Death is too easy
The news sobers us all. As many times as we hear about a death, it’s never without sadness.
The rest of supper is eaten in quiet reflection. I’m wondering if this is a good time to talk with Myra, but once again Jelou speaks seeking to learn more gossip.
Rolie, why Alida here today?
Once again she knows just enough to ask but not enough to understand the consequences of asking.
Myra puts her spoon down, takes a deep breath and asks, My sister come here today?
I may not have thought this is a good time, but now there are no options.
Yes, she visited with me alone today. She asked that I not speak to others about this and not tell you she came. At the time, I agreed to her request. But after she left, because of what I learned from her during that visit, I changed my mind. Jecim, Jezryl, and Vieve all know about it. We had a long discussion about the matter. I think we all agree on some things and disagree on others. I need to let you know what I learned from your sister. And you need to know the various things discussed this afternoon. Following that, I need to hear your views. Is this a good time for you, or would you rather discuss this later?
Now, please.
OK. We think you are in the middle of something and you don’t know what to do. Your sister is pushing you, to push me into accepting her, without her daughter coming here. It is not that you want to be with your sister as much as she is pushing you to gain entry here. In fact, she doesn’t want you back with her if it means leaving me. The truth is that she will be very angry with you if you leave here. She cares less about you and more about joining here. That is what we think. Are we wrong?
You angry with me?
No, we are not. Are we wrong?
You correct. I am sorry.
There is nothing to be sorry about. … I spent some time telling your sister why I thought her plan about leaving her daughter with your mother is a bad plan. I won’t go into all of that here. But you should know that Alida had no answer for me and didn’t argue with me, once I explained it to her. But she still wants to come. However, she was not respectful of the others here, calling them children. Before she made those last comments I told her that if she could come up with a plan that would answer my reasons for saying no, I would listen to her. However, her comments about the others here, make me very unhappy with her.
Thank you for this! Yes, that is good.
Two of us here have no suggestion to help you. We don’t see a way to fix it. Two of us here think they do. You need to hear from the two who think they have a plan.
What the plan?
They think your sister is not a good mother and that I am therefore not protecting your niece by saying ‘no,’ I am keeping her in a bad situation. They think that it would be better for us to take the child and Alida. But they think if we take Alida, I will need to tell Alida she is a trouble maker and force her to go. Two here think we will be better for your niece than is Alida. Jecim and I do not agree with this assessment. But you needed to hear their view. You need to help me decide as to what should be done, if there is anything that can be done.
You tell her to go like you tell me to go before?
Yes, but with the exception that this time it would probably only be her. I don’t think the rest of you would make the mistake made last time.
You see this in her?
Yes.
More than in me?
Yes, very much more. There was a question today for which we do not have the answer. Is your mother bossy like Alida?
No. She not like Alida. She sweet. She say, Alida make her own problems being pushy.
Well, this is not the time for a final decision. It is time for you to think, to talk to the others at this table and to share feelings. No one here is against you. We are your family and we need to figure this out that way. At least, that’s what I think. What do you think?
You right. Thank you. I will think about this. It OK if we not tell my sister we have this meeting?
Yes.
OK. Good. This a long and weird day. Too much in one day I think.
And that is most likely a massive understatement. But I suspect it is about to get a bit weirder. A police car has just pulled up in front of our gate, its lights flashing. All at the table are frozen in place.
Two PNP officers come to the gate entrance and I open the locked gate for them. One of the men is Jomar, though he does not have a smile on his face. The other is an older man I do not know.
All the girls are out on the terrace with me.
Good evening, Officers. How may I help you?
Jomar has taken the lead but does not signal any personal comfort with me. Sir Roland, are you familiar with a Madam Ermei?
He knows damned well I am! What is this about?
Yes. She was the guardian of Jelou, Jezryl’s sister. We met them when Jelou came to live with us.
Have you had any other connection with the woman?
What the fuck? Is this a stage play? He sure as hell knows I have.
To what end Officer?
Sir Roland, just answer the question!
OK, well I’m sure as hell not liking this.
Yes on a number of occasions. The last time she came here I don’t think I was very nice to her.
Why was that?
She was complaining that her husband was demanding sex from her and that she did not want to accommodate him.
That is an odd thing for a young Filipina wife to confide in a foreigner. Do you not agree?
Yes, it is. But she was upset. It so happens that her husband was having some sexual contact with Jelou who was only fourteen when we took her in and might have been far younger when the sexual contact started. Her husband had been receiving oral sex from the child. Madam Ermei was upset and did not want to offer her husband the oral sex. For some reason, because I was aware of what had transpired between her husband and Jelou, she may have thought it safe to speak with me.
That is a very serious allegation! Are you saying that Madam Ermei’s husband raped the child?
No, Officer, I suspect that, as the child’s real mother was a prostitute, she learned to manipulate men through sex. My best guess is that it was Jelou who instigated it. Still, she is a minor. So I do not think she broke any laws. Of course, you know better than I on that matter.
If this is true, then you are correct, the child cannot be held at fault. If she is good at manipulating men, why is she here?
Because I cannot be so manipulated and because her sister is here as well, to watch her behaviors.
So that is the entire sum of your contact with Madam Ermei?
I am not sure what he is digging for but I suspect in this case, more is better.
No, there was a bit more. She did not want to have normal sex with her husband because she was afraid to get pregnant. I told her to get birth control. She said it was against the teachings of the church. I was not nice to her. In my estimation her withholding sex from her husband was unacceptable. I said that to her. I told her she had three choices. Get pregnant, get on birth control, or give her husband a mistress if she was unwilling to take care of his needs.
Sir! You think it Madam’s refusal to do her duty with her husband that led to his contact with Jelou?
It is possible, but I do not know. Officer, why all these questions?
He ignores me and turns to Jelou.
Miss Jelou! Your guardian here say you give oral sex to Madam Ermei’s husband. That true girl?
Opo1.
He rape you?
Dili, Po.
Have you seen or been with that man since you come to live here?
Dili, Po.
Have you seen Madam Ermei since you came to live here?
Dili, Po.
Have you tried the same things with Sir Roland?
Dili, Po! Po, he a good man!
Jomar turns to a man who evidently is his superior and asks, Superintendent, do you have any questions of the child?
The older man indicates he doesn’t.
Sir Roland, Madam Ermei take her life tonight. She hang herself. She leave a note. It say her husband, Jelou and you are the cause of her pain and her death. We question her husband. He say, he tell her she need to stop holding the bible and get in his bed. He say that the reason. He say he not know why you and Jelou mentioned. We not sure he tell the truth. I think now we know he tell some of the truth. I believe you tell the truth. Superintendent, do you concur?
The older man signals agreement.
Officer, I am truly sorry to hear the sad news. She was a very troubled woman. Suicide is never a good answer. I think, considering the circumstances, there is no need to bring charges on the husband for what happened between Jelou and him. It seems like it was a real mess in that home.
Thank you for your suggestion, Sir, but that is the Superintendent’s decision, not yours or mine.
Yes, of course. Is there anything else? Do you need to know where I was at some time?
No, this is not needed. We know this a suicide. You are not accused of murder. But your name in the letter. That why we come.
I see.
Thank you for your time. I think we done here. Good evening, Sir Roland. And Miss Jelou, see that you not get into any more trouble! You are lucky that Sir Roland take you in his home.
OK, so this is Jomar, clearly hamming it up a bit for his boss. Jelou figured this out and does the doleful respectful bit as the two PNP officers leave us.
Jecim is furious and rips into me as soon as the police car departs. Her face is red and she is damned close to throwing something at me.
Why you do that to Jelou. Why you say she seduce him?
Because I knew she would not be charged and I suspected that they had already heard the story of Jelou seducing him. I didn’t see the need to get him arrested and her as a witness. That would blow up in our faces. But if she was the one, no one gets charged, it helps explain everything, and it goes no further.
Jezryl steps in front of Jecim, just about getting face to face with her, before announcing that I am right.
I turn to Jelou. Are you angry with me?
Me? Angry? No. You do right. It better this way. I know what you do. You see that when I answer Officer Jomar, correct?
Yes. I thought you did perfect. She may be young, but her ability to get the social cues dead on, is something that some adults I know would struggle with, far more than she does.
I think Ermei must be a very stupid woman.
I am about to respond, but Vieve beats me to it. Lou, she double cursed. She not strong enough for many children. She not smart enough to know Priests evil. These two things, they kill her.
I am not sure anything more needs to be said. I gather no one else does either.
We reenter the house. The girls attack the supper dishes and the kitchen. I try to relax with some jazz and a brandy, but relaxing is elusive. Ermei’s suicide is more than a little disquieting. Is there something I could have done differently?
This is a day marked by needless death. Death on the roads and death by suicide. In a way, the death on the road is also a suicide/murder. It is a suicide because drivers here do things that will most assuredly kill them. It’s just that, most of the time, they get away with the stupid stuff. It is, nevertheless, stupid stuff and it does kill.
Filipinos are not stupid, at least most aren’t any more stupid than any other group of humanity. But to watch them drive, you would really have a hard time believing that. They take far too many risks and they take those risks for no good reason. They play Russian roulette whether it be as pedestrians, or with cars, motorcycles, tricycles, buses and trucks.
I see little difference between such road behaviors and hanging oneself. It is a reckless disregard of life. What can make a person value life so little? It can’t be the promise of heaven when it comes to hanging oneself, as, according to the church, suicide is a bar from salvation. Maybe you can make the argument for the driver, but if I was Saint Peter at the Holy Gates, I would send the driver straight to Hell.
Might the driver be surprised by the trip down below? That is an interesting question. But not one I want to ask anyone around here. Too many families have family members who have been so killed.
My brandy is showing signs that I have been imbibing more than I realized, as my mind wanders down these morbid paths. I am swirling the remains in my glass when we hear a vehicle pull up outside. I hear a gasp… They’re back! Myra is clearly freaked out.
Jecim looks out, and laughs. Relax! It’s only Uncle.
It is truly ‘only Jomar.’ He doesn’t wait at the gate, but let’s himself in and walks through the front door, a family member needing no permission.
May I offer you a brandy?
Yes, very much yes! A difficult night, no?
Yes. It has been a sad night. I hope we did not cause you any problems.
Jomar laughs. It is a good laugh. He is wiping tears away as he shakes his head. Jecim stands at his elbow holding his brandy and afraid to give it to him until the laughter ends.
Oh my, no! I almost piss my pants when you tell us that fool woman cut her husband off! Then you told her, go home, take care your husband or find one who will! My God, man! When the Superintendent hear that, after what the husband say, oh shit, that the end of it. … Yes, we must clear up what Jelou do with it. But you clear the husband 100%. He not so clear, but the story it match. It also match things we not tell you in the woman’s letter. … Also when you say he not rape Jelou, yes that match too. The husband not know what in the letter. Only the Superintendent and me. So it clear you tell the truth. … When we leave Superintendent ask me, why I think the Kano2 tell the truth like that? I tell him, this common with Kanos. They trust the police, I think. Better tell the truth. Superintendent tell me I too trusting of foreigners. But it OK this time. Then he ask why Jelou tell the truth. I tell him that you call me before. You ask what you do about the girl. I tell him I meet the girl and tell her, you do anything wrong or I find you lie even once, I make sure your life is a short one. Superintendent gives me a look like, yes, that explains it. We write it up as a simple suicide and close the case. It is done. He takes a long drink of the brandy, looks at me, before ruminating on his drink. This is not Fundador. What is this? I never have such a good brandy.
Yes it is good, isn’t it? It is Fundador, just not the type you buy for three hundred pesos.
So Jelou really OK here?
Yes, there are no problems. She has made a home here and we are happy with her.
Jomar calls out to Jelou. Bata3, come here.
Jelou has heard the conversation and she is not worried.
Po?
I not have any problems with you now? Truly?
Opo. I be good.
Jecim agree?
Ask her Po. I think, yes.
Jomar scratches his head. Signals that the girl can leave us. He looks at me and asks, She right? Jecim say the same thing?
I laugh. Jecim is giggling. She has been listening too. From her position across the room she calls out, Uncle, she is good now. All good here. We happy now. Bad to hear about Ermei, but she a stupid woman I think.
Jomar is apparently of the same mind on this last point. There is little more either of us want to say about it. We talk about the accident of the Honda Fit this afternoon. He was at the scene and gives me the blood and guts of it, in very graphic fashion, showing me photos of the blood and guts in a manner that I would have been happy to not have been shown. But to not look, here, would be considered an insult to the man.
Still, there are things that it is best to not have seen. I can’t un-see it now. What a fucking mess.
Eventually, Jomar takes his leave, my bottle of brandy having been relieved of a significant volume of the delicate liquid.
Jelou comes to me. She has been giving the events of the evening a little thought. Sir, it my fault Ermei die?
No one is responsible for her decision to kill herself. But, you are responsible for adding to the burden of things that weighed her down. I am not going to lie, to make you feel better. … Jelou, each of us matters. What we do matters. What we do with, and to, others matter. Most people are selfish. They only think about what they want and how they can get it. To begin to be good, you need to think about how what you do, affects those around you. … As a child, we do not expect that concept of consideration of others to be inside the head yet. That comes as you become an adult. As adults, we are supposed to understand this and allow for such childhood selfishness. … We are supposed to recognize those behaviors, maybe using such incidents at times to teach responsible behavior. So were you a child then? Are you a child now? I was unsure about you when you first came, but believed we needed to interfere with the childlike, and damaged, way in which you were acting. Was I right? Did we succeed? Have you grown up now?
I think you right. I was a stupid child then. Not now. Not now.