Phoebe (fg Sist Ince)
"Hhihn!" I dropped my bra, and covered my boobs. "Chloe!" It's bad enough, when the boys stare at them.
"What?"
"You're my sister?"
"I know," she nodded, "But it's okay, I just want to see."
"Why?"
"Cause I don't got boobs, or hair on it?" She looked down, so I tried to cover that too, which just made me boob out on one side.
"You will." I turned around. "You're not turning gay, are you?" Picked up my robe.
"No, I just want to see."
"Why?"
"Cause I want to see, what I'll look like. Uh! I don't want to wait to see, and that's like years! Doesn't mean I'm gay."
"Well." I rolled my eyes. "Huh! Fine." I just turned around, and held my robe open. "See?" I belted it on. She giggled.
Then, "Thanks," she hugged me. My waist, so I patted her hair, and went to take a shower.
And it wasn't like. "Huh!" I just looked in the mirror. Okay, when boys look at me, or dirty pictures. Especially my hornball brother. "Uh!"
He even got our younger brother to do it too, but Chloe's not, pervy like that. Really, I just felt a little creeped out at first, I guess. But when I showed her, well I hope she's satisfied, but. I don't know, but that wasn't, so bad. Really. I didn't mind, we're sisters, and we see eachother naked all the time. So, I suppose it was just like she said.
I just forgot, looking at older girls myself when I was younger. I was jealous, they had all that neat looking stuff, like boobs, and boyfriends to hold hands, and kiss with. I was young, and naive, so I had no idea they're actually more trouble then they're worth. "UH!" They just like, replaced me? I even had friends, boys that we could hang out with, or our brother's friends, but still.
How am I supposed to even meet a boy, and fall in love now, when all they want to do is look at my chest, and think about sex? I mean, I want to have sex, some day, I guess. But boys, they just want to go straight to sex, and they can't see my bra now, because they just stop there, and get stuck. Yeah, I got boobs, but it's not like, me at all. I'm not just a nice pair of tits, and a pussy, so they never get to know me. I want them to love me, not just my body.
But they don't, then never will, because these things always get in the way now. "Snh!" I guess that's why I started crying. The thought of never finding real love, because they always get between us. I can't talk to boys, they can't hear me. "Uh huh?" I guess I missed my chance. I should have fallen in love before that happened, and they got so horny they can't.
I just didn't think about it. So yeah, if you could tell your 8 year old self something, anything, before it's too late? It's not too late, for Chloe. I should tell her, "Find love, before sex gets in the way." There, that's better, but now my face is all fucked up from crying. I'm ugly, no wonder nobody wants to look at my face. "Snh!" Better dry my hair, too. So they don't see me like this, I don't want anyone to. See me like this, because it makes me even uglier.
Chloe (fg Roma Fant. G Solo.)
"Nh!" I stopped when she came back, but then turned off the light, and got in bed.
Naked, she sleeps naked. I knew that, but now.
I can't stop thinking about it, since she showed me, how beautiful she is. I didn't lie, or I didn't mean to, I just didn't know. I'm gay. Nodding in the dark to myself, I want to touch myself some more, but it makes me grunt, so I wait, until she falls asleep.
I can't sleep, though. So, I remember when she was littler, before she got her period, and boobs, and started growing hairs on it. We used to play, well lots of games, but I remember 1. Boys and Girls, she said it was like practice, for when she got a boyfriend, and fell in love, so she knew how to kiss. So, she kissed me, but because she's always older, and taller, she played the boy. Just like she always played the mommy when we played house.
So, she pretended, that's what you do when you play, but. Since I saw them, real good this time, I just remember how her bathrobe felt, on my face, and her deep breath so they swelled, and she let it out. "Huh!" I decided, right then, I don't want a boy. I love her, I always did, but not as a sister now. Not any more, I want her to kiss me again, like we used to. But not as a boy.
I don't have boobs, so feeling my own flat chest didn't work. Just ribs, I can tell it's just me, but between my legs. I can't hear her snoring yet, but I guess she's asleep by now, and I don't have to make myself grunt. I don't have hairs either, but I wonder what those feel like? They don't look like her head hairs, and she shaves her armpits, but they don't have to be my fingers, either. Maybe, if she let me touch them, she'd get all hot like this, and want her to? Touch me like this.
"Huhhhh!" Just on the outside, but yeah. I'm still really warm, and puffy? It feels swollen, and still a little wet from my fingers, licking them with spit. But kind of sticky now, sticking together, so I lick my fingers again, for some fresh spit. "Nh!" Cover my mouth, but too late. I made myself grunt again, but that spot, in the top. Yeah, I better avoid that until she starts snoring again, but in the bottom. My finger's still wet enough, and it feels wetter in that hole, so I feel around that instead. It doesn't make me grunt, like my grunt button.
"Hhihm!" It just came out, cause I didn't think to cover my mouth, until I started giggling, but it's funny. Grunt button, yeah. Push the button for grunts. It's funny, so I like it, just stop giggling so I don't wake her up. I have to tell her, but not right now. Maybe in the morning, but right now I can think about her body, and instead of imagining what I'm going to look like. Like that, in the mirror, it's not me. It's her, untying her belt so her robe comes open, and spreading it wide for me, so I can hug her again, and feel her boobs all over my face.
But not in the robe, the warm fuzzy fabric, but that makes me think about her hair. In front, and what's under it. Maybe tickling my tummy, but then her hand. Feeling between us, and between my legs to touch me. Like this. So, I turn over, my bed is flat, but I have a pillow to put my face in. So, I can grunt, a little, and it's not too loud, but I can just imagine her, touching me between my legs, while my face is in her chest like this. And maybe wearing a sheet, or under a sheet, in bed, naked.
Like, right now, but I won't. I won't just get up, and go over to her bed. To get on top, and feel hem on my face through the sheet, and touch myself like this. "MH!" I didn't even touch it! My grunt button, I can't, but my finger went in. A little, but I wiggled it, and I was wrong again. That makes me grunt too, but it feels so good! "Hm hmhmhmh!" Especially when I hump it, my hand, and the palm feels so slippery, and I like that a lot. Just slipping in my hand, and humping my finger in me. Deeper, and deeper.
"Chloe?"
"Mh?" Air! "SNH! Huh?"
"Are you playing with yourself?"
"I can't sleep."
"Me neither." I heard her sit up.
Phoebe (fg Talk...)
"Huh!" I turned on the light. She turned over, and bunched up the pillow with her arm. But sideways, so she could look at me.
I picked up the sheet, but, what the heck. She saw me, naked. She's my sister, and she always saw me naked. "Do you think I'm pretty?"
"Of course!" She is!
"Well, then why do you think your ugly, then?"
"Because I am?"
"No your not, you're even prettier then me." I blushed. "It's true, everyone knows it."
"Then why do they make fun of me?"
"I don't know, cause there jealous? You make them look ugly next to you." Oh, gosh! "So, they just want to make you feel ugly, in revenge."
"You think so?"
"I know so."
"So," I shook my head, "Anyway, I was thinking in the shower."
"About us?"
"No," shake my head, "Uh, well, about boys, but." I had to think a minute then.
"You remember when we used to play boys and girls?"
"Yeah?" Of course! So, "I guess, like that." Only, with a real boy.
"Well, you want to play that again?"
"No, stop interrupting me, this is important, so listen." I had to remember, "Uh, so what I realized is, I waited until I grew up, and now that I'm so." I look down, and it feels kind of nice. Being half naked, like we used to, before I got all ashamed of my body.
"I told you, your not ugly."
"I know, thanks. No realy, thank you for that, but that's besides the point. What I ment to tell you is if you find love, then don't wait, until puberty gets in the way."
She sat up. "I won't." Then she stood up, naked. She really is very pretty, but skinny, and short, but she looks so red, and I expected her to sit down, next to me. Maybe hug me, to feel better, but I looked down. Sitting down, sideways with my legs up like that, I had to prop my arm up, but even on the bed, she just leaned over, and kissed me.
"Uh!" I almost fell down, but I pushed her back with my other arm. "Chloe!"
She looked down, and I did too, but again. I thought, no, it can't be, but I was right. I saw it. She wasn't just red, and it wasn't like blushing in shame. She was wet, I saw it, and my jaw dropped. I could smell it?
"I'm sorry." Then she sat down, "I didn't mean to lie, I just didn't think about it until you're in the shower."
"What?" I never should have played boys and girls with her.
"I'm gay, I just. I didn't know, when you asked me."
"Well, I'm not."
"I know, it's okay, but. You think maybe you could pretend, a little?"
"To be a lesbian?" I shook my head. "Why?"
"Because i don't know any, and I love you?"
"I love you too," you know, "But you're my sister!"
"I know, but I don't have to be. I could pretend, to be a boy for you?"
"Why?"
"Practice?" She shrugged, "So, I know what to do, when i get a real girlfriend."
"No," I shook my head, "Definitely not."
"Okay," she hugged me. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay," I patted her back, "And I'm glad you told me." We're sisters, and we promised a long time ago not to keep secrets from eachother. Eachother's secrets, but she doesn't lie to me, and I don't lie to her. "Good night Chloe."
"Good night," she finally went back to bed, so I turned out the light.
But you know, she's right? I'm not ugly, she's pretty, so of course I am too. I just believed it. They lied, she didn't. It's just these, stupid things got in the way, but for once i couldn't hate them. They felt, good for some reason? I mean, they're my boobs, so they feel like my boobs, but they never felt, good like this before?
And hot, so hot I had to push off the covers, but. "Snh!"
Was that me? I just smelled her, on my bed, and she sat on my bed with her crotch so wet it glistened, and I could smell her. But it didn't smell like her, and i was a little damp. "Snh?" So yeah, that was me.
"Mh!" She grunted in her pillow again. "Mh nh!"
So, "Huh!" Fuck it. If she's going to do it.
Kind of weird though, she starting before me. I mean, she got her own interests, and does other things, and now she thinks she's a lesbian, but she's 8 years old. Maybe it's just a phase, but she's right, I'm not ugly, I'm pretty, and that, turned her on? Oh my god, she didn't. She isn't, thinking about me, is she?
"HhHhH!"
That, felt nice!
I could pretend, to be a boy for you.
I shouldn't have, I just didn't think it would make her gay.
She's my sister! But, she could pretend. Used to pretend I was a boy, bending down to kiss her.
"Hhhh!"
Good, my boobs feel like they're gonna catch fire, if i keep, thinking like this. So stop it. "Mh?"
Her cute little grunts, touching herself, though.
What is she thinking about?
"HhHhH!"
My boobs, touching my boobs, and maybe her little hands between my legs? She looked so wet, and red, without any hair to hide it, she was so hot for me, and god ! just feel so sexy!
`mHmHmHmH!" God she shook the whole bed. Is she?
"Chloe?"
"Mh?" She panted.
"Did you just, orgasm?"
"Mhm?"
Thinking about me.
Before me, 5 whole years before me? So, I guess I have a little catching up to do...
I'm even a little jealous. I bet it's a lot easier, if you're gay. Then you don't have to worry about talking to boys.
:
Chloe (fg Kiss Talk NS)
Smack! "PERVERT!"
"Sorry."
"Get back here you little!"
"I'm sorry!"
"I TOld you! But YOU. DIDn't. GET the MESSage!"
"It was aHAAA! On accident!"
"Don't give Me that BULL shit!"
I thought it sounded like. "Nihihihn!" She was!
"Uhuhuhuh!" He ran off, crying.
"You spanked him!?" I laughed.
"I had to," but she didn't look mad any more. Then, she stood up, and.
"Hnm?"
Grabbed me, and kissed me, and I just melted.
"Mwhat," I wiped my mouth, "Wmas that for?"
"I don't know," she shook her head, "I just felt like it."
So, I followed her back to our room.
"You want to talk about it?"
"He touched my boob!"
"You think your gay now too?"
"No!" She shook her head, "Uh, no."
"Then why'd you kiss me? It's okay, I don't mind." I'm just confused.
"Chloe?"
"Hm?"
"You ever wonder, what it feels like?"
"Yeah." I mean, "What?"
"You know," she leaned in, to whisper. `A boner?'
"No!" I giggled, "Ew?"
"Hahaha, I guess not."
"I'm gay?" I reminded her, "Why, did you feel his?"
"No, uh!" She made a face, "He's my brother!?" Yeah, they're twins, though. So, there the same age, so. "Yeah, but maybe if you practiced with him, maybe it'd get it out of his system."
"You mean?" I just nodded. "Oh! No, I don't mean touching one. I ment feeling it. What it must feel like, to have one."
I covered my giggle, "Mihim! A penis?" Shook my head, but she nodded.
"And muscles, and a hairy chest," she felt her neck, "And you know. Short hair?"
"Like a boy."
"Yeah," she shrugged, "I read this book, you know. Freud?" I shook my head. "Well, he said, I mean, he called it Penis Envy, but you think, maybe I have that?"
"How should I know? I don't even want to look at one." You know, I'm gay? "But," I thought, "You think, maybe it's the same thing?"
"What?"
I knew it. I always did, but I didn't think about it. Before, but now it just makes sense, "You know, how you're like a boy, trapped in a girl's body?"
"Yeah. That's it."
And that's how I knew. "Yeah." I just didn't think about it until she said it. She's not like my sister at all, she's just another big brother.
"So, you want to go out, and play?"
"Sure," I got up.
"Boys and girls?"
"Yeah!" But she doesn't look like a boy, she's got boobs, but if she wants to play the boy again, that's fine with me. So, we went out, to play in the playhouse. It's small, since it's for kids, so she has to bend her head down unless she stands up in the middle, but then she pulls me in, and kisses me.
So, it's not gay, cause she's a boy. That makes sense, so we can play again.
As long as I get to feel her boobs, and maybe her hairs, in her pants. She always wear pants, too, I just didn't think about it. "Yeah." I nod up.
"Uh," she felt my chest. "You mind being a boy too?" I don't have any. "Huh! I just realized, I'm gay too. Being a boy, so it's okay. You not having any, cause boys don't, you know?"
"No," I'll just keep being a girl with a girl, but she can pretend to be a boy with a boy.
"Uh," I felt her pants, "Can I take these off?"
"Yeah, okay."
And undershorts, I thought she was gay too, because I hear lesbians wear boxer shorts. Well, so do boys, but I'm not that kind of girl. I like panties, they fit better, so I can feel myself warm up, and start swelling inside them. They feel dry, but I know how to fix that too. Just like last night, I just have to lick my fingers, and pretend. Well, like they're lips, her lips, but not her mouth. Kissing me, so not right now, but when we're done with that, and I can get my hands in her shorts to see if she's wet...
Phoebe (ftGf NS Teen LesB Talk)
"Oh my God!" I knew they'd make fun of my hair. "You look like a lesbian. Hahahah!"
Fine, okay, whatever. Not like they like me anyway, and that means they won't try to hit on me, thinking I'm a lesbian. I'm not, I'm gay, but I really don't want to explain I'm gay for boys. Because I feel like a boy.
"Uh! What's with the mummy wrap?"
I just pull at the ace bandage, and shift it around while I got my shirt off.
"Huh! I don't have a sports bra." Point at hers. "Like that, I just don't want them bouncing around like basketballs in gym."
"Oh."
Shrug, and turn back to my locker.
"You want to borrow one?" I looked, but she pulled her shorts off under her skirt.
"Probably wouldn't fit me, what size are you?"
"Nhnhnhn! Is that, a jock-strap?"
"Ahuhuhuhuh!" sarcastic, "Yeah." Turn back to the locker, and pull my pants out.
"What's that for?"
"To hold a cup." Duh.
"Yeah, but. You're a girl, it's not like you got balls to protect." Thanks for reminding me.
"Yeah?" She shrank back, "Well you ever get hit in the twat?"
"Mh?" She shook her head.
"Yeah, well it still hurts. So, you might want to get one, anyway."
So, I dropped my shirt on, and buckled up my belt. Shifted the cup in there to get it in the right place, and threw my sweats back in my bag.
"Hey, Phoebe, right?"
"Yeah," till I think of something else. "What?"
"Nothing, I just. Well." She looked down, "I didn't really believe it, when I heard."
"What?" Which one? They all talk about me, but at least with my chest bound down, they don't look at me, as much.
"You know," she tippy toes up, `you're a lesbian?'
"Is that right?" I shook my head, and walked off.
"It's okay," she caught up. "Me too."
"Well, I'm not."
"Then what's with the hair, and the boy's underwear, and."
"Wait." I stopped. "You want to go to the bathroom?"
"Yeah." she blushed, and bit her lip.
"Huh!" The girl's room, "No. To talk, I just need to get something off my chest."
"What?"
I checked the stalls first, but all the doors flapped open, unlocked.
"I'm not a lesbian, I'm a boy."
"Hihihn! No you're not! I seen you naked."
"Well, I mean inside. Huh! I feel male inside, but also gay, for boys."
"Really?" She sighed, "Well, that's weird."
"It's okay," I hugged her.
"Hihn!" She relaxed, and at least didn't start crying.
"You're really a lesbian?"
"Yeah, I just didn't know anyone to tell."
"Well, feel better?"
"Yeah." She looked up, "Um, I know you're not, and that's okay."
"But," that sounded like a but.
"But, you don't know any more?"
"Well, it's actually funny you asked that, because that's what I brought you in here to talk about."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, um. The thing is, my sister is too, so. Maybe you want to talk to her about it? After school."
"Your twin sister?"
"Oh, hah. No, we're brothers. I mean, I have a twin brother."
"Oh," she pouted.
"My little sister."
"How little."
"Uh?" I held up my hand.
"You mean like a little girl?"
"4th grade." I nodded. "But not to go out with, she's just got the same problem. Being gay, and having nobody else to talk about it. I mean besides me, but I thought she might like a lesbian friend, to talk to about it."
"Oh," the bell rang anyway. "Maybe, after school?"
Skipped the shower, but it's still just about 5 minutes.
"Yeah, meet me here?"
"Yeah, great." She left, "See ya."
"Good." I had lunch, but it made me uncomfortable. Not like Chloe, because she's my sister, and understands me better, but being lusted after like that. From another girl, a lesbian, it makes me feel girly, and I hate that. Always did, but now I want to feel manly. I'm finally ready to start thinking about it, and I don't want to do any of that stupid girl stuff, so even though I know she has homeroom, instead of lunch, I really don't want to hang out with her. Or girls any more, other than my sister.
Chloe (Fg Mole Cons. Virg.)
"Mrs Katz?"
"Yes, Chloe?"
"Are you gay?"
"No, why would you ask?"
"Because of the way, you touch me." She stopped. "No," I moved her hand in my lap again. "It's okay."
"You don't mind?" She kept feeling my skirt.
"No," I like it. Sitting in her lap, like this. After school, "I even act up, a little." So she has to talk to me, after class. "Hhn!" I just put my head down, on her shoulder. "Snh!" Smell her hair. She's old. Too old really, and she's my teacher, but I really want to, feel boobs now, and her hands. Up my skirt, between my legs. So, I spread them, "You can touch me," feel her bra. "If you like." I kissed her neck.
"Oh, Chloe." Finally, she slipped my skirt up. "HhHhH!" I could imagine, she's not. So old, I don't care, if she touches me. I can imagine, it's Phoebe. He doesn't want to, since I'm not a boy, so he always stops before he gets to my underpants.
"Hih!"
"Is that all right?" I just nod, and kiss her neck again. "Now, I'm going to pull them down, okay?"
"Yeah," I scooched, and hugged her. "Huh! Touch me."
"Okay." She felt my butt, first. I sat sideways, so she could pull my skirt up, and my panties down, but she felt. Between my legs with her nails. "Nh!" I just put my mouth in her collar "MH!" Bit it, it hurt, but it was okay. "HhHhH!"
It was my virginity, and then it was gone. There, I wasn't a virgin no more. "Smp!" She licked her finger, but I already felt wet. "Mh!" Then she pulled my hair, not hard, it didn't hurt, but just so I'd stop biting her jacket, and I could suck her finger. "Mhm!" I nodded. Closed my eyes.
"Mrs. Katz?"
"Yes, Chloe?"
"Can I taste you now?"
"Of course," she kissed me. Then she got up, and bent over her desk. Pulled her skirt up, so I could pull down her panties!
"Oh!" It was wrinkly, but I could smell it. So, I just closed my eyes, and held my breath.
"Oh, Chloe! Yeas Chloe, oh yes!"
Good, she liked it. I'm glad, I never done this before, but I found her grunt button in the bottom.
"OAHHH!" But it didn't make her grunt.
I should've known. The first time she held me back, made me stay after class, to spank me, then sit in her lap. My but still hot from her spanking. Well, let's see how you like it!
"UH!" That made her grunt, "Chloe!"
"Hihihn!"
She's a bad teacher. I should have known, how she liked to touch me, when I was crying. But that's okay, it made me gay, so I'm glad.
She tried to get up, so I spanked them again.
"Ow, stop!"
"Why!" I laughed, "You like spanking me."
"Little shit!"
"Uh!" I looked up, from the floor.
"Oh, I'm sorry." She covered her mouth, "I'm so sorry!" She picked me up. "Please don't tell anyone."
"You hit me!"
"Promise you won't, why I could lose my job!"
"Okay," I smiled. "Nhihin!" I don't have to, when she molested me. "Just don't hit me again." I got up, and rubbed my face again. "I have to go home now."
"Okay, Chloe." She sat down. "But remember what you said about this. You promised."
"I won't say anything about you hitting me." I nodded.
"And about," she looked away, "The other thing."
"No," I won't keep that secret. "Of course not."
She's too old for me anyway. But at least I got to, touch real ones, and taste a real pussy, but, pulling my underpants up I realized I'm not even wet. Not really, I'm bloody, and it hurt.
"Huh!" I ran to the office.
No, I have to tell, because then I thought. She doesn't love me, that's what I really want. She likes to hurt me, make me cry so she can feel me up in my lap, and probably the other kids too. She didn't lie, she's not a lesbian either.
She's a bully.
But she broke my virginity, I'm bleeding. I have proof.
"So," I told my sister, "That's why I'm late." And her friend, "Who's this?"
"Oh," she held out her hand, "I'm Jill." She leaned down, to whisper, `And I'm gay, too.'
"Oh!" out there in front of everyone! Well, walking home, but a lot of kids, anyway. And parents, too.
"Come on, let's get you 2 home."
I skipped the whole way.
Jillian (Gg Lesb.)
So, before the cops left. "I never had her, but I guess I knew kids that did."
"Lucky they got to her first." Phoebe shook her fist.
"Haha," or his fist, not sure on the pronouns, yet. "Yeah. Child Molestor."
"Wrinkled up old twat!"
Well, there's something I don't ever want to think about again.
"Ehim! So, um I guess she's not a Pedophile."
"Yeah she is, she molested me!"
"Nu uh," I shook my head, "She's a child molestor, but that's not the same thing. I read about it," to see what was wrong with me, like Phoebe, "A Pedophile is like. Well it means child lover, but they want to like date you. A child, but. Yeah, like 1 child until you get too old. Mrs. Katz is more like a." I forget, what there called.
"A bully."
"Yeah," snapped my fingers, "A Sadist."
"What's that?"
"Somebody that likes to hurt you, but their brain is all mixed up, so it turns them on."
"Yeah, that."
"So, it's like being gay, or transexual?"
"Yeah, I guess. But children, uhm. Well, I guess she's not." What's the word, "Well, like a Pedophile," that specific kind, that likes a specific type, "Uhm, she just hurts kids because we're weak, and easy to hurt, so she picks on us."
"Yeah, like a bully."
"Yeah, like a bully. Only it's called Sadist."
"Oh," she looked at me, "Only you're not like a kid, right?"
"Well, no. I guess I'm, almost a teen."
"You don't have boobs."
"Well, I do. I'm starting to, it's just the lycra."
"What's that?"
"Spandex? I'm wearing a sports-bra, so they don't show."
"Why not?"
"Well, I hated my training bra, and this is more comfortable." I felt it, "Uh!" It was getting kind of clingy with sweat. "So, you two live around here?"
"Right around the corner," Phoebe nodded, "We're almost there."
"You want to go play in the playhouse?"
"Play what?"
"Well," she blushed, "I don't know, maybe we can make up our own game?' She grinned. "You think I'm pretty?"
"Yeah," I guess, "But you're." She pouted, "Well, you just got molested by your teacher?"
"So?" She nodded, "I liked it, I always did. She made me gay."
"Then why'd you make her stop, and get her arrested?"
"Because, she hurt me?"
"Oh," that made sense. "But I'm not."
"Yeah huh! You said you're gay, did you lie, or did you lie just now?"
"No, I mean. I'm not a child molestor." I just explained the difference.
"So? You're a kid too."
"No, I'm a." Not a teen really, but close enough. "I'm a young lady."
"Well," she giggled. "Come on." Phoebe reached over the fence, to unlock it, but she took her bag, and went in the front.
"Nice playhouse." Wish I had one when I was a little girl.
"Yeah, and it's private. The boys won't come in because there boys, we just have to be quiet."
"Huh!" I just shut the door, "Okay. I guess I can play a little girl." I really missed having such a nice playhouse. It even had lights, so I turned on the switch.
"You want to play teacher?"
"I guess?"
"Yeah, you talk like a teacher." She got right up, in front of me. Looking down, cause I sat down. On a little toy chair, the boards under the roof kept hitting my head on the sides, so I sat down. "It's really sexy."
"Yeah?"
She sat in my lap, "Yeah." Grabbed my hand, and put it in her's. "What's your last name?"
"Thorton?"
"You wanted to see me, mrs. Thornton?" She rubbed her legs with my hand.
"Huh!" I pulled it out, "I told you, I'm not a child molestor."
"I know,' she rolled her eyes, "It's just pretend."
"Well, I don't want to pretend to be, either."
"Okay, I can be a boy, then."
"I don't want to have sex with you."
"It's not sex," she giggled, "It's pretend. Just practice, for when you get a real girlfriend. Didn't you ever practice, kissing and stuff with your friends?"
"Well," my face heated up, "Yeah." How I found out I'm gay, "But they're not my friends no more."
"Because you're gay, and there not."
"Uh huh?"
"Well, I am. And you are. So, maybe we can just practice kissing, for when we both get girlfriends."
"Huh!" Maybe.
"Aren't you hot?"
"Well yeah. It's hot in here."
"Yeah, so why don't you take your shirt off?"
"Well," I do have my sports bra on, under it. And it is hot, and "Okay." Maybe, it wouldn't hurt to pretend, for a little while.
"You know what it's like, don't you."
"Oh, yeah." I remember, "I really just wanted someone to talk about it with. Who understands."
"Yeah, well you know how it feels, wanting to kiss a girl, and feel boobs, but not ever getting the chance?" She looked down, and raised her eyebrows, twice. Grinned and bit her lip.
"All right," or have another girl look at them, like boys do. Why I hide them under baggy shirts in the first place, I don't want a boy to look at me, like that.
But, she's not a boy, and when she asked me, if I thought she looked pretty. "Yeah." So I started pulling it off. "Help me out of this. Huh!" That felt better.
"Can I touch them now?"
"Yeah, okay." Like Phoebe, only not like a boy. She doesn't even think she's a boy, and I guess I was just nervous. "You can kiss me too." That's all it was. "Hnh!" I guess, she just had to get me in the mood, is all.
Chloe (gG Cons)
I guess you don't always get what you wish for, exactly. I wanted Phoebe, but she wants to be a boy, and Mrs Kats wanted to be a sadistic bully. She doesn't have boobs, even without the sports bra, there not flat. She's not a boy, and doesn't even look like a boy, but they just stick out. They don't hang, or boob at all. I figure that's why there called that, they bounce around, but she's not really that old yet.
Oh well, I got to feel real boobs before, and I can take what I can get. I just would've liked more, is all. But, "Ooh!" Nice nipples though. Big ones, and there not white like mine. Or brown, or pink, or even dark really. Tan? I guess, but they got warm real quick, and a little redder I guess. When her blush spread down to them. "Hihinihn!" They felt so, puffy? Not like hard, or soft, but hard and soft, and the same time, so there was something to play with, at least.
"Uh!" Wow, she was really red! "You want to try, sucking on one?"
"Oh yeah!" So, I got on the floor, and her legs were in the way. So, I spread them, and held my hands on her lap. "Shlup!" I looked up. "Like that?"
"Nh!" She blinked, "Yeah, do that again." She felt my hands, but she didn't push them off, or move them up her lap, but I kind of had to hold myself up. "Mh yeah. Just keep doing that." So, I went back and forth. "I don't want to pretend."
"Mhm!" It slipped out when I nodded.
"Huh! I was nervous, but I don't have to pretend, you're a boy, or I'm a teacher. Chloe?"
"Yeah?" I stood up.
"It's okay." She felt my face. "I don't mind if you're so young, but go slow, okay?"
"Okay," I nodded.
"Hhuh!" She leaned in, "Kiss me."
"Okay." She's kissing better. Or learning to, kiss back? Yeah, she didn't kiss back before, so that's nice.
"Huh!" I felt her chest some more, since I don't have to lean over. She did, and held my hips, so we kept kissing, and I felt her wet nipples. "Hhuh!" She nodded.
Gosh, her neck was hot, even hotter then her chest, and face, and her hair smelled nice, I guess. Kind of in the way, so I got up, in her lap, and pulled her hair out of the way. Hearda necking, so I tried that, and it was okay, but she really liked it, and I could feel her chest while I kissed and licked it. Still pretty wet? I tried slipping it around, like my bump in front. When I got it wet enough, but it slipped around pretty good, and "Huh!" Yeah, she liked that too.
Can't really touch both of them, though. So, I stopped trying, and pulled my skirt up my lap. "Hhihn!" It ticles, I'm real ticklish there, but the air felt really cold on the inside of my thighs. Even though it's not, it's really hot in there. So, I got up, and pulled my dress off.
"Huh!' She shook her head, "Huh huh!" Reached out, "Can I touch you?"
"Oh yeah," I just stepped right into her hand, "Please!" It felt good, not like my knees got weak, but I just bent over to kiss her, and feel her nipples some more. My panties felt real hot in my fingers, though. "Hhuh!" I had to catch my breath. "You have any hair, in yours?"
"Yeah," she smiled, got up, but bent over, and slipped her skirt down.
"Can I taste you?" I licked my lips.
"Uh," she looked around, "You don't have a bed in here, or anything."
"Nobut, I think the old crib is still up in the attic, if you want me to go get it." Have to put my dress on, though.
"No, I just don't want to lay on the dirty floor."
"Oh," just boards, but I hadn't swept in a long time, either. "You don't have to, if you bend over the table."
"Like this?"
"Yeah." I pulled her undies down. "Snh! Wow, you smell wonderful!"
"Delicious?"
"Yeah," one way to find out. "Lhm!" I nodded, "Mhm!" It was! Like Mrs. Katz, only not as old, and wrinkly. "Huh! Snh!" Just a breath.
"Nh! That feels nice."
"Hmh!" I had to feel for her grunt button.
"MH?"
"Halm!" Licked my lips, "That okay?"
"Yeah, do that again?"
"Okay!" I held her hips, and went back in until my neck got tired.
Yeah, this is what it's all about! I kind of have to wonder what it feels like too, but not enough to stop. I try to rub my underpants in, until they get wet, but they don't. Just shrug, whatever. Just put my hands back down, later. Right now, I got a face full of the most wonderful flavor I ever tasted, and it goes up my nose so I know I'm gonna smell it for hours.
Like mine, when I wiped it out with my finger, and put it in my nose, to smell it for hours. All the time, it started wearing off, so I had to go find somewhere to get my hands in my panties, and stick it in my nose again, but this wasn't mine. This was her's she doesn't even smell like me, she smells stronger, cause she's older, and I can suck it straight out.
So it even tastes stronger, and stronger. So I blow out on her butt before I slip my nose back down, and in as deep as it'd go. Just to "SNHHHHH!" And lick down to her grunt button.
"Nh neah, yeah!" So, I lick it more. "Yeh ah! Faster, faster! Hah, ahh, AHHhhh!" I have to hold on, her hips, cause she starts humping the table so hard, it stuck my nose in her butt. So I had to find her hole again, and get my tongue back on the grunt button. No, there.
"Nh hn! Mhhhhhhh!" I think she held her breath that time, or tried to, so it wasn't so loud, but I tasted it, dribble out a little, on my tongue, and I never smelled so much sex in my life! It kept pushing out, on my nose!
So I can. "SNHHHHHHH!"
"Huh! Uh uh, stop!" She fell off the table. "Ngh hih!" She just shook on the floor for a few, until she could catch her breath.
"Huh!" I just put my arm down, on the table, and licked my fingers to get them in my underpants.
"No." She topped me. Put her hand on my butt, and pulled the wasteband down. "Get on the table."
"Okay." She turned me over, on my back, and I put my feet up on hers.
"Hihih!" Her hair tickled, but she didn't stop. "IhiheehaHAhaha!" She shook her head, but didn't stop kissing me, and her hair tickled so much, I had to cover my mouth until I couldn't breathe. Just laugh, silently, and she stopped because she thought I was orgasming. "Hih! Hih! Hih!" I pulled her hair back. "You got a hair tye or something?" I can't possibly feel anything else like that, but she shook her head. "Well, I think I figured out why we cut our hair."
"Oh," she got it. "Tickles too much?"
"Yeah, and it's a turnoff." I sighed, "I'm not even horny no more."
"Oh, sorry."
"Live and learn," I got up, and pulled on my panties. "Can you hand me my dress?"
"Okay."
"Let me cut your hair, my scissors are in my backpack." From cutting Phoebe's this morning. "And I think I need something to drink."
"Okay," she licked her lips.
"You thirsty too?"
"Oh no. I don't want to wash the taste out."
"Huh!" I sniffed. "Hihim! I'm gonna smell you for days now!"
"Yeah," she kissed me. "I love your nose. Literally!"
"HehahAHA!" She ticked me, but then we went out, and up to the back porch. "Okay, play it straight. My parents don't know yet.
They're yelling at Phoebe anyway, so I skipped the coolaid, and just went upstairs quick, while we had the chance.
Jillian (Gg NS Lies.)
She got a quick shower, so I waited in her room, and tried not to listen to them yelling. It was loud, and I heard enough to tell what it was about, but I couldn't stay turned on with all that. So, I pulled my hand out, and fixed my underwear.
I need to think anyway, but that was incredible! Better than I ever dreamed. It never felt like that, just playing with myself, but I guess because I can just get my fingers down there, and I kind of missed the chance to really go down on her.
Cause of my hair, probably why they started fighting, but Phoebe can really yell too, and maybe not as short as that. I don't want to look like a boy, it just got in the way, and. What's cock-blocking for girls? I don't know, but that's what happened. Cunt-blocked? Muff. "Um?" I don't know, but I really want to try that, now I know what it feels like.
"Hihn!" So, I just hug her pillow, and smell her hair on it. I hope she doesn't want to cut her's, since it's so beautiful, and smells so nice. Is it too early to call it? Well, I can still feel this, I just had the most mindblowing orgasm of my whole entire life, and maybe I better wait until I can think clearly before I start believing it, but it feels like.
Love?
I don't know, sex. Definitely, that's what sex feels like, but maybe now's not the time to think about love.
Oh and, "Hihihihn!" I feel like a child molestor. "Hiiiihn! Shnnnh!" I didn't want to, but now that I do. I'm a lesbian, I knew that, and it took me a while, to get over that. All by myself, but now that I felt it. This. "Yeah," I like it. But she's so young!? Yeah, well she likes it to. Not like creepy old miss Katz, guess we know now why she never got married, but I'm not even a teenager yet.
I'm older, though, and I like. I really like, no I love her young little body. Her smooth bare poreless skin is absolutely perfect, and even her little baby belly. She's 8 ask me why she still has that, not a bit of fat on her body, but it's so cute, and it makes me feel so pervy, I love it. I love a little girl, and she even liked playing with nasty ass Katz, so I even feel a little older.
Is that it? It makes you feel older? Yeah, I knew there was such a thing, and I never looked at little girls like that before. You know, some of the younger prettier teachers, the older girls in Gym, the ones with boobs, and then the ones with more boobs. Like Phoebe, it seems a shame she hates them so much, because I'll take them.
Not just big, but round, and perky, and bouncy. "UH?" I think that was a door slamming, but they're done yelling, anyway, and how long does she take in the shower, anyway? Is that crying? Who's room is that, next door. It's not a boy, but this is Phoebe's room, so I grab a glass, "Ugh!" Stale water, but now it's empty enough to listen.
"Oh!" I jump, but it's just Chloe. Or not just Chloe, Chloe in just a couple towels, so she has to get dressed now.
"Hihnhn!" She pulls it off, and mooned me!"
"Hihin!" Cute little butt too, so I grab it quick, and she straightens up.
"Hahihm!" She laughs in both hands, but then I hear someone coming in the hall, and jump back on the bed.
"What're you doing in here!" her dad, "Put some goddamned clothes on!"
"Sorry, dad!" She pulled the towel off her head to cover herself. "If you'll just let me?"
"Who're you?"
"I'm Jill." I hopped up, "I'm just helping her with an assignment." Blocked the door, so she could have some privacy.
"Der Ratzinger," She said behind me. I looked back, but she just dropped another dress on. "She had Mrs. Katz, so she already did that assignment."
"What's that?"
She pulled out a book from the shelf. "Like the Pied Piper?" Of Hamlin, she held it up. "Yeah, but the German Version, so it's a little different."
"Yeah, so we have to compare, and contrast the 2 stories."
"And what're you wasting water for, taking another shower in the afternoon?" Now, he's just looking for something to be mad about.
"Nh!" Wow, she's good at crying. "I heard you yelling, and it scared me." Or acting like it.
"Hh," he hugged her head, "I'm sorry, honey. I didn't mean to scare you?"
"Where's Phoebe?"
"I guess she just needed to take some time." He growled, "To rethink her Life Choices!"
"Oh, okay."
"Well, we need to get to the library anyway." I pushed in. "Before it closes, you know. For our assignment? Yeah, so if you don't mind."
"No," he stepped out, "Not at all."
"And I left my paper over at my house, so we're gonna go study over there, where it's quieter."
"Huh," he closed the door, and walked off.
"Hihim!" She covered her laugh.
"Hahaha!" I didn't bother, "We make a great team!"
Turns out her mom was crying, but her dad gave us a ride to the library. Which is cool, because nobody hangs out there, and I can use the phone to call my mom to come get us.
"Yeah," I leaned over in the back seat, to whisper, `i want to molest you right now.'
"Nihihihn!" I love her giggles! I didn't touch her, but I wasn't lying.
"Okay!?" She nodded.
`but your dad right there.'
`yeah.' she grabbed my hand, but I pulled it out. As pissed as he got at Phoebe, then seeing me alone with her naked, I was too scared. He might beat me to death, I just wanted to turn her on, but now I bet she was thinking about it, at least.
"Pst!"
"What?" I leaned over.
`you want to play nurse?'
`yeah,' I could imagine, but `how do you play that?'
`the nurse had to check. At school, but she's old too.'
I thought, maybe she was getting her period. "Oh," I sat back. "Yeah!" And I got lucky. Didn't get much of a chance, to taste her, but I did taste that.
Is it gross? Actually, i don't even know. I mean yeah it's supposed to be, and I'm not a wanna be vampire like the goth kids at school, but I like it. Even before I started bleeding, well on my period, everyone bleeds when you cut yourself, but I liked to suck it. The cuts, even picked the scabs off, because it tingles. I like the taste too, but it doesn't tingle unless it's fresh, from the cut. Oxidization, I guess, maybe that's what I'm tasting, but she didn't tell me. That.
She just said she molested her, but the nurse had to check. Now what would the nurse have to check, that would make her taste like blood, when she's not on her period?
Thank god it wasn't that long a ride, because I had to squeeze my legs together, to keep from stinking up the car. Maybe she has a scab in there from it, I don't know if it scabs inside, I still never had my tongue in a twat yet, but i tasted it, on her. Licked my lips. "Here's fine." We have to run across the parking lot, but at least we're out of that stuffy car, and away from her dad. He drove off as soon as she shut the door.
"She took your virginity?"
"I'm sorry."
"You didn't even meet me yet, so I can't say how you'd think to save it for me."
"Oh," she thought, "Yeah."
"Come one," the restrooms are right by the doors, and it's just a Girls room. And a boy's room, but not like a big one, with stalls, and sinks. Just a toilet, sink, and mirror with a lock on the door. So, we have it to ourselves. I sat down, wish it had a lid.
"So Chloe," I pulled her over, "What seems to be the problem?"
She grinned, and looked down. "I think I got my period."
"You mind if i have a look?" She shook her head. In pigtails, so I could hold them, in my hands while her head bobs up and down between my legs. Later, for now I have a patient to look after.
"It's okay," I lifted her skirt, "I'm a nurse, so there's no reason to feel nervous."
"Hhih!" She shivered, but was already getting hot.
"Now, let me just get these underpants out of the way."
"Mhm?"
"I'm going to have to touch you, all right."
"Hn!" she nodded, and whispered. `please.'
My hand shook a little, but I could just imagine. She really was just a confused little girl, and she doesn't know what to think about all these strange feelings. I was about eleven, but then again. That would make me older too, right?
"Huh!" That's weird, the first time I felt older, but I guess that's the nice thing about playing pretend. With a little girl, but I certainly didn't become the school nurse at twelve, right?
"Uh!" My finger slipped out, but I brushed her tiny pinprick of a clit, so she grunted. "Nihin!" She covered her mouth. "Grunt button."
"What?"
"That's what i call it. My grunt button, because it makes me grunt."
I gasped, "Why Chloe," covered my mouth, "Have you been touching yourself?"
"Mhm?" She nodded.
"Inside?"
"Sorry," She swayed her waist, "I know I'mm not suposta, but. Nh! It feels so good."
"Well, it's all right. Lots of girls play with ourselves." She looked up, "But unfortunately, that arouses another possibility. So, I'm afraid I'm going to have to take a closer look."
"Okay."
"Did you masturbate recently?"
"That's how I found it."
"The blood, was it coming out before you masturbated?" She shook her head.
"After."
"Did you feel anything break in there, or scratch something with your nails?"
"Oh no, I used a pencil."
"Oh," hadn't thought of that. "A sharp one?"
"No, the erasor, but when I pulled it out, I started bleeding. Do you think I broke something? Please don't tell my mom?"
"I will have to check, so go ahead and take your dress off."
"Okay." She turned to hang it over the handicap bar. I wanted to feel her cute little but, and tummy, but I didn't. It would be out of character, and I suppose this is just like acting. Just like a child molestor, and I pushed up real quick to flip my skirt back.
Maybe it's a good thing it has a seat but not a lid. "Hhh!" But she's adorable, especially with her underpants halfway down to her knees, and turning back to me, with the brad on one side flipping back over her shoulder to look at me. Down at me, I like sitting down like this too. So she's taller, but also it's easier to see her cute body, feel her young pale smooth hairless skin.
"HhHhH!" My hand shook, but she smiled, and leaned over to kiss me first, and I couldn't keep my hands off of her. Well, I suppose I could, but I didn't want to.
Game over. I suppose if the point is to get us both in the mood, that did it.
She spread my legs, "Help me up," and slipped her panties off. Then she got up, on my lap, but standing on my legs so I could hold her butt, and she could put her hands up on the wall.
She's not that small, or that much smaller. She even bent her knees a little, so her cute red hot puffy baby cunt split open right in front of me, and all I had to do is put my head back.
Oh yeah, she took a shower. So, she tasted soapy, not bloody, but I was more interested in seeing if I could feel any scab in there. "Hhuh!" I had to wiggle it around, and push in pretty deep.
"Nh, use your fingers." She scooted back. "Your nails."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, I think she scratched it, but then she stopped, before she got all of it."
"You want me to?"
"Yeah, take the rest of it." She moved in again, "I think I saved most of it for you." I felt it, with my pinky. "And lick my grunt button real good, too."
I think, "Yeah."
"Ngh!" I looked up, but she nodded. "Don't stop." So I twisted my nail a little. "NGH! No." I stopped, "Huh!" It, squeezed? When she gasped. "Nh don't stop, licking my grunt button."
I pulled it out, though. Saw the pink whisp, in my spit. Not really all that bloody, but fresh, and a little on one of her lips. "Smp!" I could get more, to, so I lapped that up before I settled on the tiny firm point of her.
"NGH!" Grunt button.
"Lhihlhin!" I lapped it again.
"Nh! Now break it."
Yeah, I like that. So, I felt with my pinky first, and even the hotter seeping, of the fresh scratches.
"AH! Huh!" She nodded, so I lapped her grunt button some more.
That's the best term for clit I ever heard, by the way. And she's right, it does make her grunt.
"Nh! Nh! Nh!" And maybe, it's even more pleasure. Than it hurts, scratching, and picking her virginity out, so the blood is all over her lips, and comes out in a ring around my finger.
"Nhihin!" I lick it, and wiggle it around in my mouth to spread the flavor around.
"Huh! UH!" She Just stands up, pulls my finger out, and I see it squeeze shut, bloodily.
"Uh!" I try to pull it back, with my hand behind her butt, but she says, "No. Let me taste it first." So, I hold my pinkie up. "Mh!" She sucked it.
"Pinky." I can stick my thumb in, between though, and even wipe the bloody mess up to her grunt button.
"Mhin! MH!" She hunched. "Hhn!" Then started humping my thumb.
"Get back down here," I just put my head back, mouth wide open, and tongue out as far as it'll go.
Yup, sure enough it still tingles on the tip of my tongue if I stick it deep enough. Wish I could do that, and get my nose on her grunt button, but she ground the fate pubeless puff into it instead, and I guess it was good enough.
I sucked out as much as i could, just to feel it tingling until her feet fell off, but I was holding her up, anyway.
"Huh!" Right on my arms, so I though they'd pull right out, but she was orgasiming. So, I just held her, and kissed her so she could moan in my mouth, and taste her virginity on my tongue.
Now, I kind of wish I'd saved mine for her. Sucked it out with a broomhandle, and a stolen rubber like a plunger, years ago. Or at least thought to taste it, so I could remember. Why didn't I think of that? Even when I started my period, I didn't taste it for months, but.
"Jill!"
"Hm!" Blink.
"You passing out on me?"
"No, sorry." What just happened?
"Hihin! I just orgasmed, and you started passing out?"
"Sorry," what just come over me.
"It's okay," she kissed me. "Let's go do that report."
"Oh, I thought you're lying about that?"
"I did, but mom always checks my homework. So, I'm gonna have to show her something." She turned her underpants around, then inside out, and wiped them on the back, before she stepped into them, and put them on.
"Good thing they're red."
"Yeah?" She pulled off her dress. "Why I wore them?"
"Oh."
I didn't even touch myself?
"You okay?"
"Yeah," then why do I feel like I just got off? Or I missed an orgasm, but now I'm just getting the after effects? "Huh!"
"You got that book, you talked about?"
"Yeah," Over in reference. "Shouldn't be checked out." Right where I left it, in fact.
DSM-III (Old copy)
"Um, what did you say about miss, Ratzinger?"
I guess she ment Mrs. Katz, but "That was."
"Yeah." She looked around. `It's pretty quiet in her, so.' She looked at the book.
"Oh," don't want her to get in trouble. "Uh," I flipped to the back to look for Sadism in the index.
Or, Sadistic Personality Disorder, which is close enough.
"What are you writing?"
"The report, you find something?"
"Yeah, um." I flipped through to the right pages.
I looked over, "Rattenfanger?"
"Yeah, sorry. It's Rattenfanger, not Ratzinger."
"Oh,"
She shrugged, "I forgot."
So, I kept reading, until my skin crawled.
"Huh!"
"What, find something?"
"Emotional Release." I pulled my hair back, before it started standing up on end.
"What's that?"
"I think that's the payoff. For a Sadist, like Mrs. Katz."
"Ratzinger," she shook her head.
"I felt it."
"What?"
"That, Emotional Release."
She giggled, "Yeah but you're not a Sadist!"
"No?"
"Well, I don't know." She thought. "You want to hurt me some more?"
"I never hurt you."
"Hhnhn! You just did!"
"I'm sorry."
"No, it was great!"
"Sh!" I looked around. "You want to go out, get some fresh air?"
"Yeah, good idea."
"What are you talking about?"
"You just scratched my hymen out with your nail, ate my virginity, and fed it to me."
"Hh!" Oh look a fence.
"Hihihn!" She pointed. "You feel all right?"
"Yeah." Dreamy.
"It's okay," she hugged me, in my lap? When did i sit down, am I dreaming? Yeah, that's got to be it, this feels unreal. "What's it feel like?"
"Hh!" I just put my head back.
"Like sex?"
"Yeah, but better than orgasm." Before, now it's starting to wear off.
"You're a Sadist!" She giggled, with glee?
"I'm sorry."
"No, I love it." She kissed me. "I love you!"
"Yeah?" I don't. Know, how to feel about that?
"Yeah, thanks for telling me."
"What?"
"Well, I guess I always liked, a certain kind of girl. I just didn't know what you're called."
"Sadists?"
"Mhm!" She nodded. "Yeah!" And kissed me again.
{Diagnostic Note: Sadistic Personality Disorder is no longer used, but Sexual Sadism Disorder is considered a Paraphilia in the Fifth version. (DSM-V) However, this is a public library with an old copy of the 3rd addition, probably because of budget. And lack of demand, in a small suburban public library, they didn't check the publication page. Also, none of them (Including Jill) is qualified to diagnose anyone with diddly squat. Now they know what Emotional Release is well enough to consciously seek it, and at least one of them believes she's a Sadististic pedophile. However, Sadism is an Abnormal way to get it, while normal people like tweenage lesbians can also get it from empathy. For instance, pleasing her girlfriend. So:}
Chloe (Gg Pedo/Pheb)
"Look up Pedophiles next."
"Okay," she had to find it in the index. I flipped back my "Assignment" for other notes, but she found the right section, so I went back to the book.
"Hm, so they have Sexual Sadism, and Masochism here with Pedophilia."
"What's that?"
"You know."
"No, Masochism."
"Oh, that's like you. You get off on pain, the opposite of Sadism."
"Oh," Well, "I didn't get off on it." It still hurts, "Uh! Actually, it's really a turnoff now."
"What'd you get off on, then?
"You know," I lowered my voice, `your tongue, my grunt-button?'
"Yeahah. But it says here, it's not just paraphilic."
"What that?"
"All this, sadism, masochism, pedophilia, they're all Paraphilias." Oh,, that's the section. I nodded, so she switched the pages back. "So, it says necessary for arousal, or climax. You don't have to get off, if it turns you on."
"What about blood?"
"What about it?"
"I'm pretty sure you really really liked the blood, and me too."
"Yeah?" Well, it was my virginity, Mrs. Katz did it first, but I liked it too. Not like her, she LOVEd it!
"Doesn't say, so that must be back here with Not Otherwise Specified, but I think maybe I'm not. Uh." She left a page, like a bookmark, so she could go back to that part. "Sadistic Personality disorder, though."
"What's the difference?"
"I don't know, but it said earlier. Well, in another book, that it's not a Disorder if it doesn't interfere with your regular life."
"What book?"
"Oh, that's my mom's."
"Oh."
"Yeah, and she's a shrink. I think it's like this, but newer, but I think it probably says the same thing, somewhere." She started looking.
"Oh no, I believe you. Probably why you knows so much about this stuff."
"Well, just where to look it up." She showed me the front of the book.
"What's it say about being gay?"
"Well, it's just Ego-um. Hang on, I have to look it up. Ego-dis, turbence? No." Her finger stopped, "Distonic."
"What's that mean?"
"Uhm, I think it's like. I read it, in mom's new version, but I don't really understand it, like a real shrink."
"You ask her?"
"I can't talk to her about it."
"Like my dad?"
"No, she doesn't get mad, she get's. Interested?"
"Why's that bad?"
"Well, for one thing, she's my mom, and she's a shrink. So, I really don't like being psychoanalyzed by my mom, 1. 2, Freud would have a field day, and 3, there's a conflict of interest, because of the mother/daughter relationship."
"So, what's with this Freud guy?"
"Well, he's like the grandfather of modern psychiatric theory,"
"I know,"
"So, he put great emphasis on the Maternal role in psychological development."
"Uh huh?"
"Where you going?"
"You call you mom, and ask if I can stay the night?"
"No," but it's getting late. Which is fine, the library's open until 8:30, so it's getting dark, "But you're right, I probably should."
"Good," I want to meet her. She can use the one at the checkout desk, I just have to put the big book of crazy up. "So, tell me about her."
"Nkh! My mother?"
"What?"
"Sorry, I could explain it, but. Come on, she'll meet us out front."
Dr. Saunders (FGg NS Talk Ther.)
"Who's this?"
"Oh, I'm Chloe."
"Okay, where can I drop you off, Chloe?"
"Oh, can she stay the night?"
"On no notice?" I glared in the mirror.
"I'm sorry mom, but it's kind of an emergency?"
"How so?"
"She just experienced a traumatic experience, and."
"Huh!" I hate it when she does this. "I'm off work," she knows that.
"I'm sorry, but again, it's kind of an emergency."
"What kind of trauma?" I sighed.
"Well, she."
"I need to hear it from her."
"Oh, you mean. At school?" I looked up to see her nodding. "Uh, you mind if I sit up front?"
"Hang on." I pulled over. "Okay, go ahead." So, she climbed over, and sat down. "Buckle up."
"My teacher molested me and took my virginity this afternoon."
Crk. Take my foot off the brake, in park. I turned. "Did you put her up to this?"
"No, mom? It's the truth!"
"Okay, go for a walk."
"Mom!"
"Or just stand out on the sidewalk, this is private, and she doesn't need the distraction." Or any prompting from her, if this turns out to be some sort of convoluted lie.
"Why don't you believe me?"
"Because I have talked to victims, a lot of victims of sexual abuse, and you aren't even traumatised by it."
She blinked, "What's traumatised mean?"
"Hurt, emotionally, you should be crying, or, maybe you're in denial about it, but if that were the case you wouldn't be able to just say it, that bluntly."
"Oh, I wasn't hurt by that, then she hit me, so I got her fired."
"Mrs. Katz." I had heard. Word travels fast, I probably had half the parents at her school I knew hysterically phoning me, and I had thought I'd gotten away from that fallout already.
BMP! Jill got back in.
I didn't even finish my first glass, yes, I drink, I don't think it's a problem yet, but I have an eye on it, and I need the coping mechanism. Craving it out of context like this is not a good sign, however.
"I guess It wasn't trauma because I liked it."
"The sexual abuse?"
"Well, it wasn't sexual abuse to start, she just spanked us after class when we acted up, but then I started acting up, on purpose."
"To be spanked?"
"Nhm? It hurt, but then she held me in her lap until I stopped crying."
"So, this was a continuing behaviour."
"Yeah, she does it with all of us, the bad ones anyway."
"So, when did it become sexual?"
"I don't know, I guess today is when I realized, well. I'm a lesbian, so."
"How old are you?"
"Eight?"
Right, 4th grade teacher, if I remember. Just a little young to be so sure of her sexuality, any sexuality, but just outside the norm. "Go on?" However, most of the homosexuals I have worked with reported at least feeling different, long before they could pinpoint that exactly.
"Well, so then I started feeling, well. What's the word for turned on again?"
"Aroused."
"Yeah, aroused by the way she was feeling me."
"How was she feeling you?'
"My legs, tummy, and back."
"In her lap."
"Yeah, especially my legs."
"Your thighs?"
"Yeah, especially inside my thighs, if you don't tickle."
"Oh," pronoun game, "You ment that arouses you."
"Yeah, the most. So, I asked if she was gay too, she said no, but then we had sex."
It's just a little shocking to hear her say it like that. "And, how do you feel about that?" Chilling, really. Matter of fact. So, I picked up some butter, a pound of eggs, oh yeah, and an atom bomb. An 8 year old doesn't typically talk about sex like that.
"Mh? She's too old for me anyway."
"That's it?"
"Well, no. Then she got mad, and hit me, and threatened me, so that's why I went to the principal." I checked her face, just to see if there was anything visible on it, and relaxed a little when she looked hurt.
"Oh!" I patted her shoulder. "It's all right."
"Thanks, but Jill already made me feel better about it."
"How?"
"OH! I just used what i learned from you mom. You know, basic therapeudic techniques, so she could face it, accept it. I just wanted to check my work, since I'm not a certified therapist like you. I'm not sure i did it right."
"Oh," I shook my head. "Well, we're almost home, so I can talk to her more thoroughly." I should scold her too, for playing amateur therapist, she knows how I feel about that.
Except, I'm rather impressed, and I don't know, how to feel about that. Disappointed that she tried it in the first place, at odd with the apparent results, without enough information to call it a success, or see where she might have failed, so I'll have to withhold feedback until I do.
But, "Hm." I nodded. Glanced up to see if she reacted to it, but she grinned back in the mirror. "I'll have to speak with her alone, so why don't you warm up dinner, and set another place for your friend, Chloe here."
"Yes mom."
"Now," I locked it, "Let me show you to my office..."
Jillian (gG)
I pulled the doors for her, but saw her top off her wine-glass before she even sat down. Sorry mom, but you understand. Didn't really have a choice here. I'm in over my head and I know it. Unfortunately, I'm also very much in love at this point, and I don't really want to think about what denial would do to me. Which sucks, because that's how Denial works.
It doesn't.
So, what do I know? 1: Masochist. That's not an assumption, she didn't just talk about hurting her, she told me to do it. Yeah, I wanted to, but I didn't even have to ask. It was her idea, too. 2: Is the I don't know factor. Mom saw it too, she just doesn't care.
Okay, sure I took credit for it, but only because I don't want to come out right now, and sure mom will probably understand, but that doesn't help me admit, right to her face I'm in love with a little girl, and hopefully she'll just save me the trouble. Talk about conflict of interest, self-diagnosis is even worse than being analyzed by your mother, but I have a therapist, a real one, and lots of stuff to talk about our next session, but the chili-mac is ready, and I'm too hungry to wait for them to get done.
And it makes me feel better.
She scares me. Might as well call that 3: Fear. Why? Because it's not so much the trauma she just went through, as the utter lack of any sign of trauma from that. She just said it, like, it just happened. It turned her on, but she didn't cry once.
Borderline?
I don't know, mom's the profession, let her figure it out. I'm not really afraid for me, she's 8, and a Masochist, so she's not going to hurt me, but she could hurt or kill herself.
"Where you been, Jill?"
"None of your business?"
"You hear about that kiddy diddler at the Elementary School?" He grinned down, popped some macaroni in his mouth, and chewed.
"Yeah?" I looked away, but at least he knows I hate that. Chewing with his mouth open, because he knows I hate it, which means he doesn't know why I'm disgusted.
"Haha, I heard it was that old bat, Mrs. Katz."
"Didn't you have her?"
"Yeah," he sat down. He acted out, for attention, not just like her, but similarly. "So?"
"So, she ever spank you after class?"
"Yeah? So?"
"So, did she ever try to molest you?" I looked him, straight in the eye. He just shook his head.
"No." Seriously. Didn't avoid my eyes, think about it, or change his expression. If he lied, it was pretty convincing. Not that I trust my or anyone's ability to reliably see the truth, but there's ways to increase the likelyhood, he's my brother, known him all my life, and he knows how to lie to me too.
"Make you sit in her lap?"
"Nope."
"Felt your leg, back, or body?"
"Uh uh, but this is starting to sound awefull specific, why?"
"Well, I didn't just hear about it, I talked to, some of her victims."
"Oh, that what they said?"
"Yeah, she doesn't sound like a pedophile, but a sadistic molestor."
"Oh, cool!"
"Not really, but." Kids talk, and it's better if they talk about the truth than make it up, and he's got access to the high-school locker room. So, he can inform the boys there, and we can fight a little about the myths that pervade all things sexual, because people don't talk about it enough.
"Lesbian?"
"No, non-preferrential Sadist. Boys and girls, just chose to abuse kids because she could get away with it." Probably for years. "Most of her victims probably weren't even aware of it, because she used the spanking to distract them, and molest them while they're crying."
"Huh!" He scooted the chair out. "Cool, thanks."
"You think you can find any more of her victims?"
He stopped, thought. "Yeah probably." In the High School.
"Good, because they'll probably need help."
"Yeah, I'll see what i can find out."
"Thanks,"
"Don't mention it."
"Oh, and you mind if I borrow the trundle-bed tonight?"
"Nah."
"Yeah, just leave the mattress in my room."
"What do I get out of it?"
"You mean other than all the Intel," kind of a Spy-nerd, "On the pedophile you missed, sitting in her class? How about I don't have to come up, and bother you for it after dinner."
"All right." He just shook his head, and headed up the stairs.
"What's this?" She checked out the casserole.
"Chili-mac."
"Mh!" She grabbed the spoon, and dropped more on her plate. Mom dropped the bottle in the trashcan, set down her glass, and went down for another bottle.
"Hh," stocking feet, looked pretty steady, wonder how I can get her to say something sibillent to check for a slur, but she didn't fall down the stairs.
Yeah, I worry about her, but I feel a little guilty too. Hard day, and i dropped more work in her lap, after she already started to wind down. Why she drinks. Just have to keep an eye on it, she told us too, and even what to watch for.
"Reisling?"
She held up the bottle. "Chablis." Clear as a bell. "Thanks," She patted my head, sat down, and served herself more of the casserole to soak it up. Didn't even open the white, but I passed her glass of red over. "So, what did you do?"
"Pardon?"
"To help her, cope."
"Oh, just like you said. I took her to the library, tried to help her understand her a'." I looked over. "You mind if we talk about this?"
Her mouth was full, but she just looked up, shook her head, kept chewing.
"Uh!" Messy eater. "Huh!" I knew that, "Um, so. Help me out here. I came up with Sadistic personality Dis."
"No longer valid, but yes. Invalid hearsay preliminary diagnosis, but Psychopath, Sociopath or other Antisocial disorder, with Sadistic sexual aspects." That was a mouthful, she took another bite.
Not even slightly slurred, and you try to say that out loud, sober. "Hm." She's not that drunk. "She took it remarkably well."
"Well, she's remarkably well adjusted."
"Thanks, and you make a mean chili mac, Mrs. Saunders."
"Thanks."
"She's not a pedophile, or a lesbian?"
"No, sex isn't the motive. Huh! It's complicated, and. I really need to stop, if I'm going to get any sleep tonight without drinking until I pass out. Can you put this in the fridge?"
"Sure mom."
"Good, good night." She took, like half a glass, left. But she still looked fairly steady on her feet.
"Your mom's cool."
"Oh yeah?" She's my mom. Never knew any other.
"Where's your dad?"
"He didn't think she's as cool." Got paranoid, accused her of trying to manipulate him, drive him crazy, and demanded a "Divorced. Huh! He lives in Chicago now." New wife, kids, and everything.
"Oh, you don't want to talk about it?"
"No," but that's no excuse, "It's rough to live with a therapist. He couldn't take it." I shrugged. "We learned from it, which is why she encourages us to keep her in check."
"Like her drinking."
"Right, and workaholism. If we let her, or left her alone, she would probably grind herself down trying to save everyone, until she can't see any good in the world. Again, it's honestly worse than her drinking, and she's better with it. She's self medicating, so she doesn't have to take pills, and the wine is easier to control than vodka." If she buys that, call the guys to drag her back to detox.
“I’m gonna go get a shower.” She got one at home, and I got to see her, completely naked, when her father came in. “Hihihn!” God, I was filthy! I stink, and “Hihn!” I feel so wonderful. Even the water, I’ve had so many showers before, I couldn’t begin to count, but just thinking of her.
“Mom,” I forgot to ask, “I’m a pedophile.” Did she tell her? I love a little girl, yeah because she’s not innocent. That’s the problem, you know. According to society, children aren’t sexual, and I’m not going to try and speak for all children, but I know at least one. She’s just so sexual, it makes me feel sexual, and it’s not. Sexy as such. It’s cute, she’s cute, and that’s not really sexy.
I mean, maybe it’s the image of sexiness I’ve known all my life, but that’s not what makes her sex, or what makes me feel sexy. It’s not her body, nor even her little face. She just gets so sexual, you’d never think it to look at her, but then her face lights up, and she lets out that dirty little giggle? I can’t do it, I’ll not even try, but it rings in my ears, and I know they’ll hear it.
Tonight, “Huh!” I’ve been putting it off. We Need To Talk. Mom talks about open communication, all the time, and she told me she wouldn’t judge, whatever life I want to live, or whoever I fall in love with. She even took it well, when Timothy came out as bisexual, but. “Huh!” This is different. I know she doesn’t mean to judge, but then there’ll be this long deep conversation, I’m just not ready to have, even though i know i need to, to move forward.
I don’t know, I don’t. I can’t really tell if this is lesbian, pedophilic, or she just seduced me, which she did, despite all my protests, but just remembering the playhouse. How it smells. Before we even got stinky in there “Hn!” I bet we can get both of us off tonight. Maybe even together, but if we don’t, simultaneously, that’s okay too. But we never did that yet. She gave me so much pleasure in the playhouse, then I fucked it up with my hair. “Twat blocking.”
Yeah, that’s it. “Ihihihn!” She’s just not used to it. Having hair between her legs. “Nehahaha!”
She’s just so much fun! She makes me feel young again, then older, then like a child, and I had just forgotten, how much fun being a kid can be. It’s not just the sex, I love it, but I love Her. She’s so strong, and fearless, why she was raped, just today, by a withered old crone, and it just made her stronger. And that, from an 8 year old 4th grader, “God,” when she’s older, if she keeps getting stronger, she’ll be unbreakable!
I bet she’s already started, thinking of me, and bleeding for me. Okay, no denial while I dry off. I love that, the blood. Not her virginity, sure I was a little curious because I never saw one, and I got rid of mine a while ago so it’s like I have a second chance to see, and feel, and taste.
“Huh!” But it’s about the blood. She’ll heal, but I’ll have another period, and another, and another, and eventually she’ll start, and I can only imagine what she’ll be like when she grows up. More than even Phoebe, to be honest, she’s broken by being. “Um,” What’s the term? Transexual, I guess, but having to bury her inner child, the scared little boy with her brothers, and her twin, and that “Be a man,” man of a father.
“Oh!” She’s crying? “What’s wrong?”
“Nm, snh!” She just sobs, so long, maybe she just had to finally realise it? Yeah, denial, losing your innocence must be a lot like grieving, right? Mom might know, but you know, she never really got a chance to be alone, and really face what happened to her, all day.
I didn’t give her that chance, “I’m sorry.”
“Hih hih hih!” She let out that breaht. “HhhhIt’s okay.”
“Is it?”
“No!” She sobbed some more, and my heart broke for her. “It hurts, so much inside.”
“Oh!’ I pulled my fingers through her hair, “I truly am, so sorry.”
“No,” she looked up. Smiled, and turned her head, which I took as a signal to kiss her. So I did. “Hm!’ She melted! Well, that’s an emotional release. “Hh, the first time. She hurt me, to be mean. But when you did it, huh! I’m glad I saved some, for you. I love you.” Ooh! “And you hurt me out of love.”
“Yeah,” I just wanted to make her feel good, some small measure of the pleasure she’d given me, and i thought I needed to rough. No, she told me to, almost made me do it, so I’m not sorry. It was right, it was the right thing to do, just so fucked up my mind tried to tell me it was wrong. Because of the pain, and her being so young, and the trauma, and homophobia too, I guess. Not that i’m afraid of gays and lesbians, or being one, but we’re surrounded by it. Even hiding it from her father, after his ragefest when he saw Phoebe’s hair.
But this is what I needed, to hear. Not sex, like she needed a chance to cry, to let it out. Catharsis, I guess. Whatever that means, but we have plenty of time, the rest of our lives and. “Snkhkhkh!” Is she, snoring?
Yeah, we don’t need sex tonight. I’m satisfied, we had plenty, but right now it’s not about that. We need love, to love. That’s how I did it, since mom asked. I just had to figure it out. I loved her, because that’s what she really needed.
I’ll tell her tomorrow, but it’s been a long day.
:
Chloe (Gg Clas NS, Talk)
So, we talked, a lot in the morning. At breakfast, then in the car, I wish I brought a change of clothes, but we didn’t plan it. She said she was taking me home, but I didn’t think to grab some with my books, but when she finally left me alone, I could.
Feel it. I was numb, it’s like I felt in her lap, nothing. Almost like it happened to someone else, until I could feel it. The pain from their scratches, and losing my virginity. I felt so raw, then slutty, and gay, and ugly, and weak then the whole world just crashed down, and crushed me until she was there to make me feel better.
Like she told me. “I loved her.” Or her mom, that was the answer.
So, that’s out, and they talked about her sexuality, so I could crawl up inside me, and brace myself for what I had to do. I have to go back. To class, where it all happened, and face my class, thank god she won’t be there, but they said she retired?
“Medical reasons.”
She RAPED Me!
No, I can do this, but how the hell can they try to tell that story when everyone, EVERYONE knew about it? All the kids, anyway, and half the parents called Mrs Sauders, but because she had Tenure?
Yeah, anger. Fucking RAGE. I don’t need to cry right now, maybe later but no. Fuck no.
“Mr. Davis.” He didn’t even finish writing it on the board.
“Yes, um.” He looked down at the seating chart.
“Chloe.”
“Take your seat, Chloe.”
“No.”
“I said take your seat now, or go to the princ.”
“And I said NO!” He stepped back. “I have something to say. Now. I’m not going to the office until I say it, unless you drag me there yourself, and I was Raped. Right There.”
He stepped away from the chair.
“If you want, you can go talk to the principal, because this isn’t about you.”
“Now, young lady.”
“Or you can stay, and listen. You might learn something, but this!” I picked up the notice, “This is a lie. She didn’t Retire, for Medical Reasons, she got arrested yesterday, for raping me.”
I turned around, and the entire class just looked at me. Most of them had their mouths hanging open, but they didn’t talk, they weren’t giggling any more like they did when I stood up to him. “Hm,” I had their attention. “Now, this is why she got away with it.” I put the paper down, “How they all get away with it, because victims don’t want to talk about it. School boards don’t want a scandal, so they lie about it. Parents don’t want to believe it, so they won’t listen to you. Well, I say enough. This stops, now.” I took a deep breath.
“I know, I know for a fact I wasn’t her only victim. Here, in this very class, most of you are probably still in denial about it. So, I am going to ask you some questions, don’t raise your hands, just answer them for yourself, and if you like, I know a therapist you can talk to. All right?” A lot of them nodded, so I turned around, and paced the other way. “Did any of you stay after class for bad behavior?” Of course, “Where any of you spanked, then held in her lap while you cried.”
“Snh.”
“I’m sorry, I know this is difficult, but we need a complete list of her victims, so she never has a chance to do it ever again. She’s not a rapist, well she is now, but she was a child molestor, until I fought back. So, she needn’t have raped you to have done sexual harm that will affect your sexual development unless you get help. You understand?”
“Yes, Chloe.”
“Good, now I need to take Mr. Davis her to the office, and tell them what needs to be done.” And call my therapist, “You need to talk to eachother. Openly admit what happened so that you can tell everyone the truth. Because if the truth isn’t told, you know they’ll all make up stories anyway. Then, you need to go and find her other victims. She taught here for years, years, and years, and I know she just didn’t start with me, this year. So, look for older children, even if they weren’t in her class, and find them.
We’ve had a serial sexual predator, hiding here, for years. Decades, and everyone lied about it.” At the door, I pulled the handle. “Now, it’s time to tell the truth, so it doesn’t happen again.”
Did I remember everything? “Come on.” I think I memorized it, but there’ll be plenty of time to go over and over it again and again.
This isn’t over.
I’m just getting started.