My Awakening, Part 2 - Truth and Consequences

by Zero

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said, trying to be evasive.

"Don't play games with me," Kathy replied, her voice unamused. "When I went to bed last night, I discovered something missing from my drawer. As you were the last person in my room, it doesn't take much to figure out where it might have gone."

I'd never considered myself to be all that clever, but I also didn't think she would've found out so quickly. There wasn't much else I could do as she'd caught me red-handed, but I still had a hard time not letting the fear get to me either.

"I'm sorry, Kathy. I really am and I'll bring it back," I stammered, hoping not to cry. "Please don't tell my mother. She'll kill me."

"I don't plan to, unless you give me a reason," she said. "I believe that you're sorry, Sasha, but what I'd like to know is why you took it?"

I scoured my brain looking for a reasonable excuse, but she paid my hesitation little mind.

"Was that the first time you'd ever seen a toy before?"

I nodded and she continued.

"I assume you used it?"

I nodded again.

"Did you like it?"

I remained frozen, not entirely sure what to say. Part of me wanted to tell her that I absolutely loved it. That it made me come harder than anything ever had and I so wanted nothing but to feel it over and over again. Only problem was, I didn't know how to convey that to her without feeling an incredible amount of embarrassment and humiliation.

"Come here and sit down," Kathy said, patting the couch cushion next to her. I took my time, but finally dropped down beside her. If she was angry, she did a good job of hiding it behind her crystal blue eyes.

"Let me tell you a little story," she said. "I wasn't a whole lot older than you when I first discovered myself. It was exciting and a little scary at first. I thought if my parents found out, I'd get in trouble, especially if they knew about the things I was thinking about when I did it. You know how you get that sense that your parents know what you're always thinking about?"

"Yeah. All the time," I said.

"The older I got, the more I learned and the better I got at hiding it, but it was hard to not accept the fact that I loved it. I loved every second of finding out what my body liked, how touching different parts affected me and when I was old enough to start having sex, I had a pretty good idea what it was all about. I want you to know that I understand what you're going through. We've all been there and I don't blame you for being curious about my toys, Sasha, but I'm going to have to ask for it back, because I can't let you steal my things."

At that point, I finally broke down and let the tears streak down my cheeks. It was the first time I'd ever stolen anything and I proved a very poor thief as I didn't think everything through due to something I'd always heard about boys. They thought with their genitalia rather than their brains. Letting myself cry, I realized how confused I'd become in a very short time.

I wasn't prepared for the feeling of Kathy's arms around me as she held me close, her hand stroking my hair.

"It's okay, Sasha. It's okay. Just calm down."

I'd been hugged and held by many women in my life. My mother, grandmother, aunts, cousins, friends. They'd been there when I was happy or sad and I'd always felt loved. I'd always enjoyed those moments, but for some reason, this felt different. In the three years I'd been living within sight of Kathy, I'd seen how beautiful she was. I'd seen the naughty things she'd kept in her closet and drawers. Looking at this older woman, I saw what I hoped to look like when I grew up. Round breasts that were always prominent in the shirts and dresses she wore, smart hips that bookended what was a rather fine ass.

The dragon tattoo she bore was so exotic and seeing her in her bikinis at the pool, or when she was dressed up to go out on dates or out with her friends, I'd imagine it was hard for anyone to see her for the attractive woman she was. What I'd had such a hard time trying to reconcile was how it could be that I, all of twelve years-old, had somehow become attracted to her.

Now I was in Kathy's arms, all because I'd taken something which had been very personal to her and it only further exacerbated my confusion. It was one thing being able to pretend being her for the one night I stayed here. To slip into her underwear and slip her toys between my legs and see how good they felt. But having a crush on someone near my mom's age was wrong. I should be interested in boys at school or boys in general. So why Kathy? Why her? Why now?

I started sobbing all the harder, causing her to hold me tighter.

"Oh, Sasha. Calm down. It's okay."

"No, it's not!" I screamed. "I'm so confused! I've got so many things going on in my head and I don't know what to do with them all!"

"Shhhhh, honey! It's all right. I understand. I really do."

"I don't think you do," I stammered.

"Why don't you try telling me? The first thing. Whatever it is. See if I might be able to help."

I pulled myself away long enough to look into her face. Whatever anger she may have still had for what I'd done seemed to have dissipated. Her eyes tried to reassure me that I wasn't in danger and her face seemed so warm, her mouth so inviting that I wasn't sure what else to do. I couldn't find the words for what I wanted to say, so instead I did the only thing I could. I acted.

Kathy wasn't prepared when I leaned up and kissed her. It lasted for no more than a second and she recoiled, letting me go in the process as she slid back across the couch. Her eyes were wide and full of genuine shock and awe and the room was stone quiet for what seemed like an eternity.

"Sasha..."

It didn't take any idiot to realize I'd done something even worse than steal her toy.

"Oh god, Kathy," I said, leaping up to my feet, tears still streaming down my face. "I shouldn't have done that. I'm so sorry. I'll bring it back to you as soon as I can, I promise. Please just don't tell my mom. I promise I'll never bother you again!"

I threw open the back door and rushed out as I heard her calling after me to stop. I didn't bother because I didn't want to. I just wanted to get back to my room, climb under my covers and hide for the rest of my life. I felt like such a freak. A terrible, terrible freak of nature that just needed to disappear or die.

I only came out again for the rest of the weekend to use the bathroom or to eat, but even then, I didn't eat much. I just stayed in bed, trying to figure out what I could do to make this all go away.

As was her usual deal, my mother didn't think much of it as she was busy heading off to work by Monday, while my brother Jason headed off to his summer gig as well. He was saving up as much money as he could before heading off to college in the fall. Considering the stress of having to be a working mother of two kids, we'd both been taught to be s self-reliant as possible.

The first thing I did with the coast clear was take Kathy's vibrator out of its hiding place under my mattress and stick it in a paper bag along with a hand-scribbled note reminding her of how sorry I was for what had happened and that she wouldn't have to worry about me doing it again. I then slipped onto her back porch and knowing she was off at work herself, placed the bag on one of her plastic patio chairs nearest the door, figuring she'd see it when she came home.

I spent the rest of the time playing Pokemon on my DS, watching TV or putzing around online until the scorching heat died down. With the house to myself, that allowed me to walk around in as minimal of clothing as possible as well, so I pulled on my favorite swimsuit. Technically, it was a one piece, but it was actually a top and bottom connected by straps of fabric on the sides, almost like suspenders. It showed off my bare midriff and hips and even made my ass look good, but I'd hd to twist my mom's arm to let me get it.

By the time she got home, my mother had made tacos for dinner and I nibbled on one to appease my appetite, but I wasn't all that hungry. Two hours later, I was in the pool, enjoying the feel of the cool water over my skin. The shallow end was crowded with the smaller kids who were out with their parents for some swimming time before dinner, but while I'd always been a good swimmer, I had no problem moving out to the deeper end with the bigger kids and some of the adults.

One of the boys unleashed a colossal cannonball, sending a torrent of water and spray in all directions. I turned away from the incoming wave, grabbing onto the side to ride it out, I saw Kathy standing out on her porch. I dropped under the surface, going all the way down to the bottom of the pool, feeling my butt hit the concrete floor as my ears popped under the pressure. Aside from the paddling and splashing, it was quiet and serene at the bottom and I stayed down until my lungs were on fire and begging for me to take a breath.

I finally forced myself back up, breaking through with a gasp as I washed the chlorinated water from my eyes and and blinked enough to see no sign of her, until I saw the door open again and Kathy followed Cory out onto the grass, he in his little red swimming trunks and she in a black string bikini that again showed off the blazing tattoo. I tried my best not to stare and kept myself down as low as I could in the hope that she wouldn't see me.

She looked gorgeous, as always. Her legs moving with sinewy grace under her exposed hips. Her toned stomach was under her breasts which were confined and propped up by the tube top of her suit. It was unbearable to look at her and not think of how much she must hate me now. Cory ran into the pool as fast as he could, leaving his mother to stride in and lower herself in with delayed discretion. By the time she 'd gotten her feet to the floor, she leaned forward into a long swimming stroke and giving me enough time to go back under and swim away to the other side.

As much as I loved to swim, my only problem was I couldn't open my eyes underwater. The burning was too much to deal with, so I did the best I could in the dark. I thought I was at least halfway when I felt a pair of soft yet strong hands grab me around my waist and pull me up with them. So surprised was I that I reflexively squealed and allowed a burst of water to shoot up my nose. I came out of the water choking, gagging and blind, as the hands stayed put and I heard the feminine voice connected to them.

"Easy, Sasha. Just breathe and relax," Kathy whispered as she kept me close, patting me on the back to help get the water out of my lungs. I was retching so hard that as I got my sight back, I could see I'd made a bit of a scene as others were staring at me, probably wondering what was going on.

I got my bearings and thought about trying to get away, but she was holding me steady. I couldn't look her in the eyes so I kept my face down, which was worse because I followed the trails of water as they rolled down her neck and her into the deep cleavage of her boobs. "Are you okay?"

My breathing evened out and my legs dangled next to hers, her slender fingers were around my hips, strong enough to hold me up, but gentle enough to register on my skin.

"I know you've been avoiding me and I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings or if I scared you. I'm not mad at you, Sasha, and if you can come by later tonight, I'd like to talk more about it."

I nodded, but said nothing as she let me go. I grabbed onto the side of the pool and pulled myself out, grabbing my big beach towel off the fence and wrapping it around my wet suit as I stepped through the gate and headed back to my apartment.

Summertime meant my usual restrictions on when I went to sleep were gone, not that my mother ever enforced them all that strongly anyway. Since I was almost always curled up in bed reading a book. I love books and good stories and they help me sleep better at night.

My mother used to pester me when I was younger about staying up so late with my nose in one, but considering I could be doing a million other less constructive things and I'd still manage to get my schoolwork done and pull in good grades, she quickly left me alone about it. The benefit of having such a nightly routine was that my mother was almost always asleep before me since she'd have to be to the office by the time I got up in the morning. With that in mind, it was just after nine when I saw her bedroom light was off and I slipped out the back door into the evening air. It was still humid and warm as the sunset was still blazing in the western sky and some of the other adults were sitting at the picnic tables on the other side of the courtyard, sipping drinks and smoking cigarettes.

Nobody seemed to pay me any mind as I walked through the long shadow which extended over the backside of the apartment building, the soft grass cool under my bare feet. The light was still on Kathy's living room as I turned the corner of the shrubs that bordered the porch and found her sitting on the couch in a tank-top and shorts with a bottle of water and the TV on on the other side of the room.

I tapped the glass and she invited me inside. My stomach was fluttering and I was on edge as I did so, sliding the door shut behind me.

"Hi. You want some water?" she asked.

"No, I'm fine. Thanks." I said. "Is Cory asleep?"

"Certainly hope so. I put him to bed about an hour ago."

I took a seat on the far side of the couch across from her, pulling my nightshirt down like a skirt over my thighs to keep it from creeping up too far. I was feeling more nervous and unsure of what she'd do by the second.

"I've been thinking a lot about what's happening with you and me and I have a question I need you to be honest with me in answering. Can you do that?"

I nodded as a cold streak of fear erupted under my skin, making me shiver despite the heat.

"Why did you kiss me?"

"I don't know. It was just something I wanted to do for a long time. There's something about you I can't get out of my head."

"Have you ever felt this for anyone else? Any boys at school you like?"

"Boys?" I said, almost incredulous. "No. They're either way too nerdy or way too stupid and I've heard no end of stories about a lot of them trying to find ways to cop a feel of a girl in the gym, the cafeteria, the halls or on the bus."

Kathy tried in vain to stifle a laugh as I explained it, "True, they are known to do that once they hit that age. But what about other girls?" "I'm not gay," I barked, surprised how by how defensive I was.

"Sasha," she said, putting a hand on mine. "You're 12 years-old and I don't think anyone can expect you to figure this all out yet, including me. But I hope you understand that whatever fascination you have with me puts me in a pretty precarious position."

"I don't know what that means."

"It means there's two possibilities. If I say no, then you could use that against me and I could be in a lot of trouble."

"And the other?"

"The other...is that I could help you figure this out. But if anyone were to find out, anyone at all, then that would also put me in a lot of trouble. I would likely go to jail and lose everything I have, including my son. Do you understand why that would scare me so much?"

"But I don't want you to get in trouble. I don't want you to lose Cory, either," I said, my voice cracking under the weight of her words. "If anything, I should be the one they lock up. I wish I could make this stop, but I don't know how. I really don't. I don't know why I find you so beautiful...I just know that I do."

The tears came of their own accord, streaking down my face and I tried to turn away from her, but Kathy only squeezed my hand and brought me closer to her. She let go long enough to bring her arms around me again, my head coming to rest against her shoulder and my chin finding the soft flesh of her chest while she rocked me. I sobbed so hard that I worried the whole complex could hear me. It was the second time I'd broken down in front of Kathy and I was sick of crying. I wanted to feel normal again, be normal again.

"Oh, sweety. I'm sorry this is so hard for you." she whispered in my ear. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Kathy pulled away from me long enough to cradle my head in her hands, wiping my cheeks clean and looking deep into my eyes. She then did the last thing I expected and brought her lips to mine.

The kiss was passionate, tender and electrifying, sending a white-hot surge from the top of my head to my toes and I took in a sharp breath to compensate. She broke it long enough to wet her lips and then kissed me again. For the first time, I felt her tongue slip into my mouth and make the briefest contact with my own. I'd always heard about french kissing as someone trying to stick their tongue down your throat. This was nothing like that at all.

Kathy's movements were quick and unexpected, something only an experienced lover would know to do. It was so amazing that I moaned into her mouth and squeezed my thighs together as my junction began to sparkle with life.

To be honest, I could've sat on her couch and just kissed her all night, but she finally stopped long enough to give me a breather.

"Was that what you thought it would be?" she asked.

"Oh my god, no," I gasped. "I had no idea it could be like that."

"That's not even the really fun part," Kathy giggled. She got up from the couch and took my hand, "Come with me."

"Where?"

"If we're going to do this, it's best to be where no one will see us."

I got up with her, my legs feeling rather unsteady after the roller coaster of emotions I'd just been on, but I followed her down the hall and into her bedroom, closing the door behind us.

To be continued.