Alida, I hardly knew ya’

I enjoy my time on the terrace. I could be inside the house, but why? I live in this incredible place. Why hide inside walls? The birds are making a racket at the moment. There is a good breeze keeping me comfortable. I am concentrating on a small piece of the new chunk of Narra burl that I have acquired.

Vieve has just returned from the medical clinic and she has received a report of glowing good health. I am pleased, and she is excited.

I was to be with Jecim tonight, but as soon as Jecim is told of the medical results that decision is overturned. Vieve will be my bedmate.

Other than that piece of good news, not much has changed in the past couple of days.

Myra is still in a funk.

I can’t say I see a way out of this for her and suspect she can’t either. That is likely the cause of the funk. Anything I say, or do, will likely just make tensions between us worse, so I keep my mouth shut.

My cell phone chimes that I have received a text message.

Putting the knife and wood down without hurry, I retrieve the phone from the table on which it rests. The text message is from Alida. She asks if she might come and visit me, now, as Myra is at the pharmacy and might be unaware of the visit, if we don’t inform her sister later.

Sensing that both her concern for discretion and the need for a meeting are called for, I agree, and enter the house to inform the others that we will have a visitor, but none are to mention that to Myra later. All agree, Jecim and Jezryl both giving me looks that tell me they see how important this meeting might well be.

Thirty minutes later Alida enters through the gate. I gesture that she should take a seat on the terrace. Jecim appears, assures Alida that her meeting will not be reported to Myra and asks the woman if she might want some water. She does and it is fetched while we make small talk about doings in town and the progress of her daughter in school.

But now, the water has arrived and Jecim has withdrawn. Now it is time for the real reason for the visit. And yet, Alida is not speaking. Nothing. She is looking at her feet.

Did you come here to talk about what your sister wants and how you feel? Do I understand this correctly?

You make love to me before. It OK I call you Rolie?

Yes of course.

Rolie, I want you like Myra want you. She know this. If I not, maybe she not be so unhappy.

I see. But you do not want to be with the girls here. Correct?

Yes, correct. I not really want this. I do it if I must, but I not want it. Myra say you make me do it. That true?

Yes, she tells you the truth. But there is more to it. You are a mother. It is a huge problem.

Yes, my daughter. I not want her to have sex. Myra say you agree with me. You think it a bad thing for her to see such things. That true?

Yes, that’s exactly right.

So why you not allow me to come and my daughter stay with her lola¹?

There are a number of reasons. I know this happens when a mother must leave the country and work as an OFW², but you will be in the same town. She will see you often. It will be confusing for your daughter. She will feel rejected by you. That is bad. Your mother would have to be OK with what happens in this house, fully. Your daughter will want to visit you and her lola, your mother, will be in a difficult position, whether she encourages it or is against it. I cannot allow your girl to be here when nothing is going on because she will feel even more rejected not being allowed to be in a perfectly normal home. She will wonder what is wrong with her. If she sees the reason, well that is not good for the girl too. I think you agree on this last thing.

Oh, I not think of those things. But Rolie, my sister she cries because she miss me. I want to be with you. No man want me now with my child. I am alone. This not good. I not find a good job. I am too old³. When my sister go to you, I move back with my mother. I stuck now. What I do? You like me. I know this. You like my body. I know this.

Which is more important, your happiness or your daughter’s? Why don’t you work as an OFW. You might find a man where you go.

I not have the school needed. I not have the skills needed. I not able to be OFW. I want happiness for both me and daughter. Why not?

Because it is probably not possible, just like being an OFW is not possible.

My sister say if I come to you and tell you these things, you will throw her out of the house. You do that now?

No. I will not. I do think she might be happier if she left here, but I am not throwing her out.

Why she be happier?

Because then she could be with you.

She not want that, she want me to be with you. She know I am lonely, unhappy. She want me happy. We both unhappy if she leave you!

I see. So what is the plan for your daughter?

None now. I think I have a plan. But you show me the plan is wrong. I not have a plan now.

I certainly don’t as well. When you have a plan, you are welcome to present it to me. Until then, I see no way for you to join us.

You mean join you?

No, I said ‘us’ and I mean it. Even if you didn't have sex with them, and you must, you would need to be part of them in all other ways. It is the only way this house runs smoothly.

But they are still children!

They are my mistresses and you will need to understand and respect that. In this house all mistresses are equal.

Oh, I not know this. It is wrong to make a child equal to adult! Yes I think this!

That seems perfectly clear to me. But regardless of how you feel, it is the way this house works and I will not change that for you. I make the rules here, you don’t.

Thank you for your time today. I must go now.

Of course. Thank you for coming.

She smiles, I smile and escort her out of the gate.

Hell and damnation, that was probably not what I wanted to learn from her, but given what had transpired in the past, I guess it’s no surprise. In a way, it doesn’t answer anything, as it doesn’t provide a way forward. But it does explain why leaving me is not an option for Myra. In fact it will cause her no end of grief from her older sister. I had seen Myra as the instigator. Maybe Myra is stuck in the middle.

Her sister is pushing an agenda and I am pushing back hard. She, by her lights, has to listen and respect her sister. She sees no choice there. But she can’t do what Alida wants. In the past Alida might have seen her sister as faint hearted, and unwilling to push the point with me. Today Alida ran into a wall. It isn’t her sister who is her problem, it is very much me.

I don’t really know how much Myra is desperate because she really misses her and how much she is desperate because Alida is pushing her.

The meeting has engendered in me some real sorrow for Myra. I think she may be in a bind. I just don’t see a way out of the bind so long as her sister insists on what seems to me to be a demand for something that I cannot allow to happen. It may be a reasonable thing in Alida’s eyes, but it is a selfish demand of hers in mine. She was riding on Myra’s income to move away from her mother. Myra’s exit, screwed that up. Now she wants to ride Myra’s next stop of the train but she can’t get a ticket to ride.

If Alida meant that much to Myra, I suspect Myra would not have jumped at the chance to join me.

The bottom line is that it’s not that Alida can’t feed her daughter. She is not experiencing any desperate situation. She just wants what she wants.

I decide to share the results of my discussion with Alida, with the three gals who are here right now. I think they need to know what I know. And so, after my lunch, I ask the three to join me on the terrace.

I go over it as well as I can. There are a number of times I need to backtrack and re-explain things, but finally all is understood.

Jecim sees the matter as insoluble, as do I. Vieve and Jezryl see it completely differently. I could say it crudely, and suggest that these two have no hearts, but that would be unfair to them and unfair to simply declare their reasoning as crap. Their reasoning might not be crap. It just leaves me way too uncomfortable.

Anyway, here is as best I can explain what they were saying without the stops and starts of the prolonged conversation.

They have come to the conclusion that Alida is a piss poor excuse for a mother. They see her as a bitch who is used to bullying to get what she wants, and that probably didn’t work out well with the guy who got her pregnant. But it is her modus operandi. Her daughter is probably already fucked up in a way that has nothing to do with a healthy view of sex. So I should stop pissing and moaning about protecting the kid from the debauched lifestyle we lead here. Instead I should be more concerned with interfering with the messed up worldview the kid is likely getting now. Further, as Alida doesn’t know how to play well with others, and on this point, they reference that she saw them as kids she could ignore, she won’t last here anyway.

I have any number of problems with this logic. What happens to the kid when the mother is given the boot? Won’t it come back to injure us? Why fuck the daughter up in two different ways? Isn’t being fucked up in one way quite enough?

I think it is fair to say that they take umbrage toward me suggesting that their lives were fucked up. I try to explain that for the two of them it was before they joined me and the folks that did it were very much at fault. And I point out that they know damned well they were fucked over by life. So knock it off.

At which point they rightly ask, given that, why would the daughter be fucked up if she joined us? We, they say, are good well-meaning folks who just like sex. What’s wrong with that? They basically ask, am I saying that sweet loving is wrong?

I can’t say it’s wrong, based on the age of the kid, without getting into deep water related to Jelou. I know it is wrong, but they don’t. If Myra was here, she would be on my side, but she isn’t. Jecim wants to be on my side but doesn’t want to argue with these two. So I see no graceful exit to this discussion. It is truly a clash of world views.

However they have no answer to what we do with the daughter when the mother is required to exit our home. I suggest that once again we have reached the insoluble point. They think that an answer to the final issue will appear in due time if we corrupt the poor daughter. They didn’t say corrupt, that’s the way I see it. They just think that once the kid joins us, she will attach to her aunt, Myra, and maybe be OK if her mom needs to leave. Yeh, they don’t call it corrupt, but that seems to me to be what it is.

I try a different line of reasoning. What if the daughter is repulsed by the attempt to bring her into our lifestyle? Vieve laughs. She suggests I don’t appreciate my girls well enough. Jezryl adds her concurrence.

All are well aware that I have made it clear to all in the house that it is, ‘my house, my rules.’ However, it seems to me that we need to do the following: First, tell Myra that we are aware that she is stuck between the demands of her sister and my rules. We have a new appreciation of what she is struggling with. Further, that we all think her sister is a bully and will not work out well in this house… but that Jezryl and Vieve have suggested a plan. Jecim and I disagree with the plan, but she, Myra, needs to hear it, their reasons for it, and her reaction to it, before I make the final decision.

I will tell her before any of this that I am breaking a promise I made to her sister this morning, but that we have all decided it is necessary to keep us all together.

I look at Jecim, Are you OK with this plan?

Yes. I do not like their plan, but it right we share this with Myra and listen to her. It wrong to do anything without her.

I have no idea what Myra will say or do. She might defend her sister and get very angry with us. I guess I need to be prepared for that.

Vieve and Jezryl move off to pick up some things from the market. Jecim sits with me.

You were the first to join me. Do you think you made a mistake?

No.

OK, so what are you thinking?

Why are so many families bad?

Huh, I am not sure I understand you.

Vieve come from a bad family, correct?

Yeh, sure.

Jezryl and Jelou the same.

OK, and?

Well, maybe that true for Myra and Alida too! Alida seem bad. Maybe her parents bad.

OK, so for the sake of the discussion, let’s assume they are bad. I’m still not seeing the point of the question.

Four families, mine, Vieve’s, Jezryl and Jelou’s, and Myra’s. Three bad! Three out of four. Why that?

OK, I see your question now. Most families are not messed up. But my life, and how I am wanting to live, creates a filter that allows through those with troubled backgrounds. It’s a selection filter that excludes those who are from more normal families. Remember I was not inclined to accept you into my life in any way. It was your uncle who convinced me to allow it. It if were not for him, you would not be here. If it were not for Jezryl, I probably would not have allowed you into my bed. You are the exception. Without the accident of my being with Jezryl, it is hard to see how any of this would have played out as it has. You might never have become a mistress to me.

Do you think Myra’s parents are bad?

No, I don’t. Not very bad, at any rate... or maybe it is better to say, I’m not sure. But both Myra and Alida are used to controlling things. I suspect Myra learned that behavior from Alida. I have no idea if Alida learned it from their mother. When Myra tried that the first time she created a real mess. She learned she can’t do that here. But it’s useful to remember that when she tried, she thought she was protecting you. That was still a little like Alida, but not done to control. It had a more innocent basis.

Oh, I not see that. Yes, you are right. She a little like Alida now. But Alida selfish. Maybe Myra not that way so much. Roland, what you think Myra do?

I’ve no idea. None at all.

I not know too. Maybe I take all breakable things off the table before you talk tonight!

That might be a very good idea. And I get a big smile and a kiss to go with it, before she leaves the terrace and enters the house.

It is a nice kiss. One not filled with passion or a promise of a later rendezvous. It is a kiss of appreciation, one of a connection unbroken, a kiss of familial intimacy. We belong to each other.

When I return to the wood, my heart is at peace, my hands steady, and my mind uncluttered with worry. The world, as screwed up as it might well be, is turning as it must.

Jelou gets home before Myra and kisses me, much as Jecim did. She asks how my day has gone. I smile and tell her it has been an interesting day. And how’s your day gone, my sweet high school girl?

Very well, Sir! she says with a conspiratorial smile. Not a soul knows that I give head with the best of them and fuck like a crazy woman at night!

Not exactly what I meant when I asked the question!

Oh, well then, we have a test coming up next week. There a special study prep on Saturday if we pay for it. And I think one of my teachers in trouble! I see the pulis⁴ at school today and they take her with them. We ask Jomar why they do this?

No, we won’t poke our nose into this. No gossip!  Please tell your teacher you will attend on Saturday. It is the usual one hundred pesos?

Yes. OK, good. I not gossip. Sorry for that.

It’s OK, I am sure it was exciting.

Yes! It true. We all wonder.

I’m sure you all did. Now go inside and do your homework. I swat her gently on the butt and she takes off, into the house.

Public schools don’t pay the teachers squat. So they supplement their income by making sure that only those who attend special sessions on a weekend, in which they get paid directly by students whose families can afford it, will ace the test. It sucks. It’s unfair. It assures that the poorest of the poor will pretty much stay that way. But there is no way I am going to fight the system. I will make sure she has what amounts to two bucks and change to attend the session.

When we sit down for supper, Myra has yet to appear. It’s happened before. A worker does not come to work and Myra pulls a long day. No one is particularly worried. And we are right. She comes in, clearly tired and having worked a long shift. The others are solicitous toward her and she clearly is appreciative.

The food helps her revive a bit and she regales us with the details of what amounts to a very frustrating day. She did make some extra money today and that is not to be ignored. She comments that, as she doesn’t have to pay bills here, the extra money will not disappear down a deep hole of debt. In her own way she is telling all of us she knows how lucky she is to live here.

We keep the conversation light throughout the meal. This is not the time for the serious conversation we need to engage in later.

Jelou decided that the gossip is too hard to ignore and mentions the supposed arrest at school today. She just can’t control herself, it seems, and, knowing I told her to not gossip, she avoids my gaze.

But her pleasure is short lived. Myra knows what happened. The teacher’s husband and two others were in a Honda Fit⁵ overtaking a large truck. The truck was in the left lane, the Honda in the right. A bus was in the opposing lane and needing to turn into the terminal. The bus driver, knowing he could make the turn before the truck reached that point in the road, crossed the lanes just as the Honda came zooming out of the truck’s shadow. All in the Honda died. One of those was the teacher’s husband.

Passing on the right is common here as are accidents.

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Chapter 22