| Awakening, Part 2 ****** [Lauren's awakening sexuality at about age 10.] Her mother June seeming to Lauren not open to talking to her about these things it Lauren felt alone, a bit scarfed but also embracing of what she knew from modern health classes were signs, perhaps early, of her being grown. Lauren looked at friends with a different eyes, spent sleep overs more attentive to what her friends looked like and talked about, accepted feelings for a teacher that led her to peer down her blouse, and feelings for friends' mothers too. And while Lauren was curious about boys, about penises, she felt things really exclusively for other females. ****** Nights were filled with tossing in bed, thinking of friends, teachers, mothers, strangers seen that day and finding herself touching all over and imagining them touching her, imagining touching them, kissing so strong a part of her imaginings even as her fingers dared under the panty she wore to bed and felt herself. Lauren felt little in masturbation, not even approaching the feelings sought in her thoughts. She thought often of tasting her fingers after feeling herself but resisted. And she continued to worry was her vulva larger than it should be. ****** That Lauren was undeniably pretty did not fail to be noticed though, even if she was just 10 and even though no one could know her inner turmoil. She had blandish hair that came to her shoulders and wide blue eyes and she did not see that her very full mouth was quite beyond that of most girls her age, including her friends. One who noticed was her friend Tisha who was the same age and had similar feelings to those Lauren had and also held them back for fear of being seen as different and liking girls. At sleep overs Tisha always took note of how Lauren looked and neither realized the special attention each gave to the other. For Lauren it was mainly because Tisha was a very very darkly complected African American girl. Her facial features were stereotypical with a full mouth, wide dark eyes, a flat nose; and she had "good" hair. And despite t her being stick-like as the other girls were still her rear came away from her firmly but more so. And when they kissed at those sleep overs as practice for boys each liked kissing each other a good degree more than that feeling came to them kissing the other girls. Lauren decided to invite Tisha over for a sleep over at Lauren's, without the company of other girls and Tisha accepted. June was glad to have this not at all thinking of anything between the girls beyond friendship and was glad to let them alone in Lauren's room at about 8PM. "I'll let you go into the bathroom and change first," Lauren said. They each got into PJS in the bathroom and got into their separate beds and for a long time engaged in talk about girls at school and school and homework and studiously did not talk about boys, which both girls noticed and was encouraged by. So each felt good to be so near a friend who might feel as she did wishing only that they could be together in one bed. |