix the story of my friend in my memory. I have to organize everything in my head as if I was tidying up a messy room. While my daughter was in the hands of a doctor and a social worker, Héléna had to answer a policeman's questions. He wanted to know if we were, Héléna and me, lovers or a couple. Héléna has made a brief narrative of our meeting and the two following weeks. She omitted some details, of course, but she wanted to be specific enough so the policeman could corroborate her information with those he already had. The lawyer had stressed this point heavily. This kind of investigation can end very quickly or drag on. The slightest lie, the slightest contradiction in the testimonies and the police will want to investigate more deeply. Héléna understood what my lawyer had meant when she saw the policeman's nod as she spoke about the restaurant. He already knew. As a matter of form, the investigator asked her a few other questions and just after he let Héléna go. Every detail she gave him had matched the evidences they had collected. Only was remaining the testimony of my daughter to close the investigation. "Now if you want to read the report, go ahead, you'll need to know the content of it before meeting the police. But if you want I can read it to you, I know how difficult it should be for you. I..." My eyes are already reading the first lines of the record. Héléna says nothing more; she takes me in her arms while tears are rolling down my cheeks. Sandra underwent a full physical and gynecological examination as it is required in the cases of abused minors. The examination has corroborated my daughter's testimony. The woman doctor listened to my daughter for more than two hours to collect her entire testimony. Two long hours during which my daughter had to have several breaks to calm her sobs. "But it was only for fun. It was all innocent. Dad isn't like that; he didn't know that it bothered me. And it's not as if it was his idea. No, it was hers; it's his girlfriend who has started it all. The first time when I saw her last year in Easter, she already started to take pictures of daddy and me when we were cuddling. This is true that sometimes I wasn't that happy. This is true that sometimes I wasn't that happy. I love daddy very much but I wasn't that much comfortable when he was kissing me on the lips in front of his friend. Plus it always was when mom wasn't there." "I knew it wasn't right, but mom was like she had seen nothing. She already knew my dad's friend, Elodie. She's working with him and she was used to come to eat at home. So mom knew her well and it was obvious that Elodie had been always sticky with dad. So I thought it was normal, that it was something between them. Elodie even told me that when daddy was all alone, mom knew that she had to help him looking after me. I trusted them at the time. I swear I believed them." My hands are clenched on the report; my eyes are stuck at the end of the line. My brain stalled again. As if the last words pushed it too far beyond his capacities and had broken something inside. Now there's this new emotion. The features of my face shrink, my eyebrows frown. I recognize it; it's the anger, this sudden growl which is growing in me. "It happened last summer for the first time. Mom was working; she's always working in July so she can get vacations in August. Daddy made me go to this summer camp. Mom didn't agree at first, but dad didn't want me to stay home alone. One day per weekend, dad and Elodie came to see me. He told me that mom had too much work for coming, but I thought it was unfair that Elodie was making the effort to spend some time with me and that mom wasn't. And yet I couldn't get along with Elodie. That's not she is nasty, no. She's just strange. When Dad hugs her, she keeps screaming and saying yucky stuff." "The thing with the photos really started there, at the summer camp. We have been to a lake, a small one. I didn't have a swimsuit but because we were alone, Elodie told me I had to keep only my panties on. She did the same and, so did daddy. And then she took pictures while we were all wet. And you know, when the undies are wet, we see everything through. I wasn't comfy but dad said nothing, so I have let her do. But it was so gross to see her big bush down there, and daddy's thingy was way too apparent. I could even feel it when she made me sit on daddy's lap. It didn't last too much that first time, so I did as I was told. But after, they took me over there every time. I know it was right to ask me to pose legs spread. But I haven't said anything before, so I didn't dare to say no then." "It did not help when mom had to go to my grandparents. Grandpa was sick and the whole time that mom stayed at their house, Elodie was home with dad and me. It was in October but even it was cold outside, Elodie kept the house warm and she wanted us to stay in undies. It was really not my thing especially because sometimes she was all in the nude and she had used to burst into my room or the bathroom without knocking. She also had used to let the door of my parent's bedroom opened. That's how I found out that they were having sex. After mom called us to say she had to stay another week there, I have even caught them doing dirty things in the living room." The memories of last year are coming back in my mind. My sorrow, the fear of losing my father. I read the story of my life, but seen in a distorting mirror. I missed so many things that I get the impression that there were holes in my memory in those times. "Elodie has kept taking pictures. She was always with her camera. At first I felt that dad wasn't comfortable about it either. But after a while he also asked to take pictures. That's how he asked me to hug Elodie and even kiss her. I don't like to kiss her, she smokes and she gets a bad breath. I really hated it when she has tried to push her tongue in my mouth. When mom came back home, she had lots of quarrels with dad. They were screaming all the time. It scared me, dad was so furious. And the more they were quarrelling, the more dad was pushing me to do naughty things in front of Elodie's camera after. I wanted to say no, I wanted to make it stop. But I couldn't tell my mom, she would be so sad and disappointed and angry against me."
"I knew that mom wasn't aware about what was happening. I resented her for letting dad have sex with Elodie, for not saying a word while he was blaming her for everything. And I resented her when she has let daddy convince her to go to visit my grandparents. It was last Easter and Elodie took advantage of the ten days that she could spend in our home. When she wasn't stalking us with her camera, she was doing dirty things with dad. She even asked me to take pictures of them while they were kissing. I was so lost. I couldn't understand why daddy let her play with his thingy in front of me. Even if it was through his shorts, I could see her hand rub it and stroke it." "Each one of their so-called hugs was an opportunity for their hands to run all over my skin. I can't say what has been the worst, Elodie's hands which touched me everywhere, even down there, or my dad's thingy that was always big and hard under my bum. After that I wanted to speak to mom, but I never got the nerve to do it. She and dad were already yelling and quarrelling all the time, how could I have told her." "And then it was summer again, mom didn't want me to send in the summer camp. She thought I was old enough to spend part of the day alone at home. But dad didn't want to listen to her. They screamed so loud that I was damn scared. As they did last year, Dad and Elodie came to see me every weekend but also on Tuesday. But things got even worse. We went to the lake and to a few other deserted places. From the first day, Elodie has undressed to go to the water. I mean completely, she even took her panties off. I had already seen her naked, but this was different. This time she wanted me naked too." "They both took a lot of pictures during all these days. I was naked most of the time, and so they were. It was no fun at all. Especially when Elodie pushed her fingers in my bum or in my... you know what I mean. She told me to do it to her but I cried. I just couldn't. Dad left me alone at first. But after a while, he even scolds me. He said it was all natural to be all naked. That's when I saw my dad naked. And his thingy was so big and hard and throbbing. They made me touch it and sit on it and a couple of times I felt it pushing against my bum hole. I begged them to stop it all but dad has scolded me. He kept saying that even mom knew I wasn't a little girl anymore." "But now mom is going really wrong. And I haven't been able to tell her anything. She had a fight with dad so that we can go to Héléna's home. This is the best holiday I've had since a long time. Mom said nothing, she should be mad at me because I haven't always been very nice but she didn't blame me. She will be OK, right? Please, can you tell me if she will be OK? I know you're going to question Dad and that he will have problems. But now he scares me and I don't want him to beat mom anymore. I saw him just before leaving for the summer camp; I saw he kicked her in the stomach. I should have reacted, I should have said something, but I haven't been brave enough. I feel so bad; I blame myself for all of it. If I had said no the first time..." I try to read the last paragraph but I feel too bad. I run into the restroom just in time to vomit all my stomach contents. I scream, I cry, I bang my hand on the floor. I can't handle it. The last lines echo in my head. The medical examination corroborated all my daughter's assertions. She's physically healthy. There are no sequels except for minor scars in her vagina which should disappear quickly. The woman doctor knows her testimony isn't complete but there's no need to make her explain aloud how she had her hymen broken. About the psychological versant, Sandra may need to meet a therapist. Regarding on the mother, me, a dozen of bone cracks and fractures have been detected. Only two aren't completely consolidated. The search of the house and of the goods of Mr. Duchamp, Alain, allowed to confirm the whole charges carried against him. Photos, movies, digital evidence, after two days of searching there is no more possible doubt about the guilt of my husband and his mistress. How did I manage to let my own daughter hide it all from me for over a year? What kind of mother am I? I have seen nothing. I have said nothing. Even worse, I have blamed my daughter for having kept me away from her. Héléna helped me to get up. She said nothing. She listened to me crying, sobbing. She stayed against me all the over the day, all over the night. She let me kill Alain and his bitch, over and over. She has been everything I needed, someone to support me and who ask nothing back.
The girls stayed with Léon and Cléo for the rest of the week and half of the next. Sandra and I spent half an hour on the phone. I needed to hear her; we deeply needed to hear each other. There still was a lot to say, but at that moment, we just needed to hear our voices. We were here for each other, it was only what mattered. Héléna stood by me all along the next days. Lawyer, doctors, policemen, all the time she stayed beside me, her hand to take mine to show me her support. She has been here for me, to help me to go through this crisis, this new step in my life. Wednesday noon, she drives me back home. I stare at her and I see it, her smile. This smile of the Sphinx, it's a soothing smile but which, at the same time, says that she knows, that she understands, and maybe that she even knows more. It's this smile which attracted me from the first time we met at the beach. All that she allowed me to live, all that she made me discover about me, about my life, my situation; all this led me right here. I walk out of the bathroom and I find her in the bedroom. I'm admiring that smile again, just facing her. The girls will come back tomorrow, but right now, her smile hypnotizes me. She asks me what I would like to do for the rest of the day. I glance at the bed, I blush. She blushes too and her smile grows bigger. |