A Change of Heart, Part 1

by Thom and Patricia Que

I didn’t know if I was going to get through the holiday weekend in one piece or not. I had come to way too many conclusions about my life up to this point in such a short time span that I desperately needed to rest and sort it all out. But here I was facing all of my family and all of my husband’s family for most of the weekend. That, in and of itself, wasn’t bad per se, it was that they all had just barely teen and pre-teen daughters and I had recently realized how much I wanted one. Not to mention that I had two daughters in the same age group and was beginning to feel kind of shaky around them.

I’m not sure how far to go back to start this story. I had an experience with an older relative starting when I was eight that has always stuck with me, resonated would be a good word to use here though I am much too off center at the moment to use California feel-good terms to describe my life. Moving on from that, I have found myself in a marriage that started off great but now we have changed to where we have different interests and values. It’s got me thinking that maybe I wasn’t meant for guys at all and that got me thinking about women or girls, something I haven’t done since my childhood experience.

I got looking on line for lesbian stuff and I was suddenly confronted (had the good fortune to discover) that little-girl love had become quite the thing in some quarters. And this reminded me of my earlier experience that I want to tell you about.

I was just 8 I think when my aunt, my mother’s youngest sister Jenny who had been out of college a few years and was teaching at a public school, started to make advances toward me. I didn’t know then, of course, that they even were advances. She would touch me when we were together and tell me how pretty she thought I was. She wasn’t married but sometimes there were other women her age who seemed to be around but I didn’t get it then. She lived near by us and since we both got out of school about the same time, I would go to her house until my parents got home from work.

Jenny would greet me with a big hug and plant a kiss somewhere on my face, sometimes on my lips. She would fix the two of us a snack and afterward we would sit nearby each other on the sofa and I would do my homework and she would grade papers and things. Usually after a little bit, Jenny would ask if I wanted a back rub or maybe could I give her one. Or maybe we would play tickle games where mostly she tickled me and I giggled a lot and loved the attention.

These rubs became pretty routine and we would typically end up in different states of dress or undress as the case might be. Often we would be stripped down to our panties taking turns rubbing each other. I would usually rub Jenny’s back and thighs and feet. I would not, at least at that time, rub her breasts or her bum or any part that I imagined was private. Since I was a little girl though, Jenny said, she rubbed those parts of me. I might lie on my back and she would rub my flat little nips and then my thighs between my legs, not exactly touching my cunny but coming awfully close. Lying on my tummy she wouldn’t hesitate to push her hands under my panties and knead my butt cheeks like you would a loaf of bread you were baking.

It wasn’t that I was naïve about sex then. I jigged myself off regularly from a pretty early age. My mother had told me about how babies are made and I could feel that my body was changing even at that early age; I thought I felt bumps under the nips on my chest. How did that change to something more intimate? It’s hard now for me to recall. Did it start with a kiss on the lips.

Was it the tingly feeling between my legs that I had when I left her house to go home? More and more I found myself going home and having to diddle myself before I could settle down and do my homework or sit at the table and eat supper with my parents. Soiled underwear was a big turn on for me at that age and I would raid the clothes hamper and get some of my mom’s dirty panties out. I loved her smell and I’d have one pair at my nose and one pair in my hand rubbing myself with it.

It took me a bit though to associate that with my aunt. But when I finally did, I told her what I was doing after I got home with the panties and diddling myself. That I was beginning to think it was from being with her and I thought my being turned on was because of our touching. My aunt said that it was perfectly normal to be feeling this way at my age, to be playing with myself to relieve the urges and even to be turned on by body smells. She was really comforting and there for me. Besides she had a remedy. Oh, what a remedy.

She said we could take care of those tingly feelings in a number of different ways and she thought we should try a few to see what worked best. And it was certainly okay between us since we were related and knew each other so well that she take charge of my sexual education and show me a thing or two. Take charge she said and take charge is what I think she did. There was the kiss on the lips. There was a chance to touch ourselves, at the same time so we were both comfortable with doing it. Its natural, everyone does it. I was so cute doing it she said. She just loved to watch me doing it and it excited her. It excited me that it excited her.

The first time she touched me it was electric. She encouraged me to touch her. She showed me how she liked to be touched. She knew just how to touch me. I never came so hard before that. It became addicting. I’m not sure I’ve come as hard since which is why I’m rethinking everything that has come since then.

And then there was her mouth. The first time, I don’t think I really believed I was looking down at the top of her head and I was feeling her mouth on my sex but just like the touching it was pushing me into oblivion, into helplessness. I couldn’t stop coming. She would finally come up for air and tell me that I had to go home. After weeks of that, she asked me if I would help her with her feelings. She showed me what she needed. How to use my hand, my mouth, how to rub our cunnies together to make her feel good. Sticking fingers in our back holes and fucking them with our tiny pretend dicks. The scents, the mess from the both of us coming, squirting our juices all over wherever we were, the lying end to end, 69 and tribbing. The dirtiest sex I’ve ever had, the best sex I’ve ever had.

It was my aunt’s idea to invite my older sister into our playing. My sister was just 3 years older than I, so 11 when we started to play with her. I think she was curious about what I was up to with our aunt. Being older, she didn’t need quite the watching over that I did so mom left her to come home on her own. But when my aunt decided we should include her, it was a special occasion that we were all together for.

I’ll never forget the first time we brought my sister into our playing. My mom was going away for the weekend so we were staying overnight. We played outside for awhile and when we came in we were going to watch TV and have a pizza party after we showered. We came down stairs and my aunt had everything ready. She was in her robe and we were in our usual bed clothes, a t-shirt and panties. We ate pizza and watched TV.

Then my aunt asked if we wanted to watch a video...and as it was a new thing for us we were excited about it. She showed us a short before the movie that had some nudity in it. It was about two women. It was in black and white with English subtitles. Early lesbian, but not hard core. It was really well done though. I can remember every bit of it. It got our attention. I looked over at my sister and she was mesmerized.

We were on the couch with my aunt between us and I felt her hand on my leg, she was tickling my thigh. I opened for her because that’s what I was used to doing. I noticed she was doing the same to my sister and she was accepting it and she had spread her legs too.

I asked my aunt to tickle my back because that’s how our playtimes started and I took off my tee so that she could get at it. Then she started to tickle my front as well. I told my aunt to tickle my sister next. My sister said that she might not want to take her top off but it didn’t take long for that to happen and we were both in just our panties.

As my aunt was tickling us, her robe opened and naturally she was naked underneath. I leaned over to her to get closer so she could tickle me better and there was her breast poking out of the front of her robe. I thought my sister was watching the movie so I kissed my aunt’s breast which I was used to doing because we had been lovers for awhile by then. I knew she liked to have it kissed and nursed. Her hand left my back and went into my panty to touch my cunny.

I looked over at my sister and I could see that my aunt was rubbing her front. I reached into her robe and touched her other breast. My aunt sighed and that got my sister’s attention. She saw what my aunt and I were doing and she touched herself over her panties. That was all my aunt needed to pick up the pace of the action. My aunt brought my sister into her. My sister’s face was at her breast too and I took the nipple and rubbed it on her face.

My aunt then grabbed the elastic on my panties and pushed them down, exposing me and then did the same to my sister. I finished taking mine off and then went to my sister and took hers off too. I’ll never forget that first time I saw her vagina. She had little dark hairs, just sprouting. It was so sweet. My aunt thought so too because she wasted no time putting her hand there and touching my sister. I went back to my aunt’s breast and then my sister did the same thing. My aunt soon managed her other hand on my cunny, fingering my slit too. She was getting both of us while nursing her little girls.

From that point on, my sister and I did things on our own without my aunt but we never told her. We still did things with her but it was sort of play acting compared to what my sister and I were doing. We were together every day and when we thought no one was looking or paying too much attention, we would spend the night together and love each other up over and over again. We did all kinds of things with each other that we didn’t do with out aunt. Our secret relationship lasted until my sister went away to college. The night before she left, we got into bed in her room and we didn’t sleep a wink. We made love the entire night, right up until it was time for her to get up and go away. She promised me that she would come back for me and that we would never be apart but she came back from college married and that was the end of that.

We didn’t ever do it after that and when I went away to college myself, I sort of put it away as well as a previous life I had lived. I met my husband at college and that was pretty much the whole story with that. I didn’t do girls at all in college. It was as if that thing with my aunt and then with my sister was just that thing with my aunt and my sister. Great sex but in some ways so was the sex with my boyfriend whom I eventually married. It wasn’t until recently that I started to think maybe I had a preference about the gender associated with the sex.

As I said, I got thinking about sex with women and then I got thinking more about sex with girls. What was it about my aunt that she had selected me, an 8 year old, to pursue a sexual relationship? Was it because it was convenient? Was it because I was available? I decided to ask her. She is in a lesbian relationship though with someone her age. She said that, of course, availability had a lot to do with it, she liked little girls. She still likes little girls and that she just hasn’t had the opportunity like she had with me.

I think that clinched it for me. That was when I went online looking for little-girl information. I found quite a bit including stories and what appeared to be probably legal sites of pictures of little girls that were dressed—sure, not very much dressed, but dressed nevertheless.

Between the stories and the pictures, I got plenty horny and I took every chance I could get to take care of the problem. My girls are 8 and 10 and I can manage them into bed pretty early. My husband is an early riser so he’s usually in bed by 9 as well. So after that, I can count on having a couple of hours to myself with everyone else in the house in bed, and pretty likely asleep.

I would go into the den with just a T-shirt on and go online and read stories about doing it with little girls and look at pictures of little girls and when I got sufficiently aroused, which wouldn’t take very long, I would diddle myself. If I’m sitting up in a chair like in the den, I put my feet up on the chair so my pussy is raised upward and lean back so that my back is resting on the back of the chair. I get really wet doing this so it’s easy for me to lubricate a couple of fingers by pushing them deep in to myself and then pulling them out and coming up under my clit and start rubbing it. If my fingers get dry, I just go back for more. I’m likely to get off a dozen times or more in an evening. So that kept me busy for a bit and kept me from moving in on the kids at school and it kept me from making any serious plans to go after any of my nieces or my daughters.

But then I caught site of Nancy. One day a sub teacher showed up at my school. I sub too, not every day but most days. Her name was Nancy. Here’s the thing, she was petite, or should I say really, really short. Like under 5 feet maybe 4 feet 7 inches or so. She has a little-girl voice and a little-girl body. I mean no tits really, they just seem like little nubs. She just graduated from college so I’m thinking she’s probably legal but she fits right in with some of the girls in the school. She looks younger than some of them. Certainly she is a lot less slutty than some of them. After she had come as a sub a couple of times, I was totally smitten I had realized this might be a safe way to have my cake and eat it too. Or do I mean muffin?

So I was keeping my eye on Nancy and trying to figure out how I was going to approach a relationship with her when I noticed her keeping her eye on a really cute 10-year-old named Erin who I also admired and had dirty thoughts about. Erin has great red hair, freckles all over, and is little for her age. No sign of any development at all.

At first, I wasn’t sure I was seeing what I was seeing, that is Nancy ogling Erin every chance she got. But after seeing it repeatedly; lunch room, play ground, I was convinced that she had the hots for Erin. I decided that was my hook with Nancy and I looked for an opportunity to use it. I started up conversations with her asking her where she went to school, lived and stuff like that and we got to be kind of friendly. I think she looked forward to seeing me when she got called in to sub at my school. Sort of a big sister kind of a thing.

One day, we were out on the playground and I caught Nancy watching Erin as she jumped rope with some of her friends and I came right out and said how cute I thought Erin was. Nancy blushed and got a bit flustered but I wasn’t going to let my chance slip away. I added that it’s sometimes hard to be with them because they are so delicious. That it’s hard to concentrate sometimes. So, at first she said she didn’t know what I was talking about and we kind of got quiet for awhile. But I knew I was right about her so I just had to wait her out. It didn’t take long.

It was the following day that she asked me if I wanted to go to lunch. I played hard to get, though I wasn’t going to play too hard to get, I told her I was pretty busy but that I would look at my calendar and get back to her. The following afternoon she called me at home. I was home alone, girls at a neighbors and hubbie not home yet so I had been sitting naked in front of my computer jigging myself off to little-girl pictures. Needless to say when I heard her little-girl voice and thought about her naked too, I couldn’t resist her pleas to go out. We both decided to refuse any sub offers for the following day if we got called and meet at a place near her apartment.

Nearly the first words out of her mouth when we had gotten settled was that she had been ogling Erin. That I had caught her. That it was sometimes really hard for her be around the girls. I didn’t hesitate to admit to her that I was having the same kind of problems and that I had fantasies about them sometimes and I let her in on a little bit of how I took care of myself when I got feeling that way. I didn’t go into what an Internet porn addict I had become. Not then anyway, that would come later. I was still trying to put my best face forward so that I wouldn’t lose her.

Nancy asked me about my husband, didn’t that help out? I wanted to get him out of the picture with her so I told her how my marriage hadn’t turned out the way I had hoped it would. What about her, I wanted to know, in any relationships? Boyfriend back home, on hold. Okay, clear sailing. What next I wondered as we finished up lunch.

We took a walk from there to a park that was near by. I noticed that she was walking really close to me and would occasionally brush my shoulder with hers. When she made a gesture about something, she would touch me ever so slightly. The contact was really making me hot but I wasn’t sure what to do next to move this along with our revealing more than necessary in case I was wrong about her. I returned the touches and at one point grabbed her hand and held it a moment. She gave mine a squeeze and then we both let go.

We didn’t spend any more time together that afternoon, after the walk. Nancy gave me a big hug though and a kiss just off my lips as we said good bye. It was really cute the way she had to get on her tip toes and I had to bend over for that to occur. She really was about the size of a 10 year old.

It wasn’t long before she called me and wanted to get together again. I may have hesitated a nanosecond but not long enough for her to notice, before I accepted her invitation. We agreed not to accept a sub call for the following Thursday. There are fewer on Thursday anyway. Friday is a big day because teachers like the three-day weekend they get by calling in sick on Friday.

Nancy suggested we meet at her apartment this time. She would make lunch she said. I thought to myself it’s now or never. But unfortunately it didn’t work out that way. I had trouble getting a babysitter and my husband was out of town. Of course, he would have been useless anyway because even if he had been in town, he would have been working.

So, I told Nancy that I would fix lunch at my place instead. I looked for ways to lose the kids while she was here. I heated the pool in case they might want to swim. Even thought how neat it would be if she wanted to swim and then I could loan her my oldest daughter’s bathing suit, which would have fit her nicely, and maybe even watched her change into it.

I wore some short shorts to show off my great legs and a too tight t-shirt without a bra to show off my boobs. As it got closer to the time she was about to arrive though I was worried that I was looking too slutty and I wished I had put on something sensible. It turned out that it didn’t matter what I had worn because what Nancy had put on was the important thing and that defined the whole afternoon.

She was dressed just like a little girl. She had on a little sun dress that just barely covered her crotch. Her great, gangly, pale legs protruded so nicely below its hem. The top of the dress was off her shoulders and scooped nicely over her upper chest. She had no tits really but I could clearly see her nipples and little titty nubs through the thin material of the dress.

She wore little girl saddle shoes with white bobby socks and she had put her hair up in pigtails. Do you believe it? My 10 year old dresses more mature than Nancy did that day. She was portraying a 6 year old from a previous era. If it wasn’t a tease for me then I wouldn’t have recognized one. She was so darling that I could have eaten her up in one big gulp. Unfortunately, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with her with my children around.

After lunch, I offered her a swim in the pool. Unfortunately, she declined. My kids jumped at the chance, of course, since this was their first time in this season. That occupied them a little bit while Nancy and I sat by the pool. We sat across from one another with a small table between us. I had put some snacks on the table and it wasn’t so large that we couldn’t reach one another. Well, this is how that part of the afternoon went.

As Nancy would talk, she would reach over the table and touch my bare knees or my legs or reach up onto my thighs. As she reached over, I could see down the top of her sundress. From that vantage point, I could easily see that she had only nipples and maybe little nubs but for someone in her twenties, she had little tittys and was probably going to be that way. But then, she would stretch back from bending over and that would reveal her panties underneath her short, short sundress and they turned out to be little cotton briefs. I thought I had died and gone to heaven.

We had just a super afternoon and early evening. Since my husband wasn’t coming home that evening, Nancy was able to stay to supper as well and she headed home around the kid’s bed time. My kids basically liked Nancy a lot particularly since she wasn’t much bigger than they were. Nancy and I agreed that we would get together for supper the following week I walked her to the door.

We first grabbed each others hands, right to left and left to right, forming an oval and standing at arms length apart. Staring each other in the eyes, we drew our bodies toward one another with our hands and then our arms. My outstretched arms encircled her and hers encircled mine. Our heads came together, not totally sure what to do next. We both veered slightly to the right at the last minute and our lips grazed each other’s and then landed on the other’s cheek.

I thanked her for coming and apologized for not being able to get away without the kids but promising her that next time I would be able to.

And we parted for then.