"If I Were A Lesbian" (From the musical 'Jiller on the Roof') (g mast)

"If I Were A Lesbian" (From the musical 'Jiller on the Roof')

by Pulsar

Not much time to write, so I worked on this brief piece as a loli-fied
musical farce.

"IF I WERE A LESBIAN" From the twisted musical "Jiller on the Roof."

(Tevyette has recently had her Bar-Mitzvuh, and is now alone in her room, contemplating her own sexuality.)

Tevyette: Lord, you made many, many straight people. And while I have nothing against them, well... it's just that now that I've turned twelve, I just... may not be one of them.

(Sung to the tune of 'If I were a Rich Man')

If I were a lez-bian.
A yumma yummy yummy yumma yumma yummy yummy yum.
All day long I'd licky-lick and cum,
If I were a lez-bee-uhn.
I'd never have to give birth.
A yumma yummy yummy yumma yumma yummy yummy yum.
If I were a licky-lick yum,
Carpet-munching lesbian.

I'd... ride... to... town with a big bright red flannel shirt while mounted
on a Harley Davidson.
Enjoying the vibrations of second gear. ('Vrooom! Vrooom!')
I'd burn my bras to Indigo Girls in my front yard, waving a rainbow flag.
Just to say a lesbian lives here. (-sigh-)
I'd... fill... the... walls of my room with pictures of hot chicks cut from
the fashion magazines.
Some would be lipstick and others would be butch.
I'd strut through school with a gay pride bag on my shoulder, smiling
and flirting with the girls.
And maybe reach around and grab their tush! (-Ooooh!)

I'd... see... my... cute little Lolita lesbian girlfriend decked in a proper uniform.
Or maybe some skin-tight leather black booty shorts.
And each little, "OOOOO!" and a "Oooooh!" and a "AAAAhhh!" and a "YEeessss!"
Would sound like heaven in my ear.
And then we'd move to something more hard core!

The horny dykes in town would come to call on me.
And they'd ask me to trib them.
Like Melissa Etheridge.
If you please, Miss Loli.
Take me now, Miss Loli.
Asking favors that would make a porn star blush!
Oooh-eee-ahhh-OOO! OOooh yesss! Ooooooh, yeesss!

And it won't make one bit of difference if I did it right or wrong.
When you're gay girl they think you really know how.
I'd have the time that I lack to surf all the web sites to watch all
the loli clips and jill.
How those Vlads would make me go "OH WOW!"
I'd ne-ver worry about if took my pill that day, or how to fake an orgasm.
A girl's tongue would always make me go 'ker-pow!'
(-oh yeah-)

If I were a lez-bian.
A yumma yummy yummy yumma yumma yummy yummy yum.
All day long I'd licky-lick and cum,
If I were a lez-bee-uhn.
I'd never have to give birth.
A yumma yummy yummy yumma yumma yummy yummy yum.
Lord I think I'm really in a jam.
You made me the girl that I am.
Is time I stood upon this land,
And proclaim I am a LEZ-BEE-AAAAAAAAANNNNN?!

(Tevyette's mother suddenly barges in)
Mom: Tevyette! Hurry! You're going to be late for school!

Tevyette: MOM! Puh-leeeze! How many times have I said, KNOCK FIRST! Okay? Just KNOCK FIRST!

Mom: Sorry dear!

Tevyette: Did you see anything?

Mom: No dear, I didn't see you humping your dolls again.

Tevyette: Oh thank God!